1. Violeta
It’s just a rendezvous
The gloomy London sky had not changed in four days.
It was depressing, matching my mood, so I tried to do touristy things to get me out of this funk.
I grabbed a bacon butty for breakfast —I might be a little obsessed with these sandwiches—before heading to Gloucester Road Station.
Today, I was heading to Cotswold and Oxford with some tours I had found online.
The reviews were good, but heading to them alone worried me.
Doing everything alone nowadays worried me.
I was in a new place, alone and a piece of me doubted if what I had done was the right thing.
Another part of me thought I had been rash and foolish for running away.
Every day I fought with myself. It was one of the reasons I decided to come to Europe.
Maybe a change of scenery would get my mind off things.
Except, it hadn’t.
The loud thoughts were even worse out here.
If I was going to survive, I needed to stop worrying and live for myself.
During the six months before the wedding, all I had done were things my parents wanted.
My small acts of rebellion, like living alone, were barely tolerated.
They saw me as something they owned and could use for their gain.
The two months before I came to Europe were the hardest to overcome.
No one tells you that when you finally break free from your narcissistic parents, you have to unlearn years of conditioning they have imbued into you.
I thought I was independent, but it was a rude awakening to find out I really wasn’t.
It didn’t help that Lorenzo was just as controlling and manipulative as they were.
I was just trading one master for another.
I arrived at Gloucester Road Station just in time, as the last few people were getting on the bus. The tour guide took my ticket, ushering me onto the bus. It was fairly empty and I took a seat towards the back.
“Good morning!” The tour guide announced.
The small crowd replied just as two girls pounded on the bus’s doors. They opened the door for them as the girls with heavy accents apologized for being late through heavy breaths like they had run here.
“I’m sorree,” one of them apologized again.
“Oh, it’s ok,” our tour guide said. “Take a seat anywhere.”
They made their way down the aisle, waving at me before sitting right in front of me. I waved back wishing I had someone to explore Europe with.
The tour guide gave us the rundown as we took off, exiting London and driving through the countryside.
It was still dreary, but it didn’t make the countryside any less charming.
Since we were driving to Burford, the furthest town, our tour guide supplied us with endless facts and information about Cotswold.
I tried to listen to the tour guide, but the drive made me sleepy. The hostel I was staying at made me nervous, so sleep was hard to come by. I almost got a hotel last night, but if I wanted to make this trip last then the hostel would be my new home for the time being.
“God, that man last night was an animal,” one girl in front of me spoke in Italian. “He was boring, but he had so much stamina.”
“You lucky bitch,” her friend huffed. “They stood me up and I had to spend all last night alone.”
“Oh, don’t be sad. We will find someone for you on Rendezvous," she said. “Someone to fuck you so good you can’t feel your legs.”
I blushed at her bluntness.
“Yes, it’s our last night. We need something memorable before we see what France has to offer.”
I had a perfect view of their phone so I could see when they opened the app. They swiped left and right so quickly I couldn’t see the men except the few they had to have a discussion about. They went through at least thirty men before they felt satisfied with their matches.
“Maybe I should match with someone just in case,” the girl who had had a good night said, opening her app. “I want to see all that England has to offer.”
A ping from the other girl's phone had them leaning close together again.
“Oh, you matched with someone!”
I adjusted my posture, hoping to see which one matched with her, fully vested with how their night was going to go.
“Mmmm, he’s a maybe, I think I want to wait for a little bit to see if I match with anyone else.”
They continued talking in Italian about the tour, commenting on the beauty and charm of the English countryside.
I did the same, watching the landscape, taking a deep breath as my mind thought about the app they were using.
I had only heard of dating apps, never needing to use them.
Dating had never been my priority. When I returned home from school and living on my own, they pushed me into an engagement with Lorenzo immediately.
I was twenty-nine years old with two notches on my bedpost. It had never bothered me before, but now I felt like I hadn’t lived enough in my twenties.
Coming to Europe was supposed to be fun, enlightening and a chance to do the things I had always wanted to do.
It was spontaneous, and I was realizing I wasn’t good at.
Maybe this was a sign that I needed to do something I never would have done on my own.
Opening my bag, I looked for my phone, realizing it was in my back pocket.
I got my phone out, staring at it wondering if this was the right thing to do.
Being salacious wasn’t me, but neither was going against my parents.
