Yield

19. Max

“If your mom catches us, she’s going to lock us in separate rooms till we’re eighteen.”

Cole pops the screen out of the window and it falls from the second story. We both freeze, terrified that Colleen is going to spring out of nowhere like a ninja.

“She won’t catch us,” he whispers.

An hour ago, I was in his bed, dryly grinding on top of him and before I knew it, I was naked. His lips met my entire body and his words calmed my silence. He would lift my hips, encouraging me to keep going because the pain would subside. It turned into this pleasure of indescribable measures.

Now, I am supposed to act like I’m not still thinking about it. Pretend that the sensation isn’t under my skin and stuck in my veins. I clench every time an intrusive thought pops into my head. A simple glance at him heats my chest.

My dark hoodie brushes against his slightly lighter one. “Look, there’s Timmy.” I point.

“My God. What is he doing?” Cole groans.

“I think he’s stuck on the fence.” I squint, cockeyed. “Oh, look. There’s Blake, shoving him off of it.”

Cole steps to the side, letting me shimmy down the blanket rope first. “Go ahead.” It swings as I move, but it’s not that bad. This isn’t my first rodeo. “Hurry,” he whispers. Cole scales the rope the second my feet hit the ground, hustling down it twice as fast as I had. He starts jogging across the lawn immediately, only turning back to make sure I was on his heels. “Let’s go.”

“Dude, your entire back pocket is ripped,” I tell Timmy. His baggy jeans hang low, his studded belt not doing much to keep them at his scrawny waist.

“I got stuck, and this fucker pushed me.” Blake laughs as Timmy shoves him. It barely knocks him off track, being significantly more broad than him.

“Hurry before my Mom hears us.” He looks back, convinced he’s going to see her standing on the porch. As if she would grab him by the backpack and lay his ass out. The scariest thing about the tiny woman is her tone.

“The momma bear would scare a Yeti.” Blake jogs backward, a flicker of light catching his Jordan’s.

“We live in Virginia. There aren’t any Yetis,” I argue.

“BigFoot. I saw him last summer,” he continues to tell fish tales.

“No, you didn’t,” Timmy huffs as we slow, cutting into the patch of woods. “Where did you see it, then?”

“Out Beaver’s Dam.”

“No way. It was a bear or a dog.”

“A fuckin’ dog?” He swings his arms, clearly committed to his bit.

“It wasn’t no BigFoot,” Timmy spits.

Cole drapes his arm over my shoulder. “Come on, lovebird. Let’s leave the girlies here to argue.”

“I have the liquor.” Blake pulls a clear bottle from his black and white Buckcherry sweatshirt.

Cole steers us back around, snatching the bottle. “Thanks,” he says, raising it. Then, he leads the way to our favorite spot to stargaze. They get the hint and pull back. It won’t last long before they break up our lonesome, hoping to catch a tit in the process.

“I didn’t invite them.” Cole drops his backpack, unzips it, and pulls a blanket out.

“They always show up anyway.” I sit down, grab the Vodka, and take a swig. “Eh, why did he get the Vodka?” Wrinkling my nose, something makes me think that shaking my head will fade its taste.

“I want it to be just you and me.”

A smile takes my lips and I take his.

“I like them, though.” I place another kiss on his mouth. “They make me feel better about myself.” I laugh.

Cole’s laugh is my favorite. It seems to be heard less than mine. He hides from everyone, even me, but I see him. I like being the one he tells his deep dark feelings to. Because he does. Sometimes with his words. Many times without. His actions are enough to call me to his side to sit in silence, to dance in muddy fields, and to laugh when we can.

“What’s happening in your head right now?” My simple question is met with a warning.

“You don’t wanna know what’s inside my head.” I glare up at him, lashes tickling my lids. Not much could scare me away and he’s in dire need of a doctor if he thinks I’m going to run. “I was thinking about who I would be...if I was happy.”

“You’re not happy now?”

“Sometimes I am. With you I am...Other times, it’s like I’m in a movie. I’m performing on a stage in front of a crowd that I’m desperate to get an applause from.”

My brows furrow, my outside meeting my inners. “Like on the track?”

