Yield

29. Max

“Max…Max.” Cole grabs a hold of my shoulders, stopping me from pacing. He winces, sitting back down on the hospital bed. Streams of heartbreak run down my face. He’s okay and I’m chalking it up to PMS for my overreacting, but I can’t stop the tears.

I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m not leaving till you’re out of this hospital, like it or not.”

Yesterday, I had hope. It was nice to hear him laugh and joke like we used to. I walked and walked and walked, taking in the beauty of the lake. I was content for the first time in a long time. I wasn’t angry with him or sad I left. Then Andy called me…and it all disappeared. A heaviness took my chest and I fell, weak in my knees. All I knew was that Cole was in a motorcycle accident.

How could the universe do this to me once again?

“Peach, what is it?” Ryke kneels to meet my crippled body. I shake beneath him, unable to get a word out. “Is it Riley? Did something happen?”

Gasping for air, I can’t hide the ugly cry. I’m consumed by snot and tears, contorting my face in a flipped smile. The thoughts poured through my brain, keeping me from breaking down the drive back from the lake to Ryke’s house. I saw him and something broke. Somewhere between Cole and Riley, I lost my composure all over again. The living room carpet welcomed me knees, terrified I’d lose everyone I love.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, pulling me to his chest. “Breathe. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.” He cradles me, tracing up and down my arm with a gentle touch. He has no idea what has happened and he’s so certain we’ll get through it. How? Did his stars send him a message? Fuck your stars!

I hold my breath, angry with him.

Stop, Max. What have I learned? It’s not this. It’s not to get angry and make him the enemy. It’s not his fault. It’s Cole’s. Dammit! It’s not Cole’s. It’s…I can’t breathe. Trying to inhale, oxygen shakes through my body. My arms jerk, shimmying with my chest. And Ryke holds me tighter, kissing my hairline.

He strokes my hair back and presses his lips to my forehead with a long pause. I need to say something. Speak. Let the words out.

His hand cups my jaw. I look up at him through the tears stuck to my lashes. “It’s Cole.”

“It’s okay. Talk to me.” My mouth hangs, wanting to say more, but holding back. “If you’re afraid to hurt me, don’t be. Don’t keep what you’re feeling inside because it’s about him.”

“Ryke…” I try to overcome the labored breaths, exhaling several times till I think I can say the words out loud. “Andy, Cole’s best friend, called me. He—” My voice squeaks. Tears run down my cheeks, tracing the previous lines. “He wrecked his motorcycle.”

He doesn’t say anything, slowly nodding. His eyes fall from my face.

“He’s in the hospital and that’s all I know.”

His silence continues…and then his eyes return to mine. They’re heavier than normal. It’s pain. “Go to him.”

“What?”

“Max, this is your life. I can’t tell you what to do, but I’m telling you…” He rubs his mouth, pondering in the distance. “I’m not going to be angry and protest. It’s something you have to do.”

“I lo—” I stop myself.

I almost told Ryke that I love him. Do I? Am I in love with him?

I swallow. “Ryke, I hate you.”

“What?” His brows near.

“I hate you because you always know what to say and I don’t.” His beautiful lips tug into a smile.

“I’ll say all the right words to you while you pack. Deal?”

I linger over his lips, his smile, his daring eyes, and I agree. “Deal.” I need to be with Riley.

He pats the bed. “Come, sit with me.”

I sit on his left, terrified to touch the other side of his body. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, gently rubbing it. “Don’t cry. I’m not dead yet.” A smile draws up his face. “I survived on purpose because I know you don’t like funerals.”

I suck the snot up my nose and wipe my wet cheeks with the side of my hands.

“I’m getting discharged soon. You didn’t have to drive here in the middle of the night.”

I melt into his blue eyes, not sure what to say as I don’t know why I’m here either. Knuckles tap over the door twice, waking me.

“Hello, Mr. Warren. How are we doing?”

“Ready to get out of here,” he replies.

“They’re getting your discharge filed now and in the meantime, I’ll clean your wound and change the bandaging. That way you’ll be set for a while when you leave. Is this your wife?”

The right side of his midsection is rubbed raw, red scrapes cutting his beautiful body. It makes me cringe as the nurse peels the bandage away, cleaning it.

His focus remains on me while answering the short brunette. “Not anymore.”

“I left his ass for an exotic performer.” Even in pain and confusion, I find the scoffing words.

She laughs politely, praying it’s a joke. I’m just playing into the rumor while I’m here.

“But you still showed up for my minor fumble.” He winks.

“Make sure you’re taking care of this or it will be more than minor,” the nurse adds.

“I’ll be able to ride next weekend. I’ve been hurt worse. The bike doesn’t even look that bad,” he shrugs.

“She’s scratched to hell.” I saw the pictures Timmy posted.

“All she needs is a little wax.” It’s good to see his humor is as intact as mine.

