Chapter 44
James
I drop to my knees next to her and scoop her into my arms. She fights against me, trying desperately to scramble away, but I wrap my arms around her and hold tight as her sobs begin against my chest. We sit like that for several minutes, and as her sobs subside and turn to sniffles, she asks, “Did you at least break his face? Make it worth it?”
I let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, baby, I did.” Only, I wish I’d done a whole lot more to him. I want to make him scream and suffer like he made Isabelle.
She goes silent for a few more minutes until she sits up and pulls away, my arms opening to let her move.
What I don’t expect is for her to wipe her hands over her face, stand up, and walk to the dining table, downing her wine.
The woman I see before me is different now.
A cold, emotionless mask on her face, devoid of any outward sign of her thoughts.
She fills her glass up and turns to face me, perched on the table, her ankles crossed in front of her, one
Alexandra Ravensbrook
arm across her chest, the other holding her wine as she looks down at me.
“How long were you going to lie to me, James?” Her voice is deadly calm, and I’ll admit, it terrifies me.
I’ve not seen her like this before. Like the stillness and tension just before the thunder and lightning start.
I kneel there, sitting back on my heels, looking up at my queen, wondering how I messed this up so badly.
My heart thuds as anxiety claws up my chest, and I can’t speak, because honestly, I don’t think I would ever have told her the truth if it stopped her from getting hurt.
My hesitation in answering her seems to make the situation worse.
“You promised me I could trust you, that you would give me everything. Is lying to me and withholding the truth giving me everything, James?” Her voice fills with sadness and resignation, and it kills me to hear it.
I feel like I’ve broken her all over again.
I’m no better than her shithead ex. I may not have hurt her physically, but emotionally.
I’ve trampled on the most precious things she gave me—her trust.
“Baby, I will. I’m sorry. I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to get upset.”
“No, James, you just decided to beat the shit out of him and then lie to me about it.” Her voice is quiet and small
Yes, Miss
as she shakes her head. “What happened to us working together? Getting through it together?” she hisses.
“Please, Iz, I’m sorry.” I reel out the full story of what happened as she leans against the table and finishes her wine. “I promise you, Iz, you’re everything to me, and I just lost it seeing his smug smile. Please don’t leave me.”
My own eyes fill with unspent tears, my very core trembling with fear that I’ve already lost her.
Lost her deep sapphire eyes that reflect love at me when I stare into them.
Lost her soft full lips that kiss me so readily, offering comfort, and her luscious curves that fit perfectly against me when we lie together.
It’s not just those I’ve lost. It’s her laughing at stupid memes, her singing in the morning when she gets ready, the way she scoops her hair up into a messy bun and puts her glasses on to mark her books, chewing on her red pen.
Her filthy cackle while she’s on the phone to her friend.
The way her touch stills me inside, quiets all the noise in my head, how she seems to know just how and when to calm the cacophony inside me.
I picture the massive hole she would leave if she walked out, and I know I need to give myself over completely to her.
I could never be happy if I wasn’t entirely hers.
I have to stop trying to fix everything and just be hers.
With her. For her. For me. For us.
Alexandra Ravensbrook
I realise I’ve given only parts of myself to her, holding fragments back. I’ve tried to control everything outside of the bedroom, fighting against my own desires.
I want her. I want her to own me, to let me pleasure her. I want to follow her lead and show her devotion and love like she’s never known. I need her to guide me, so I don’t keep fucking everything up.
I look into her eyes, so earnest, so pained, and I give myself to her completely.
“My queen, I’m all yours. Every part of me, body and soul. Totally.” I take a breath, laying everything on the line, tipping all my emotional baggage out right in front of her. “I want to give myself entirely to you.”
I straighten my spine, lower my head, and place my hands on my knees, adopting my ‘present’ position I’d been shown at the club but haven’t used yet with Isabelle.
Kneeling, thighs spread, head bowed, palms up, I take a deep breath and still myself.
The calm of being here with Isabelle soothes my soul.
The clink of her wine glass settling on the table echoes in the silence.
