Chapter 35 – Lily
LILY
The sun shines on my face, and I can’t stop smiling.
Last night was insane, but also spending time with Aster is just so…
fun. Regrettably, we didn’t get to the clothes ripping part of the evening.
We were both so exhausted after brainstorming about Kodak, we passed out the moment we crawled in bed.
I did feel a bit guilty considering I had a mind-altering orgasm while he finger-banged me in Jude’s study, and all I left him with was raging blue balls.
He assured me he didn’t mind, and that after all, he’s a giver, as I’d joked.
He dropped me off on his way to work, and since I’m nervous as hell about searching Violet’s room tonight, I forced myself to go for a walk to grab a coffee and get a little fresh air.
Turns out sunshine and a sweet treat can do wonders for your mental health. I take a seat outside Mocha Muse, mulling over if I should check Karma requests or do more recon on the client list I found last night.
The decision is made for me when a familiar face slides in the opposite chair.
“Late night?” Jackson asks, with a teasing smile, gesturing to my extra-large coffee.
I fold my hands on the table. “Well, good morning to you too.”
“How was your date?” he asks, and it’s difficult to determine his expression. While last night he seemed totally unaffected, today his inquisition feels more targeted.
“Who’s asking?”
“I didn’t tell Liam, if that’s what you’re insinuating.
” Jackson chuckles, and I don’t know why that relieves me so much.
Usually, I tell my brother everything. He’s the only one who knows I’m Karma—well, besides Aster—and I’ve never kept him so in the dark before.
To be honest, I hate it. But I also feel it’s necessary, and explaining to him how Aster and I met or anything about our relationship is just more effort than I can handle at the moment.
“Well, in that case it was good.” My lips curve upwards at the memory. “Great, actually.”
What has my life come to that I describe a date where we’re almost caught twice, find a beetle pit of dead bodies, and finish the night hammering open a bedazzled human skull as “great?”
“Glad to hear it,” Jackson says with a smile that seems genuine. “Aster’s a good guy.” He clearly doesn’t know him that well because I find it hard to believe a detective would call a serial killer a good guy.
“How do you two know each other again?”
“His brother Oliver and I were friends.” Grief flickers in his eyes.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks. It’s been thirteen years, but sometimes it still feels like yesterday.” His gaze meets mine. “I know you can relate.”
I nod. “Yeah.” Damn it. I came here to not think about Violet, and somehow, she still finds a way into my mind. “How did you know Oliver?”
“We met in college,” he says, giving me absolutely nothing. “Anyways.” He stands. “Just came to grab some coffee for the guys.”
“I thought you’re gunning for captain,” I tease. “Why are you handling rookie tasks?”
“A captain’s gotta take care of their team. That’s all I’m doing.”
“Touche,” I say, and he’s off without another word.
A plate scrapes across the table before me, a warm croissant upon it, and I glance up to find Amara with a wide smile on her face. “Well, hello.” She slides in the seat across from me. “Are you going to give me any details on your night with the sexy Grim Reaper or do I have to beg?”
Stifling a smile, I rest my chin on my folded hands. “I do like it when you beg.”
“You’ve been a bit MIA since that night, so I’m assuming he’s been a delicious distraction?”
I bite my inner cheek. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Good. I knew there was sparks between you two.”
I present an imaginary trophy. “I shall grant you wing woman of the year!”
“Yes.” She shoots an invisible bow. “Call me cupid from this day forward.”
Snorting a laugh, I say, “We need to add it to your marketing materials. Mocha Muse—come for a latte, leave with lasting love.”
“I adore it.” She beams. “Texting my marketing assistant immediately.”
I laugh a full belly laugh, and it feels so good. It’s amazing how even in the morbid chaos that is my life, friends like Amara still bring me sweet moments of normalcy. Of belonging… Of home. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being you.” I shift in my seat. “Being there for me.”
“Aww, babe. I just want you to be happy.” She reaches across the table and takes my hand in hers, eyes sincere. “Are you?”
My heart warms as her friendship surrounds me, and Aster’s handsome face floats to the forefront of my mind. In complete honesty, I reply, “Yeah… I think I am.”
My clammy hand grips the door handle, breathing shaky. I’ve been in this exact position for fifteen minutes, pep-talking myself to enter Violet’s room.
Aster should arrive any time now, and I’d planned to go in alone before. I’ve hardly stepped foot in here since the day she died. It’s too painful. Too eerie. Too her.
“You okay?” A squealing yelp escapes me as I turn to find Aster, a concerned look on his face.