Last night when I got the call from Colleen that Cole wanted me to know he wouldn’t be able to video call with Riley, a flood of emotions destroyed me. When she told me what happened my stomach dropped. My soul left my body, and I felt inhuman. Somehow, it was my fault. I couldn’t imagine a world without his existence, no matter what we’ve gone through and how little we talk.

I’m exhausted from being up most of the night worrying about him and beating myself around for worrying about him. Four in the morning and bloodshot eyes pushed me to my limit. I made my mind up and by six I was packed and in my F-150 on the highway.

I switch the Bluetooth from my radio to my earbuds, popping them in. After I left Ryke’s, he met me at my place to help me pack. He made dinner since I hadn’t eaten and it was already eight. I contemplated my choice for several hours, ultimately heading out after a nap.

I sit in my truck outside of the hospital, waiting for the clock to strike eight AM. I’ll see if Ryke is awake. Let him know I made it.

“Hey, peach.” His groggy morning voice is sexy.

“Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but I’m glad you did.”

My palms stick to the wheel in the sudden change of mind. I glance up to the blue sky, clear of clouds, and back to the half-empty parking lot.

“I made it.” I clear my throat. “I talked to Andy again. He said Cole’s injuries are non-life threatening. I haven’t seen him yet.” The silence on the other end of the phone is nerve-racking. “Ryke?”

“Yeah, Max.” A noise of yawning or maybe stretching accompanies his voice.

“I can’t help blaming myself.”

“Why would it be your fault?”

I can picture Ryke’s expression. It’s all wrinkled and his eyes are steady, theoretically solving the mystery before I get to say it out loud.

“Calling him yesterday…and maybe it upset him or something and he was driving like an idiot or I don’t know.”

“You had too much time to think on that drive. You can’t blame yourself for other people’s actions. And his career is on two wheels, so if he was driving recklessly, that had nothing to do with you.” The guilt eats at me the more he sympathizes. I didn’t call him just to talk about Riley. I missed him and I wanted to vent. That was a mistake. I should have called Emma because she’s my fucking therapist not Cole.

“Maybe his girlfriend didn’t like that he was talking to me and they got into a fight. Maybe that’s what set him off.”

“Peach.” He sighs. “Listen to yourself.”

“Don’t put common sense in my head. You’re my listen guy, not my advice guy.”

“I wouldn’t take my advice either. It’s too brilliant for headstrong women,” he mocks with little to no humor.

“I’m not headstrong.”

“Refuses help and advice; would rather struggle, but not headstrong,” he continues with the same unamused tone.

“Because I want to prove to myself that I can be successful, and satisfied, and proud without someone’s opinion and feelings to consider.”

“You’ll be lonely with that mindset. Count money out of the equation. You enjoy your job. You’re in good mental and physical health. Now, what are you doing in your free time? Sit at home alone?”

“I’m content staying in and reading or watching a movie.”

“I’d rather be out with friends, but I understand what you like. My point being, wouldn’t you like someone to run your bath and listen to you talk about fictional people like they’re your best friends and worst enemies? Aside from that, how would you feel if you didn’t have those weekly chats with your friends? Swearing off all relationships is a cop-out.” Again, I hate him…because he’s always right. He almost makes me believe in old souls.

“I’ve given in to what everyone else wanted for too long. Since I was thirteen, I wasn’t allowed to process in a way that suits me.” What am I saying? Why do I keep pushing? Stop. Stooop.

“I’ve heard the excuses.”

“Excuses? You have no idea what it’s like to struggle,” I snap, squeezing the wheel. Something about the word pisses me off. “You come from a family with open communication and your hippy beliefs. The worst thing to happen to you is going to jail once, and you got away with it.”

“I don’t like the way you’re talking to me. If I overstepped, I’m sorry, but we’re not comparing that shit. You’re going to see your ex who is in the hospital. I’m not exactly excited about this either. See it through, then come back here and have a civil conversation with me. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ryke!” I raise my voice.

“Drive safe.”

He hung up. He actually hung up on me.

Damn it! Why am I like this? Therapy isn’t going to fix me. Nothing can repair me.

The nurse announces her departure, mentioning that someone will be in soon to get Cole out of here. You can’t seem to beat the wait in a medical setting. He has to be happy to get home to his bed. I remember how hard it was to sleep here.

It doesn’t take him long to change into the clothes Colleen had dropped off for him. I walk over to the wall of glass and look out the window, waiting for him. “All good?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he replies, clearly struggling.

“I can give you a ride home…or to your mom’s I guess?” Sitting in the only chair in the room, I cross my ankles.

“Yeah. I’m sure Riley will be excited to see you.”

“What does she know?” Colleen called me as I was walking in the hospital. She told me everything I already knew and assured me Riley was fine. I’m surprised she called me at all.