“No...the track...I’m free. If I break the rules, I can keep driving. They can’t catch me.” A long exhale bleeds him breathless. “It’s always you’re a kid, you don’t know what you’re talking about.“ He palms his face. “I know what’s best for you. They don’t even know me.”

“I wish—” Um, no I...“Is it worse to lose your parents or for them to suffocate you in their ideals?”

“I don’t want to know.”

“I do.” I lie back, threading my fingers together over my stomach, and looking into the starry night. “I want to know. I want to know why my parents are gone. I want to know where they went. I want to know if their last moments were with smiles or in fear. I want to know if they felt pain or nothing at all. I want to know if my mom was here would she argue with me over my clothing choices. Would my dad hate that I’m dating you? Would he have a talk with you or just give you the evil eye every time you picked me up? I think about how my life would be if they were here all this time. Every detail...I create these scenarios in my head that seem like memories, but they never happened. Do you ever do that, Cole?”

I find him staring down at me, leaning into his hands. He doesn’t need to say anything. He could lay down next to me and soak in the moonlight and the quiet and the nothingness. I know his pain. I’ve seen it since the day he climbed the tree and held my hand while I contemplated my existence.

“Max, I don’t know why you lost them...but you’ll never lose me.”

I roll to my side, propping my head up. “How are you going to make promises you can’t keep?”

“Why wouldn’t I be able to keep that?”

“You could get hit by a car tomorrow. You could trip and smack your head, go brain dead. You could...you could fall out of love.”

His stifled laugh is short-lived. Pouncing on top of me, he pins my arms to the blanket. His hands steady my wrists and his legs warm my sides. “Lovebird, you’re smarter than Blake and Timmy. Stop talking stupid.”

He tries to sit back down, but I dip forward, taking the back of his neck to steer him to my lips.

“What is this, The Hub live?“ Timmy calls, shuffling through brush like a noisy squirrel.

“Where’s my Vodka, fucker?” Blake barks, cutting through the trees. I sit up next to Cole, expecting their chaos.

“Here.” He holds the neck of the bottle, offering it to Blake.

“You visit that website a lot?” I sass.

He shrugs. “My favorite show is always streaming.”

“You could be making the videos instead of watching them if you asked Lauren out.” Cole’s solution sets off an array of gestures from Blake flexing his brows, to Timmy’s weird tongue flicking.

Ew. Pigs.

“The princess?”

“Hey!” I scold Timmy, leaning over Cole to wack him in the leg.

“Oh, sorry I forgot. You’re friends.”

Okay, I should have agreed with Cole. It’s Dumb Dumber on edibles and vodka.

“I could be too if you two didn’t show up.”

What did he just say?I snap a glare at him.

“Ohh, Max,” Timmy mimics. Why are they so immature?

“Stroke my little dick.” Jesus Christ.

I pull my legs close to my chest, resting my arms on my knees. “Why do you know the size of his dick, Blake? Huh?”

Timmy flinches and ducks.“He was probably comparing in the locker room again.”

“Again,” Cole adds.

“You all suck.” He tilts the glass bottle, knocking back an ounce.

“Were you in Mr. Parton’s third-period class today?” Blake is in his class, but I doubt he actually attended.

“No, I skipped.” Figured.

“You missed out then. I heard Scott Carter punched Micheal in the face for hitting on Kami.”

“During class? Wait Micheal Nolcan or Randall?”

“Nolcan, duh.” Why would it be Randall? I don’t think he’s talked to a girl a day in his life other than his mom and grandma.

“I heard he broke his nose,” Timmy chimes in, drowning himself in booze a second after.

“What fucking idiot would hit on Kami?” You probably would, but you’re too chicken shit to tell Carter off, Blake.

“Someone that wanted knocked out by Carter,” Cole suggests.

“His mom is going to be preaching at the school board meetings and then Colleen is going to have some violence talk with us.”

“DJ Cole,” my drunk, derpy friend calls. “Turn on some tunes.”

“Oh shit!” Blake jumps up and runs into the woods. What the fuck?

“What is he doing?” I point, confusion painted in every possible way across my face while Cole casually scrolls his playlist on his phone and Timmy rests on his elbows, staring at who knows what—outerspace? “I swear if he’s chasing a bear that he thinks is BigFoot, I’m out of here. He’s on his own. You’re all on your own.”

