Yield

27. Ryke

“What are you watching?” Max sits at the bar with her laptop open, in serious concentration.

“Motocross.”

It’s almost three in the morning and the place has cleared out, leaving behind an empty shell without lights or noise or fantasy. It’s the first I’ve got her alone since we fucked in my office.

I stand behind her, holding her waist. “Why does that guy have a red plate on his bike?”

“He’s leading in points,” she replies.

“You know a lot about this stuff, don’t you?”

Her head falls against my chest and she looks up at me. “I’ve spent over a decade of my life at a track, traveling, and supporting a rider. It’s not something you just quit being interested in.” The announcer’s voice returns her attention to the screen. He tried to accelerate, but the grip just wasn’t there. He’s in the right spot. “The track is sketchy.”

These guys aren’t that impressive. “I could do that,” I announce, sitting on the stool next to her.

“Hah,” she laughs. “This sport beats the hell out of your body, especially when the track is like this. Your heart rate is maxed out for entire thirty minutes of one round. This is a last chance qualifiers. Meaning you ran in heat one or heat two and didn’t make the cut, so you race again and if you make it in the top four you move on to the main event.”

“Yeah. I got it.” I shrink back, shaking my head. She rolls her eyes and focus on the screen again. “Is your ex in this race?”

“No. He’s already in the main event. He finished third in his heat.”

That means she was watching him or checked to see if he had won, an hour after having mind-blowing sex with me. I’d do practically anything for her, except pretend the constant mentions of her ex-husband doesn’t bother me. He’s not worthy of that place in her head or her heart. I am. I can be. I’m willing to be. Why doesn’t she see it?

“Do you want him to win?”

“Yeah, he deserves it.” I didn’t want to hear that answer. “Cole was at the top of his game in his early twenties, then he had back-to-back injuries. You have to be in great shape, physically and mentally…He’s fought hard.” Her eyes fixate on mine. “I resented him for it for a long time. All the time he spent training, traveling. How his career came before mine, and…” She sighs. “I don’t hate him. I take responsibility for my part. I knew what his dreams meant well before I married him and as a rider, I’d like to see him win.”

“He’s not the friendliest guy.” I bite back the words I’d actually like to say.

He’s a dick. He still wants you. He’s going to make our relationship with him a nightmare.

“Did you think he would welcome you with open arms? Just like I knew what I was getting into, you knew the same. I come with a past that can’t stay in the past. It comes with me.”

I shake it off, pulling my phone from my pocket. “I downloaded this book.”

“Oh yeah? What book?”

Opening the app, I hold my phone next to her laptop.

“Raising Humans? I was thinking it would be something dark, but that’s even darker than I expected.“ Her smile stretches wide and her chewing gum peaks out between two teeth on the side.

“Some real dark shit in this one. I almost had to put it down after the first two pages.” I lock the screen and slip my phone back into my pocket.

“Sometimes you just need a little break and then you can get back at it because it’s vital that you read these books. You need to know what everyone else is talking about.” She nods, looking back at the monitor.

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for the hardcore book life. The casual read is more my speed.”

Max’s brown eyes travel from my lips to my eyes, settling. “It means a lot to me that you bought that.”

“Don’t count me out, yet. I’m trying.” A lazy smile pulls at my mouth.

“So am I. This world of yours is a lot and I want to bask in it. I don’t want to leave and go back to reality. Saturdays, I’m at a party in paradise. A free soul as you would say, and Sunday, I’m a mom again with adult responsibilities thinking about work and Riley and overwhelmed by Tuesday. I have this fear that I won’t want to shut it off. I’ll ignore my responsibilities because I can’t take them anymore.”

“It’s a balance.”

“Your life is easier than that. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want.” The animosity sparks in her voice.

“We made different life choices.”

“Do you want kids, Ryke? I know we joked about it, but seriously speaking, do you want kids? When do want them? I’m going to be thirty and I don’t intend on having kids after thirty-five. Would you want one in two years? Or do you want them in eight?” She scratches her brow. “I will never be okay with six.”

That’s tough. “I don’t know. I like things the way they are.” With my change of thought, a short chuckle escapes. “I don’t want six. I don’t necessarily need children at all to be satisfied in life. Don’t get me wrong, I like Riley and I care about her, but I don’t think having more would be ideal for me.” Her mouth softens, making me worried. “Do you want more kids, peach? Is that something you want?”

