Chapter 25
Theo
I stood right in front of a building that showed the exact address on the card I was holding. Something was holding me back from walking any further, but something else was trying to push through me and make me move forward. I grabbed the door and walked in. I walked through what seemed like an entryway but didn’t see anyone around. I walked through another set of doors and saw a lady at the front desk. I looked around and realized she was already staring right at me. I hesitated a little, trying to decide whether I needed to walk forward or turn and run.
“The first step was to walk through the first set of doors, then the second set.” I turned and looked at her once more and saw she was standing now.
“This is all your choice now about what you want to do for yourself. In my opinion, since you made it through both sets of doors, you want a change.” I didn’t speak still because, to be honest, I didn’t know what I wanted, but I did at the same time.
“What is your name? Only if you want to share.” I must have seemed like a mute because I was giving her the biggest blank stare.
“Theo.” Fuck it.
“Hello, Theo. My name is Kennedy. Is there someone you are here to see in particular?” I handed over the card that I had.
“Mr. Sanchez is one of the best. I will call up to him and let him know that you are here to speak with him. Just wait right over there Theo.” She pointed to a bench. It felt weird that she was addressing me by my name. I walked over to the bench and sat down. I kept looking around the room, trying to take in everything that was here. I still had that voice in the back of my head telling me to leave.
“Theo. It’s good to see you. I’m Marco.” When I looked up, I saw a man probably around the same height as me and very clean. There was something about him though. I felt a sense of familiarity when I looked at him. I noticed that he had his hand reached out to me and I was being rude. I reached my hand out and shook his. That felt weird. It’d been a while since I had to shake anyone’s hand.
“Uh, Hi.” I didn’t know what else to say to him because I still didn’t know why I was here in the first place. I was still looking around which had become my nervous tick I’d realized. Get your shit together, Theo, we want this. We want normal. I kept telling myself this but it was so hard to believe.
“Why don’t you come with me Theo and we can talk in my office? Are you hungry or do you want anything to drink?” I shook my head and raised the containers of food that I was still holding.
“Why don’t I have someone put those in a refrigerator for you so they stay cold? Would that be okay?” He was being so fucking nice. I didn’t know how to take all of this. I nodded again. Kennedy came up next to us and gestured for the boxes. I handed them over to her and smiled.
“Just down this hall.” I started to walk next to him as he led us down the hall. I saw pictures of all sorts of people on the walls along with certificates. I didn’t take the time to stop at every one, but I saw what they were. Years sober certificates. There were so many names and pictures.
“These are just some of the people that we have helped get out of the shadows of their past. It is something that can happen Theo but you are the only one who can make that determination.” He stopped at a door just up ahead and I moved toward him. He let me walk in first and I saw more certificates but these have ‘Marco Sanchez’ on them all. There were a lot of them but then I saw the numbers start over after five years.
He noticed me looking at them and walked over. He put his hands in his pockets and heavily sighed.
“Even when you think you have escaped the dark sometimes it does find its way back in when you least expect it. I am now five years sober again and it’s definitely been a tough year for me because last time I was here the dark came back.” He turned his gaze to me now.
“If you are ready to come out of the dark, I’m ready to work with you to make it happen. We all have stories, it’s just the ones that no one knows that haunt us.” I turned back and saw a picture of him and someone else.
“He was my best friend from back home. He died. He couldn’t get out of the dark. He’s one of the reasons I started this place. It is possible to live a good life even if you don’t think you deserve it. I held his death over my head for the longest. I blamed myself but when I started to see the light, I realized it wasn’t my fault at all.” This guy was sharing too much with me but I couldn’t find the words to share some of my story. This shit was so hard.
“How did you get out of the dark?” I turned and faced him. The look on his face was priceless.
“Love and support. There is also the will to want to be a better version of myself.” He walked over to the desk that was in the middle of the room and sat down. He motioned for me to come and have a seat. I was still deciding on running for my life out of there, but noticed that I was walking toward the chair. I really needed to get my shit together. I sat down and looked at his desk. I saw a picture of him with a woman. He noticed me staring.
“That’s the love and support that I have had behind me. Her name is Sarah. She’s been with me through the highs and lows. No judgment, just love. Do you have anyone in your life?” Serenity’s face came to my mind but I didn’t know if I would consider her any of that. We just met. But I got this feeling that she was my love and support.
“Maybe, I don’t know for sure.” He studied me.
“Maybe is something, so we will use that.” He started to type something on his keyboard.
“Tell me about yourself, Theo. You don’t have to tell me everything, only what you’re comfortable with.” I was not comfortable with any of this.
“I’m an addict?”
What the hell did I say that for? Out of everything that I could have said. This was a mistake. I started to get up but before I made it out of the chair, Marco was already at my side.
“Wait, wait. Don’t go. That’s good, Theo. Admitting it is a great step. I’m not here to tell you how to fix everything, I’m here to give you the tools to fix it. If you want to, that is. Just sit here a little longer and let’s talk some more. I can tell you more about me if you would like?”
I looked at him and realized he was being genuine. I had this sudden urge to get up and walk, but something in me was making me stay. So I took my seat once more and listened to him tell me his story. I liked that he was not pushing me for my story, which definitely made this a lot more comfortable.
“I killed my girlfriend. Her name was Camie.” I couldn’t believe I just said that, but when I looked up at him, he seemed so satisfied. Like he had been waiting his whole life for me to say what I did.
“And that my friend is progress.” All I could do was smile because it actually felt good saying it out loud because for the first time, I actually knew that it wasn’t my fault. On the other hand, when I left here, how long would this last?