7. Archer
Chapter seven
Archer
Present
D ear Seb,
I used to think you were cheesy for writing me encouraging letters while you were away at college, but I can’t deny rereading the letters has helped me miss you less. It’s probably why I finally started writing back. I know it’s been a few weeks since I wrote in this book, but I’ve been busy trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life. You’d forgive me if you were here, right?
You probably don’t care, but Tilly’s so mad at me. In her defense, I’m mad at myself too. I didn’t want to miss her birthday dinner, but I had to take the meeting with the producers. It was perfect because I needed the morale boost after my meeting with the City Council went south. Mr. Brahm is still the same stickler he was when you and I got in trouble for TP’ing the principal’s house that one Halloween. He got the whole council riled up and the mayor got involved. He told me if I don’t open the bakery by December he’s going to highly suggest I sell it.
I’ve been working to the bone trying to get Tilly’s bakery up to code, but without Jessie, it’s just me. I’ll have to balance working on the bakery with the jobs I’m already contracted for, along with flying out to Tennessee for interviews with the network’s people.
I’m excited for what feels like the first time in years, and I know how pathetic that sounds, but I am. This HGTV carpentry job could set me up for life, make my carpentry business a household name, and maybe I’ll even be able to hire another guy or two to run a workshop. But Tennessee is far away. I don’t want to abandon Nora. She’s already lost so much. She told me yesterday she was glad she still had one son to dote on. Why couldn’t we have parents like that? Ones that loved us despite the idiotic mistakes we made.
I guess you don’t really have to deal with that anymore, right? Fuck, I’m an ass. Anyway, Tilly’s been her usual old self, giving me the cold shoulder, and it’s bothering me more than it should. Most times I’ve been able to brush off her lack of interaction, but with me potentially leaving, it’s getting harder.
And now I have Brahm and the mayor up my ass about opening the bakery. Had I known there’d be a deadline to open the location, I wouldn’t have bought it.
Who am I kidding? I would’ve bought the building beside it so she could have more space. Even though I try to hide it, I hate the chasm that’s opened between us since Jessie died. It's like he was the gravitational pull that held us together when all we wanted to do was push apart. Now that he’s gone, Tilly and I can’t manage to stay in our own orbits, constantly bumping into each other, causing unintentional, and sometimes intentional, damage any time we’re around each other.
I guess that’s just part of my personality. I’m always the one ruining things. Or at least that’s what our parents think. Can you believe during dinner last week Dad told me I’m damaging the family image? Like because I’m not a surgeon I’m sullying the Wilson name. Like always, Mom and Claire didn’t defend me. They sat rigid in their seats, forcing roasted cauliflower into their mouths so they didn’t have to speak up. They’re still just as scared of him as you were, but I’m sick of it.
Why’d you have to be an idiot? Why couldn’t you have just told them you were struggling? Why do I have to bear the brunt of the anger that should be directed at you? Fuck, man. Why do I have to be angry at you?
I’m so mad at you for leaving me. For making dumb decisions for people who only wanted to use you. I miss you and our late-night talks. Smoking weed and drinking on the roof when Mom and Dad were on call. I wish we would’ve made better decisions. Maybe I wouldn’t be the fuck up I am now, and you’d be sitting here sharing a beer with me.
If I get this job in Tennessee, I’m leaving this whole city behind. I won’t have to come to dinner and be berated for decisions you made or sit across from Tilly at Nora’s and wonder why you thought I didn’t deserve her. I’ll meet new people, ones who don’t know me as Archibald Wilson or look at me and feel nothing but disdain. Maybe I’ll settle down and have a family. I legit just had a cold chill at the thought. That’d be somethin’ right? Me, a husband? A dad? I don’t deserve any of that if you aren’t here to have it too.
Alright, I’m too drunk to be making any sense, but know I love you and miss you bro. Hope you’re doing some fancy surgery that’ll give you endless praise up in Heaven.
-Arch