42. Nellie
FORTY-TWO
NELLIE
It feels like my body was used as a crash test dummy. I’m so tired and everything hurts.
I remember the huskies howling and Kevin’s little whimpers, and then Teddy springing into action to get out of the truck, which had flipped and ended up on the driver’s side.
“Are you okay?” That was the first thing he’d said, and despite a minor headache and neck pain, I’d assured him I was fine.
We’d kicked the windshield out and crawled onto the road, the dogs following. One was limping, but otherwise they seemed fine. Kevin’s whimpers appeared to be from fear rather than injury. A transport truck lay on its side a few meters away, and two other cars were in various states of disarray.
“I’m going to go see if anyone needs help,” Teddy said as he turned and jogged towards the car that was still right side up, but before he got there I watched him slow down for a second only to shake his head and continue. By the time I had tied each dog to something so they didn’t escape, Teddy had helped two people get out of their vehicles. I ran to help the one woman who was limping sit before following Teddy to the car that was on its roof.
“Two people,” he shouted over to me. He bent down and told the driver to cover their face before smashing the window.
“My wife,” the man sputtered. “She’s not moving. I’m not leaving her like this.”
“Sir, we can’t help her if you’re in the car,” I said calmly, kneeling beside the car, stones or maybe shards of glass cutting into my knees. “If we can get you out, then we can check on your wife.”
Sirens in the distance had me breathing a sigh of relief as Teddy continued to try and convince the man to let us help him.
“Nellie, can you…” Teddy started to say but stopped. I watched as he shook his head and tried to ask me something again.
Then, as if in slow motion, he fell to his knees and keeled over. My screams split the night.
Now, two hours later, my hands won’t fucking stop shaking. It shouldn’t be taking me so long to get into Teddy’s wallet. His license is already sitting on the table in front of me, but his health card is wedged behind some paper. Everything falls to the floor when I get it free, and I feel more tears gather.
“I’ve got it, hun,” a nurse whispers. She sets the wallet and most of its contents on the table in front of me, and I stare at them for a while. Two credit cards, and a very old stamp card from Subway.
Bending down, I unsuccessfully manage to grab the rip piece of paper which slides farther under the table and I have to drop to my knees to reach it. It’s not a piece of paper, though; it’s a picture. It’s from one of the very few games I was at with his parents. In it, I’ve got his mom’s hand raised in mine as we cheer from the stands. The rip runs down his mom’s left side, his father removed from the memory. I kneel there on the hospital floor staring down at a picture I never knew existed. A picture that, judging by the creases, has been folded and unfolded countless times. A picture he no doubt carried around the world with him. His mom and I from another time, cheering for the guy who made up so much of our worlds.
“You sure you don’t need anything?” Marley asks, sitting next to me.
I shake my head, refusing to look away from Teddy. He looks so small in the hospital bed. He’d woken up momentarily when he was brought back to his room after having a plethora of tests done, but he’d only blinked at me a couple of times before his eyes closed again. He’s going to be okay, though. I keep repeating that over and over to myself because the thought of him not being okay is not something I am willing to entertain.
“How’s your head?”
“Better,” I mutter.
“Whiplash is a bitch. Make sure you report any changes okay?” Marley says, squeezing my arm.
“I finally got Teddy’s dad on the phone,” Bennett announces quietly as he returns to the room. “He’s going to call his brother and sister, and they may head up.”
“Good,” I reply.
Watching Teddy fall was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I could handle being left. I could not handle him leaving like that, though. Not after how far we’d come. Not after reuniting after years of being apart just to have him taken away from me because of some idiot falling asleep at the wheel. I thought he was dead. I thought every dream we’d started to dream together was dead too. And I kept telling him I couldn’t do this without him, not now, not after letting him back in, the entire way to the hospital.
He was diagnosed with blunt liver trauma from when the airbag deployed, and he’d had some internal bleeding, which explained why he’d passed out. Adrenaline can only keep a person going for so long. The doctor had said a lot of words about what they’d done already and then what would be happening going forward, but I don’t remember anything other than the five at the end: “He’s going to be alright.” I refuse to let myself believe the doctor had said anything other than that, despite knowing deep down a doctor would never say anything with such certainty.
Now I replay the events of last night over and over again. I think I’d just told him to take me with him next time. I start to cry again as images of him falling replace everything else. He had been so close to leaving me. I feel Marley’s arms come around me, and I let go.
“He almost left me again,” I sob into her shoulder.
“I know, Nell, but he didn’t. He stayed,” she murmurs into my hair. “He’s never going anywhere without you again, okay? He’s staying.” She rubs my back and lets me cry until my sobs turn to soft hiccups and I catch my breath.
At some point, Bennett convinces someone to bring in a cot, and after Marley assures me they’ll wake me up if Teddy wakes before me, I fall asleep.