He pops back out of the woods holding a slingshot. “I forgot this was here.”

“You are so stupid.” I deadpan and turn to Timmy. “You should ask Lauren out.”

“Did she say something?” He perks up, returning from la la land.

“Maybe. Just do it.”

“Okay. Fuck yeah. Let’s go.” He nods. “Right now. Let’s go. Back to Cole’s for the truck.”

“How are we sneaking the truck out without my mom catching us?” I know he doesn’t want to go, but I kinda do. It’s the rush of adrenalin—doing something I shouldn’t be doing—and the stupid, humorous stuff the guys do, and it’s Cole, who is always calm and collected when we leave the house. He lives on a different level of confidence when he’s not afraid of his mom dictating all of his choices. It’s like when he’s at the track and looks...so...emancipated. I can’t wait till we’re eighteen and don’t have to answer to anyone.

“Put it in neutral and coast it down the street,” Blake says causally, messing with his wooden slingshot. It’s not that bad of an idea.

“That’s the most intelligent thing that’s ever come out of your mouth.”

“Max is in. Let’s go, Cole,” Timmy starts walking off.

“I never said I was in.”

He turns back. “You said it’s a good plan. You’re in,” he says, waving his hand for us to follow.

“Fuck,” Cole groans. “Alright, but who’s driving? None of you.”

“Did you drink?” Blake looks at me.

“Yeah, I mean, it was barely a shot...but, no. I don’t feel—”

“She’s not driving. End of story.”

I thank him without words.

“Hello. Andyyy! We need rescued.” Timmy walks in circles with his phone in front of his face talking into it as if it were on speaker. It’s not. “No no no. It’s like...yeah and...no, I need to go to Lauren’s right now and confess my uhn—um—uhn—unrequited love.”

Does he even know what that means?

“Please! No, I’m not drunk.” I snicker and Cole shakes his head. “Yeah, I’m sure. So are you in?” He hangs up the phone. “He’s in. He’ll meet us on Rittler.”

“Okay,” Cole reluctantly agrees, rolling the blanket up.

“We can cut through the field,” Blake suggests.

“Fine.” The disappointment hangs heavy in his tone. Finishing what we started earlier is important to him. A night between the two of us. Our first time. It was better than I imagined besides hiding under his bed bare ass naked while Colleen asked him fifteen questions before she went on the search for me. He knew my first experience wasn’t the greatest, determined to give me a romantic night. Says a lot for a guy who thinks farting next to me is a sign of trust and comfortability.

“Give me that.” I take the bottle of liquor that Timmy is swinging around as he frolics. I drown myself, puker my face, and hand the bottle off to Cole.

“Come on, Max.” Timmy grabs my free hand, pulling me off to skip through the field with him.

“I love you, Cole!” I yell, skipping along.

My smile is bigger than the moon. I can’t help it. Tomorrow is another day of facing the music, but tonight I escape. I’m free from every demon. They may be chasing me, but they won’t catch me till the sun rises. Cole will realize it soon enough. He’ll forget how his plans didn’t turn out the way he wanted and he’ll embrace the night light.

I spin in circles, dancing to nature’s call. Crickets chirp under the starlit shadow. I glance over my shoulder at Cole. He’s making the same face I do when I drink vodka. My hair wraps around my face, the breeze reminding me why I didn’t run out here without my hoodie this time. These September nights are getting cooler and I’m not ready for jeans and cold weather. I want to spend forever in the warmth under the stars with my stupid friends and Cole.

“We have reached the yellow brick road!” Timmy calls.

I join him while Cole and Blake are a few feet behind us. “More like gray asphalt road. I don’t see Andy yet. He did tell you yes right?“ I see the lights of a car coming around the bend. That’s not Andy. That’s a cop. Shit. That’s a cop!

Cole and Blake see it and know the lights right away, dropping to the ground. They can hide, but there is no way that Timmy and I are going anywhere.

“Timmy, keep your mouth shut,” I mutter through bared teeth.

The car stops in front of us, as I expected. “Where are you guys heading tonight?”

