Chapter Nine
Hattie
I'm always nervous before going to a game, but I'm even more nervous than ever by the time I make it to my brother's private box on Thursday. The stadium is already packed, and people keep looking at me.
The whole world knows Sidney hit Tye yesterday. They also know that we've been dating. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I'm the reason for their fight.
Their Coach made them both release statements this morning about what happened, trying to downplay it.
Judging by the looks I'm getting…no one believes the carefully orchestrated half-truths and evasions about tempers running hot and disagreements on the field.
I think half of them are here, hoping to see them get into another fight.
I hear the whispers, but I just pretend not to hear them until I'm at the entrance to the box and Vanessa is throwing open the door for me.
My heart sinks into my shoes when I see my mother inside, dressed like she's on her way to a gala instead of at a dang football stadium. Honestly, who wears heels and a little black dress to watch football?
"I tried to call you to warn you," Vanessa whispers quietly.
"Thanks for trying," I grumble.
She squeezes my fingers in a show of solidarity. I was a little worried she'd be mad at me over the fight, but she texted me last night to tell me that my brother is an idiot. That made me feel better.
"Henrietta," Mom says, turning with a glass of wine in hand. Her gaze travels up and down my body, her nose scrunching up.
"Mother," I say, trying to forestall whatever criticism she's about to lob at me. I'm already anxious about how today is going to go. I do not need her adding to it. "I'm surprised to see you here."
I shouldn't be surprised, though. Tye and I are all over the news. Of course she's here to try to get her five minutes.
"Why would I not be here, dear? Your brother is playing, and the poor boy got hit in the face yesterday. Of course his mother is here."
"He deserved it," I mutter, not bothering to remind her that she rarely ever shows up to Tye's games, not unless she thinks she's going to get something out of it.
She's the same way with Briggs, even though he plays for the Wind right here in Chicago, too.
I don't think she's been to a single one of Harlan's games since he signed with the Knights in Los Angeles.
Sometimes, I think it's my fault that things are tense with her and my brothers. Most of the time, I let them convince me that it isn't. Today is one of those days when I refuse to feel guilty.
The sad truth is, they prefer it when she isn't there, trying to make everything about her. That's not my fault. It's hers. And I just want to watch Sidney and Tye play, eat nachos, and enjoy myself.
"Of course, you're happy your brother got into a fight with Sidney," Mom says, shaking her head like I'm the biggest disappointment in the world. "Honestly, Henrietta, not everything needs to be about you."
"Whatever you say." I drop into a chair, turning my back on her. I'm over worrying about what she thinks or what the rest of the world thinks or what they're going to say. For today, at least, I'm going to pretend they don't exist.
"Are you ready for this weekend?" Vanessa asks, sinking into a seat beside me.
"I am." I grin over at her. "I'm probably going to die trying to ski."
"That makes two of us," she says, giggling.
There's a loud knock on the box before the door cracks open.
"Briggs!" I shout, jumping out of my seat when I see him ducking through the door, grinning. I practically fling myself at his chest.
"Hey, Half Pint." He scoops me up, spinning me in circles.
"Put me down!"
He just grins, kissing me on the cheek.
"What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't come.
" His team is flying out in the morning for a game.
Because so many of theirs overlap with Tye's, they don't get to watch each other play often.
I always love it when they do get to go with me, though.
Even though it means more eyes on me, I get time with them.
There isn't ever enough of that during football and hockey season.
"Something came up," he says, winking at me before his gaze drifts toward our mother.
My shoulders slump. "Vanessa told you?"
"Nope." He sets me on my feet, tapping me on the nose. "But I might have talked to your man."
"What?" I gape at him. "Sidney asked you to come?"
"He mentioned that you might need back up," he murmurs, smirking at me. "Guess Tye told him that she was here."
Tears sting my eyes as I glance down at the field. They're talking? God, that makes me so happy. The absolute last thing I want is for the two of them to be at each other's throats over me.
"You didn't deny that he's your man," Briggs says, cocking his head to the side. "We're going to talk about that later."
