12. Teddy
TWELVE
TEDDY
One of my many secrets is that I love to cook. I’m pretty sure I got the love of it from my mom. She’s currently sitting on a stool beside me as I prepare dinner. Sometimes I catch her looking wistfully at my hands as I chop or stir, and I can’t help wondering how I’d feel if the ability to do something I loved was taken away.
I’ve made this dish so many times that I could do it in my sleep, but I still ask her questions as I go. “What do you think, rough chop or a fine dice for tonight?” I hold up the two options, and she smiles before nodding at the hand with the diced pieces.
Tonight she wants to stir, and I don’t interfere. There are some days she stays far from the kitchen, and others she wants to do as much as possible. Before everything changed, she was the type to have the radio on, dancing and singing along as she prepared dinner. She insisted that cooking for her brood was her favorite way to unwind after school. It took a long time for her to come back to the kitchen after everything. Will took over cooking most meals until Dad felt like Zoe and I were old enough to handle the knives and gas stove. When Mom finally got back into the kitchen, it was Dad she bossed around the best she could. Her mobility has improved since then, but her verbal abilities never came back even after months of therapy.
When I’ve added the last ingredient to the pot and slide it into the oven, Mom looks at me over the top of her glasses. “What?” I know exactly what she wants to know. I swear losing certain abilities has only enhanced others, like mind reading. She is asking “Who is she?” with her eyes and a tip of her head. I don’t know how she does it and I don’t know how I know, but being able to communicate with her in any way at all is something I’ll never take for granted.
“Her name is Nellie. We met on the train after a Jays game. It’s new… but I really like her.”
Her head tips further to the left, and her eyes narrow slightly.
I roll my eyes because I knew that wouldn’t be enough information. “She just finished her second year at Ossington. She’s really smart and funny.” She’s beautiful and has this sexy demure thing going, yet takes charge like a champ. She nearly undid me against a bookshelf at the library yesterday, and I have a new appreciation for reading. I don’t say any of that, of course. Mom doesn’t need to learn just how far gone I am for Nellie, not yet anyway. “Like I said, it’s new but…” I trail off because Mom’s just nodding and looking at me with the softest goddamn eyes. She reaches out for my arm, squeezes, and sighs.
As a kid, my parents talked about their love story constantly. My mom always said, “When you know, you know, and everyone around you will know too.” I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do know that I’ve never felt this way about another person. It’s this delicious anxiety that spreads through my body whenever I think of her, and it morphs into a raging inferno when I see her. Honestly, it feels a bit like the time I went skydiving. A mix of exhilaration and terror that I want to experience again and again.
Dad gets home just as Wheel of Fortune ends and Jeopardy is starting. We’ve watched these two shows together since I was a kid. My siblings and I would take turns doing the best impressions of the contestants yelling out the letters or sharing obscure facts to introduce themselves. Zoe was particularly good at yelling out “N” in a way that would have us all howling. She did it tonight, and Mom laughed just as hard as she always has. Mom may not be able to talk, but her laugh never left.
Dad bends down to kiss Mom on the head and squeezes my shoulder as he walks to the kitchen to get his dinner.
“So,” Dad says, as he returns with his plate and sits beside Mom, “I was thinking that we’d come to your game tomorrow if that’s okay with you?”
“Yeah, that would be great. I’d love to have you both there.”
He nods, stirring his food. “We’ll drive over separately, though, so we can leave if we’re tired.” He always uses “we” in place of “your mom.”
“I totally get it. Do whatever you need to do.”
“So, will your girl be there?”
I’ve been watching the TV through this conversation, but now I can’t help but turn my head slowly towards him. He’s chewing, but a smile spreads slowly across his lips. At this moment, all I see is Will when he’s found out something that was a secret.
I swallow, and my eyes shift to my mom who is trying and failing to control her smirk. “Who told you?”
“Well, I ran into Keith yesterday on my way home from work, and he mentioned that you were a great addition to the team.” He takes another bite of food and chews for what feels like a full minute. “He just wonders if you’ll be able to make it through the week without making out with someone against a bookshelf.”
So this is what it feels like when your heart stops. My mind is racing through the entire encounter with Nellie. We heard them come out of the bathroom and separated before they would have seen us. I mean, they could have seen me panting and figured it out I guess. Or, they had come out, seen us then went back, and made a louder exit as a warning.
“I… we’ve been… ugh, I was on a break.” I must look like a deer caught in headlights being cross-examined, that is how I feel anyway. Dad, meanwhile, is clearly enjoying how uncomfortable I am, and I don’t doubt for a minute that Mom feels the same way.
“Relax, kid.” He laughs, reaching over to pat my knee. “You’re twenty-two. This is the time to be doing that stuff. But I would like to know if she’ll be at your game?”
Now I’m not sure I want her to be at my game. I don’t think I could handle it if she doesn’t want to deal with my family situation. Then again, wouldn’t it be better to find that out now rather than later?
“Yeah, she should be there.”
He looks at Mom, and they have one of their weird nonverbal conferences before he looks back and simply says, “Good. Now can you turn it up a bit? Alex seems to be talking quieter today.”
I may as well be alone in the room because I’ve completely zoned out. Is it too early to meet the parents? It feels too early. But I should probably tell Nellie what’s up and let her come to that conclusion on her own. If she wanted me to meet hers, I’d say yes only because it would mean more time with her.
I pull my phone out and begin texting her.
