Chapter 28
Kyle
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pause the movie and see that it’s AJ, and I can’t help the smile that rises on my face when I see his name. I also ignore the side-eye from Trish.
Kyle ??
Random question, but here goes: Would you like to have dinner with my family tonight? You know, like old times. My mum is insisting.
I stare at the message, and I can feel my nerve endings tingle. Like old times, but now it’s more complicated. There’s sex and superstardom. The media and scandals. And homophobia. I want to tell him all of this, but not over text.
AJ
Sounds good. I will be there at 7 pm. Like old times
I put my phone away and wait for Trish’s barrage of questions.
“So,” she says, and I suck in a breath, savoring this.
“I’m going out tonight.”
“Oh, are you now?” she says, with a coy smile.
“Yes. Don’t wait up.”
“I see, it’s one of those nights then?” Her eyebrows wriggle suggestively.
“No. I am having dinner with AJ and his parents.”
“Meeting the parents so soon. Big step.”
I know what she is doing, and I’m not rising to it.
“As you know, AJ and I have been friends for almost two decades.”
Fuck.
“Almost two decades? You’re going on like you’re in your late fifties. You’re barely twenty-one. You can just about drink in the States, if you wanted to.”
Still not rising.
“Yes, well. That’s fine.” I chew my lip, not wanting to say more. “And we’re not going to have sex, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Double fuck.
“Sure. And I’m not going to go back to my wife tonight and use our special toys.” A playful smile blooms on her lips. “Look, I’m busting your balls, but I’m happy for you, just look after that heart of yours, okay?”
“Thank you,” I say, because that’s all I can think of that isn’t images of AJ in all his naked glory.
With a few hours to kill, I finish up listening to my record player, Black Sabbath is belting out classics, I’m heading over to AJ’s for dinner, and I’ve had a weekend filled with football.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’d been transported back to my childhood, which admittedly wasn’t long ago, but it also seems a lifetime ago.
I check my phone, and it tells me it’s 6:00 pm. Time to get ready. I don’t know why I’m nervous. I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t want a relationship while I’m playing football. I’m not even in my prime yet. The world's greatest striker played into his early forties.
Can I go twenty years of being alone? Why am I only realizing this now?
I could do what my parents want and find a nice woman, but I’m not bi.
And that would be cheating on my heart. Why is this so hard?
I punch the wall in frustration and wipe bits of the wall off my knuckles.
Coming out is hard. Coming out when you’re one half of the world’s most hyped-up football prospects.
Add in that we’re currently embroiled in a fighting scandal?
Yeah, that’s pretty bad. I take a deep, deep breath and get ready, trying to clear all of this from my mind. At least for one night.
Standing outside AJ’s parents’ house brings a flood of memories back, and it warms my heart. My happiest childhood moments are in this home. I ring the doorbell and before I know it, I’m being swept into a gigantic bearhug by AJ’s mum.
“Kyle! Look how you’ve grown. And my, my, you have gotten more handsome.” She leans into me and whispers conspiratorially in my ear, “AJ is one lucky guy,” and drops me a wink.
“MUM.” AJ appears from around the door, looking sensational in a white button down and black jeans.
“Ky, I’m so sorry. My mother and I had a private conversation. Private,” he says again, eyeing his mum.
“Well, Dad knows too.”
“MUM!”
“It’s not good to keep secrets, son. Come on in Kyle, make yourself at home, love, like old times.” There’s that phrase again, old times. It makes me feel warm and nostalgic for a simpler time.
AJ whispers sorry to me again but it’s actually okay. The world hasn’t exploded. No one has died. I haven’t grown another head. And most importantly, AJ’s parents still want me here. Coming out to AJ’s parents before my own also feels right, safer.
I make my way into the kitchen, and AJ’s dad is finishing up dinner, proper beef stew and veg…just like old times.
I clear my throat, very aware of the sound bouncing off the wall. Everyone turns to look at me, smiling.