“Daddy’s at the doctor.” He shrugs. She’s been asking a lot of questions. I talked to Mom around six. I couldn’t sleep and you know how she is. I knew she would be up. I…” His head drops back and he stares at the ceiling. “I didn’t want Riley to know. With everything that has changed for her…I just didn’t want her to be afraid of something happening to me that I’ll be gone too.”

“Is that what she thinks? I’m gone?”

“No.” His face stones over with a gap between his lips. He cocks his head slightly, weighed down in sympathy. “She misses you.”

“She’s really growing, Cole. I can’t believe in another year she’s starting school.”

“I told you, before you know it—”

“Don’t say it,” I cut him off, hugging my elbows. “I’m already on an emotional rollercoaster.”

“I’m fine, Max,” he insists, but it’s more than him.

“It’s not just you…I got into a fight with Ryke.” I glance up at the ceiling, unreluctantly admitting I’m the common denominator.

“Old habits are hard to break.” He smirks.

“You’re not helping.”

“Just text him.”

“And say what?”

“Something along the lines of I’m sorry I’m being a shithead?“ He mocks, nearing his brows.

“I wish therapy fixed me,” I wise off.

“I’m not fixed, Max, and you’re not broken. You’re the main character, remember?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’m quitting romance novels.” I let my eyes roll.

“You are not,” he grumbles. “Just text him so I can see that big smile when he replies.”

“You want to see that?” I lean back, waiting for his face to change, but it doesn’t.

“Max, does he make you happy?” I slowly nod. He does. “Then stop letting us hold you back.”

“I don’t believe you’re okay with this. With me moving on?”

“No,” he scoffs. “I’m not okay with it. None of this is okay. We were supposed to grow old together, Max. But if you’re not going to be happy with me, then why am I trying to hold on to you? Why am I waiting for you to come back?”

“Because you…love me,” I near a whisper.

He stands, fighting the twitch of pain taking his lip. Cole softly pulls my hands from my elbows. My palms face up and we both look at the permanent reminder on my ring finger as he holds my hands. “I will always love you. I’m going to miss you so fucking much.”

“I already miss you, Cole. You can’t ever lose me. You got me for life when we created that sweet pea.”

“She’s pretty great.” His eyes light up, reflecting pure happiness. I wish we could have stayed this way. “Is he what you want for the rest of your life?”

Um…

I sit up straight, pulling my hands away from him.

“He’s what I need now. The rest of my life is a long time.”

A rattle at the door takes his attention, and another nurse walks in. He recognizes the short brunette, smiling. She glances at the papers in her hand before looking up at him. “Alright, Mr. Warren. Here is all your paperwork with the care instructions we already reviewed with you. Someone from your medical team has already reached out to have everything faxed over. I’m sure they’ll be in touch before the end of the day.”

He meets her at the end of the bed, taking the papers.

“I hope you heal quickly and get back to racing,” she adds.

“Thanks.”

He tucks the papers in his duffle and zips it up. We make our way to the elevator and out the door without too many interruptions.

“Are you okay?” I ask, becoming concerned about his slow pace.

“I got it,” he insists. “Where’d you park?”

“Riley, look who’s here,” Vince calls as I shut the front door to their home. A house I once called home as well. It feels so long ago.

She walks into the living room from the kitchen and a wide grin takes her mouth. She runs into my arms wearing the cute lavender overalls that I bought her last month.

“Sweet pea. I love your ponytail.” I smooth my hands over her short high-set pony.

“Paw Paw made smo cookies.”

“Smore cookies? Paw Paw made them?” I think this is only the second time he’s ever baked anything.

“He did do it!” She tugs on my hand, wanting me to go to the kitchen with her.

“Colleen twisted her ankle this morning. Checking the mail is dangerous.” He chuckles. “I got roped into being the baker.” He sways from his toes to his heels, back and forth in his loafers, with his hands tucked away.

“Everyone is having accidents this week,” I joke.

Vince smiles, adjusting his readers tucked on his head. “How’s it going, champ?”

“I’ll survive.” Cole is in pain, but who am I to tell him to take it easy? He’s a big boy.

“And the bike?”

“It’s going to need a little TLC. I’m back to the old Ford for now.”

He loves that old thing. If he didn’t he would have sold at this point and bought something else.

“Be glad it wasn’t worse. This is why I’ve always been on your ass about wearing your gear.”

“I know, Dad,” he groans. “Where’s Mom?”

“On the deck.”

Cole is escorted to the kitchen by the little cookie monster and I take the opportunity to greet my runner of the rumor mill ex-mother-in-law slash guardian. Damn, we’ve been through it.

She glances up from the chaise. “Maxine. What brings you here?” Her foot is propped up with two rolled towels and an ice pack on top. Her eyes roll to the side and she reaches for her glass of tea. The two lemons on the rim always were a requirement.

