Chapter Thirteen
Runa
“One second,” I whispered into my phone as I slid out the front door of the apartment to stand in the hall for the phone call. “Okay. All yours.”
“It’s been so long,” Amanda, my former shrink and only friend in the world, said, sounding relieved. “I was starting to think the worst.”
“Sorry. So much has been going on.”
“Did you make it to Florida?”
“Yes. Had a bit of an… incident in Georgia. But we made it out and got down here.”
Amanda paused, then sighed. “Was it bad?”
“It was the worst it’s been. I’m still bruised.”
“Denali?”
“She wasn’t hurt, but she did see… a lot.”
“Oh, Runa.”
“I know. She probably should be in therapy.”
“I’m always going to advocate for therapy. But how is she doing?”
“She’s… thriving. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her so happy. She really loves her father.”
“Oh,” Amanda said, sounding taken aback. “You found her father?”
“Yes! We were down here for a bit, looking around. And I finally got an address.”
“And you just showed up?”
“I wasn’t really sure of another way to get in contact with him. I know that was probably a little confrontational but he actually handled it really well.”
“I’m glad to hear that, but that could have been such a dangerous situation.”
“More dangerous than what we’ve already been on?” I shot back, confused by her response. She’d been supportive of me seeking out Denali’s father in the past.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound aggressive. I just know how much you’ve been through. And some men can feel cornered when facing a reality they hadn’t planned. Especially if he already had a wife or kids. And we both know that some cornered men… lash out.”
“No, I know. When I pulled up to a single-family house with kids’ toys, I was anxious as hell. But he doesn’t have a wife or kids. He has an extended family with lots of kids.”
I wasn’t sure why I didn’t give Amanda all the details. She knew everything else. I guess I understood that York’s lifestyle was, you know, less than legal. And I didn’t want him to get into any kind of trouble because of me. I didn’t want Denali to lose her father after just meeting him.
“Oh, that’s fantastic. How is he with her?”
“I couldn’t have asked for more. Genuinely. As shocked as he was, he immediately stepped up. He’s been spoiling her.”
And me. But I felt weird talking about that. Not just the bedroom he’d designed for me. But the closet full of new—nice—clothing… in the exact styles I liked—as well. I’d needed to close my bedroom door, sit on the end of my bed, and cry when I saw it all.
I’d never been someone with a huge wardrobe or who particularly cared about materialistic things.
That said, my life had been full of self-sacrifice for so long.
I wore shoes that gave me blisters so I could afford diapers.
I ripped underwire out of my bras when it poked through instead of getting new ones, dealing with an awful uniboob because Denali was growing so fast and needed a whole new wardrobe.
I washed underwear in the tub because I only had five pairs and couldn’t buy more because baby food was surprisingly expensive.
It wasn’t about the clothes, per se. It was about feeling safe enough to be willing to accept them, not immediately think about how much they might be worth so I could sell them and get Denny something she needed.
It was about our life finally, finally feeling secure and safe.
Because of York.
While, no, I didn’t plan to be someone who relied on him for everything, it was such a relief to know I could if I had to. For a short time.
“I hope that’s not in place of actual time with her,” Amanda said.
“No, not at all. He can’t seem to get enough of spending time with her. We’ve been to the zoo, beach, bowling, gaming centers…”
“But has he spent any one-on-one time with her without distractions?”
“Of course. They’ve shared meals and she’s introduced him to every single one of her stuffies and figurines. And they’ve colored and done crafts.”
I’d left him to watch Denny while I took a cleaning job—because having my own money would never not be important to me—and walked in to find him sitting on the floor at the coffee table, carefully gluing sequins onto a paper dress for Denali to put on her paper doll.
I swear my heart felt two sizes too big at that image. I’d even taken a picture with my digital camera to keep. “I’m so happy for her.”
“Me too.”
“So, what is he like?”
“He’s… steady and reliable. He has a way of anticipating what she—or we—might need. He does things without being asked.”
“Has he made any demands?”
“None. I mean, he’s made it clear that he wants to be in Denny’s life, but he has also been careful not to step on my toes. He always checks in with me and asks instead of demands. It’s been great.”
“Oh, I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks, it’s been such a load off.”
“Are you guys still staying at a motel?”
“No. No, we’re actually in an apartment.”
“Already? Wow.”
For some reason, my pride prevented me from admitting that York had provided the new home for us.
“Yeah, things have been moving so fast.”
“What are you doing for work?”
“Cleaning still. I’m still not willing to get my name on the books somewhere. That just feels like tempting fate.”
“I get that. But at some point, you will have to finally set down some real roots. With a support system now, you have the help you need to be able to hold down a normal job.”
“Yeah. I just don’t want to take any chances and ruin this. The last thing I want is to have to take Denali away from her father. That’s so not fair to her.”
“Yeah. I just want to make sure you are able to slip out of survival mode eventually. You can’t live there indefinitely. Not if you want to be a calm, positive mom to Denali.”
“I have been feeling a lot less stress as a whole. But, yeah, I’m hoping that life can become normal for both our sakes. Time will tell.”
“It will. Well, I have one last client for the day, so I’m going to get going. But I’m so happy to hear you two are doing well.”
We ended the call and I went back inside to see Denali standing in the kitchen, looking a little guilty.
“Was that Daddy?”
“No. That was an old friend. Were you looking for a snack?”
“Pudding?”
“Sure,” I said, grabbing her one from the fridge and opening it.
