3. Levi
Hot men are oblivious and by hot men, I mean my best friend,
My alarm went off in my bedroom. I was already awake, enjoying a cup of coffee on our terrace in Paris.
We had the perfect view of the Eiffel Tower and the beautiful city below us.
The moment I walked into this condo, I asked where I could sign.
My best friend Matteo had to put the brakes on my impulsivity to do a proper tour, but the charm of the location and the beautiful layout was enough to have him asking where we could sign as well.
We had spent enough time in Paris for us to afford this home and it made being here so much better than always being in a hotel.
Matteo and I loved Paris and starting last year we had been staying here a lot more due to the big contract I had landed.
It was our home away from homes. Yes, I said homes because Matteo and I traveled so much we had homes in several cities.
Well, if we included our best friend, Ruwon, we had a lot of homes across the world.
Being childhood friends with some wealthy men had its perks.
I had my money that I had made from IT consulting and helping big companies with their IT issues.
On the side, I made apps and sold partial ownership of them.
I’d lived more than a comfortable life, but Ruwon and Matteo made significantly more than I did.
Ruwon was an actor and Matteo’s family-owned wineries and hotels; he was their lawyer.
Speaking of the devil, the door to our condo opened and in walked Matteo in last night’s clothes, still looking like a snack. I swear this man would look good in mud and everyone would still fawn over him, sadly he knew it too and it inflated his ego a bit much.
“Damn, I thought I'd make it before you had your coffee,” Matteo said, his accent a little more noticeable.
I raised my mug. “Some of us have to work.”
“Hey, I do work.” He rolled his eyes. “Just for that, I’ll take these to my room.”
“Whoa, let's not be hasty,” I said, raising my hands up as I walked into the kitchen.
He smirked as I sat down at our island. “Nope, these chocolate croissants will just be mine.”
“Please,” I said, pouting, fluttering my lashes up at him.
“All yours, if you make me my coffee,” he said, sitting next to me.
“Extortion. That was your plan all along.” I shoved his shoulder, getting up to make his coffee.
“You know you make the best lattes with the pretty art,” he smirked.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I grumbled, getting everything ready for his coffee.
The crinkle of the bag had my mouth watering. The boulangerie just down the street from us was amazing, and their croissants were decadent enough to commit a crime for.
“So, I take it everything went well last night since you’re just getting home?” I said, grinding the coffee beans in the espresso machine.
“It was good. I saw Manon,” he said, shrugging.
“Her again?” I kept my voice even, thankfully I was turned away from him.
“Her again,” he sighed. “She knows what this is, and our sex is great. I’m satisfied, and so is she.”
“Are you sure?” I turned around, pouring the milk. “Last time we were in Paris, she freaked on you because you said you couldn’t make dinner. She thinks you’re her meal ticket.”
“They all think I’m their meal ticket,” he said, shrugging.
“Don’t give her a reason to think that,” I said, setting his coffee in front of him.
“I don’t. She knows what I expect and I remind her, constantly,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee and groaning.
“I doubt that,” I murmured, grabbing my coffee and a croissant, sitting next to him. I pondered saying more, but I didn’t want to nag him.
I grabbed my phone, checking my emails and socials before getting on the Rendezvous app.
It had been something I had been toying with, but never fully committing to a date because I always held onto a small spark of hope that my best friend felt the same way I did, but there was no way that would happen.
“There’s no need to worry,” he said, breaking the silence.
“I just think you deserve better, even if it’s just for the night,” I said, keeping my eyes on my phone.
If I looked at him, I was afraid he would see too much. I was always afraid he would find out my secret, one I had been keeping since we were in high school.
I was in love with my straight best friend.
“It’s just sex,” he said nonchalantly.
I took a deep breath. “For you, but these—”
A picture of this beautiful girl popped up on my screen, and I lost my train of thought. I swiped right before I could stop myself. A ping and our pictures appeared together on the screen. We were a match. She was twenty-eight, spoke several languages and was stunning.
“Levi?”
I startled, looking up at Matteo. “What?”
“You were saying?” He raised his brow.
What the fuck was I saying?
“Oh, I was just saying girls like Manon always think they can change you,” I said, glancing at my phone, the message button taunting me.
“Everyone thinks they can change, but you know I do what I want, when I want,” he said with confidence I recognized immediately. “I’m not settling down anytime soon and no matter what Manon or anyone else says, it won’t make me change my mind.”