I opened the app store, and typed Rendezvous in the search bar.
It came up immediately; the icon begging me to click on it.
“Alright, we’ve made it!” the tour guide announced. “We will spend two hours here. Now if everyone could follow me out, we can get started.”
We stood up as I looked out the window in shock that we had arrived so quickly. That had been happening a lot recently, I got lost in my mind and time seemed to fly by.
“You coming?” One of the girls looked at me.
“Oh, sì, scusa,” I said, speaking Italian automatically.
“You speak Italian?” one of them asked in Italian.
“Yes,” I replied, excited to use my Italian. “It’s one of my favorite languages that I speak.”
“Are you from Italy?” The other asked.
“No, I’m from America,” I said, stopping myself from cringing.
“Oh, what other languages do you speak?” The other woman asked.
I listed off the six languages I spoke adding in Mandarin and German, but that I wasn’t fluent.
“You sound beautiful. My name is Lucia and this is Paola,” she said, as we got off the bus.
“Nice to meet you. My name is Violeta.”
“It was fate that we met. Your name is beautiful,” Paola said, threading her arm through mine.
“Are you visiting?” Paola asked.
“Yeah, I’m hoping to travel through Europe for a little bit,” I said, as the tour guide had us follow her as she started talking about the quaint town.
“How fun! Your friends didn’t want to come to this tour?” Paola asked.
Do I tell them I was alone?
“You ok, Violeta?”
“Sorry, I was just thinking about my friend,” I said, panicking, figuring it was best to be safe than sorry. “She wasn’t feeling well.”
“Oh no, that’s awful, is she ok?” Lucia asked.
“Uh… too much to drink,” I laughed.
“Oh, these Brits can drink,” Paola said.
“Uh, yeah they can,” I said, feeling like an idiot because why did I think it was ok to make up a fake friend sick from drinking when I hadn’t even gone out.
The guide let us know we would stop for a snack and then some shopping, which the girls squealed about. The sun popped out for a bit as we walked around after we ate. Everyone seemed to appreciate it and I felt the sun gave me a bit of life. The warmth felt good and the company made it even better.
“So, Violeta, are you married, dating or single?” Paola asked in Italian as she looked at a rack of dresses.
“Single,” I said, searching for the perfect keychain.
“Met any cute English men?” Lucia asked.
I chuckled, finding a keychain with a cute cottage on it. “No, I haven’t really looked. Have…have you?”
“We have. Might as well get a taste, you know, see how they stack up against Italian men.” Lucia waggled her brows.
I laughed. “And?”
“I haven’t had luck,” Paola pouted. “But Lucia has been getting all the good ones.”
“Good luck?” I raised my brow.
“I can't say I’m disappointed with the men here,” Lucia smirked. “Rendezvous has been matching me with some good-looking ones.”
“Rendezvous?” I played dumb.
“Oh yes, it’s an app to find men,” Paola said, grabbing a shirt.
“Dating app?” I asked.
“Sure,” Lucia chuckled. “If dating is only one night.”
“So, it’s a hook-up app?” Did I sound too desperate?
“Yeah, if you want love, it’s not the app for you,” Lucia said. “I mean there is an option for more, but everyone knows Rendezvous is all about hook-ups. They even have usernames to keep your identity safe unless you want to tell them.”
“If you want love for one night, it’s the perfect app,” Paola grinned. “You should download it and have some fun.”
“Maybe,” I said, taking my items to the register.
“Nope, give me your phone. Paola and I will make you the perfect profile,” Lucia held out her hand.
“I don’t know,” I said, walking away.
“What do you have to lose?” Lucia raised her brow.
“You don’t have to use the profile, but Europe might be a little more fun with some company at night,” Paola said, holding out her hand.
Before I thought better of it, I handed my phone over.
They squealed, talking quickly about what to put on my profile and I prayed no one understood Italian with how they were talking about my best ass-ets.
I had a profile by the time we reached Oxford, and I had my first match by the end of the tour with David.
The girls and I exchanged numbers. I promised I would keep them updated, with no information left out and if I ended up in Milan, I needed to catch up with them.
I left the tour with new friends and a date for tomorrow.
It was the first time in months I didn’t think guiltily about my old life or wonder what Lorenzo or my parents would think.
This trip was about doing things I would never do and all it took was two girls from Italy to jumpstart this new me.