Chapter Twenty-seven
I text Becca. Well, at least I have something else to tell her. She has been texting me every day asking me if I’ve told Dexter yet about getting into uni. Ha! What news I have for her now. Why is my life like a soap opera? I mean, seriously, how can so much shit happen to one person? I was just about to tell Dexter that I loved him when his pregnant ex turned up. What the actual…?
After taking a few deep breaths, I compose the message.
Hi, Becca. You’ll be pleased to know I’ve finally told Dexter. He said I have to do what’s right for me. But then– fun fact– his pregnant ex-girlfriend turned up to talk to him and I scarpered. Looks like my decision about uni may have been made for me. Love you x
For the rest of the afternoon, I walk around on autopilot. I can’t settle to one thing, so instead I mosey around the sanctuary doing odd jobs. On a few occasions, I glimpse Dexter with Maite, chatting with some of my friends– Maite’s friends– Maite and Dexter’s friends. Of course they’ll be glad to see her. No doubt they’ll be congratulating her on her pregnancy.
I’m down cleaning out cages with Victor, who is prattling away like a budgie about some cookery programme on TV featuring a chef who makes Victor’s blood boil. Victor’s busy telling me about all the mistakes the chef made– he doesn’t think he did them intentionally– and how he would have made the dish instead. I barely manage a smile at Victor’s indignation and supreme confidence in his culinary abilities. I have too many things on my mind.
Becca hasn’t texted back either. She’s probably working late, but every minute feels like it’s dragging. I don’t know if Maite has gone, but I did think Dexter might come and seek me out after she’d left, and the fact he hasn’t done so makes me think she’s still around, laughing and joking with our friends. She seemed like a lovely person, too, and I wish her all the best for the future. I just wish her future wasn’t irrevocably intertwined with my boyfriend’s.
As I shovel shit, literally, my jumbled thoughts whizz around my head: Dexter, pregnant ex-girlfriend, the sanctuary, my friends here, Becca, Glasgow uni, vet school, my future. Unsurprisingly, I have another headache, but this one’s starting to reach almost migraine proportions. I’ll need to take some paracetamol or something soon. I’ll just finish shovelling shit– what a glamorous life I do have– and then I’ll go back to my room to get some. Maybe if I take a break from my chores, I’ll be able to think straight too.
‘Victor, I’ll be back in ten minutes.’
He nods then says, ‘Can you send Alejandro down if you see him?’
I pause. That means going into the sanctuary proper. Last time I saw him, he was with Ella in the admin office. I could pretend when I return, I suppose, that I didn’t see him, but my conscience won’t let me do that. I don’t like lying, and Victor’s too nice, so I’d feel awful. No, I need to bite the bullet and brace myself for entering the sanctuary.
But Ella is no longer in the office and neither is Alejandro. I stop and listen, but I can’t hear their voices over the influx of visitors. I slip into the nursery, where Luciana is feeding Zoom. She looks up as I enter.
‘Hi. Have you seen Alejandro?’ I ask.
She inclines her head to the right. ‘Last I saw him he was with Carlos in his office.’
I thank her and cross the foyer to Carlos’ office, but right before I reach it, a familiar voice filters through to me.
‘Yeah, I’m taking Maite for a scan on Tuesday. I can’t believe it.’ His voice muffles slightly, but I just make out ‘father’ and my stomach clenches again. Any last remaining shred of hope I had that the baby wasn’t Dexter’s has flown the coop. As the father, of course he’s going to the scan. Tears well behind my eyes and my chest tightens. This is it. It’s really all over between Dexter and me. How can I compete with an ex who’s carrying his baby?
I about-turn and head back to tell Victor I didn’t see Alejandro. I can’t hang around any longer to hear Dexter talk about going to his baby’s scan with his ex-girlfriend, particularly since I don’t think she’ll be his ex for long.
Once I deliver the message to Victor, I head for my room. As I reach it, my phone rings. Becca. I fumble with the door handle, simultaneously closing the door behind me as I accept the call.
‘Hey, Kat. Are you OK?’ Her eyes are full of concern.
‘No, Becca, I’m not OK at all,’ I blurt out, then promptly burst into tears.
Once my snotty sobbing has finished, about ten minutes later, Becca says, ‘Look, I know it all seems really bleak right now, but on the plus side, I guess that’s your decision made now. And you’d been struggling with it. At least you know now, and not after you’d turned down your uni place. Small mercies, eh?’
I know what she says makes sense, but I can’t process that right now. All I can think about is the hot mess of my life and how when I finally found someone worth loving, I was too late. Not only can’t I compete with a baby, I wouldn’t want to. Without even knowing Maite, I want their baby to have a loving home with two parents. With me losing Dad, the last thing I want is for a baby not to have its father around.
I nod mutely. But I love Dexter. My heart aches, yes, actually aches. It’s almost like someone has stabbed me, the pain I feel at the thought of us no longer being together, and the realisation hits me: there’s no way I can stay here if Dexter is with someone else. Why, oh why, did I let myself get into this situation?
‘Look, you need to speak to Dexter, and when you’ve done so, call me and we’ll talk. If you’re coming home, I’m here for you. If you can stomach staying, I’ll still be here for you. OK?’
‘I love you, Becca, and I’m sorry all I seem to do recently is cry when I’m on the phone.’ I hiccough and even manage a smile at this.
‘That’s what friends are for. Kat, take some time to figure out what you want, then talk to Dexter. Whatever you do, it has to be the right thing for you. I can play devil’s advocate and tell you you’ve always wanted to be a vet, but you know that. Likewise, I can tell you, you deserve someone like Dexter, and that I haven’t seen you this happy– today excepted– for years. Certainly not with Aidan. But ultimately the decision has to come from you, from your heart.’
