Chapter 4
Four
Hallie
Ashford Gardens in Oak Park felt like the perfect place to meet Knox that afternoon–it was far enough away from my parents’ neighborhood that it wasn’t likely I’d run into anyone I knew, and close enough to a Metro stop that Knox could meet my brother in time for their wrestling thing downtown.
The park took up a city block tucked between a cluster of apartment buildings, bordered by a wrought-iron fence that ran along the street where I’d parked my car.
The July heat kept most people inside that afternoon, though a small yoga class had claimed a patch of grass near the center of the park.
Beyond them, I spotted an arching footbridge over a tiny pond, where a couple of teen girls were filming each other.
My hands stayed firm on the steering wheel. Why was I so nervous? Reaching out to Knox and meeting him like this seemed like a good idea when I was sitting on my bed earlier, typing the text before I could talk myself out of it.
But sitting here now, my heart was pounding. I turned my music down hoping that would help me think and gain a sense of clarity about this situation I’d found myself in with Knox, but it didn’t. If anything, the quiet made it worse.
Maybe this was a mistake.
I could’ve just said: Hey, sorry for bringing up all that weird stuff last night! Lol! And it’d be done. Knox would probably say no worries, one of his go-to responses that we all teased him about, and we’d just carry on with our lives like nothing had happened.
But no.
I had to punish myself by insisting on seeing him in person. You’d think I had a humiliation kink.
If I was being truly honest with myself, there was a tiny part of me that wanted to see his expression when I said those words now, in the daylight. Would he shrug it off, or would he try to coax more of the truth out of me?
Was that man even aware how capable he was of getting me to do exactly what he wanted?
I’d always had a crush on Knox, even as a little girl. He complimented my Converse when he was sixteen and I was eleven, and that alone convinced me we were soulmates. Of course, the age gap was ridiculous, and he never saw me as anything but Adrian’s goofy little sister.
But now we were both adults, and whatever I’d once dismissed as a childish crush felt a lot more real than I was ready to admit–especially after our interaction the night before.
I tugged on my black denim shorts, noticing a chip in my red nail polish. I couldn’t afford a professional manicure at the moment, so I made a mental note to touch it up later and pretended it didn’t bother me nearly as much as it did.
My phone buzzed, making my stomach flutter when Knox’s name flashed across the screen. I shook my head at myself and picked it up.
Knox: I’m on the opposite side of the park from you. Come to the bench past the bridge.
Well, there was no backing out of this now.
I’d already been spotted. As I stepped through the open wrought-iron gates, I squinted toward the trees at the far end of the park, scanning the pockets of shade for any sign of him, but I couldn’t see him anywhere.
I held my arms awkwardly at my side as I walked, becoming acutely aware that he was watching me.
I didn’t spot him until I walked over the little bridge.
The wooden bench sat just beyond it, tucked beneath a canopy of trees where barely any sunlight broke through.
Knox sat with one arm draped along the back of the bench, and he glanced over his shoulder at me like he knew the exact second I’d come into view.
My heart picked up as I slowed, making my way around to the front of the bench. “Hey,” I said casually, like I wasn’t remembering the way his hard body felt pressed up against mine.
As I sat down, Knox looked like he was fighting a grin, perhaps for the very same reason. “Hey,” he said back, and it came out dripping in sarcasm.
God, this was going to be torturous, wasn’t it?
I was so nervous, it took longer than it should have to realize he was holding up a drink for me to take. “Here,” he said, nodding down at the iced coffee in his hands. “It’s an iced vanilla latte with oat milk.”
All I could do was blink, so he lowered my favorite drink to the bench between us in silence, his eyes flitting over to my thighs. My mouth struggled to form words. “Wha–? How’d you know what drink to get?”
Knox interlocked his fingers over one knee.
He wore dark jeans and a fitted black t-shirt that clung to his biceps, and his hair looked like it might still be damp from his shower.
And he smelled heavenly, a woodsy and clean scent emanating from his body.
Was that sandalwood? I could never quite put my finger on it, but I wished I could bottle up Knox’s scent and keep it with me forever.
“Lucky guess,” he answered. I didn't believe him, but then again, a vanilla latte was pretty much a safe bet with a basic girl like me, wasn’t it?
