Chapter Five
Runa
I’d packed sandwiches with what was left of our lunch meat, and hoped Denali wouldn’t ask to stop at one of the several restaurants in the park.
She didn’t usually ask for things like that, but the scents were wafting through the air, making my stomach rumble, so I was sure hers was too.
To her credit, she didn’t ask.
But York offered, and how thrilled she’d been had made my heart sink a little. Because I couldn’t offer her that. Because I couldn’t treat her to all the things she deserved to experience.
Sure, York buying our tickets had saved me a little cash, but what I had left would have to go to essentials. Like more motel room rentals. Food. Some new shoes for Denny.
“Runa?” York called, making me jolt out of my thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“What do you want, Mama?” Denali, still on York’s shoulders, asked.
“Oh, right. The veggie burger sounds good. Do you know what you want?”
“York got me chicken nuggets.”
“Oh, good.”
“And fries.”
“Even better.”
“And number sauce.”
“What’s number sauce?” I asked.
“305 sauce,” York explained after ordering my burger. “We don’t know what it is, but we’re going to give it a try.”
“Denny is really good at trying new things, right, munchkin?” I asked as we made our way over to a table.
“Mommy says I have to try. I don’t have to like it, but I have to try.”
“That’s good. Anything you don’t like?”
“Spinach,” Denali said, face twisting up. “And mushrooms.”
“But she loves broccoli, carrots, asparagus, and salad greens,” I said, feeling oddly like I needed to defend her food tastes. Even if, objectively, she probably ate better than most since I couldn’t afford all the junk food I’m sure she would love.
“All with dip?” York asked.
“Uh-huh.”
Now that he reopened the dip can of worms, it was all Denali wanted to talk about while we ate our food, even going so far as to express sadness that the zoo animals couldn’t have sauce with their food.
York was surprisingly good with her. It helped that Denny was chatty and held up most of the conversation. But York was getting the hang of conversation with his daughter—adding little factoids she ate up, agreeing with her statements, offering his own very simplified thoughts.
Lunch was over before we knew it, and all three of us tensed a bit, not sure what to do, what to say as we walked out of the cafe.
Then, there it was.
The gift shop.
My stomach tightened the second I saw Denny notice it as well. And when she looked up, her eyes as wide as a doll’s, I knew she was going to ask.
“Okay,” I agreed.
I didn’t remind her of our golden rule when it came to toy shopping: you can get one thing. She knew it inside and out. And it broke my heart a little each time I said it.
As we moved inside, I said a silent prayer that she chose one of the little stuffed animals that were fifteen bucks instead of the nearly thirty-dollar ones. But I’d buy either one. Just for a small treat to remember a very important day to her.
Then I could spend all night figuring out work to start as soon as possible.
“Mama! Painted dogs!” She rushed over to the stuffed animal, petting its head.
“Is that the one you want?” I asked.
She pursed her lips. “I don’t know.”
She made her way down the row, touching various stuffed animals. York lingered behind me as I followed her, so I didn’t realize what he was doing until he already had four stuffed animals in his arms. He’d picked up each one Denny had paused to look at or touch.
“You don’t need to do that,” I whispered to him. “She would be thrilled with one.”
“I got years’ worth of stuffed animals to make up for,” he said as he turned to pluck plastic sleeves full of small animal figurines off a rack.
Then another, and another, all different kinds of animals, until he had seven of them shoved in the crook of his arm.
But that wasn’t enough. He reached above them to a see-through plastic purse meant for storing your animal figurines and taking them on the go.
“Does she like books?” York asked, making my heart swell with how much he did seem to want to know about her.
“She loves books. Both fictional and educational,” I told him as he perused the options before deciding one each of the six books was necessary.
“You mind?” he asked, holding out the books to me. “This place needs carts.”
“I don’t think they expect most people to attempt to buy everything in the store,” I shot back, plucking some of the animal sleeves from him too.
When we moved up behind Denny, she had her head craned back to look up at the T-shirt collection, each one featuring a different animal.
At York’s questioning look, I shrugged. “A lumberjack and an outdoorsy camper somehow managed to make a fashionista.”
“She likes clothes?”
“She loves clothes.”
“What size is she?” he asked, already walking over to a lilac tee with a lemur on the front.
“5T, but if you’re buying her something, go with an XS instead, so she has some room to grow still.”
He didn’t get her one. Oh, no. He got eight different shirts. And a bucket hat. And a snake as he passed. And a vet kit that was sitting near the checkout.
Denali, so overwhelmed by everything, seemed entirely oblivious to what was happening as she ran back to grab the anteater plush as her final choice.
It wasn’t until she ran back to York at the checkout that she saw the pile.
“Whoa!” she said, eyes comically round. But it still hadn’t clicked that the items were for her.
“Why don’t you put that up there with the rest of your stuff, munchkin?” I asked when York didn’t seem to grasp what was going on in her little head.
“My stuff?” she asked, eyes scrunching up as she looked at me.