“I did,” she hesitates. “When I was with Cole. I — we wanted two. I don’t know now.” Her lips part, then close. “I—”

I lean into my elbows, against the top of the cool countertop, hanging my head as I exhale. “Since you moved here—” I shift my sight to her. “A lot has changed. The dynamic we have now isn’t the same. You told me this would happen and I’m trying. I want to give you what you want, but that’s not something I can promise we’ll ever agree on. I honestly don’t know. The idea of being a father is one thing. Then, I think about my career, who I am. Imagine career day.”

“Business owner, entrepreneur, sex god.” She bites her lip. “That was…pretty intense…back there.”

“Yeah, how are you feeling about that?” I was too harsh, wasn’t I? Fuck, she’s never going to let me do it again.

“Rave’s an asshole.” Her lips slowly drag into a wide smile.

Out of nowhere, Alex pops his head up from behind the bar. “Hey there, cutie,” he grumbles in a harsh tone. Sounds like he’s been eating acid.

“What the fuck are you doing? I thought everyone left.”

“They did sex god, but I’m not everyone. I’m the head honcho’s best friend.” He tries to stabilize himself against the counter, wobbling. Alex pulls a half-empty bottle of vodka out and sits it on the bar, attempting to unscrew the cap.

“Bro, you’ve had enough.”

Max snatches the bottle from him while I face palm. “Dude, it’s nappy time.” She laughs. For a woman who wanted to keep it casual, and then pulls out the serious guns, she found her playful attitude tucked in her back pocket fairy quick. She’s right. This place makes you forget everything.

“Max, what the fuuck? Where were you?” He groans. “I needed my wingman. Walking sex everywhere and nobody to back me up.” He needs a gallon of water and a dose of clarity. Women don’t come here to get picked up by him.

“Sorry Alex. I was getting my own sex in the back.”

I cock my head to the side, glaring at her.

“Did Ryke know?”

Snapping back to Alex, the same wide-eye glare is brought upon him. “I’m right here,” I scoff. “I can hear you.” And he didn’t catch much of our conversation.

He shakes his head, whispering. “No, you can’t.” Moving closer to Max, he continues to pretend I’m deaf. “Did you tell Ryke?”

“He was there,” she whispers back.

“You guys are into some real freaky shit, aren’t you?” He chuckles, stumbling backward. “By gully.” He burps, interrupting his mediocre accent. I don’t know what it is about wanting to perform every time we sit at a bar. I’d say it’s to appease the crowd, but this place is empty. I guess to a drunk, it doesn’t matter. “The man is brilliant,” he proceeds, heaving a pointed finger straight up. “Why can’t I find the fun girls? I’m going hunting.”

“You should sober up before you start cougar hunting.” I laugh.

“Neeeever!” He shouts, jolting his shoe up and fisting his balled hand in the mist of a Captain Morgan moment.

No surprise, he keeps his balance. I’ve seen him do some crazy stunts.

“If I promise to be your wingman next time, will you go to the lounge and sleep?” She’s more charming than I am.

“Pat me on the head and tell me I’m a good boy first.”

“Man, get the fuck out of here.” I chuckle.

“I gotta hand it to you.” He drunkenly points at Max. “I didn’t think you would get her. I was sure she would go back to the husband.”

“Okay.” I nod. “Try not to smash your face off the floor on your way to the couch, asshole.”

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.”

He walks off, holding a hand to the wall.

“Sorry, I didn’t know he was coming tonight.” Or would be here this late.

“It’s fine. I like Alex. If I ever leave you for the husband, I’ll make sure to stay friends with him.”

My jaw drops, quickly fixing to a toothy smile. “You would steal my friends? That’s cold. Worse than the treehouse. I don’t think you have it in you.”

“Just Alex and maybe Sara.”

“But then E will go too and that’s half of my team.”

“Yeah. About that. When are we going to play again?” She asks with a tinge of excitement.

“That’s up to you. You’re so busy being an adult and all.” I playfully elbow her.

“Some of us have to be. We don’t all have mommies and daddies that will bail us out,” she bites.

