Chapter 46
46
After dragging my feet back to the chateau, with my tail between my legs and my heart pretty much in my arse, I get to step into the warmth of the hallway – probably for the last time.
I’ll miss that feeling, of leaving the cold air outside, to step into the warmth of the chateau, the smell of burning wood greeting me, making me feel like I’m home.
However cold it is outside today though, honestly, Caleb was colder. Now that I’m back here, and the icy winds have blasted some sense into me, it’s a little easier to remind myself that I don’t need him, and that I don’t need anyone treating me this way. I don’t deserve it, and I can do better.
I mean, I didn’t need him, I wanted him, but… yeah, I can do better, I can do better. And if I chant it enough, I might believe it.
I need to pack my bags but, before I do, I’ve got some goodbyes to say – and maybe some apologies to make.
I step into the inviting glow of the lounge. Mandy, Bette, and Gina are sitting around the fire, drinking wine and nibbling on olives. They’re laughing and chatting, clearly enjoying their evening, but the moment they see me their mood shifts and their laughs fade out into awkward silence.
‘Hey, ladies,’ I say, attempting to muster up a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes – hopefully they can’t sense my fear, or tell that I have a nervous lump in my throat. ‘Listen, I’m really sorry I’ve been MIA for the last few days. I’ve had some things going on, and… long story short, I think it might be time for me to step back from writing for a bit.’
Mandy raises an eyebrow, her lips flickering a hint of smile for a split second, before she settles on something that looks more understanding.
‘That’s all right, Amber,’ she tells me. ‘This job isn’t for everyone. Not everyone is cut out for this life.’
So nice of her to make this a personal failing on my part.
Bette nods in agreement, reaching for another bottle of wine and expertly popping it open with ease.
‘She’s right,’ Bette chimes in, her eyes firmly on her glass. ‘This job is so hard. Sometimes I wonder how we do it.’
She isn’t making it look hard, pouring herself a glass of wine, on her French retreat. Perhaps it’s just what I’ve seen here, and what they show people on social media, but their lives seem filled with leisurely wine evenings, laughter, and each other. I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard a hint of struggle from any of them. Then again, I assumed Caleb had always had a perfect life too. Who knows what things are really like for them? One thing I can say for sure is that, whatever I’m going through, they’re not all that bothered.
‘Well, I need to pack my bag, to head home, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for the opportunity, and maybe I’ll see you later.’
‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll see us again,’ Mandy replies.
We exchange brief, half-hearted goodbyes and – honestly – I can’t leave the room fast enough. I head for the stairs, picking up the pace, keen to get back to my normal life.
As I reach the end of the hallway, I hear footsteps rapidly approaching behind me.
‘Amber, wait!’ Gina calls out as she catches up with me. ‘Can I talk to you for a second?’
I turn to face her, surprised to see genuine concern in her eyes.
‘Yeah, of course,’ I reply, keeping my guard up just a little. ‘What’s up?’
‘You need to take care of yourself, Amber,’ she tells me firmly, but sincerely. ‘Sometimes we all need a break so take some time and figure out what you want to do. There will always be other books, but there’s only one you – take care of yourself.’
Her words are filled with a warmth and understanding that I didn’t get from the other two, and I’m touched that she has come out of her way to offer me some advice.
‘Thanks, Gina. I really appreciate that,’ I say, my voice wobbling slightly. ‘That means a lot to me.’
She gives me a quick, reassuring hug.
‘Just remember that it’s okay to take a step back and breathe,’ she adds. ‘And don’t be too hard on yourself. Save the spanking for the book.’
I laugh, feeling a bit lighter for the first time in days. She’s right, a break is exactly what I need.
‘I’ll try. Thank you,’ I reply, genuinely grateful for her support.
Gina heads back to the lounge, and I continue on to my room.
I grab my things, stuffing them into my bag, pausing for a second to smile to myself as I pack the lingerie I flashed Henri in. I’m not sure I’ll ever wear it again but, weirdly, I feel like it has sentimental value now. How often do you think people say that about raunchy lingerie?
I’m grateful to Gina, for her kind words, and for the time I got to spend with Henri, and all of the inspiring places I saw, and the stories I heard, and yes, I’m grateful for Caleb. Not just for the money he’s paying me for the photos I helped him with, or for seemingly repairing my parents’ marriage, but for the time I got to spend with him too.
Life is just a mess of ups and downs and all we can do is ride the waves as they come at us. At least I can go home to my family – my happy family – and Christmas.
I just need to focus on the positives and get home safely. Although I think perhaps I need something different to watch on the flight on the way home.
I’m not sure I’m in the mood for any more Welcome to Singledom .