11. Violet
Violet
I stared from my dad to Luca’s as they stood in our foyer. “No one told me you were taking the boys.”
Dad grinned, picking up Aidan. He and Ciaran were identical, but it was easy to tell them apart if you were looking. Ciaran always had this gleam in his eyes, no matter what shade of brown they were. One that promised chaos and destruction.
Legit his father’s clone.
No matter how prepared the world thought they were for my boys, they never would be. But especially not Ciaran.
“We thought we would surprise you, sweetheart,” Dad said. “You and Luca should celebrate his victory from last weekend. Have some time to yourselves. You deserve it.”
“But all four boys?” I shook my head, dread rolling in my stomach. Not so much for them. He and Jesse were pros at dealing with the maniac twins. Both sets. It was more that I didn’t want to be alone with my husband.
“Your mom already picked up Bug. They are joining Emmie and Dallas for their granddaughter Galentine’s Day.” He took one of the two overnight bags that Luca must have packed and left at the door. Leaning down, he kissed my cheek. “We’re going to order pizza and do manly bonding.”
Jesse snorted as he tightened his hold on Ciaran.
We all knew what was going to happen. He would be in charge of the one toddler, while Dad was watching out for Ethan, Elijah, and Aidan.
Honestly, my dad had the easier job of the two grandfathers.
“What he means is we’re going to watch animated Jack Black movies all weekend. ”
“Yay!” Ethan cheered. “Mario Brothers.”
“Yeah!” his twin seconded.
“Peaches. Peaches. Peaches,” my youngest child tried to sing. But he wasn’t the biggest talker yet, so it came out, “Bitches. Bitches. Bitches.”
Dad bit his lips together to stop the laughter I saw shining out of his blue-gray eyes. Clearing his throat, he nudged Ethan with his knee. “You boys kiss your mom and then head to the car.”
As soon as their arms went around me, my heart turned to goo. Luca and Love Bug might have the sweetest father-daughter connection I’d ever seen, but my boys and I were a team. They were so much like Luca in how they loved and always wanted to protect me.
Hugging them back, I dropped kisses on both their heads. “Be good. Try to help your granddads with the little ones.”
“We will,” they promised, giving me one more squeeze. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you.” I waved as they ran out the door.
After a little love from my babies, Dad and Jesse made quick exits. As I closed the door behind them, my shoulders dropped. It was Valentine’s weekend. Of course Luca would want to do something romantic. But I was not in the mood to be romanced.
I glanced down at my clothes. I was wearing sweats that were too tight on my ass and rubbed against my belly in a way that reminded me it was never going to be flat again.
After the first set of twins, I’d struggled to lose the extra pounds and didn’t succeed in getting to my ideal weight goal before I’d gotten pregnant for the third time.
With Aidan and Ciaran, I’d gained so much weight I’d looked like a whale even after giving birth, and I was still struggling to get rid of at least fifty pounds.
My boobs were all stretched out after breastfeeding five kids, and I had so many stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and other areas of my body that I wanted to cry every time I looked in the mirror.
It didn’t help that the media was trashing me for the way I looked. Even the sports networks were talking about how I’d let myself go and now my insecurities were costing the NFL the best defensive player in history because I was making him retire to save our marriage.
Assholes.
Like they knew anything about our private life.
I knew it was what they did. Starting rumors, nitpicking every little thing from a frown in a picture to the double chin I had while eating a hot dog at the biggest game of the year. There wasn’t a drop of truth to it.
But…
How could Luca, with his perfect washboard abs and all those rippling muscles, want me, his flabby, drab wife?
He did, though. There was no denying that.
He made love to me every chance he got. It was me.
I didn’t feel sexy anymore. I’d let the media get in my head and obliterate my self-confidence.
My mental health was starting to suffer because of it.
And if I didn’t do something soon, it would affect my marriage.
I just didn’t know how to talk about it.
My mental health struggles in the past had taken me to a dark place. And while I wasn’t there yet, I could feel the shadows closing in around me.
Apparently Luca had noticed something was off, though. There would be no hiding now.