“Fuck. You’re in a mood. It was Rave, wasn’t it? Guy’s a dick.” I take her right hand between both of mine. “And so you know, I’m always here to bail you out.”

“With all due respect, I don’t want you to be. This is the first time I’ve been on my own and you constantly shower me with gifts that I don’t need.”

“You would rather I watch you struggle?”

“Yeah.” God, Max. What a beautiful mess.

“It’s not in my nature,” I admit.

“You’re a nurturer. You like to make people feel better. While I’m…what am I?” A cute laugh questions a label she doesn’t need.

“A strong woman, determined and…” I got it. “You’re a fucking dandelion.”

“Okay.” Her head bobs as she bites at her supple bottom lip. “I’m a weed. You’re losing your touch, sir.”

I trace her fingers up and back down with mine. “Dandelions fertilize the grass, not kill it.”

She dips forward, peering up at me. “Tell me how you don’t have a split personality disorder?”

“It’s the same way you feel. You put on a certain face when you’re doing one thing in life, and another face when you’re doing something else.”

She sucks in a breath. “Like the customer service voice.” Exhaling a brief chuckle, she sits up, glancing back at her laptop screen. “Oh, the main event is starting.”

“Ryke,” Alex stumbles back into the room. God, what does he want now? “Sara told E about the time you guys hooked up in my parents’ brand new hot tub.” He laughs, devilishly.

“Why the fuck would she tell him that, Alex?” I jump out of my seat, rushing over to hold the dumbass up as he starts to go sideways.

“Relax. He didn’t care. Just don’t tell him when the last time you hooked up with her was.” He holds a finger to his lips. He’s far from whispering. I glance up at Max’s stony face, slowly chewing her bubble gum that has to be out of flavor by now.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell her. “Come on, asshole.” I walk towards the lounge with Alex’s arm draped over my shoulder, along with most of his weight. Letting him fall to the couch, I kneel down beside him. “What do you know?”

“Something you should tell Max,” he mumbles.

“I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t with Max and she wasn’t with E.”

“You still feel guilty or you wouldn’t be asking.” He yawns.

“Just stay back here.”

Walking back to the dim bar, I sit next to Max, running my fingers across her thigh.

“Is the race good?”

“Mhm,” she nods.

“Max…”

She cuts to the chase before I get a chance to explain. “Rip off the Band-Aid Ryke. What do you need to tell me?”

“Friends with benefits. The last time we hooked up was the week before you stayed with me for the first time. I should have told you, but nobody knew. Not even Alex.”

Her eyes go back to the laptop screen. “Did she have feelings for you?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I promise you, neither of us has seen it more than a game of tennis.”

“Okay.” Her eyes run across the monitor, chasing two riders battling for whatever place is higher.

“You’re fine with it?” Will you at least look at me?

“Not really.” She faces me, finally. “But if I held your past against you, I’d be a hypocrite. And I’m trying to be a better version of myself. I started researching therapists, too…Thought you’d like to know.”

I zone out, overanalyzing if I’ve been this secretive person she claims. “I should have told you sooner.”

“Yeah, you should have. Actually,” her tone sharpens. “You should have told me a lot of things by now. Your family acts like you must be serious about me and your friends…and you tell me these sweet words about how you would do anything for me, but like to keep so much a mystery. Why is that? Because you think you’re ready for something serious, but you’re not.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not hiding anything. I want this.” I brush my hair back, already knowing where this is going.

“Maybe you’re not actively hiding stuff, but I find things out sporadically,” she calmly answers.

This is…it’s a little ridiculous. She’s…fuck.

“I don’t know what you want me to do.” I face the bar, pulling away from her.

“About therapy...”

“Um, if you want to go, then go.” Shit. I’m being an ass now.

“If I want to talk about you…would they tell me I’m wasting my time? I’m missing the red flags?”

What fucking red flags?

This is why I don’t get into serious relationships.

Stop. Stop…cool down.

“I’m sure that’s frowned upon,” I mumble and straighten, sliding closer to her. Taking her hands in mine, I reassure her. “You’re the only one I give a damn about. We have so much fun together and I genuinely enjoy being with you. I’m not perfect. I can’t be anyone besides myself. And I hope that’s enough reason for you to stop second-guessing us, but if you can’t, then yes, talk your lungs off. Confess all of our dirty details to the professionals. I will support you.”