“We were hiking and got lost, sir. Our friend is on the way to pick us up now,” I answer.

“I can give you a ride if you need help.” The thirty-something-year-old, six foot tall, muscular officer’s deep voice is intimidating. He reminds me of the pro-wrestler The Rock, handsomely ready to lay your ass out. I’m starting to panic, knots twisting in my gut, and glance over to Timmy, who is making this dumbass face. I swear to all that is holy, I will shove him to the ground and take off into the woods before I get hauled away for underage drinking. Colleen will make me go to therapy every day of the week or worse...that camp she insists is wonderful for kids like me.

“I appreciate it, officer, but our friend will be here any minute.”

“I’ll hang around until he gets here, to be on the safe side,” he insists.

Damn it. How am I getting out of this? I keep my distance and try not to give him a reason to suspect anything more.

“I’m sure my mom would appreciate that. She’s very supportive of the local department.”

“Oh, who’s your mom?”

“Colleen Warren.”

“Oh, Mrs. Warren. It’s hard to stay in shape when she comes around with pastries.”

“I could eat a pastry right now,” Timmy mumbles. I glare at him and turn back to the officer with a smile. There’s Andy. My saving grace.

“There’s our ride now. Thanks for sticking around.”

“Of course.” He looks over at Andy as he stops on the opposite side of the road, then back at me. Then gets back in his vehicle as I grab Timmy’s arm, pulling him across the road to the passenger side of Andy’s silvery car. “Get home safe.”

Timmy salutes him.

He saluted him.He just did that. Oh my god. The cop pulls away and I run my hand over my face.

“You are such an idiot.”

“Andyyy!” He calls, running back to the driver’s door.

“Yeah, you’re not drunk,” he sneers. “Get in.”

“Cole!” I yell. “It’s clear.” I wait for him in the road next to Andy’s four-door sedan, leaning a hand along his window frame. “Hey. Where’s Amber?”

“She didn’t want to deal with the alcoholics.” He flicks his dark hair back. “She’s PMS-ing.”

“Isn’t she always? Don’t tell her I said that.” I swing a finger.

“Kinda harsh for your best friend.”

“Well, if she didn’t go ghost on me to be with you, maybe I would be less bitter.” She does this every time she gets a boyfriend. Available via text, but always too busy to hang out. Meanwhile, Cole and I are sneaking around day and night to get a make-out sesh in.

“Nice work, Max,” Blake compliments and walks around the Accord to the rear passenger, getting in. We quickly follow, neither of us wanting that cop to return.

Cole’s hand wraps around my waist as he opens the door. I slide in the middle and he joins me, rubbing my thigh.

“Bro, you’re fucked up.” Andy dryly stares at Timmy.

“I’m good. I need to talk to Lauren.”

He sighs. “I have nothing better to do.” He looks in the rearview mirror. “Is everyone fucked up?”

Blake holds up the open bottle of liquor.

“Put that shit away!” Andy growls.

“Don’t worry. If we get busted mommy and daddy will bail you out and scrub your record clean.” Blake isn’t lying. Cole isn’t the only one with connections in this town. The not-so-secret society with a squeaky clean image from generations. They’re stuck in their ways and we’re the generation that’s trying to evade them. Blake has no room to talk. He knows just as well that his mommy and daddy would be cleaning everything up for him too. Unlike the rest of us, he would have no consequences for his actions, so he never gives a fuck. You don’t have to be rich around here to have power. It’s all about your last name...Although, any guy at our school that trains under Pat is well off.

“Yeah, right before I get shipped off to a reformatory school.” Andy glares.

“Lauren’s house is the one on top of the hill,” Timmy reminds him.

“I know.”

He knows because —

“Oh yeah, you fucked her,” Blake points out. “I forgot about that. Last summer after the house party she threw. That was a sick party.” Welp. Good thing Timmy is on another level.

“How do you remember that party?” Cole looks at him like he’s full of shit. “You passed out in the hot tub before ten.” Almost died. Had to be fished out by Andy and some freshmen.

“I remember a lot about that night.” He lifts his brows and lowers them several times.