‘I know. And to be fair, you were never Aidan’s biggest fan.’ I give her a watery smile.
‘That’s because he was a class A dick and took advantage of you at your most vulnerable. After that it was easy for him to continue to manipulate you without you realising that’s what he was doing, and you were so grateful for everything he’d “done for you” when your dad was ill and when he died, that you thought you had to put up with his shit forever.’
She finally draws breath, and fleetingly, images of Dad, his blood transfusion and the consequences appear in my mind, but before I can add anything, she continues. ‘And you deserve great, Kat, really great. You have a lot of love to give. As your best friend, I know that, and I want that for you. Ask Dexter what he wants. Let him explain this whole Maite situation. It may not be what you think.’
I nod. She’s right. I may be getting ahead of myself, so I take a deep breath in, fortifying myself. ‘OK, Becca, I’ll talk to Dexter, but first I’ll have a real good think about going to uni, too. I need to have all my ducks in a row before we have that conversation.’
Becca grins. ‘That’s my girl. Right, gotta dash. I have a date in twenty minutes.’
My eyes go wide. ‘A date?’
‘Yes, you know. That thing where you meet someone and have a drink or dinner, and sometimes end up having a snog, or a bit of–’
‘Yes, yes, I get the idea. No need to draw me a picture. Not that you’d be able to engage in any “activities” at the moment, what with your leg in a cast.’
Becca grins again. ‘You’d be surprised at how inventive I can be. Last week–’
I hold my hand up. ‘Nope, Becca. TMI. I do not want to know. This seems like a good time to sign off. I’ll let you know how things go, and good luck with your date. You should have said. Here’s me prattling on about my abysmal love life, with all its complications, and you’re ready to go on a date, cast and all. Go enjoy yourself.’
‘Oh, I will. Good luck, hon. Speak later.’ She blows me a kiss and then the screen goes black.
I sit on my bed, my hands tucked under me as I tend to do when I’m thinking through a problem. And what a problem it is. Perhaps the fact Dexter has an ex-girlfriend who has turned up out of the blue and who’s pregnant– irrespective of whether the baby is his or not– is a much-needed warning sign to tread carefully. In truth, Dexter and I know very little about each other, or rather, I know next to nothing about his past. He knows about Aidan, naturally– how could he not– and Dad, but we’ve never done the previous relationships thing. It felt too soon; neither of us has even told the other we love them yet. It’s the university offer that first made this a more pressing issue, of course. If I didn’t have to make such a momentous decision– stay or leave– Dexter and I could simply continue at the pace our relationship has been progressing, but the fact that I needed to know our relationship was as important to him as to me has upset that applecart.
I look at my watch and see it’s almost dinnertime. I’ve been skiving off, although I think I’ll be forgiven, for longer than I’d meant to. I’ll make it up later. One thing about me, I’m not workshy; I just seem to have too much drama going on at the minute. After splashing some water on my face, I head back down to the sanctuary and join the others in the canteen, where the dish of the day is yucca pie. It smells amazing.
Ella is already seated and casts me a worried glance. Maybe my face is still blotchy. Whilst Mariangeles and Federica are deep in discussion with Victor, she whispers to me, ‘You OK? I know they’re not together any more, but it must have been weird for you to see Maite earlier.’
That’s the understatement of the century, but I welcome Ella’s concern. She’s such a sweet girl and a great friend. I place my hand on hers. ‘I’m fine, thanks, but yes, it was a bit of a shock.’
‘Didn’t you know Maite used to work here?’ she asks, keeping her voice low, I guess to avoid being overheard.
‘Actually, I didn’t know Maite and Dexter were… Dexter and I didn’t… share info on previous relationships.’
Ella’s mouth forms an O then she says, ‘That’s tough.’
‘Yeah.’ I give her a sad smile. ‘Have you seen Dexter? I wanted to talk to him.’
Ella’s face falls. ‘Didn’t he tell you?’
I frown. ‘Tell me what?’
Ella shifts in her chair and her eyes won’t meet mine. ‘He and Maite have gone out for dinner. They have things to discuss, apparently.’
‘I’ll bet they do,’ I say, thinking of what I overheard about the scan. Why am I kidding myself? There’s no question it’s Dexter’s baby– he and Maite have gone for dinner to talk things through and he’s accompanying her to the scan. What else do I need, a blueprint?
‘Ella, do you fancy going for a drive later? I have a notion to go to the beach.’
She raises an eyebrow. ‘At night?’
‘Yeah. Maybe go to one of the bars at Espadilla and have a cocktail, or a mocktail, depending if we can get someone to give us a lift. You in?’
Ella looks me straight in the eye. She seems to be debating something internally with herself, but a second later, she says, ‘Of course.’
I smile. ‘Great. Let me see if I can arrange for someone to drop us off and we can head off in an hour or so.’
Ella tucks into her yucca pie. I even manage to eat a few bites, although mostly I just move it around on my plate. I wonder if this is the pre-break-up diet. I’d happily retain the pounds I have if I didn’t have to go through my current torture. I’m beginning to see a common thread running through my life– drama. Is it normal at thirty to have at the top of your wish list, a nice quiet life?
Once I’ve eaten enough that I feel Sofia won’t question me on it, I take our plates and put them in the dishwasher. As I exit the kitchen, Victor is heading towards the foyer, and I call to him. He turns round and I say, ‘I don’t suppose you could do me a favour.’