“Colson.” I stroll to the empty wicker chair next to her.

“I told you he would be fine.”

“You were pretty vague.” I lean forward with my elbows pressed to my knees. “I think you knew what you were doing, but my question is why would you set him up with another woman if you wanted me to come see him?”

“Another woman? I’ve set Cole up with half a dozen and none of them lasted a week before he had a reason why he wasn’t interested in them.”

What? He lied about having a girlfriend? Or is he hiding her from his mom like he did when we were teens? It wouldn’t be very progressive of him to do, nor is telling lies. I guess he was right. Therapy didn’t fix him. He still tip-toes around his mom. I guess it wouldn’t have worked if we went to couple therapy after all.

“I know the reason,” she continues. “It’s because my son is head over heels in love with you just like he was when he was sixteen and I tried to keep him away.”

“We’re not supposed to be together.” I shake my head, rolling my eyes to match her attitude. “We won’t be happy. Besides I’m moving on.”

“I treated you poorly, Max.”

What? She’s…admitting she sucks.

“I was angry. I thought how could you do this to our family after all we had done for you? I won’t lie, it’s only recently that I realized the error in the way I handled it.” She reaches for a second glass, taking a sip of what looks to be a margarita with lime slices. Unusual for her. “Carly and Cole are apparently both in therapy.” That’s why she needed the drink. It’s hard to announce that both of your children needed to seek outside help. They’re breaking the cycle…trying anyway. I’m losing hope in all of it. “It never seemed to help you.” Seriously? I agree, but seriously? “They seem to like it and I was requested for a session. I kinda see the appeal. It’s discrete now too.” I shouldn’t expect anything else from her. At least she’s trying. “You have always been a tough cookie, but you are a good person. A beautiful woman like your mother. I do miss her very much. You’re not the only one. I know you don’t like to talk to me about it. However, I want you to know, that I will still support you, separated from Cole or with him.”

That’s as close to an apology as I’m going to get.

I smile, pointing at her raised leg. “How’s the ankle?” I’ve never been good at holding grudges.

“The swelling has gone down.” She removes the ice pack. It doesn’t look swollen at all. It’s equal to the opposite leg.

“Hey, Mom.” Cole walks through the sliding door, Riley running around him.

“Colson, what the hell were you doing?” Colleen immediately scolds him.

“It got slick,” he shrugs.

“That’s bull. I know how you drive. I told you this would happen if you got a street bike. You’re lucky I didn’t make a scene in front of that sweet nurse.”

Standing, I grab the ottoman and drag it to my chair, and wave my hand for Cole to take a seat.

“You said I was going to get run over, not that I would run myself over.” His lips tug up at one end, not in a smile, but a smug glare as his eyes roll to the side.

I park my butt in the seat next to his, farther from Colleen.

“That’s not funny. How much is it worth now?”

“I don’t know. I’m not selling it.” He shakes his head.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not selling it.”

Excuse me too. Did he tell her no twice?

“Do you want to get yourself killed next time?” She picks her hair back.

“It’s as dangerous on the track and I’ve been on it since was in the single digits.” He rests his back against the chair with a hand behind his neck, immediately arching forward. His chest rises quickly, emptying much slower.

“That’s your father’s doing. And if you ask me, I think you should get rid of the street bike.”

“I understand and I’m not asking. It’s not happening.”

Three times.

I’m so fucking proud of him.

“But—”

“Mom.”

Why does it turn me on every time he shuts her down? My god. I don’t know what’s changed. Whatever it is, it gives me…hope? I don’t know. If he can be a better version of himself…can I?

“Fine. Are those cookies any good?” She asks looking at Riley sitting on the steps and munching on what I can only estimate as her fifth or sixth cookie. She turns back, giving a thumbs up as she continues to chew. “Want one?” She hold up a small container filled with more of the sugary treats.

“They’re not better than mine, are they?

Cole and I lock eyes. I draw my lips in a long frown, widening my eyes.

“Nobody bakes like you,” Vince says, walking out onto the deck. “How long are you staying, Max?” He asks, glancing down.

“I’m heading back tonight.”

“You need to take a nap first,” Cole insists.

“I’ll be fine.” My eyes are heavy. I should listen.

“She’s been up all night. Maybe got a few hours of rest, that’s it.”

“Max, I know I’m not your boss. I’m asking as a motherly figure who truly cares about your well-being, will you please take one of the guest rooms and nap?” She holds nothing right now after the past few months. I owe her nothing. She’s trying to back Cole up and I can admire that.

“Ri, do you wanna nap with Momma?” Cole asks.

“Rockstars need their energy.” She jumps up.

“They do. Are you going to be a rockstar or a moto rider?”

I love watching them together.

“Both! Or a dragon.” She shrugs.

A dragon? My gosh, this girl is as wild as the wind. I love her and if wants to be a dragon, she has my support.