Cole presses his tongue to his teeth. The second Blake would open his mouth, Cole would be on him. I don’t want to know what happened. I was at that party with other people. I made some bad choices of my own.

Timmy swings the car door open before it comes to a full stop.

“Timmy!” Andy yells. “God, this dumbass. He’s going to wake her parents.”

“Let me out.” I climb over Cole and clear Lauren’s dad’s 4Runner, taking off after Timmy. I grab him by the shoulders. “Stop.”

“You’re the one that told me to do this, little boop.” He bops me on the nose with his finger.

Um, what? “Okay, big boop,” I counter. “Maybe we should call her and have her come outside.”

He stares in the distance and then looks back at me. “Okay.” He nods.

I pull out my phone, clicking on her name. She picks up on the second ring. “Hey, Laur. Look out your window.”

Timmy is on one knee, holding his hand out as if he’s waiting to put a shoe on Cinderella. Glancing to the end of the driveway, Andy is still parked on the street. Blake is laughing heavily, and Cole and Andy are grinning, clearly amused.

“What is wrong with him?”

“He’s in love. Come out here before he tries to break in.”

“What?” She shrieks.

“Just get down here.” I wave to her second-story window as she continues to shadow it.

“I’ll be right there.” She hangs up.

Shove my phone into my back pocket, I try to gain the dork’s focus. “Timmy, look at me.” I smack his face between my palms. “Get. Your. Shit. Together.”

“Okay,” he mutters through pinched lips.

“What’s going on?” She walks out in slippers, pink pajama bottoms, and a matching floral tank top trimmed in lace, hugging her arms around her body.

“It’s all you man.” I step away.

“Lauren, you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and you’re so smart. Like really smart. Really really smart.”

Her eyes drift to me as she closes her gaping mouth. “He’s not lying.” I point back to him.

“I like you and maybe you would like to go to lunch with me tomorrow?”

“Maybe dinner?” I cough. He’s going to be hungover.

She rubs her arms with her thumbs. “Call me in the morning. We’ll talk, okay?”

“That’s not a no, right?”

“It’s not a no,” she reassures him.

“Yes,” he whispers, pulling his best Napoleon Dynamite fist pump.

“Now go, before you wake someone.” She shoes. “Max.” Her whisper tells me I’m in trouble. “Did you tell him?”

“No. I told him he should talk to you, but he took it as he needs to have a mental breakdown on your lawn at eleven at night.”

“Girl…”

“I helped you out. Leave it at that, please,” I pout.

She rolls her eyes, “Fine.”

“Oh and um, so…” I look over my shoulder. The guys locked the doors and are laughing at the drunk trying to figure out what’s wrong with the handle, yelling for him to try it again. “I hooked up with Cole.”

“Like hooked up, hooked up?”

“Yeah.”

“Ohhh.” She grabs my hands, doing a little dance. “You have to tell me about it tomorrow. Was it better than, well you know?” She dips her head to the side.

“Yeah. It really was.” I look back once more. “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.”

“Yeah, get them out of here.” She frowns.

Walking back to Andy’s Honda, I round the trunk and Cole gets out. He waves to Lauren and leans his forearms against the roof. I slide to the middle and he follows, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. It feels right. Better than right. Perfect. Tucked under his arm, friends laughing, and Timmy singing along to Bleeding Love by Leona Luis. I’m happy. I hope Cole is too.

And I’m not saving Timmy a second time. If he doesn’t get in the car in thirty seconds, Andy will desert him.

“Get in the car, Timothy!” He yells.

Timmy switches his musical performance up, singing to the tune of Akon’s Locked Up. “I’m locked out, Andy won’t let me in. Noooo.” He presses his forehead to the window, desperately.

The backseat is full of snickering and wild laughter as Andy leans across the console, pulling the latch and opening the door for him.

“Get in. Now,” he orders.

It’s a hilarious mess watching Blake and Cole get Timmy inside his house.

“He’s going to fall on his face.” I laugh.

Andy fails at holding in his laughter. Blake looks back at us, widening his eyes. “I’m gonna drop him. Stop making me laugh.”

“My baaah-duh,” Timmy bleats like a sheep.