“Upstairs, now. Strip and present. If I am to trust you, I need you to show me you trust me in the most vulnerable of ways,” she commands, walking over to stroke my hair from my face.
“Will you give me everything, James? Will you submit to me entirely from now on, entrust me with every part of your body, and know I will only ever give you
Yes, Miss
pleasure?” Her cold, distant facade starts to crack, showing me my Isabelle.
“I do. You can have every part of me.” Nerves course through me, adrenaline making everything vibrate. I know exactly what she means, and I want to give it to her. I want to give her my pain, my pleasure, my obedience.
“Then get that peachy ass upstairs and strip. I’m going to make you suffer first for lying to me, for hiding from me. And then, my beautiful boy, I’m going to take your trust and show you how amazing it can be.”
I climb the stairs, nervousness ramping with each step.
The bedroom door stands ajar, the light from the streetlamp casting shadows across the bedroom.
The threshold feels like a doorway to a new beginning, and it’s a leap I’m ready to take.
I stand in the moonlight, removing my t-shirt, fingers fumbling at my waistband as I undress, ready for Isabelle.
Finally naked, I tremble inside, my heart pounding. Anticipation, even fear, creeps through me. I breathe, focusing on the moment. The soft swish of Isabelle’s footsteps on the carpeted stairs sharpens my senses.
I drop to my knees and wait.
Head bowed, naked, knees spread, wholly exposing not just my body but my heart and soul. There’s nothing I won’t give her. My actions hurt her, and I can’t forgive myself. I tried to protect her but broke her trust instead.
Alexandra Ravensbrook
That’s what hurt her most, and my heart shatters. Hurting her is worse than admitting I fought her rapist ex-boyfriend.
The door opens, letting light from the hallway flood the room.
I kneel there, a broken man. Every part of me wants to be hers, completely.
I want her to piece me back together in her mould.
I crave her touch, her punishment, her forgiveness.
I need this tension crawling over my skin like beetles to be replaced by the pain she decides I deserve.
Her apple scent washes over me, and I breathe deep. Everything in me screams to stand, wrap my arms around her, and feel her soft skin against mine, but I stay still.
My duty is to kneel, surrender.
My beautiful love. My guiding light.
She moves around the room. Drawers open and close, and I stay motionless, listening. Rustling fabric. Clothes falling. Images of her naked flood my mind, my cock hardening at the thought of her curves, her skin, the way her touch soothes and calms me.
“My little pet…” Her voice is soft, melodic. “How beautiful you are ready and willing for me.”
She trails her fingers over my shoulders. Every muscle twitches, hungry for more, as I wait and force myself to still.
Yes, Miss
“You kneel so well for me, but can you take your punishment, sweet boy?
You lied to me, and you broke my trust. But that's not all. You made me doubt your commitment, your feelings for me, and made me feel as though I couldn't trust you to come to me and be honest. That makes me feel as though you don't respect me or our dynamic. Is that the case, darling?” The bite in her tone strikes me to my core. She’s upset but in total control. I can breathe, finally. She’s here now, with me.
Working through this together.
“No.”
“No, what? Remember your manners. We've slipped somewhat recently in our rules. It's time to put them firmly back in place.”
“No, Miss.”
“Do you understand why you need to be punished, my boy?”
“Yes, Miss.”
"Stand with your hands against the wall, feet apart, head down.
" She steps back and crosses her arms. As I rise to stand, my head lifts and my breath catches.
Isabelle stands there, looking glorious, her luscious figure showcased in her black lace lingerie, the curve of her hips and thighs making me groan silently.
She watches me, her arms crossed under her ample breasts, a flogger in hand.
Alexandra Ravensbrook
My heart rate spikes at the thought of the sting it could deliver, the bite of the leather strands and the warming burn that follows.
The very sight of her there, the streetlight streaming from the windows across her features and her full lips curved in a subtle smile, sends shivers through me.
It’s a smile that simultaneously makes me feel like I’m the king of the world to have her by my side, yet reminds me that I have lied to her and betrayed her trust. I take a couple of steps to the wall, my legs feeling shaky from the adrenaline racing through me, and place my palms on the cool plaster, bowing my head once again.