I nodded, knowing that all too well. Looking up at him, I finally realized that loving him was a losing battle.
Was I just as bad as these girls. waiting for something that would never happen?
He would never love me like I loved him and, for fuck’s sake, he was straight.
I was no better than those girls, waiting for him to change except I knew he wouldn’t, so why was I holding on to some silly dream?
Before I could chicken out, I messaged the girl, XOXO22.
C++98–Hi, how are you doing?
“You ok, Levi?” Matteo asked. “You're not even listening to me.”
“Huh?” I glanced up to see him studying me, annoyance in his gaze.
“You seem distracted,” he said, taking a bite of his croissant.
“Uh, yeah, I—”
“Are you on Rendezvous?” he asked and I quickly hid my phone. “I never thought I would see you on a dating app, much less the one you helped build.”
“Lauren says there are some glitches, so I’m checking it out,” I lied.
Matteo saw right through me with the mischievous smile he was sporting.
Goddammit, why was he so hot?
“Bullshit. It’s ok to use your own app. You deserve to reap the rewards of your hard work,” he said, clapping my shoulder.
It felt weird telling him I wanted to date, not wanted, but needed to. Our friendship would suffer if I couldn’t find someone to get over him with. I always worried he would find out how I felt about him, making this an even bigger mess, but I realized Matteo was oblivious to a lot of things.
“Well, I got to go to work,” I said, not giving him a chance to grill me about the stupid app.
“Give me something, Levi. I’m excited that you are going to start dating,” he said, as I walked away. “Hey, maybe we can go on a double date!”
I flipped him off, closing my door to his laugh.
I leaned against the door, laying my head back and took a deep breath.
Dating had never really interested me, and hooking up with people was even harder.
For years, I suspected I was demisexual because while I could have sex—my body did whatever it wanted—sometimes if I didn’t feel a connection or something didn’t click, I didn’t need or crave that intimacy.
My attraction to other people was hard to navigate, giving me too much anxiety to date.
Half the time dating felt like a chore because how did you tell someone that, “Hey, there might be romantic attraction, but we will just wait and see” or “It might never happen.” Trying to force myself to have sex with someone was the worst. There was nothing more disappointing about not being able to get hard for someone.
I think that’s why I felt so scared to move on from Matteo.
I felt physically and romantically attracted to him.
He was the only person who could get me hard instantly by doing the smallest things.
My phone pinged, alerting me to a message in Rendezvous.
XOXO22 – Good morning! I’m doing great and you? Don’t tell me you’re a morning person?
I smiled, grateful for the distraction.
C++98 – Doing great and I might be a morning person depending on if you are.
C++98 – If you hate mornings, then so do I, but if you’re awake then I’m assuming you might be a morning person. If that’s the case, I love early mornings.
The typing bubble popped up for a few seconds as I held my breath.
XOXO22 – Not really a morning person unless coffee and a croissant are readily available, but today is an exception because I am visiting the Eiffel Tower. I am on the first tour at nine, but they told me to be there early because security lines have been long.
Glancing at the clock beside my bed, it was almost seven.
C++98 – Coffee and croissants, I’ll remember that. I live right by a great boulangerie and I have a pretty great espresso machine, even taught myself how to make pretty foam art.
XOXO22 – SOLD. What would make this even better is if you were a coder who learned to code on C++. Bonus points if you know at least 3 coding languages.
XOXO22 – I’ll go first. I learned coding on C++ but I preferred C++98. Right now I use C++, JavaScript and Python the most, and sometimes I’ll use Typescript since nowadays it’s becoming more popular.
I laughed, wondering who the hell this girl was. Most people knew my C++ reference, but knowing three more languages was sexy as hell. My heart raced at this new possibility. It had been years since I felt like this and messaging her suddenly felt like fate.
Times like these I wish I was suave like Matteo. I tried to be witty but it sounded fake, so I decided I didn’t need to be something I wasn’t. My fingers flew over the keyboard with my response. She messaged back immediately and our conversation was flowing the rest of the day.
By the time I went to sleep that night we had talked about more than just generic things and I was craving more information.
For once I was thinking about someone other than Matteo.
He didn’t invade my every thought throughout the day as I waited for a response from XOXO22.
I felt optimistic she might be the person who would finally help me get over my best friend and for the first time, I was a little excited about it.