Andy bows his head in disbelief, then smirks. “Max, I’ll talk to Amber...about hanging out more.” His arms are crossed over his red hoodie, covering the bold letters as his backside rests along the silver fender.

“Don’t make it sound like I was talking shit.”

“I got you.” His eyes fall over me and Cole opens the rear door, returning from shoving Timmy through his first story bedroom window.

“You good?” I ask.

“Good, lovebird. Timmy on the other hand is gonna have some explaining to do tomorrow.” His airy chuckle gives me goosebumps. “His mom’s flower bed looks beat.

Was it better than, you know?If I told Lauren about hooking up with Ryke, would I answer the same as I had all those years ago? I don’t know…I don’t think so. It was…different. With Cole, it was that lusty rush that I was excited to tell my friends and gush over him. With Ryke, I feel…guilty. It was hot and exciting and he knows what he’s doing, yet…I didn’t do anything wrong. Why do I feel like this? I wanted to be with him. This is what you do when you’re ready to move on — you move on. Am I that damaged that I can’t find the smallest joy in another man anymore?

I walk out of my bedroom and remember that I never cleaned that mess. It’s going to be awful to clean now. Cole was right, I’m a terrible housekeeper. I ran straight to the shower, trying to burn the touch of both men off of my skin, and never thought about the disaster we made…What the hell is wrong with me? I had great sex with a sweet man and cried myself to sleep, wondering if Cole would be upset that I slept with another man. Was it easy for him to fall asleep without me? Did he miss me? Was he trying to move on too? …Is he happy?

Looking around, it’s completely clean. All evidence of last night is gone. I barely said goodbye to him, yet he cleaned everything before he left. Now I feel twice as guilty. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I’m destined to live in misery.

I pull the door open and Ryke walks in with a plain white, rectangular box. “Breakfast?”

“I’m kinda disappointed. Donuts? You could do better, Chef.” I close the door, making my way to the donuts anyway. I’m giving him a hard time, but I’m starving. He could bring me liver and onions and I would devour it.

“I could have, but you don’t have anything in your fridge and I may have stopped for something else on the way here.” He sets the donuts on the counter and walks back through the living room. “Hold on.”

I step back, letting him pass me. “Thanks for doing that by the way.”

He smiles and walks outside, returning quickly with a light-colored wooden stool. He flips it, putting the legs on the floor.

“You got me a stool?”

“I got you three. That way I won’t need to stand when I come over here and cook dinner for you.”

How can he be a smart ass and sweet at the same time?

“With me. You cook with me, not for me.”

“Meh.” He side-eyes. “I broke a plate or two last night. If you need more, let me know.”

He looks cute today, kinda dressy in a dark blue button-down with the cuffs rolled. A white tee pokes from his collar and his dark jeans are fitted in the right places. I had sex with this man last night and I didn’t even pay attention to all the details of his body. It wasn’t romantic and slow or sweet…besides him checking in with me. It was hot and wild and careless despite the condom. I don’t know anything about his sexual history, how long ago his last partner was… shit, I didn’t even ask him if he was clean, but this is Ryke I’m talking about. There is no way he wouldn’t disclose something like that before getting naked. What does he even think that was? A promise of something more or was it a hook-up that meant nothing? Is he that type of guy? Fuck. I don’t know what I was thinking!

“It’s okay.” I’ll add it to my list of things to buy when I get paid. “Ryke…” I breathe out heavily. “I’m not trying to play games. Life is complicated and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” Anymore? Did I ever?

“I knew what I was getting into. You don’t have to explain yourself.” He brushes hair from his face and I fall from his gentle eyes to his mouth. The way he kissed me last night was, umph, hard and wistful, in a way I expected from his alter ego. He is both Ryke and Rave as much as he tries to separate them. Both gentle and considerate, and disciplined and ruling.

“I feel like I need to.”

“Okay, let’s talk about it.” He holds out his hand, waiting for me to take it. I hesitate but grab it anyway, letting him lead the way to the second-hand couch.

I pull my legs to the cushion and try to find the right words. “I don’t want another relationship. Not right now. I need to focus on me and Ri and I don’t want to complicate working with you.”

“Did you have fun last night?”

“I mean… yeah. It was good.”