She has doubts and fears, and I gave her a reason to bail. A stupid one. Keeping the ghosts of my pasts quiet isn’t going to work with a woman who confides in me with hers.

“Do you or are you saying that because I’m different and exciting?” She rips her hands away. I take them back, fighting to keep them.

“Don’t doubt me. It’s you and me, peach.” She settles, drifting between my eyes. “You changed my mind about what I thought I wanted. You make me question everything. I don’t want the hook-ups. I want the everlasting. The messy buns and the late-night conversations—I don’t want those to ever end. I want you to push me and challenge me to open up.” I cup her face in my hands. “I’m going to support you in whatever you choose to do. Even if at the end of the line, you tell me I’m not it.”

Her hands cuff my wrists and her feathered brows draw close. “You would let me go?”

“Did you forget my track record already? Fuck no. I’d chase you and probably do something stupid, but if you aren’t happy with me, I want you to find someone who will make you happy.”

“Why?” Her voice shakes, yet I can’t read her face.

“Everything happens for a reason, peach.” I smile, dipping in and taking her lips softly. She kisses back deeper, flicking her tongue into my mouth. I want to believe it, like I normally do. Today it’s not that easy…but I have to keep faith in the universe’s magic. If Max is my other half, this will work out. If not… “High-fives and heartbreaks, Max. That’s life.”

“Where did you get those slippers?” It’s almost noon. I spent the last two hours going over inventory and making sure last night’s closing tasks were completed correctly.

“Found them.” Alex’s vague answer is almost as concerning as his pink bunny slippers.

“They were in his hangover kit.” Sara flops down on the couch, swinging her feet over the arm rest and staring at the ceiling with her phone in hand. Her pockets hang lower than the hem of her ripped up jean shorts and it looks like she’s wearing E’s hockey tee. “And no, I didn’t know this existed either until an hour ago when he begged me to rescue it from his shitted truck. How much fast food do you fucking eat?”

“I’m filling up on presevatives for the apocalypse. It’ll save me from radiation poisoning.”

I stretch my legs out, sitting in the chair to the left of them. The amount of empty water bottles at Alex’s feet are equivalent to half of what he drank last night.

“And what’s having you from a heart attack?”

“Sex. It’s clinically proven to be beneficial to cardiatric health.” He’s reaching. “Ask Ryke. Oh wait, you fucked him. You should know.”

She turns her head enough to glance in my direction from the corner of her eyes.

“You want me to fuck you too, Alex? Would that make you feel more included?”

Sara smirks and goes back to swiping through videos on her phone.

“No, you whore.”

“Then quit running your mouth about it.” I stare at him.

“Shit, did I piss off Max?” His eyes drop to the floor, realizing what he did.

“I’m not sure.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and pan over my eyes. “Things with Max are…for a lack of better words, intense.”

“What the hell, Ryke,” Sara rejoins the conversation. “I like Max.”

“It was you’re pussy that fucked it up,” Alex jabs. Her jaw hangs briefly before she punches him in the thigh.

“No, it wasn’t,” I disagree. “She has a lot of…I hate to say baggage, but that’s what it is. She’s been through it. Building some level of trust with her hasn’t been easy.”

“I guess I didn’t help, blurting out your dick transactions.” I blankly stare at him again.

“I’m stressed.” A breath full of sarcastic laughter exists my lungs. “I see a future with her.”

“Isn’t that rushing it?” Sara asks, ruffling her hair through her fingers. “Max is great, but you sure this isn’t one of stories I’ve heard about?” I roll my eyes.

“What’s she say about that—getting serious?” Alex’s elbows rest on her knees. He leans forward, darkly eyeing me.

“I don’t know. She asks me questions that see into the future and then reverts to just having fun, sorta pulling away.”

“Chicks can’t make up their minds, man.”

“Excuse me.” Sara raises her brows at him.

“Exactly. Excuse you. That’s why you have a new piercing every six months. Didn’t like the nose, so now you’re trying out the brow and yatta yatta.” He’s gonna get his ass kicked soon.

“And what’s your excuse for never having a girlfriend?”

“Turtle’s are better companions.”