Just a heads up, my parents are coming tomorrow
I won’t be offended if you decide not to come
They’re nice but it’s early and so no pressure
I’ll be supportive of whatever you decide to do
Library Girl
I’d love to meet your parents. Although, maybe you don’t really want me to?
No, I do, I definitely do. I’m just nervous
Don’t be. Parents love me. I can bring a reference letter from my own if you’d like
Goddammit, did I just fall in love with her? Is this the moment I get to tell people it happened? It doesn’t seem all that romantic. Also, I can’t fall in love with her, not yet anyway.
A letter won’t be necessary, you seem trustworthy
I’m hauling a giant branch to the chipper and trying to control yet another yawn the next afternoon due to a lack of sleep brought on by the anxiety of how tonight is going to go. I want Nellie to like my parents and for them to like her. On one hand, if this is a disaster, at least we figured it out early before either of us was that invested. But on the other, if it is a disaster I may never sleep again. What I need to do above all else is tell Nellie about my mom. I hadn’t planned on doing it yet, but if they are going to meet in a matter of hours, I really should let her know .
“Fletcher. Get your head out of the clouds, kid,” my team lead calls to me, and I shake myself out of the spiral.
“Sorry, Keith,” I mumble, which of course he can’t hear due to the ear protectors and the sound of the chipper. I toss the branch into the feeder and watch as it’s instantly turned into shavings. I hope tonight isn’t going to do the same thing to my new relationship.
After work, I decide to call Nellie instead of texting her.
“Are you going to try and convince me not to come tonight?” she answers after the third ring.
“No, I was going to tell you that my mom, who will be at the game, is partially paralyzed and can’t speak.”
I could hear a pin drop on the other end as I’m greeted by silence. And then I hear a sigh. “Wait, are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious,” I say, and then prepare myself for the “I can’t handle this” speech I’ve gotten used to. But just as she’s been doing since the day I met her, she surprises me.
“Teddy, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to decide I wasn’t worth getting to know.”
“Why would your mother have anything to do with me wanting to get to know you?”
“There’s a history of… sudden disinterest, shall we say.”
She’s silent for a minute, and I feel the weight of it crushing the hope within me. “I’m going to be honest with you,” she says slowly. “I want to meet your mom. But only if you are really okay with it. If it’s too soon I understand, but I’m not going to run away. She’s your mom, Teddy.” She sounds exasperated, sad, and somewhat excited all at once.
“No, no, I do want you to meet her,” I rush to say, feeling a bit lighter. “And my dad. I want you to meet him too.”
“Good,” she says, a smile in her voice. “Anything else I should know before tonight? Does your family have a flying dog? Or perhaps a talking cat?”
I laugh, looking up at the cloudless sky, suddenly grateful for this woman. “No, unfortunately just a gravity-enabled dog, but both of those things would be pretty great.”
“I’m not sure,” she mutters skeptically. “A talking cat would probably have an insufferable amount of attitude. Imagine all the nonverbal judgment being vocalized.”
“True, but a flying dog would be cool. Like Falkor.”
“Agreed,” she concedes. “Although, I think Falkor was a Luck Dragon, not a flying dog.”
“Oh, well having a Luck Dragon would also be pretty cool.”
We sit on the phone just listening to each other breathe for a minute. “I can’t wait to meet your family, Teddy.”
“I can’t wait for you to meet my family, Nellie.”
“See you tonight.”
“See ya tonight.”
Between every pitch, I find myself staring at where Nellie is sitting in the bleachers talking to my parents. I’ve heard my mom’s laugh a few times, and knowing it was Nellie that caused it does things to different parts of my body. My heart is falling fast, my head is in awe, and I’m more turned on than I ever want to be when my family is involved. After I get the final batter to ground out, I walk slowly back to the dugout with my eyes glued to the woman who has flipped my world upside down. She looks over at me as she listens to something my dad is saying and smiles. I’ve never cleaned up my shit so fast.
“Great game, kiddo,” Dad says as I walk up to where he’s still sitting with Nellie and Mom. “I wasn’t sure you had your head in the game, but you proved me wrong.” He winks and tilts his head at Nellie along with a not-so-subtle thumbs-up.
“Thanks,” I say to him, but my attention is on the woman sitting next to my mom. “Did you enjoy the game, Mom?”
“Omm,” she hums while reaching over to squeeze Nellie’s arm. Then she nudges Dad and gives him a look only he understands.
“Well, it’s late so we’re going to head out. You kids have fun,” he says, helping Mom down. “Don’t be a stranger, Nellie.” He looks up as his hand covers Mom’s on his arm. Mom’s smile is bigger than I’ve seen it in a long time, and it’s all for Nellie.
I join Nellie on the bleachers, and we watch as my parents slowly make their way across the field to their car.
“What happened?” Nellie asks, taking my hand and leaning into me.
“She had an cerebral aneurysm rupture when I was twelve. She was fine, and then she wasn’t. We came home from school to find our aunt at the house, which was odd. Dad didn’t come home for a couple of days, but that was only to shower and change. It took her a long time in various forms of therapy to get her motor functions back. Unfortunately, her speech never got better. She was a teacher…” I trail off and feel Nellie’s arms wrap around my torso. I’ve told the story so many times, but this is the first time in years that I’ve struggled to finish it.
“She’s really great,” she whispers into my shoulder. “Your dad is too.”
“Yeah, as far as parents go, I did okay.” I look around to see that everyone has gone, and it’s just the two of us left. “You wanna get out of here?”