"No, we're not."
"We are. He hit Tye."
"Tye deserved it." I stick my tongue out at him.
"Don't doubt it," he chuckles before turning to our mother, his expression going hard. "Mother."
"Briggs, dear." She flashes him a bright smile, patting the seat beside her. "Come sit beside me."
He mutters a curse under his breath, shooting me a look.
"Sorry," I mouth.
He just shakes his head before striding across the box to sit beside her. She launches into a complaint, which I immediately tune out, turning back to the field.
Sidney is on the sidelines, talking to their coach. I'm not sure if he feels my eyes on him or what, but he turns, looking directly up at the box. It feels like he's looking right at me.
I place my hand on the glass, my heart in my throat.
"You've got it so bad," Vanessa says softly.
I drop my hand, wheeling to face her. My cheeks are hot, my heart pounding. I don't deny it, though. I can't. The truth is…I do have it bad. So freaking bad.
I sink into the chair beside her with a groan. "Is it that obvious?"
"Just a little bit." She just grins at me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "You look happy, Hattie. Are you happy?"
"I am." I peek over at her, swallowing hard. "It feels too good to be true."
"Why?"
My eyes dart toward my mother, who is still complaining about something to Briggs. Judging from the pissed look on his face, probably me. She's clearly already decided that I'm fully responsible for Tye and Sidney's fight, as if they're puppets on my strings.
Briggs mutters something to her, silencing her. I can't hear what he says, but she pales slightly, her gaze darting to me and then away.
I pretend not to notice, but Vanessa isn't easily fooled. She knows how things are with my mother. Tye refuses to leave Vanessa alone with her, just in case Mom gets any wild ideas about what she is and isn't allowed to say to his fiancée.
"Sometimes, the hardest part about the good things is learning to trust them," Vanessa says softly. "When you've lived with the bad shit for so long, you start to expect it. You get stuck in survival mode, and it feels like the good stuff is a trap."
"Yeah," I whisper, nodding.
"It's a lie, Hattie," she says gently. "It's what you've conditioned yourself to believe so you don't crash every time the rug gets pulled out from underneath you."
She's not wrong. I've gotten so used to being the one who never fit here that it feels…
dangerous…to believe that I can find a place in this world, like I'm setting myself up for failure or something.
And more than anything, I don't want to fail.
I want to believe that I can keep the cranky, beautiful man who talks to me like I'm the most important thing in the world and looks at me like he's never seen anything more perfect.
I didn't mean to fall for him, but I think maybe I was lying to myself all along.
I never really stood a chance of faking it with him, of pretending he was mine temporarily without giving him my heart.
I think we both know I asked him for help because it had to be him…
because there was no one else I could imagine at my side.
And I think we both know that's because, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I already had feelings for him.
I tried to bury them. I tried like hell to convince myself that he wasn't my type.
But really, all I was doing was trying to give myself an out—a reason to keep hiding.
I've gotten so good at it that it's second nature.
If I never try, if I just stick to the fringes, it hurts less. I can pretend it doesn't matter.
It's always mattered. It's never been okay.
And I'm not sure how to undo the lifetime of damage that's been done.
I think some of those wounds will linger for the rest of my life.
But today—right now—some feel healed in a way they never have before.
I feel more confident than I ever have. It's not because of what Sidney said last night, either.
It's because of the way he looks at me. It's the way he holds me.
It's the way his voice and his words are slowly replacing my mother's.
It's the way he never wavers or hesitates.
I'm stronger because he makes me want to be stronger.
He makes me want to stand proudly at his side and say that this is who I am, and if I'm good enough for him, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?
I never stood a chance with him. I thought I did. I thought we could make it through the wedding and go back to life like usual. But there is no life like usual after Sidney. There's just Sidney.
Maybe this is dangerous. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure. But I'd rather fail epically than not give him my whole heart and see where it leads.
"I…I love him," I whisper to Vanessa.
"Oh, girl, I know," she says, laughing. "It's written all over your face."