41 - Samantha
Phillip asked me tostay home but I wouldn’t hear of it. We’re on the brink of an actual argument and I hate that it comes to this.
“Cap and gown final measurements and rehearsals are today. I don’t want to miss that.”
“Alright baby.” Phillip concedes, pulling me into his arms for a quick hug. “Classes are pretty much over for the seniors anyhow, but you’re not going anywhere that I’m not in the same room as you.”
“There’s no argument from me.”
I slept most of the weekend and even though I’m still tired, I don’t want to stay home. I can’t have Phillip miss school and I know if I stay home, he’ll insist on skipping with me. I wouldn’t be ditching though. I have a medical excuse and we’re practically graduated already, but still. It’s the point of it.
Plus, I don’t want to be away from him.
I try to finish my juice, but I end up putting the glass on the counter, my lip trembling at the thoughts in my head. Phillip notices and rushes to my side.
“What’s wrong?”
I wrap my arms around him, thankful his circle around me just as fast. “I’m just scared.”
He reaches down and lifts me so I’m straddling him before sitting down in a nearby chair. “That’s it. We’re staying home.”
“No.” My forehead drops to his shoulder, his hand running up and down my back in a soothing manner, trying to comfort me. “I’m just having a moment. That’s all.” I raise my head and look in his eyes. “I wanna see everybody. I want to go to cap and gown.”
I can see his heart breaking when I look him in the eye. He knows how much it means to me to make it to graduation.
Roxy comes into the kitchen, ready to start her day. “Good morning, kid. How you feeling?”
“She’s going to school,” Phillip answers for me and my heart soars.
“Good. It’ll do you some good to get out of this house.” Roxy says the words, but I don’t think her heart is in it. She’s trying to save face and be optimistic too, just like Phillip.
Her phone rings and we all tense. I feel Phillip’s muscles go rigid until Roxy looks at the phone and shakes her head. “Gloria? What’s going on?” She puts a finger up and then waves goodbye when it’s just work related, and we’ll be going to school. It wasn’t my kidney call.
“You need a massage.” I touch Phillip’s shoulders and weakly try my fingers at relaxing his muscles. He starts to go softer and leans in to kiss me.
I thought it was going to be a soft kiss before gathering our school bag and heading out, but he leans into it, letting the kiss say so much more than his words can.
I pull back after a moment. His eyes are glazed over with unshed tears that threaten but he blinks rapidly to clear them and smiles shyly.
I touch his cheek. “I know, baby. I love you too.”
*
Cap and gown measurementsand rehearsal consist of lines and being on my feet. Everyone is expected to stand in line alphabetically according to last name. Shit. I’m already split up from Phillip as soon as we get there. Stone and Ward are not in the same line.
We have to get our packet with our hat and some paperwork. That’s one line. Another line is to get your gown that was ordered in the fall, followed yet by a third line where you’re expected to try it on. We’re checked for fit, adjusted or traded out if necessary, then they collect it to have steamed and hung on hangers until the ceremony. The school doesn’t allow us to take them home.
After the gown line comes a small break. But then we have rehearsal where we are expected to be on our feet to practice where to stand and how to file into the gym. They told us we’d have three walk-throughs before they called it a day. This was all announced at the meeting this morning and immediately I know I should have stayed home.
I barely make it through the first line to collect my hat packet. My feet and legs are growing tired and feeling weighed down, but I try to put a smile on my face and tough it out because I am where I want to be.
“Here babe, gimme your packet and sit down for a few minutes.” Cyn comes over to my rescue, her line having gone faster. “I’ll take your packet and go get your gown.”
“Thank you.”
I am so zoned out I don’t even see where she goes, and I’ve lost track of Phillip altogether. My head’s fuzzy, and I probably need medicine or something, but I just sit and say nothing. A few students are starting to look at me funny. I take my shirt sleeve and dab my forehead.
I glance around and see how my classmates are relaxed and carefree. Circles or groups gather among the lines of our class of three hundred or so, gossiping and smiling or just talking about graduation parties and college plans or whatever. They certainly aren’t waiting for a call that might not come in time.
Irritated, I force myself up to go to my line where Cyn is waiting to be called next. I push my shoulders back, trying to have the energy to do it myself but I feel dizzy. I dab my forehead again, then my neck. I take a deep breath and walk to her side.
“I got it. Thank you.” Cyn looks at me like I grew a third head but hands me my packet and stays with me, a wary look in her eyes.
“Next?”
I look at Cynthia and nod. “I got it.” I turn to the teacher running the line for gowns and remind her who I am. She wasn’t one of my teachers.
She gives me a concerned look. “You ok, honey?”
I blink and nod, slapping on a fake smile. “Yeah.”
I rock from one foot to the other, waiting, while she fishes out my gown. When she hands it to me, it feels like it may as well weigh a hundred pounds. It’s a long, thick fabric that really doesn’t weigh much at all. I turn to try and find Phillip along with where I’m supposed to go next. Cynthia’s on tiptoes scanning the crowd, hunting for Knox I assume but then takes off in a different direction.
Everything feels like I’m looking through a glass fishbowl. My head feels wonky, my stomach nauseous and everything hurts. I’m kicking myself for talking Phillip into letting me come today. And then I feel guilty for him bringing me, when he clearly wanted me to stay home and rest. I should have stayed home.
I need to find him. I’m scared now, stumbling through the crowd. There’s too much noise and confusion. I squint my eyes from a sudden headache while my heart is thumping against my chest. I’m trying to concentrate on where I am yet bumping into people along the way. Finally, I see Phillip and sigh with relief. He’s on the phone, pressing a finger to one ear while talking. He ends his phone call as Cyn is walking up to him. I’m not sure what she says but he begins frantically searching the crowd. For me. When our eyes meet, Phillip’s expression plummets and my world goes black.
*
“Sam!” My brother yells, darting through the crowd, shoving people out of the way.
“Get back!” I follow and drop to my knees, cradling Samantha’s head in my lap. I shove at other’s hands as they reach down to try to help. “Get back!” Phillip’s head drops to her chest to listen to her heart, his eyes panicked and wild.
“Samantha baby?” He’s checking her pulse when Knox runs over. “I gotta get her to the hospital.”
“Go get your truck,” Knox moves to scoop her up. “I’ll bring her.”
Phillip jumps to his feet and takes off at a dead run to pull his truck up to the door. Mr. Kilman, our principal, flanks our side as Knox and I hoist Samantha into the air.
“Call Roxy. There’s no time. We’re going—” I explain the bare minimum as Mr. Kilman runs alongside us, parting the crowd with his waving arms. He’s always been in the know about Sam’s situation. And I think he can tell by the looks on our faces, we’re not waiting for an ambulance.
We burst through the doors, where Phillip drives up onto the sidewalk. I hop in the cab as Knox transfers a limp Samantha to my arms.
“I’ll meet you there! Go!” Knox slams the door and Phillip throws the truck in drive.
I face my brother, tears running down my face. “She hasn’t come to—”
Phillip reaches for her lifeless hand and kisses it. “Come on, Wallflower. Hang on for me.” Then he lets go and white knuckles the steering wheel all the way to the hospital.