“You didn’t have to do that, but… thank you,” I said, lifting the coffee to my mouth for a sip. It was so delicious that I turned the cup to look at the label, making a mental note to visit Penny Lane Coffee sometime in the near future. “Didn't you get coffee for yourself?”
“Not thirsty.”
“People don't drink coffee because they're thirsty,” I said with a little laugh, flipping my hair off my shoulder.
Knox gave me a half-grin before glancing past me toward the pond. “I’ve had my caffeine allotment for the day already.”
For a few seconds, I sipped my latte in silence, and he rubbed the stubble on his chin and stared off into space like he was waiting for something.
Oh, right. He was waiting for me.
This was my idea.
“So, um,” I said, inhaling slowly as I remembered why I was here.
My voice dropped lower like the people across the park might overhear.
“I just wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have said all of that stuff.
I don’t even know where it came from, honestly, and I’m so embarrassed.
And I’m just… sorry that I dragged you into my insanity. ”
Knox didn’t say anything right away. His expression barely moved, but something shifted behind his eyes.
I caught the tiniest flicker of disbelief, like he was seeing straight through the apology to the lie underneath it.
Or maybe that was just me projecting every guilty thought I’d had since waking up.
Because the truth was, this apology wasn’t what I wanted to say.
Not even close.
Beneath all that humiliation, there was still this insistent, nagging thought in the back of my mind that neither of us were just playing around last night.
And that same reckless part of me wanted him to push back and draw it out of me.
I wanted him to tell me I hadn’t imagined the ravenous look in his eyes when he pinned me against that wall.
I mean, I could feel how aroused he was.
And though I was playing coy now, I hoped and prayed with every cell in my body he could see through it and he’d know I was bluffing. I did not want Knox Ballard to accept my apology.
This was only a test.
“Fine,” Knox said, clearing his throat. He shifted on the bench to straighten himself, staring down at the concrete path below our feet. “Right. You were drunk. You didn’t mean any of that.”
“Exactly.”
“And I definitely didn’t mean anything I said, either. I was just fucking with you.”
He shook his head like he absolutely meant every word, but the crinkles in the corners of his eyes gave him away. The way his lips subtly lifted certainly didn’t match the words coming out of his mouth, either.
But I kept playing.
“Good,” I said, a little too cheerful. “I’m glad we’re totally on the same page, then.”
His eyes caught mine. “Me too. We can just go back to normal and pretend that conversation didn’t happen. Since that’s what we both want.”
“For sure.”
After that, we fell quiet, both of us staring at the green leaves swaying in the breeze overhead. Which one of us would be the first to crack? I wanted it to be him, but the silence between us just stretched on and on. In my peripheral vision, I saw him cross his arms.
And then he muttered, “Brat.”
My head snapped toward him. “What?”
“What?” he echoed. His eyebrows lifted innocently, as though he’d said nothing at all. He wanted me to think I’d misheard him.
“You called me a brat.”
“Well,” Knox said, stealing another quick glance at my thighs. “Because you’re acting like one.”
I huffed out a breath, acting offended as I raked my fingers through my hair. “Ugh! I’m sitting here apologizing. I wouldn’t exactly call that bratty behavior.”
He settled back against the wooden bench with a satisfied smirk because he knew he had the upper hand. There was something infuriatingly sexy about how unbothered he looked, and I pressed my thighs together tight to smother that desperate little ache between my legs.
Knox’s eyes bore into me like he could read my every thought. And then that subtle grin faded, and his expression became solemn.
Almost… sinister.
“I’m just trying to get you to admit why we’re actually here,” he said, his voice dipping to a low growl.
I licked my lips, wanting to look away from his eyes, but I couldn’t. It was like he’d possessed me somehow, freezing me in place so that I could only stare back at him. My gaze bounced from the scruff along his jaw to the dark brown eyes that had come so familiar to me over the years.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed about what you want, Hallie,” he said.
“But it’s wrong.”
“It’s fantasy,” he said quickly, “And I’m not saying you have to act it out with me. If that’s the part that’s tripping you up, then fine–I’ll never bring this up again. But if you want to explore your darker side with someone who…”
He paused, his Adam’s apple bobbing before he continued.
“Someone who cares about you, and who has the same twisted sexual needs, then maybe we shouldn’t ignore this. I can give you exactly what you want. Safely.”