13. Cole
“These flowers need to be moved! Hello? You! These should be over there,” Mom yells, pointing at the long table for gifts and cards. As usual, she’s stressing every detail. I couldn’t care less. I would have preferred to get married on the track under the finish line.
“I feel bad for that guy,” Carly walks up to me, watching the jockey across the lodge. She cringes, then looks at me, smiling. “Do you need help with that?”
Her lip curls watching me flip my tie around, getting nowhere. “I fucking hate ties.”
“You do look weird,” she agrees.
“Thanks.”
We shuffle closer to the large open balcony. The lawn is full of people being ordered around by Mom. Can’t have one uneven chair in front of the altar.
“No problem.” A tilt and a cocky smile almost ruin her pretty makeup. Shit head. “How’s that?”
“Better than I could do.” I check it out in the mirror, straightening it. “How’s it feel?”
“How does what feel? It’s your wedding.”
“Exactly. How does it feel that your baby brother is getting married before you?”
She knocks me in the shoulder. “Dick.” She briefly turns her head, glancing back. “Mom is more upset than I am. She thinks I’m never going to settle down. I mean, she’s right, but I don’t want to hear about it.”
“You’re gonna become a nun, right?”
“I like sinning too much for that.” She sticks her tongue out.
“Nasty.” I shake out a wrinkled wide-eye cringe and turn to lean on the banister.
She elbows me in the ribs, ineffective. “You and Max have that once-in-a-lifetime love, Cole. That love you grow with that never dies. I’m not settling till I find something like that. If it means I have to go through a lot d—”
“God, Carly,” I hide my face in my palm. “I think we were both adopted. We did not come from our mother.”
“It’s cool. I’ll be the family disappointment.” Glancing up at her, I could argue that the title was already mine. “Are you and Max gonna have kids?”
“Some day,” I shrug. “We’re gonna practice making them for a while first. Get the idea down-packed before we commit.”
“Who’s nasty now? Sicko.”
“I like the dress.”
“Thank you.” She twirls in her blue— “It’s a Dusty Blue A-line.” Okay, a Dusty Blue long gown with lacey things cascading down and more cleavage than I want to see from my sister.
“I like the lace.”
“Lace appliques. Max’s dress, ugh.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s so gorgeous. Wait until you see her.”
“Owww, damn. Is that my future bride?”
I turn around to Timmy leaning back as he walks forward holding a beer in each hand, dressed to the nine.
“Yeesss, baby Timmy. Look at you all grown up.”
“No.” I wave my finger down at her. “No.” I wave the same finger at him. “Fuck no.”
“Oh, come on. I’d be a great brother-in-law.” He hands me a beer.
“Did you forget about Lauren?”
“The more the merrier.”
“Oh no, little Timmy. I’m number one or no-go. I like my men older anyway.” She looks down from the edge. “Like Mr. Kender.”
“Dad’s friend?” My eyes bug. “Have you lost your mind?” I twist the top off my beer and knock half of it back.
“Take it easy. Max will kill you if you show up to the altar drunk...On second thought, I’d like to see that,” she plays.
“You’d let your only brother get murdered?”
“Max already chugged one. She was the beer bong champ senior year,” Timmy reminds me.
“You pre-gamed with her first? What the fuck? I see whose side you’re taking in the divorce.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”
All three of us straighten in her presence. “Mrs. Warren, you’re um, you’re looking gorgeous today.”
“That’s enough, Timmy.” She shoes him with the wave of her hand. “The guests are arriving. They could use your help ushering.” She smiles at him meaning move your ass right now.
“Yes, mam.” He takes off, finishing his beer on his way and tossing it into a can before he exits the venue.
She turns back to us, reaching for one of my hands and one of Carly’s. “Oh, look at my babies.”
“Mom, don’t do the crying thing.”
She starts blubbering and both Carly and I wrap our arms around her. Dad walks in and joins in our group gush.
“Colleen,” Dad calls. “You should go talk to Max.”
“Why? Is something wrong?” I ask.
“No, but this is her wedding day and neither her mother nor father is here.”
He’s right. Max would never admit it, but I know she’s heartbroken that her mom isn’t here to put on her veil and her dad isn’t going to walk her down the aisle.
“I’m fine. Please.” I take Mom’s hand. “Hug her for me.”
“I’ll give her a hug from me and you can give her a kiss when she makes it down that aisle to you.” She shakes my clasped hand.
“Okay. Go.”
I should go see her. I’m the one she wants to see right now. I know it. Fuck this bad luck to see the bride bullshit. Nobody is going to stop me.
Mom and Carly are outside the bridal suite talking to Amber and the other bridesmaids. While she’s distracted, it’s my shot. I slip past them without Mom noticing. Amber’s bitchy glare is suspicious. Carly’s is a knowing smirk.
Sneaking around the back of the standalone building, I tap on the window four or five times. Then again.
“Max, hey Max!” I whisper yell.
She pulls the curtains enough that I can see her face. “Cole, what are you doing?”
“I had to make sure you were okay.”
“I told you I would be fine.” She looks back at the door, expecting someone to barge in and see us.
“Open the window.”
“It’s bad luck.”
