11. Exodus “Yin” Tan #2
I turned to look at Squirrel.
“What does this Moses do for your crew.” I hunched down by the man’s head. “And if I were you, I’d talk fast. I don’t think you should be shaking like that. Could be the blood loss. My brother is the doctor, not me.”
“He’s like third in command.” The man’s voice was growing weaker. “Deals mostly with people who owe us money.”
“Where was the last place you saw him?”
“I don’t see him—he’s like a rumor.” He stopped to shake his head. “Come on, man. I don’t want to die here.”
“This isn’t about what you want.” I growled at him. “If I have my way you’d already be dead. Your suffering hasn’t even started yet and you’re already complaining?”
“Yin…” Squirrel called to me.
Without looking back, I strode out the door with my friend behind me.
While I said nothing to him, I drove us to a space just outside the ghettos before pulling over. Scrambling from the front seat, I gripped the rusty railing of the overpass and shouted my angry frustration.
It echoed off the world around me before I leaned forward and closed my eyes.
“You okay, man?” Squirrel asked.
“I want him dead.” I groaned. “I wanted to kill him. They went after Kitty and I want to kill them all.”
“Easy, Big Fella.” Squirrel patted my shoulder. “You called her your girl. Does that mean you made a decision?”
“Mm.”
“Why do I get the feeling there’s a but coming?”
“But what happens between us is up to her.” I looked to him. “Mama says I should leave myself open.”
“And we always listen to Mama.” Squirrel laughed softly.
I nodded.
* * *
Back at Mama Tan’s, Squirrel headed inside so the others wouldn’t worry. As I relayed information to Bambam, I watched the door, knowing the moment Alisha knew I was home, she’d be barging out that door to find me.
“You didn’t tell her you’re back?” Bambam asked, the distinct clicks of her keyboard echoing softly. “You know she’s going to—let’s see. Five. Four. Three?—”
The front door opened again, and Alisha paused before darting down the front steps.
“Two. One.” Bambam finished.
“Exodus!” Alisha called.
“I should buy a lottery ticket.” Bambam chortled. “I’m out.”
Dial tone.
Hiding the pride that rushed through me, I shoved my phone into my pocket and opened my door. When I climbed down, I almost fell but she caught me.
I gripped the side of the truck, so my entire body weight didn’t fall on her.
Though she staggered backwards with my weight, she wrapped her arms around me as I eased backward just a little. But she didn’t seem to care—she shoved her face into my neck, her body intimately close, her arms as tight around my frame as she could get them.
“I’m okay.” I promised her.
I knew the moment we entered the house, there would be no privacy, no quiet moment alone.
We’d have to delve back into work and while my homicidal urges were less now, I needed her warmth a little longer.
I needed to be alone with her just a little bit more.
Stepping back until my back hit the truck, I held her hands and pulled her into my chest. I caressed her cheeks gently then used a finger to tip her chin up, making our eyes meet.
“You’re not sleeping at nights.” I whispered. “Nightmares still?”
“I’m used to them.” Alisha tapped my chest. “Your family is inside. Stop touching me like this. Anyone can see.”
“They know, you know?”
“I know that. I just—don’t like being watched.”
“Is that right?” I dipped my voice to a low rumble. “What if I’m doing the watching while you spread your soft thighs and?—”
“Exodus Tan!”
She punched me.
I feigned being hurt and she shoved her face against my chest.
“Why so shy, Kitty? Am I not your man?”
She murmured something but it was muffled against my clothes.
“Hǎo ba.” I laughed, wrapping my arms around her frame. “Hǎo ba. I’ll stop teasing you—for now.”
Even though I wasn’t ready to face what was going to come inside, I took her hand and led her into the house. Thankfully, when we entered, Mama was on a long-distance call, Sam had yet to return and Yang and Squirrel were somewhere else in the house.
“Sit here.” Alisha told me, using my hips to guide me to the sofa.
Before I could ask what was happening, she rushed into the kitchen.
“No peeking!” She called happily, mischievously.
I tried peeking but her body was in the way of what she was doing.
“Shì de.” I replied in Mandarin on purpose.
It turned her on.
Biting my bottom lip, I leaned back in the sofa and flipped on the television. I began scanning the channels when she walked coyly into the room, her hands behind her back. I muted the television and leaned forward to eye her.
“What are you up to, my little kitten?” I drawled softly.
“I told you.” She giggled. “A surprise.”
She was dressed in a black romper that stopped mid thigh on her, a light pink sweater and for the first time I noticed she wasn’t wearing any jewelry. I knew teachers didn’t make much money but even the piercings in her ears were empty.
That made me sad.
“Baby?” I asked.
She giggled.