He chuckles, looking at me with a toothy smile. “Admit it, it was better than good.” I bite my tongue, afraid to tell him all of the mixed emotions I’m dealing with. “Don’t compare me to him. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it? You can’t. It’s going to eat you up. You had a whole life with that guy. I don’t compare to that, but we do have something. It’s our own thing and I bet you made up your mind a while ago that if you had the opportunity that you had last night, you would take it. I had. I think it was the awful Sunday morning dancing in my kitchen.”

“Well…” I sigh. “For me, it was the gray sweats the day I arrived.”

“Oh, oh really?” His thick onyx brows raise.

“Actually, it was that night at the club…” I nervously laugh, rubbing my neck. “I don’t know what happened. I thought it was part of the show.”

“It wasn’t part of the show, although it made good content…” He edges closer. “I wanted to touch you.” His whisper curls that hair on my arms, bumps dispersing. “I wanted to grab you like that.” The soft pad of his thumb trails my jaw, leaving my flushed skin. His mocha eyes melt into mine, taking me back to sixteen… eighteen… twenty… twenty-two. I can’t remember when that feeling faded. I can’t remember how long it lasted. “You’re amazing, Max, and to be frank, I want more. You’re going through it. I get it… and if you only want my body, you want me to take you away in a fantasy, then I’ll do it. No emotions. Let’s just have fun till it’s no longer fun. I’m capable of that.”

Fun till it’s no longer fun…

“Is that possible? No emotions?” I scoff. Friends with benefits rarely end in being friends when the benefits have expired.

“Any time you want out, we’ll go back to strictly friends and co-workers. Speaking of work, I have some papers I need you to fill out as soon as you get settled.” He clasps his hands together, stretching his arms above his head.

I don’t want to stop. I want more of him. I want to pay attention next time to every detail that makes him and every side of him because we both know that there is so much more he’s dying to give me. It’s a terrible idea.

“I’m not saying yes… and I’m not saying no.” No, Max. Say no!

“I’ll take it.” Oh course you will. “So what kind of donuts do you like? I got an assortment,” he changes the subject, standing from the couch.

I guess he seriously meant emotionless. Why do I second-guess Ryke? The man of mystery never ceases to amaze me.

“Glazed.”

I tap a key on my laptop, lighting up the screen before it goes black. My calendar takes up two-thirds of the monitor. Monday I have a Zoom meeting with two clients. Oh yeah, I want to research them a little since I have no idea who these guys are or how they found me. Seemed like money wasn’t a concern from their email. Tuesday and Wednesday I’m working on maintenance for current clients, one being Alex Mick—the wildly humorous creator of “Hi, I’m Alex.” I can’t wait till her content takes off. Thursday I’m going to visit Riley and Friday… I’ll drive home Friday morning. I have to finish up some social media stuff for Rave and work on the new ideas we had thrown back and forth for the site. Oh shit, he wants me to work on an online storefront for his merch line too. I…I’ll figure it out. I can’t fit it in. Saturday night is our hour-live for the website and one of his other platforms. Not sure which one yet. Make note of that. Get Ryke to set a rough schedule for socials.

It sucks that I only get to see Ri once this week, but dealing with Cole…God has it been rough. It’s not even him. It’s Colleen. She has a vendetta now. I bit the hand that fed me.

“Where are you now?” Lauren asks, bringing my attention back to the group call I’m on. I close my laptop and tuck it into my floral bag.

“Falls Lake Dam. Hold on, I’ll flip the camera and show you the lake.”

It’s weird living outside of Montross. The rent is disgusting, but living within a thirty-minute drive from beautiful places like this makes me feel a little closer to home. Mildly blue ripples cascade with the breeze, pushing against the surface. Trees as bold as Evergreens appear strategically planted just like the curving concrete sidewalk.

“I slept with Ryke.” Five minutes in and I’m confessing. I had to. I need them to talk me out of whatever messy decision I’m going to make next.

I pace back and forth in front of the bench I’m no longer sitting on. The line goes silent and I glance at the screen. Amber, Lauren, and Melody are making faces, all in a variety of shock.

“Well? Someone says something?”

“Was he good?” Lauren asks.

“Lauren!” Amber scolds. “You’re holding a baby.”