“When do we ever follow the rules, lovebird?” My eyes descend to hers and I smirk.
A smile slowly tugs at her lips and her wondering eyes focus on me. She unlocks the window, pushes it up, and pops the screen. I pull it out, stepping inside, and ducking till I clear it, pulling her into my arms.
“I don’t want to cry. I’ll ruin this makeup that cost a hundred bucks to get done.”
“You look good with mascara running down your face,” I whisper against her skin.
She pushes me back, but I don’t let go of her. “Only when it’s because of you.”
“When it’s because of my big dick.”
“Oh my god, it’s soo big,” she exaggerates, tipping her head back.
“I can’t wait to pull this dress up and fuck you.” I squeeze her body up against mine.
“It’s a lot of tulle.”
Taking her hand, I step back, finally taking her whole dress in.
Fucking gorgeous.
I don’t know what any part of this design is called, but it’s sexy and lacey and she looks like a princess.
“Fuck, you look amazing.”
“How about my boobs?” She looks down.
“I want to motorboat the fuck out of them.” I stare, then find her brown eyes again. “But I’m serious. This is your wedding day, babe. I know how much you wish they were here.”
“I’m trying to hold it together.” Her lips quiver. “I wish they could come back for one day. Would my mom like my dress? Would my dad cry when he gives me away?”
“Your mom would absolutely love this dress. Your dad would want you to put a sweater on, but he would probably cry. They would be proud of you, Max.”
“I love you.”
“You’ve always been a diamond. An uncut diamond. To the world, you have all the potential to be amazing. To me, you’ve always been amazing and beautiful and perfect. I saw you for everything that you are without the ball gown, without the hair and makeup. And fuck, this thing is long.“ I pinch the fabric, holding it up. “How are you going to dance?”
“It’s called a cathedral.” She swats my hand down. “And it pins up. You ruined a moment.”
“I’m the hopeless to your romantic,“ I shrug.
Tapping on the door removes us from the moment. “Max, can I come in?”
“I gotta go before Mom loses her shit, but babe, they’re with you. They’re always with you. I love you, lovebird.” I kiss her hand and let go.
“I love you...cowboy.”
“Max…” She grabs the doorknob. “Max.” Stop ignoring me. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, Cole. What’s the point of arguing? I’ll pick up Ri from your mom’s. You won’t have to see me.” She fights to get the collar of her shoe out of the heel, letting go of the knob.
“It’s over...just like that?”
“Just like that? Cole.“ She sighs. “Cole…” Her pale nails pinch together above the bridge of her nose. “We can’t keep doing this.”
“Did you forget the vows we made? May fourteenth. You said forever.” I step toward her, reaching out. She steps back. I drop my hand, the stabbing pain—a shard of glass to the center of my chest—fucks me over.
She’s serious.
She’s not coming back this time, is she?
I thought...there was no way she would go through with this. We wouldn’t get past the papers on this table.
“I can’t keep putting bandages on our problems.” We stand by the door staring at each other.
I can’t believe this is it. She’s leaving.
“Cole, I know...this hurts, but I’m just as broken. I didn’t want this for us.” Her weight shifts. Her hands rise. Flat...in front of her...To her they’re empty. A way of expression. That isn’t what I see. They’re dripping in thick crimson. Blood. It runs down her gentle skin in streams to her wrists. My heart rests in the palm of her right hand...beating. Pumping hard. Struggling in this crucifixion. “Where’s my happily ever after? Happily never after. The books are wrong.“ She’s on the verge of a tantrum when suddenly a shower of calm reels her back. It’s not me. I’m too mangled to stop her. I don’t know if I want to. If she would yell and argue and complain and...maybe it wouldn’t be over. She would squeeze the heart in her hand, keeping its rhythm. “I’m not the main character.”
She’s wrong. “You’re the main character, Max.” I gesture between the two of us. “This is...main character energy...And I’m selfish. I’ll admit it. I want you to stay even if you’re miserable…” I close the thinning space between our bodies. “Because I need you.” I take her jaw in my hands. “I need you.”
“You don’t need me, Cole.”
“Yes, I do.” Her eyes shift from side to side. “Who am I going to bitch about Andy with? Who is going to keep me up to date on new music? I want you by my side after every race and you in my bed every night. We love hard, we hate hard, and we fuck harder.” My grip on her tightens. “It’s who we are.” Then, I soften. “Please, please don’t leave.” I’d beg and grovel and plead all night, but I don’t get the chance. She steps back, forcing my hands to fall from her skin. Without another word, Max opens the door and walks out. My heart has fallen from her hand. It’s covered in dirt and debris. It beats only to chase her.
She stops before she opens the driver’s door. It’s that moment of hesitation that I want to say something heartfelt or...whatever line the guy in the movies would say. It doesn’t come out that way.
“Max! I don’t want you to go.”
She stares at the door, not looking back at me for a second—the second I’m desperate for her to give me. “I’m already gone.”
She pulls the latch and gets in her truck. I can’t bring myself to move...nor can she. Her F-150 stays in park for a long time. Then the brake lights flash red.
She’s gone.
I shouldn’t have let her leave. I fucked up.
She’s gone. She’s fucking gone.
What have I done?