Chapter 11
11
I don’t know if this is just a sign of me getting older, or if I’ve always felt this way, but the thought of a day of travelling always fills me with dread, and today, when I woke up, I felt no different.
I have so much respect for people who want to – and do – see the world, because simply thinking about the logistics of it makes me feel stressed and exhausted.
Looking at my itinerary for today, even though I wasn’t set to be travelling all that far in the grand scheme of things, I still couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm for it. Catching trains, planes, and then a leg in an automobile (well, technically a bus) all take time, and that time adds up when you throw in the waiting around in between.
However, it has flown by so far – no pun intended – because I have a new addiction.
I’m currently on the plane, squished into a seat that feels like it was designed for a small child rather than a grown adult. It’s not a long flight, just under two hours, but it’s given me more time to spend with my new guilty pleasure: watching Welcome to Singledom – specifically, the series Caleb was a contestant on.
Honestly, I feel like I’m living my best life right now, watching the show, drinking cheap plane wine – and you know it’s cheap when even I can identify it as being so. It doesn’t taste like it came from France, and given that I’m heading there I would say I’m looking forward to better drinks, but I’m actually enjoying this. It’s the perfect pairing for my new favourite TV show.
I’d never watched Welcome to Singledom before, so I had no idea what to expect. My hopes weren’t high, though. Reality TV isn’t exactly known for its high-brow content, and I wouldn’t call myself a high-brow customer, but for some reason it’s never appealed to me. Honestly, I’ve been missing out though, because it’s so good, and so addictive. Of course, I’m enjoying it more than most, seeing as I know someone on it – if you can count two encounters with Caleb as knowing him – but I’m absolutely fascinated.
The show is like a cross between Love Island , I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! , and Married at First Sight – with just a dash of Naked and Afraid thrown in for good measure. Sexy singles all live together in a made-for-TV compound on an alleged desert island for eight weeks – if they stay from the start until the end, because people are voted out a few times a week, and new people are dropped in now and then. The sexy singles have to couple up with an ‘island partner’ and then work together to survive. It’s not as wild as it sounds; they have luxury areas they can stay in by completing challenges, while others have to fend for themselves on the beach. But even then, sleeping under the stars looks lovely, and romantic, even if the man they’re cuddled up with turns out to be a total dog (so many of them are on this show, but the women can be just as bad, I’m finding out). The twist is that the couples are subject to change, with contestants able to choose new partners if they want to, or steal partners from other people, so the couples are constantly changing, with people scrapping over the ‘island hotties’ – the man and woman voted to be most popular.
So, I put on the first episode, just to see what it was like, just to see Caleb in action, and I haven’t been able to turn it off since. Caleb is undeniably the star of the series. In the first episode, the boys all wait on the beach, and the girls turn up one at a time in speedboats, because of course they do, and choose the boy they want to be their island partner. Naturally, the first girl chose Caleb, but then the second girl turned up and stole him, then the third did the same – this happened six times. Before the show had even properly started, Caleb had been in a couple with every single girl on the island.
It seems like most of the contestants were small-scale influencers before they went on the show (they’ve all got huge followings now), with jobs like model and footballer appearing to be the most popular among island residents. But Caleb seemed to be one of the few normal people there – to the point where the other boys were kind of snobbish, putting down the fact that he had a regular job – although no one mentioned what it was. But as the show started, and the couples had to build shelters for their first night together, it quickly became clear that Caleb was the only one who had any sort of skills. He had a shelter and a fire knocked up in no time – that, coupled with the fact that he’s smoking hot and charming, meant that all the girls fell even harder for him. As the series has continued, it’s becoming clear that the prize money doesn’t seem as important as the real prize: Caleb. The girls are practically tearing each other’s hair out to get him, the boys are all so jealous of him – and no one can understand why he has so many useful survival skills, and he’s not telling anyone, so the speculation is wild. One of the girls thinks he must be friends with Bear Grylls, a few of the boys reckon he’s ex-SAS, but no one knows for sure.
And, of course, all the while Caleb takes it all in his stride. He’s so charming to everyone, such an everyman, boy-next-door type – which only makes everyone want him more.
The island looks beautiful, with pristine white beaches and crystal-clear waters, and every single contestant is just as stunning and flawless too. I wonder if you have to be a ten out of ten to take part, or if only truly beautiful people have the confidence to do it. There’s no way I could take part, if only because everyone wears swimwear the entire time, and I’d be worried about my bikini falling off, never mind trying to get one of the island studs to choose me over any of the other girls.
There’s no one taking part in glasses, I can tell you that. Imagine if you took the best features from a selection of people and used them to make one perfect person – everyone on this show is one of those people, and Caleb has to be the ultimate Frankenstein’s influencer, because he’s got it all. Pumped but chiselled muscles, flawless white teeth, dimpled cheeks, great hair, clear skin. He has no distinct accent, no controversial views, his presence creates drama on the show but he isn’t causing it. He really is the dream contestant.
The seat-belt light comes on, signalling that we’re landing soon – ah, yes, real life, I forgot about that, so I have to stop watching, but I’ll definitely be binge-watching more later. I’m excited to see what happens next. It will be something to do when I’m hiding in my room, putting off writing my book, and when I think about it like that, it doesn’t sound like it’s going to be much different from being at home, really.
I throw back the last of my wine and pack away my iPad as the plane descends.
Now it’s time for my adventure to begin – and there’s no way it’s going to be as exciting as Welcome to Singledom .