“Oh, stop. You’re thinking it too and how do you think I got this baby.” He’s not much of a baby anymore. Little guy is growing like a wildflower. He’s so cute in that little Ninja Turtles tee. I can guarantee it’s been a lifetime since Ri was that little. Ugh, now I miss her again. Not being able to hug her every morning and tuck her in every night weighs on my heart. Guilt, shame, emptiness…all of the twisting, verge of exploding, excruciating emotions. I don’t know how to sort them out, let alone address each one. Fuck. I need to go back to therapy.

“Damn it. You’re right,” she admits. “So was he?”

“It was fucking hot.” I roll my eyes back. It’s empty at this end of the lake, but I scan the area to double-check.

“Did he have like, one of those super veiny dicks?” Melody eats her granola as if that’s a normal question. It kinda is for her.

“Oh shit, here we go,” Amber rolls her eyes.

“I admit, I thought it was going to be average because he has this cocky persona and I peeped it a little when he was wearing sweats, but he was thick.”

“Bigger than Cole?” Melody wiggles her brows with a shifty grin.

“The question is, was he better than Cole?” Andy yells something in the background along the lines of oh God, no, but oh yes, he did overhear the conversation about Cole’s dick and Amber asking who was better. He’s not Timmy though. He may be one of Cole’s best friends, but it doesn’t matter. He stays out of the drama.

“I knew you were going to ask me that. I hate that question.”

“You’ve thought about it though, right?” She continues.

“It was new and exciting and hot, but sex with Cole was great.”

“Oh, we know.” Melody winks, walking around her muted purple bedroom.

“It was different, I guess.”

“Equally good?” Lauren suggests.

“I can’t say that either. It was just different.”

What is Melody—oh she’s taking her Yorkie out now. “Are you gonna date him?” She slides the glass door closed.

“Hell no. I’m not ready for that.”

I can’t stop pacing. They’re going to ask me if—

“Are you going to fuck him again?” Amber’s straight face is everything I expected.

“Uh… Maaay-be.“ I clench my teeth. “We talked about it, but guys…I don’t want to get into something with him. The whole friends-with-benefits thing sounds so messy.”

“Every rom-com ever suggests you have a happily ever after with your fuck buddy.” Lauren sucks her lips in, glancing through the lashes of her widened eyes. She’s in love with love. Love has only ever hurt me.

“I put my happily ever after on hold, maybe indefinitely.”

“You want my advice?” Amber asks.

“Nobody wants it, but you give it to us anyway and you’re sometimes right, unfortunately.” Melody scowls.

“Excuse me for helping. Do you want me to leave?” She fakes ending the call.

Lauren scoffingly laughs. “It’s always the cosmetologist that has the life advice.”

“Order some new toys. That’s my advice. He’s going to complicate things. It’s only a matter of time.”

“I agree. Surprising, I know!” Laur chirps. “You’re awesome Max and I’m slightly jealous of how easily guys fall for you.” Lauren, jealous of me? She’s a bombshell with a fucking Ph.D. If I paid more attention to the screen, I’d have noticed she’s not in scrubs today. It didn’t dawn on me that she’s off today.

“They do not.”

“Girl shut up. You’re gorgeous and outgoing. My own husband once had a crush on you and I still hate you for it, Amber points out.

He had a stupid crush. We were always friends.

“Oh my god, you shut up. That man loves you entirely. And Lauren, what the hell are you doing on a call with us when you’re off work? Go do something with the boys and then something else with your hubs.”

“All I’m saying is, he’s going to fall for you and want to change up the dynamic. Just watch.” Amber, the know-it-all. They are all crazy and reading too many books or watching too many rom-coms. Oh God, I don’t know what book they’re group-reading right now. I’m in the worst slump.

“Must you rain that negative energy on me?”

“Yes, Max. I will always tell you the cold, hard, painful truth.” Blunt, bitchy, bossy—everything that starts with a B—including a beautiful soul and my best friend.

“Am, I love you.”

“And I will always ask how the sex was.” My favorite doctor.

“And I will always bring the wine.” My favorite carouser.

“I love all three of you terrible influences.”

“You don’t need us for that.”