‘El Condor Pasa （If I Could）’ by Simon & Garfunkel （1970）
‘Well, this is instantly depressing.’
‘It’s not my favourite of their songs,’ he said.
‘A sparrow or a snail. It’s a tough one, isn’t it? I mean hammer, nail, you’re going to be the hammer.’
‘I suppose they mean is it better to be passive or aggressive.’
‘Why not both?’
‘Much better. I haven’t heard this song for twenty years. I mean it’s on there, but I don’t remember listening to it. School assemblies, that’s where we heard it. One of the teachers had Simon and Garfunkel’s Greatest Hits and every day we’d leave the hall to one of the songs. Nine-year-olds filing out to “Bridge Over Troubled Water”.’
‘Is there going to be a lot of classic rock, Michael?’
‘There is a little bit. I’m sorry.’
‘No, I like it. It’s very short, isn’t it? I need to rescue this party. Press play.’
Silence. They frowned, straining to hear.
‘What is this?’ he whispered.
‘Don’t know. Turn it up.’ And now a noise like the roar of a waterfall. ‘Oh, I know what this is,’ she said. ‘This is my brown noise.’
‘What’s that?’
‘It’s like white noise but browner. It helps me sleep sometimes.’
‘It’s really disturbing.’
‘I know! I like this bit … here it comes …’
‘How can you sleep to this? It’s like the end of the world.’
‘I find it comforting. But I think you can skip the rest.’
‘You said no skipping.’
‘Fine, but it is eight hours long!’
‘Okay, just one skip.’
‘Do you think I should take it off my Big Party Playlist?’
‘I think you should never listen to it again.’ He tapped fast forward and now they heard the strum of an electric guitar.