“Fucking hell,” I say, with a hand over my pounding heart. “Ever heard of knocking?”
“I’ve been in this house enough times. Didn’t think it was necessary.”
“So, your history of stalking me gives you permission to let yourself in?”
“Honestly?” A devilish grin spreads across his face. “I was hoping to catch you masturbating again.”
My jaw is affixed to the floor. I’m going to need a surgeon. Also a cold shower to fight the flames that have erupted across my skin. “Again?!”
“Buzz, buzz.” He winks, and thank God he’s the Grim Reaper because my soul has just expelled from my body.
“Aster Blake.” I fight for air, trying to douse the heat growing between my thighs. “We need to have a serious discussion regarding boundaries.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Are you saying the thought of me listening while you pleasure yourself”—I squirm—“doesn’t turn you on?”
His eyes fall to my lips, and my body is an inferno. “I…” Have forgotten how to speak.
“That’s what I thought,” he says with a victorious smile.
And just like that, with the presence of him, the weight of what we’re about to do doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. The moment he’s near, it’s like half my baggage gets hoisted onto his shoulders, and he doesn’t even bat an eye.
“Would you rather I do it?” he asks, gesturing to the door with the purple V tacked to it.
I shake my head. “It needs to be me.”
Gripping the handle once more, I turn it, bringing us inside the room that looks exactly as she left it, and my chest constricts.
Her Crystal Bay University sweatshirt hangs over her desk chair. A pair of earrings on her dresser that she’d swapped at the last minute before we went out that night. Light hints of lavender and citrus infiltrate my senses, making my chest ache. My eyes fall to the bed. The unmade bed.
Regret washes over me. After her death, I shut the door and acted like none of this existed on the other side. She was gone, and I dove headfirst into XO Karma, trying to shove away that black hole of grief that swirls inside my chest at the mere memory of her.
“Hey,” Aster says gently, snapping me back to the present, and my blurred vision makes me realize I’ve been crying. He pulls me to him, and a sob escapes.
“Shit.” I sniffle. “We don’t have time for this.”
“Yes.” He pulls away, rubbing the pads of his thumbs gently across my cheeks. “We do.”
“We’re never going to find her killer if I burst into tears like a little bitch every time I think about her,” I babble.
He shoots me a pursed lip smile. “You think about her all the time and don’t burst into tears. You’re in her bedroom. Her place. It’s normal for the grief to be more intense.”
I glance to the ceiling, rapidly blinking to rein in my feelings. “I just want to—have to—find whoever did this to her.”
He swipes under my eyes, and his gentle caress only heightens my emotions. This man has so many layers, I don’t think I’ll ever have him figured out.
“We will,” he assures me with so much confidence I almost believe him. My eyes find his once more. “Baby, you are so damn tough. I need you to take a deep breath. Let’s search this room and see if we can find something to get us closer to the truth.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Okay?”
Blinking, I hiccup a sob, and a tear drips down my cheek. He tilts his head, places a hand on my chest, and his gentle gaze holds mine.
“In,” he says, and for a moment, I’m transported to the night we met.
I suck in a breath, the oxygen easing my lungs.
“Out.” I exhale, focusing on the flickers of pigment in his beautiful green eyes.
We continue the motion until he finally says, “Are you ready?” I nod, and he smiles softly.
“Good.” He places a gentle kiss on my forehead, then steps away. “Where should we start?”
Wiping my face with my hands, I take another calming breath, or five, glancing around the room. “You take the closet, I’ll take the dressers?”
“Deal. What are we looking for?”
“I don’t know. Just… anything that seems out of the ordinary for a typical thirty-year-old who deals art for a living.”
“Got it.”
We split, searching around the room. I don’t allow myself to linger in any one place out of fear of breaking down again.
I almost lose it at the multi-colored butterfly figurine on her desk.
It was my Christmas present to her the year before she passed.
Aster says I’m strong, and I know I am, but that doesn’t make this any easier.
Her dresser is as she left it. A mixture of workout clothes and clubbing outfits.
Her desk is so empty, I wonder if she ever even used it.
“Anything yet?” I ask Aster.
“Not yet.” Hangers clink as he fingers through them. “Did she have any hiding spots?”
“Hiding spots?”
“Yeah, like do you know if there are any false walls or anything in the house?”
I rack my brain from the time we spent here as kids. “Well, this used to be her grandma’s room, but there was a floorboard in the attic where we hid things.”
“Let’s check there,” he suggests.