“Is Daddy cooking dinner?”
“That I don’t know,” I admitted. “But he is going to feed you. Then I will be home to kiss you goodnight.”
I’d lucked out on a job to clean an office building.
Those jobs under the table weren’t easy to come by, and they paid pretty well.
And I was trying to keep my name out there in the circle of people who needed cash-only workers.
Even though, since getting the apartment and all the food in it, I’d really only needed to spend money on gas and minutes for my phone.
It was just good to have, to know if I needed it, it was there.
“That’s your father,” I said when there was a knock at the door. “Oh, God. What is all this?” I asked when I opened the door to find him standing there with all sorts of boxes and bags.
“Supplies.”
“Clearly. But what kind?”
“Camping.”
“Camping? I thought we agreed you’d stay in the apartment?”
It wasn’t that I didn’t trust York. I did. But I was always anxious leaving Denali. I wanted at least to know where she was. And that she wasn’t being squeezed by a giant escaped pet snake while I vacuumed office carpets and emptied trash bins.
“We’re camping inside,” York explained. “Using the tent as a projector screen to watch some princess movie.”
“And picnic,” Denali added.
“Yep. And picnic. Don’t worry. I promise to clean it all up.”
“Well, that sounds like lots of fun. I love camping.”
“With the bugs,” Denali said, her lip curling.
“Well, you try not to let the bugs in the tent. But it happens. I woke up to a Cecropia moth as big as my hand resting on the pillow next to me once.”
“What’s that look like?”
“Well, you’re going to have to ask Daddy to show you because I am going to be late. Be good, okay?” I said, pressing a kiss to her head.
“Aren’t you going to tell me to be good?”
I rolled my eyes. “I know better.”
“Doesn’t Daddy get a kiss?” Denali, sweet, clueless Denali, asked.
York shot me a look that was half amusement, half challenge. And, really, when a man looked at you like that, what choice did you have but to rise to it?
I had to go up onto my tiptoes so I could lean in to press a quick kiss to his cheek.
York’s eyes flashed.
My body… got ideas.
So I did the only thing I could do.
I turned and strode right the hell out of that apartment.
Then spent the next two hours doing rote tasks that didn’t require much of my brain, so all it did was wander.
To him.
Both current and past.
Which left me aching and frustrated as I left the office building with my cash and headed back home, not sure how I was going to face the man without wanting to jump him.
The answer to that ended up being relatively simple when I walked in to find the two of them still in the giant tent that took up damn near all the space in the living room.
The movie had stopped playing and Denny was just asking York her usual fifty thousand questions like she always did to me when she was tired but didn’t want to go to bed yet.
“Uh-oh,” York said when I closed the door. “We’re busted.”
Denny giggled.
“Oh, I was under no delusions that she would be in bed by the time I got home. She’s a brilliant bedtime con artist.”
York pulled the zipper, the sound both foreign and familiar, making something tug inside my chest.
“Go brush your teeth, princess,” York demanded.
“And change into your jammies I put out,” I called as she ran down the hallway to the bathroom, dropping three pieces of candy as she went.
“Yep. I brought candy. A lot of it.”
“You don’t need to bribe her, you know. She already loves you.”
His smile was soft at that as I bent down to grab the dropped candy.
“Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll read her a few books to get her down, then I’ll clean this up.”
Well.
I wasn’t going to turn down that luxurious of an offer.
“I’ll take it,” I said, rushing to grab some pajamas, making sure Denny actually brushed her teeth, then closing the door and taking a worry-free shower. So I could do it all: deep condition, shave, exfoliate, and lotion.
When I made my way back out, a quick glance into Denny’s room showed her fast asleep, clutching her capybara with her projector light on.
I closed the door and made my way out, then walked toward the tent that was still taking up most of the living room.
Figuring York had given up on the task, I lowered down and started to crawl inside.
Only to find him already in there, carefully tucking the last of the crayons into the case.
His gaze flicked up, and there was no way for me to just quietly back out now like I’d never even been there at all.
“I thought you gave up,” I admitted as I crawled in. Even as warning bells went off in my mind about being alone with him in a cramped space.
“I deliver on my promises.”
Unbidden, my mind flashed back to a dimly-lit motel room, his weight pressing me into the mattress, his hard lines flattening my curves.
His lips moved up my jaw, his beard tickling my neck. Then his breath was warm on my ear.
“I’m going to make you come until you can’t see straight anymore.”
A promise made.
A promise kept.
I didn’t know if that was where York’s mind went as well, but I saw the way heat flicked in his eyes, felt the way my body responded to it immediately.
Everything in the tent constricted, tempting me to move closer. Even as what was left of my rational mind told me I needed to move away, out, down the hall, into my bedroom, with the door locked.
His gaze left mine for a moment, traveling down the front of me, where my tank top gaped from the bent-forward position, making me suddenly aware of my decision not to put a bra back on, and likely making his own mind drift back through the years to touching, squeezing, twisting, circling, and sucking.
Heat pooled in my belly, worked its way up and around, shooting up my spine, circling around my chest. Until I felt like I was suffocating on it. Like I might burn up from a look alone.
My breath stuttered and surged. My heart thundered. My mind swirled.
York’s gaze slid back up, taking in my need-heavy lids, my flushed cheeks, and my parted lips.
I knew what he was going to do.
I knew I needed to stop it.
But then his strong hand was on the back of my neck, yanking me forward.
And I simply followed.