“I um, so. What I’m trying to say is, you don’t mind that, um.” What the fuck are words? I take a deep breath, and AJ is beside me, rubbing my arm, in front of his parents. He feels like a tether.
“You don’t mind that I’m gay?”
“Gay, dear? Of course not. Come here, love.” Before I know it, AJ’s mum has me in another bear hug.
“Don’t bother me, either. Better to keep it under this roof, though, you know, to be safe.” AJ’s dad turns around and finishes stirring the stew. That’s that then. I can’t help but feel my heart deflate.
“Dad. I have told you, it will be fine, and besides, Kyle and I are not dating. I will, however, be coming out on my own terms soon. I am not having people thinking I’m some thug who beats up their teammates.
” I love it when AJ gets passionate. He gets a crinkle in his forehead and his ears go a shade of pink, like he’s embarrassed to have feelings.
His dad sighs. Clearly this has been a source of tension between them, and I don’t feel it is my right to get in the middle of them.
“Let’s not focus on any of that tonight, shall we? I want us to all have a nice meal. Kyle, dear, how’s the family? Are they keeping well?” she asks, taking a seat at the kitchen island.
I follow suit and say, “Yeah, they’re good. I’m due to visit them this weekend, I’ll tell them you said hi.” I’ll tell my mum, but not Dad; he still hasn’t forgiven AJ for playing for City and for “diving” in the final. Oh, and he thinks he’s gay, so there’s three strikes against him.
Dinner is delightful. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a traditional northern dinner, and I’ve missed it. I collapse onto the sofa with a full belly, and AJ joins me, sitting close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating off him.
“Thank you for coming,” he says and grips my knee slightly, sending shockwaves of pleasure racing up and down my body.
“No need to thank me,” is all I can say. My nerve endings are still buzzing with electricity, and he hasn’t moved away from me, in fact he feels closer.
“Hey, I have an idea,” a playful smile blooms on his lips, “come up to my room.”
Before I can protest, he’s grabbing my hand and taking me upstairs.
“Keep the door open boys.”
“MUM! I’m not a teenager anymore, and besides, if you want to see my shows, you have to subscribe to my Only Fans.”
“Aaron Johnson. You better not have an Only Fans,” his mum screams from the bottom of the stairs.
“That would well and truly ruin your career, son,” pleads his dad.
AJ bursts out laughing. “Relax. I haven’t got an Only Fans,” he whispers into my ear, halfway up the stairs, “yet,” and laughs again before heading into his room.
His bedroom hasn’t changed at all, save for some fresh sheets his mum must have put on for him.
There’s the same poster of the “99 treble-winning” team we grew up supporting, the two gaming chairs, the desk under the huge window where he’d sit and draw at night, and the dog bed in the corner.
These days it’s for Dereck, their Dalmatian.
When I was younger, it was for another dog—a sausage dog called Drax.
I make my way over to his bed and sit on it, a burst of summer-scented washing fragrance bursts into my nostrils. It’s a smell that transports me back to my childhood again.
“So, what do you have in mind?” I ask, wanting only one answer, but afraid of asking it.
“I think we should play with ourselves,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. He brushes his new blond hair out of his deep brown eyes and offers me the dirtiest smile. I go hard instantly.
“Close your eyes,” he says, and I do as I’m told. “I want you to feel my joystick in your hands,” he says, whispering into my ear. Fuck. My dick is threatening to burst out of my skinny jeans.
A moment later, something hard and long is slid into my hands. I grip it and open my eyes. “A controller?”
AJ laughs so hard, he falls onto the floor. “Were you expecting something else?”
My face goes bright red, I can feel it. “No.”
“You were,” he says, reveling in the moment, and then I spot something.
“I see you quite enjoyed it too.” I gesture to his tented crotch, the outline of his big cock is so prominent I can see the veins—or at least my mind fills in the missing details.
Memories of what we have done together come flooding into my mind, just like new times, and now I want to play with a whole different joystick.
AJ sits himself on the bed, close enough to touch, everything.
