36. Luke
Luke
My eyes flutter open in the dark, grabbing at shadows and trying to make sense of what woke me.
The bed shifts. In the near pitch blackness of the night, I barely make out Nat’s figure leaving the room.
She closes the door silently behind her, and I lie back against my pillow, rubbing sleep from my eyes.
Maybe she couldn’t sleep. A lot happened yesterday, and she’s most likely struggling to rest her mind.
I debate going back to sleep, but something makes me swing my feet to the floor.
I turn on the lamp beside the bed and creep to the stairs.
A light glows from the kitchen. I tiptoe down the steps, and when I reach the last step, I hear the rustling of a plastic bag.
I step around the corner. “Natalie?”
Natalie’s head whips up, her eyes wide with surprise in the dull light. “Luke.” She gives me a tired smile.
“What are you doing?” I ask, scanning her face.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she says, her face falling. “Did I wake you?”
“I heard you get up.”
She crosses the kitchen to me and rests a hand on my bare chest. “I’m sorry. I tried to be quiet.”
“What were you doing?”
“I was looking for tea bags. You know, the decaf ones I like that make me sleepy. But I guess we forgot to buy some.”
I nod. “I’ll get some for you in the morning,” I say.
“Thanks. I’ll come back to bed with you.” She smiles up at me.
We return to the bedroom together, and she sits in the bed, tucking the blankets around her waist.
“Sorry I woke you,” she says again, her voice sleepy. More than sleepy—exhausted.
I lie in the bed and turn toward her, lifting my arm in a silent welcome. She slides her body down to lie beside me, and I wrap my arm around her waist, tugging her close until her chest is against mine. Her breath glides across my bare skin.
“Did you have a nightmare?” I ask.
Silence stretches for a few seconds before she nods. “Yeah.”
“Was it the same as always?”
“Mm-hmm. The same.”
My hand splays across her back. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m used to it.”
“It doesn’t make me wish any less that I could take them away. The nightmares,” I clarify.
“I know,” she whispers. “Thank you for wanting to, though.”
“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make your life a million times better if I could. I’d take away all the nightmares if only I could enter them and take your place in the darkness.”
She snuggles her face into my chest, then lifts her face to mine. “I know. You’re my knight in shining armor—you always have been.”
A hundred emotions cross the blue of her eyes in a matter of seconds, but she doesn’t say more. I press my lips to her forehead, lingering for several seconds, capturing the warmth of her against my mouth. When I pull back, her eyes are closed. A small smile tugs at her lips.
“I’ll hold you,” I say. “I’m always here for you. You just sleep, and I’ll keep the nightmares away.”
She hums, her body relaxing between my arms. I hate that she still has these nightmares—that she can’t rest peacefully like the rest of us.
I lie with her and hold her like this until she falls asleep.
Her breathing slows, and her body relaxes against the mattress as she sinks into rest. Even before we got married, when we lived in separate rooms at my parents’ house, I’d sneak into her room and comfort her.
There’s never been a day that I didn’t want to make her feel safe.
I begin to drift away, comforted by her as much as she is by me. For a long time, holding her was all I could do. I couldn’t promise her the future she wanted or stop the dreams from invading her sleepless nights. But I want to do so much more now.
And like I told her when I came to Maple Lake, I’m going to prove to her that I can love her better. I’ll hold her forever, yes, but I’ll also hold her hand more tightly as we move toward that future she so desperately wants.