Epilogue A Guy as Lost as I Am
Epilogue
A Guy as Lost as I Am
“ You and Other Natural Disasters ,” Trey says, his forehead furrowed. “I still don’t get what that title has to do with me.”
The first copies have just arrived at the bookstore. I’m nervous, because tomorrow it goes on sale all over the country. Just the thought of it makes me panic.
“It’s a metaphor,” I tell him, taking books out of their boxes and setting them out on the table.
I run my fingers over the cover of one copy and feel as if I’m starting to float. I still remember like yesterday when Ryan called me to make an offer on my manuscript just a few weeks after I sent it to him. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t.
“But it’s a good thing, right?” Trey asks. He just can’t let the issue go.
I turn and look at him. He’s so handsome that I fall into a trance every time I do it. We’ve traveled a lot this past summer. To the mountains, to the beach, even briefly to Bluehaven to visit Novalie and Nick. The sun has tanned his skin and lightened his hair, and he looks better than ever. I’m sure I’ll never tire of him—of the ticklish feeling that overcomes me in his presence, of his deep voice, his mirthful laugh, his golden eyes that seem to know everything about me.
“It’s the best thing,” I reassure him.
I look at the clock and realize time is getting away from us. In the bookstore, everything appears to be in order. Since Trey redesigned the interior, it’s brighter and much more spacious, with comfortable furnishings and modern touches, and thanks to him, our clientele has doubled.
I walk to the cash register and take the keys out of the top drawer under the counter. Trey shifts in his chair. He’s hunched over and strangely quiet, and I ask him what he’s doing.
“Reading.”
I run over and snatch the book out of his hands. “Not yet. Please.”
He grabs my wrist and pulls me into his lap, kissing my neck. I melt when I feel his lips on my skin.
“You can’t just hide it from me for the rest of our lives,” he whispers.
I know it’s silly, but I still haven’t let him read it. Our story is in those pages, but so are other things, thoughts so private, so harsh, so ruthlessly honest, that I don’t yet feel ready to share them. I’m scared they might hurt him or make him feel guilty for stuff that’s actually my fault.
“Just wait a little longer,” I whisper.
“Okay.”
He smiles, gives me a squeeze, and nibbles my earlobe.
We close the bookstore and walk to my grandmother’s house, which is now our home. It goes without saying that the phantom owner I was stalking all those weeks was Trey.
He took care of the place, visited often, kept it clean, and watered the plants. But he never dared move in. When I asked him why, he told me he couldn’t help seeing us in every corner, and it was too hard for him.
That made me fall even more deeply in love with him, impossible as that is to imagine.
Sisuei greets us at the door, barking and jumping nonstop until Trey finally shouts at him to be still. He sits and stares at me with a sad look on his face. I’m a softy with him, and he’s sly enough to pick up on that. When Trey’s not looking, I give him a treat.
We take our suitcases outside and lock the house.
Trey puts everything into the trunk while I open the side door of the SUV and let Sisuei into the back. He can hardly keep still, even in that tiny space, and whips the windows and the seat backs with his tail. I pet him, trying to calm him down. He loves traveling. Finally, when I pat his head, he lies down.
I turn on the music just after Trey starts the engine. “Ready?” he asks.
“Yep.”
“Great, let’s go.”
I squint at the blue sky, trying to control my heartbeat. We’ve got a long journey ahead of us.
From the ferry, I can see the coast, and my nerves suddenly feel raw. As we approach, the colorful houses take shape before my eyes. I can see the roads, the church, the town hall, and, further to the left, a gray silhouette: Ridge’s restaurant.
“You look happy,” Trey says, standing by my side. I smile at him from the heart.
“I am.”
I reach up and touch the glass pendant and the silver mermaid hanging around my neck. It’s the first time we’ve been back to Petit Prince since that week that changed the course of our lives. And it’s a special visit, for all sorts of reasons.
The ferry soon docks, and we’re the first ones off the ramp. Dozens of meaningful moments return to my mind, bringing me to the verge of tears.
“It hasn’t changed a bit!” I say.
We park and walk to the restaurant with Sisuei running circles around us. Even from the road, we can hear the voices and music inside. I pull at Trey and walk faster, until I can smell the food and feel something I can’t quite put my finger on until the door opens—the feeling of family.
“You’re here!” Hayley shouts when we appear.
Scott waves, but doesn’t take his eyes off the sports channel on TV.
There’s a frenzy of hugs and kisses on the cheek. Hoyt picks me up off the ground and tickles my ribs until I start shrieking.
“Jesus, grow up!” I shout.
Megan slaps him on the shoulder, and he turns around and does the same to her. Welcome to the family , I think.
Adele walks over with Sid. I jog up to her and hug her tight. I can barely speak. But then, what is there to say?
“You look gorgeous,” she tells me.
“You too,” I respond.
“I see you’re wearing your necklace.”
“Always.”
Ridge comes out of the kitchen and notices me, and I give him a hug. There’s a new face here, too—a pale girl with brown hair and big eyes who observes us timidly. She’s pretty.
“Who’s that?”
He blushes and smiles.
“She came for the ocean, but I think she’s staying.”
I hug him again and tell him, “She’s a catch.”
At the table, it’s all shouting and laughter. It’s Thanksgiving, and it was my idea for us all to celebrate together. Chaos erupts as we pass the plates back and forth. Looking around, I realize everyone I truly care about is there. I savor the moment and wish I could hold on to it forever. Hide it away in a little box, an instance of happiness, the kind of happiness these special moments radiate—moments that are insignificant, but at the same time bring meaning to the entire universe. I wish I could record the laughter and listen to it over and over when I feel my wounds from the past, when the harsh memories start hurting again.
The world is prettier now. And I’m a part of it, not just a bystander. At some point, I realized that you have to live every minute of life to the fullest, and that there’s no point in investing time and energy in things that don’t make you happy.
Hours later, I’m still thinking of this as I look up at the sky full of stars. The waves break on the shore, wash up over my bare feet, roar softly and nearly lull me to sleep. Trey comes up behind me, and his hands wrap around my waist, warming me all over.
Time stops in a way that only happens when he’s around.
Far off, the darkness flashes briefly white. And the scent of rain is in the breeze. We hold each other and watch the storm approach. The thunder roars over our heads and the stars disappear. On the horizon, we watch a lightning bolt shoot downward toward the sea.
The first raindrop falls, then another. Big ones. Soon, the rain is pouring. Our clothes and hair are soaked, but we don’t care, despite the cold. I look over my shoulder and kiss him, and he takes a deep breath, rocking me back and forth, our feet sinking into the sand. The beach is witness to our happiness, to a story that had begun long ago.
His hands guide me in a kind of slow dance, and he tells me, “I think I understand now.”
“What?”
“The title of the book. The truth behind it. What you and I are.”
“A potential disaster area?” I joke.
“No. Two survivors who have made it through the storm and can dance now under the rain.”
And that is how a guy as lost as I am makes me fall even more in love with him. Impossible as that still seems.