With her hands still hidden behind her back, Alisha hopped excitedly over to me to sit sideways on the sofa to look at me.
“I get the feeling as if your time away wasn’t what you thought it would be.” Alisha told me.
She then thrusted the strawberry Tanghulu at me like a little girl giving her crush a flower for the first time.
Why are you so fucking cute?
I smiled.
“Um.” She became determinedly thoughtful—so thoughtful it was written over her face. “Um—wǒ wèi nǐ zuò de.”
The pride that floated through my soul then was almost too much to handle. I couldn’t stop the smile I felt spreading my lips as I reached up to accept the treat from her fingers.
“You made this for me?” I asked as a way of confirming what she’d said in Mandarin was correct.
She nodded.
“Mama Tan helped me and we also made you red bean buns?—”
“Baozi?”
Again, she nodded.
“But they would take a little while to reheat.” Alisha told me. “Go on—try it.”
When I did, I reached over to hug her.
Other than Mama, no one had ever made my favourites before. I didn’t even care what flavour the Baozi would be—she’d sat with my mother and made them.
The other women weren’t interested in my culture.
They found it weird—one woman was ashamed.
“Xiè xie, Kitty.” I kissed the side of her head.
“You’re welcome.” Alisha beamed.
I fed her a part of my dessert before sitting back to enjoy the sweet treat.
“Wǒ huíláile!” Sam called as he entered the house.
“Well.” I popped the last piece of candied strawberry into her mouth. “There goes the neighbourhood.”
Alisha laughed, kissed my head and left me alone with Sam.
It was a while after speaking with my brother when I was curious what she was doing.
Knowing her, she was doing something to do with lessons for her students even though she was off now.
I was walking by the back doors when I noticed her approaching Squirrel.
The fire fighter rose the moment he saw her and turned to head inside.
“Wait!” Alisha called. “Please?”
Squirrel stopped—but didn’t turn around.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft. “I didn’t mean to blame you. I’m really sorry.”
Squirrel turned to face her but still, he said nothing.
“It’s unforgiveable—but I’m asking anyways.”
I could tell my friend wanted to stay mad at her. The way he rooted himself, leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a silent eternity.
Finally, he looked at her again.
“It’s fine.” He spoke. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No—it’s not okay. I know now that you take care of Yin and I’m a stranger when it all boils down to it. I just heard he was hurt and it all hit me at once?—”
“You love him.”
“Um—isn’t it too soon for that?”
Squirrel laughed.
“Amateur.” He teased.
“We haven’t even—what if he’s not good at it? That’d be a bummer and then I’d have to break up with him.”
Squirrel laughed harder.
“I can’t comment on that—wait—no?”
Alisha turned her back to my friend and I knew she was blushing. But there was also a little shame in the way she held her body, as if me not touching her was something to hide away from.
“And do you want to?” Squirrel asked, tentatively.
“Of course, I want to!” She twirled around. “Wouldn’t you want to sleep with him if you had a man like that?”
“Um—” Squirrel scratched the back of his neck. “Maybe? I don’t know how to answer that.”
Alisha clamped a hand over her mouth.
It took everything in me not to laugh out loud.
“He keeps saying its for my own good but—” Alisha’s shoulders rose then fell. “I just feel like I’m not woman enough. I mean, I know my body isn’t perfect, but damn. Anyways, I wouldn’t really break up with him or nothing. Good men aren’t easy to find and I’m not stupid.”
“And you’d be okay if he never touches you?”
“No, I wouldn’t be okay with it. But I’d have to deal.”
He patted her shoulder, gently.
“Men get nervous too, you know?” He asked. “Maybe that’s just it. Besides, when we get nervous, things don’t work. Then there’s something else to be nervous about.”
“Things—oh! I know that. I’m sure Exodus is fine in that department.”
Squirrel chuckled.
“Look, all I wanted to say was that I’m sorry for what I said.” She shrugged. “It was a shit thing for me to have done. That wasn’t me.”
“All good, Kitty. Don’t even worry about it.”
She walked forward and punched his shoulder playfully and turned toward the house. I hurried off down the hall to the office and flopped into one of the chairs.
In front of me, she put on a brave face about me not sleeping with her. Behind me, it hurt her.
I just feel like I’m not woman enough.
Her words echoed through my head, and I dragged a hand over my face.
But I also knew that when the smoke cleared, all that could be left behind was ashes.
Of course, I wanted her.
Of course, her and her body made me crazy.
But I needed to be responsible.
Did she want me because she was craving something she believed only I could give her?
Or did she?—
“Yin?” Mama called.
“In the library!” I replied, quickly pulling myself together.
“Oh!” She cheered as she stepped into the room. “There you are.”
Immediately, I rose to help her to the sofa.