“I’m just glad I’m not alone,” he says, “but we can’t do anything, not with my parents downstairs.”
I sigh. “I know, I know.”
And as much as I want to recreate recent memories, I abstain.
AJ loads up the game, and we are greeted with the familiar logo from our childhood.
I haven’t played the new game yet, the one with our renders in.
And then it hits me, we are in a video game.
How bloody insane. The game we grew up playing, yeah?
We’re in it. I remember when the makers came around to the training ground and scanned my body for the game, took photos of me, and motion captured me for my runs and movements.
It was a top five moment. Sure, the fame side of football sucks, but that was pretty amazing.
“I can’t believe you’re picking City! We used to make each other pick them as punishment,”
“I still can’t believe I play for them. And you, well, I always knew you’d play for Union.
” My heart softens at his words. My dick however, does the opposite.
Rein it in, Kyle. Remember, you’re the one who doesn't want this. Because you’re scared of having feelings for anyone.
Scared of taking risks. I shove my thoughts to the back of my mind.
“Wait, how is yours bigger!” I say, pointing at the TV, and more importantly, AJ’s rating. An 83 out of 100. They have rated me 81.
“All right, size queen, calm down,” he says, “and besides, last time I checked we were pretty even.” He puts a coy hand to his mouth..“Oh, you meant the ratings. Perks of being on a better team, I guess?”
“Ha. Ha. Trust me, when my ‘inform card’ comes out, it’ll be higher.”
“If you get one.”
“Rude,” I say, pushing him in the shoulder.
We settle into a cozy rhythm. One that has stood the test of time. I don’t know how long we play for, but each game is as close as the last. Each laugh is louder than the next. And my heart has never been so full.
I have the chance to make these moments last a lifetime. I know this is what I want, but I don’t know how to get it. I look over at him, his beautiful eyes pinned on the game.
I put my controller down on the bed, place my hands on his face, turn his head to me, and press my lips against his.
His tongue roams the inside of my mouth, and I bite his bottom lip in response.
His hands are in my hair and mine go under his shirt, holding his back.
I can feel his length stiffen against me as I slide my hand under the waistband of his boxers.
I don’t know who pulls away first, but we’re out of breath and looking disheveled.
“Well, I like this new addition to game night,” he says.
“Me too,” I grumble into his ear.
“We should make this a more regular thing, if you want?” His question hangs in the air.
I stare at his hopeful eyes. His heart is in my hands, and I don’t want to break it again. “Yes,” is all I manage to say before my lips collide with his again.
A creak on the floorboards tears us apart so quickly it makes my head spin, then the bedroom door is being opened and his mum’s head is poking through, a huge smile on her face.
“Hello boys. Not disturbing anything, am I?”
“MUM! What did you think, that we’d be railing each other with you and Dad downstairs? And besides, we’re not dating,” he says, his words sounding final.
“Okay, dear, it’s just that your fly is undone and I can see one of your balls poking out.”
I fall back on the bed, in hysterics, struggling to breathe.
“MUM! For fuck’s sake,” he says, adjusting himself.
“Kyle, dear, are you staying for a cup of tea?”
“What’s the time?”
“Only eleven thirty,” she says, again with that smile on her face.
“Um, sure. I’ll be down in a moment.”
“Lovely, make sure AJ has his balls away. Don’t want him giving his father a fright.
I can see he didn’t inherit his father’s bits, that’s for sure.
You’re a lucky guy, Kyle.” Now it’s my turn to go bright red.
“Oh, and boys, please use a raincoat. I know you can’t get pregnant, but you don’t want to be getting a nasty infection. ”
“MUM! Seriously.”
She closes the door, laughing.
“Honestly, we’re professional footballers. The world looks up to us, and yet, my mum still treats me like a baby.”
“And she just saw and complimented your balls,” I say helpfully.
“That’s not helping,” he says, in an embarrassed tone.
We finish adjusting ourselves and head down to the kitchen.