“Yeah. All that is for you,” I told her, waving toward the belt. Then, while she was still processing, I whispered so only she heard, “You should say ‘Thank you.’”
She didn’t just say ‘thank you.’ She threw herself at York’s giant leg, wrapped her arms around it, and said, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Now, that’s a good daddy,” the cashier said, smile bright.
I wondered if Denny heard. If I had a conversation ahead of me. But then I noticed the dumbstruck look on York’s face as he processed that new title. At someone else recognizing it.
He reached down, petting the back of Denny’s head until she released her hug and moved away to bounce on her feet, her little hands clapping silently together in an excited tic.
My heart swelled for her and sank a bit for myself. Because I’d spent her whole life wanting to be able to treat her to special gifts like that.
One day, I would be in a place to do that.
But right now, I was choosing to be happy for her that she had someone else to give it to her.
Five minutes later, York and I had several giant, reusable tote bags full of toys, books, and clothes while Denny walked ahead of us, clutching both the anteater and the painted dog plushies.
“I probably should have asked,” York said, his voice only for me. “Before I did all this,” he clarified.
To that, I shook my head. I wanted my daughter to have everything she wanted. Even if I couldn’t be the one to give it to her. “No, you don’t have to ask to buy her things. Well, I draw a hard line at animals,” I clarified. “I do want to get her a pet one day, but not until we’re settled.”
“No ponies. Got it.”
“She had an amazing day,” I assured him. “I’m going to hear about nothing else until she passes out tonight. And then again the moment her eyes open up again.”
“We can repeat it,” he said. “Maybe not the zoo again. But we could… do something else.”
“We could do that,” I agreed.
“There’s a lot of shit—stuff—around here. A fun center that’s like an arcade. And has indoor bumper cars. A kid’s museum. A splash park…”
He’d been doing some research. That was unexpectedly sweet.
“Denny would love any of those things.”
“Maybe the fun center first,” he suggested.
“Sure.”
“You busy this week?”
“No.”
“Day after tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. We can do the same time. Better to do things early so she doesn’t get tired. Unless you have to work.”
“Nah. I have all the time I need. My… boss wants me to spend as much time as I can with Denali.”
“That’s really sweet.” I’d never had a boss who cared about my personal life. I once got fired when I had to call out because Denny had such a high fever that I needed to take her to the hospital.
“Yeah, he’s a good guy,” he said as we walked through the parking lot.
“Um. So, I don’t know if she heard what the cashier said, but if she did, and if she asks, where do you stand on this? Do you want her to know? Not to know?”
His gaze cut to mine, the look he gave me heavy. “I want her to know. If that’s okay with you.”
“Of course, it is. She is yours too.”
“She is,” he agreed. “But I understand that it’s different. She’s not mine the same way she’s yours. At least not yet.”
Some of the tension in my neck loosened. That had been a small worry of mine in seeking him out—that he might want to take her from me. Before she was even ready for such a thing.
“Do you plan to be in the area for long?”
“I’d like to. I don’t really have a lot of plans right now. Just that we needed to come see you.”
“Unlock!” Denali called, making us both jump.
I bleeped the locks and she opened her door to arrange her stuffed animals next to her seat, then came back out.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I want more,” she said, pointing to the bags York was holding. “The motel is far away.”
It wasn’t.
But she was excited about her toys.
“Motel?” York asked as he handed me the bags he held so I could shove them into the seat next to our daughter.
My stomach clenched.
“Yeah, we’re new in town,” I reminded him. “So we’re staying at a motel.”
“With the alligator sign!” Denny explained. “But Mama says we can’t go in the pool.”
“In my defense, the pool is a shade of green I’ve never witnessed before outside of a bottle of Hawaiian Punch.”
He grimaced at that.
“Do you want to ask her if she wants to go to the fun center?” I asked. “I’m sure she’s going to be thrilled.”
He nodded at that, going around to her side as she buckled herself in.
“Hey, Denny. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go to the fun center with me,” he said. “They have arcade games and bumper cars. And pizza.”
Her eyes went round.
“Mommy too?” she asked, tone worried.
“Of course, Mommy too.”
“Okay!” Her smile was huge. York looked blinded by it.
“Okay. Then we will go the day after tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” she said, making my mommy heart swell at her manners. “And thank you for my toys.”
“Anything for you,” he said. “Buckle up, okay?” he asked before closing her door.
I stabbed the key in the ignition and turned the car over so she had some air conditioning before meeting York at the back of the trunk.
“Thanks for letting me do this,” York said.
“Thanks for spoiling her. She deserves it.”
“Yeah, I think she does too. Do you want to meet at the fun center?”
“Yeah. Sounds good.”
“I’ll… see you then,” he said, both of us awkwardly turning away at the same time.
“Mama,” Denny called as I sat in my seat, trying to decompress.
I needed him to love her.
Because then he would help us.
So far, so good.
“Yeah?”
“I like your friend.”
“I like him too, munchkin.”