“Is that… Nellie?” I hear a voice ask somewhere in the distance.
“It looks like her,” another voice pipes up.
Then a voice that I’ve been longing to hear confirms groggily. “ Yes.”
I sit up fast, too fast, and I tip back onto my side. “Slow down, Nell,” Marley says, sitting next to me.
“He’s awake,” I mumble quietly, using my arm to push myself back up as slowly as I can manage. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“I told her not to.” Teddy’s voice is gravelly from sleep. “Hey, LG,” he says softly when I finally look over.
He’s sitting up, wide awake and alive. His dark hair shoots off in different directions and his blue eyes are sleepy, but it’s the best view I’ve ever seen. I know there are more people in the room than there had been when I fell asleep, but I don’t see them. I just see Teddy as I grab his face and kiss him.
“I’m so sorry,” he says as tears fall down his face.
“For what?”
“You could have died. I nearly lost you.” He’s searching my eyes as though he’ll find confirmation there.
I shake my head and grip his face a bit tighter. “No, I’m fine. But I nearly lost you. You’re not allowed to scare me like that again, do you fucking understand me? You had just promised to take me with you next time and then you…” I can feel the panic start to set in again, and I force myself to take a few deep breaths. “You nearly left me again.” It comes out as a whisper.
Teddy lifts his IV-less hand and rests his palm on my cheek, his thumb wiping tears away. “I didn’t mean to, LG,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
I can’t help but laugh at that fucking word. “We are not good at not using that word.”
He laughs then grabs his abdomen, his hand falling from my face as he winces in pain.
“Shit, EG, don’t laugh,” I scold.
“Then don’t make me,” he grunts .
I bend to lay my forehead against his and his hand covers mine on the bed.
“Ahem.” Someone behind me clears their throat, and I straighten to see two men and a woman standing by the end of Teddy’s bed.
“So,” Zoe says, pointing between the two of us with an eyebrow quirked and a shit-eating grin on her face, “when did this start up again?”
“You’re sure his head is good?” Teddy’s father asks the doctor for the third time since they arrived yesterday evening.
“Teddy’s scans all came back showing no signs of trauma to his brain or spine. He’s lucky it was just the liver and some superficial cuts.” The doctor turns back to Teddy. “We’ll keep you here under observation for about five days and continue to monitor the bleeding. Right now, we don’t think you’ll need surgery, but that could change. Bed rest is essential.”
“I’ll make sure he listens,” I tell the doctor but keep my eyes on Teddy. I never want to look away from him again. Even though we have been told again and again that everything looks good, watching him collapse is branded in my memory.
After two days of sitting vigil by his bed, Marley persuades me to take a shower and change in her and Bennett’s hotel room.
“Feel better?” Marley asks when I finally leave the bathroom. She’s lounging on the bed watching some terrible daytime TV show, eating an apple .
“The heat felt good,” I admit. “Thanks for bringing that shampoo.”
“No problem,” she says around an oversized bite. “Think you’d be up for food that doesn’t taste like disinfectant?”
I haven’t had much of an appetite since the accident, but when you’ve got so many pairs of eyes watching you, you just eat whatever they bring. I couldn’t tell you if what I was eating tasted like disinfectant, tuna, or a crème br?lée.
“Sure.”
“Bennett mentioned ordering something into the hospital, but that seems cruel to Teddy, so I suggested we just grab something at a restaurant nearby.”
“I don’t want to be gone for too long,” I say, looking at the time.
Marley gets up and comes to me, tossing her core into the trash as she passes it. “Hey, we’ll just grab burgers quickly, and then you can go back, okay? He was sleeping when we left, and chances are he’s still sleeping.” She takes both my shoulders in her hands and looks me in the eye. “Deep breaths in, one, two, three. Out one, two, three.” We stand across from one another breathing in and out slowly, and I have to admit it is beginning to help. “Better?”
I nod. “Thank you.”
She wraps her arm around my shoulder and guides me out of the room to the elevator. “You’d do the same for me. Hell, you practically did. It just looked a bit different.”
“When are you two going back?” I ask while we slowly descend.
“Trying to get rid of us?”
“No, I just know Bennett is probably anxious to get home. He’s probably in dog withdrawal.”
Marley studies me for a minute before answering. “He’s loosened the reins a bit since you’ve been gone. Cass has stepped up in Teddy’s absence, and the students he took on were quick learners. We even had a weekend away, if you can believe it.”
I’m genuinely shocked. “Really?”
“Yeah, we went to a cottage Sophie’s fancy professor boyfriend owns or part owns… At any rate, he has—” she starts to say as the doors open.
“Nellie!” I stare at Marley, eyes wide. “Chickadee.” I can feel the hot tears rise and then I’m being pulled from the elevator and my parents are wrapping me in a joint hug.