8. Exodus “Yin” Tan #2
Squirrel found me that way and stretched out beside me, grunting as he lowered his frame. It’d been years since we’d had a moment like this. In that moment, I realized I missed times like this in our friendship, the slow, silent moments were the world throbbed alive and silent around us.
“I miss this.” I told him.
“This?”
“When was the last time we had a chance to just chill?”
Squirrel chuckled.
“The world keeps moving, brother.” He replied. “And sometimes, I feel like if we don’t keep moving too, it’ll leave us behind.”
I could understand that.
Silence.
“What’s on your mind?” Squirrel asked.
“Alisha—there are so many conflicting—I mean, I don’t know how I feel about her.”
“What do you mean you don’t know how you feel?” Squirrel asked.
“Do I want her as a friend? As just someone I’m helping then walk away?—”
“Don’t kid yourself. She turns you on, Yin.” Squirrel scoffed. “You can’t just be her friend, and you aren’t letting her walk away.”
I scoffed.
“Are you really unsure or are you trying to fight it?” Squirrel asked before I could gather myself.
I grunted.
“Fighting it, it is.” Squirrel exhaled on a long breath. “Amateur.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you think you’ll win.” Squirrel replied. “This isn’t one of your matches. And you can’t handle it like one. This is a woman—a woman who you stare at as if she’s your sun. I know what’s going to happen.”
I sighed.
“You’re going to be cold and distant and you’re going to hurt her.” Squirrel explained. “And at some point, she’s going to want to drown you in your egg drop soup.”
“I’m not?—”
“You’re not, what?” Squirrel pushed.
I had nothing.
“Why are you so against this?” Squirrel asked. “You could do worse than a beautiful woman who wants to climb you like a tree.”
Squirrel rolled his head to look at me when I said nothing. I didn’t have to be looking to know he was staring at me, probably with disappointment.
“Is it because you think Mr. Big bad fighter can’t fall for a woman?” Squirrel asked.
“Don’t be stupid.”
“Then what? I didn’t know you for a coward, Yin.”
I closed my eyes for a moment as the world began spinning above me.
Mentally counting to ten, I looked up at the sky again. The moon was a crescent in the sky, flanked by a million stars with pockets of darkness that seemed to glow in the blackness.
But I was scared.
I’d been the man who faced many dangerous opponents in the octagon without backing down, without so much as a hesitation.
I’d also helped Tha’lab—off the record—with undercover missions and didn’t falter once.
Yet, when it came to Alisha Quinn, the fear that traced my soul should be studied.
“This isn’t like a fight.” I managed. “Fighting, I can do. This—well, this is so different.”
“If being with this woman didn’t scare you…I mean, being with her in all the ways that mattered didn’t scare you, then you’d be doing it wrong.” Squirrel coughed. “Didn’t Mama Tan tell you that?”
“Words are one thing. Putting it in practice is a whole-ass other matter.”
“Okay—it’s just you and me talking right now, right?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat.
“Do you want her?” Squirrel asked. “And I’m not talking about sex. You can get that whenever, wherever you want. But do you really want this woman?”
“Yes.”
“Is she fighting it? Does she reject you—your advances?”
That question brought me back to the way she’d thrown herself at me by sneaking into my shower.
“No.”
“Then?” Squirrel wanted to know. “If she was putting on the brakes, I’d understand this hesitation. But she’s not fighting you on any of this. Doesn’t that mean she wants you too?”
I had no way of answering that question without feeling like an egotistic ass.
“Am gonna let you sit with that. Any news from Kirby?”
“Not yet. Bambam is still trying to reach him?—”
“Cool—I need to use the little boy’s room.” He patted my shoulder and left me to my thoughts.
I closed my eyes again, my music playing softly, the air cooling on my skin.
“Yin?” Yang called. “You out here?”
After removing my headphones, I lifted one hand to wave, but my eyes were still closed.
He walked over and stretched out on his back, sighing all the way down. For a moment, we said nothing to each other, just laid there staring at the sky in silence.
“I leave you for a couple of weeks and you get into trouble?” Yang’s voice was soft, like a low rumble. “Why not let Tha’lab—never mind. I know you too well. What are you doing with this woman anyways?”
“Saving her life?”
“You’re not the police, Yin. And as much as I get you, don’t you think Tha’lab should be leading this?”
“I don’t need a lecture right now, Andros.”
“Ouch.” He rested a palm over his heart. “The government name. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking I fucked around and—I have a thing for this woman, Yang. I’m not about to leave her life in someone else’s hands—no matter how much I trust Tha’lab.”
“And Bambam?”
I frowned.
My cell began ringing. When I picked it up to see who was calling, I waved the phone at Yang.
“Speak of the devil—hey Bam. What’s up?”
“Put your panties back on,” she said. “I found Kirby.”
I lurched up.
“Where?” I demanded.
“He’s at Danko’s. He says you can come through tomorrow morning.” Bambam replied. “But bring backup with you. He thinks someone is watching him because of a whole other matter. I don’t think I have to tell you to watch your back?”
I grunted my response.
“And I’m not talking Kitty—bring Big Daddy with you or the fox.”
Glancing over at Yang, he quirked a brow at me.
With my talk done with Bambam, I pushed to my feet.
“She found Kirby.” I announced. “Can you be my backup tomorrow?”
“The fuck kind of question is that? I’m down—he’s at Danko’s?”
I nodded.
“We’re going to need guns.” Yang stood with my help. “The Fox?”
“I’ll call Tha’lab, but I don’t see why she wouldn’t be there. Now, I just have to talk to Alisha.”
“Kitty.” Yang corrected.
“Boy!” I sucked my teeth while walking away.
“What?” Yang asked, laughing. “What’d I do!”
By the time I found Alisha, she’d fallen asleep with one of her student’s assignments on her chest while still clutching a red pen.
Smiling, I picked up the assignment and set it on the chair underneath her window. I gently pulled the pen from her fingers and placed it on the bedside table then pulled her blanket up to her shoulders.
I pressed a tender kiss to her forehead then sat on the other side of the bed beside her, trying to think of a way I could deserve her.
The truth was, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. But as the nightmares took a hold of me and bent me to their will, Alisha appeared in the darkest parts of my turmoil, her touch warm and tender against my face.
Her voice soft and soothing pulling me farther away from the dark.
“Yin!” She called.
That couldn’t be right.
She never calls me that.
“Damn it, Exodus!”
Alisha slapped me.
I winced and opened my eyes as much as I could.
“What’s with the abuse?” I groaned. “You’d suck as a doctor.”
“You wouldn’t wake up.” Alisha told me. “What were you dreaming about?”
“A dream is a good thing.” I pushed into sitting position, rubbing my cheek. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I should go to my bed—by the way, we’re meeting with Kirby tomorrow.”
“I’ll come?—”
“No need.” I told her, rubbing my eyes. “Yang and Tha’lab are coming with me. You stay here with Mama Tan.”
“Tha’lab.”
I tilted my head.
“Goodnight.” I walked out the door and closed it behind me.