50. Natalie
Natalie
My phone rings. I watch everyone around me as I swipe the ANSWER bar across the screen.
“Hello?” I ask, smiling as I turn away from my laughing family. Levi just told us the most ridiculous, animated story about Dax, and I can’t stop giggling.
“I’m looking for Mrs. Hamilton?” says a woman’s voice.
“That’s me. Who is this?” I say, my eyebrows lowering.
There’s a pause. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband has been in an accident. He’s in the hospital, and he’s going into immediate surgery.”
“What?” My hand trembles. “How? What happened? Is he okay?”
“I’m afraid he was hit by a moving vehicle …”
The woman’s voice turns to dust, blowing away in the chaos of my mind.
I can no longer hear anything she says from the blood whooshing through my ears.
I know somewhere deep in my mind that I should be hanging onto her every word, but all I can think is Luke, vehicle, surgery.
Luke, vehicle, surgery. Luke, vehicle, surgery.
I choke on a sob. “Is he going to be okay?” I blurt out. It’s the one thing I need to know. Without Luke, I’m nothing.
“Unfortunately, ma’am, I can’t say just yet. But I would suggest you come to Stroudson Memorial as soon as possible.”
Someone touches my back, and I turn to see Juliet, her brows creased. She watches a tear flow down my face, and she grips my shoulders, searching my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, taking in my trembling hands and shallow breathing.
My head shakes frantically. “I can’t—can’t—”
“Give me the phone.” She puts her hand out.
I let her take it from me. “Hello, this is Juliet. I’m Natalie’s sister,” she says into the phone.
“Who is this and what’s going on?” She’s silent for a long moment.
“I’m a nurse, actually. Can you please give me some more details?
” She nods. Her eyes drift to mine, and I watch in shock, not knowing what to think.
Where do I even begin? I need to get to Florida. I need to get to Luke.
Juliet looks away, her hand still resting reassuringly on my shoulder. Behind us, everyone has gone silent. I turn my head numbly to see my parents staring at me. Cam hushes the boys, guiding them from the room.
“Have his parents been notified? … Thank you,” Jules says to the nurse. “We’re not in Florida, but we’ll be there as soon as possible. Please call this number when there are any updates.” Jules hangs up.
She turns to me, and as soon as she does, I burst into tears. “What’s wrong with him?” I cry. “Will he be okay? I can’t lose him. I can’t.”
Her arms wrap around me. “He’s in surgery right now. A car didn’t stop at the crosswalk by the airport.”
Mom comes to me. I feel her presence before I see her.
“Natalie,” she says, horror in her voice. I turn from Jules’s embrace to be held by my mother’s arms. “I’m so sorry. Tell me what you need right now. Do you want me to fly with you to Miami?”
I shake my head, pulling away. “No. I need to go now. I can’t go back to the cabin for anything.
” I look around frantically, searching for my purse.
“I need my keys and … and my purse.” The next steps I need to take twist into riddles, unreadable lines of thought that don’t lead anywhere in particular.
Luke, vehicle, surgery.
I can’t lose him.
I can’t lose him.
I can’t lose him.
It’s the only thought that makes any sense.
“I’ll go with you.” Juliet holds my purse in an outstretched hand. I take it. “I’ll be able to talk to the nurses. I’ll be useful if I go with you.” I search her eyes, and I see something there that I haven’t seen in so very long: the need to take care of me.
It’s the same look I saw in her eyes when I fell off my scooter at six years old. She cleaned me up and hung my scooter in the garage. I didn’t even cry for Mom because I had her there with me. She made it all better.
My brain says to let her come with me and my head nods in obedience. “Okay,” I say, still unable to take a full breath. “Okay.”
Juliet rushes through the house, grabbing the essentials for a flight. She’s upstairs for a total of three minutes, probably telling Cam about what happened and why she needs to go with me.
Dad hugs me tight, tucking my head under his chin. “He’ll be okay, sweetheart. He’ll be alright.”
I try to believe him.
Juliet’s feet pound down the steps. She turns the corner, a backpack slung over her shoulder and a coat and purse in the crook of her arm.
“I’m ready. We’ll take your car.”
When I don’t move, she takes the keys from my hand and guides me to the door, an arm around my back.
I’m completely catatonic, moving through a fog of fear and unknowns.
It’s like my dream come to life. I’m in my nightmare where the darkness is closing in all around me, threatening to pull me under, where I’ll never see the sunshine again.
I fumble with the seatbelt. Juliet drives us to the airport, calling the airline to book our flights simultaneously. As soon as we get there, I’m hyperventilating.
“Natalie, I know it’s hard,” she says, pulling my hands away from my hair and holding them in my lap. “But you have to breathe. That’s it. Put your head down and breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Yup, do it again.”
I breathe again and again. My hands tingle and my chest is tight.
“You’re doing great. Just keep breathing. You can do this. Calm your breaths.” Juliet checks her phone, the screen lighting up the cab of the SUV in the dark parking garage. “Our flight is boarding soon. We have to go now if we’re going to get on that plane.”
My breathing has slowed. I take another shaky breath and open the door.
We rush through check-in and security with no holdups. When we make it to our gate, groups are already being called for boarding. We stand in line when we hear them call our assigned group.
Juliet does all the leading. I follow as she tugs me along. In the plane, she leads me to a row near the middle. We were lucky to snag two seats beside each other.
Juliet shoves her backpack in the overhead storage compartment. A woman sitting in the window seat smiles as we tuck our purses under the seats in front of us.
“Just breathe,” she says as she buckles herself in. “We can’t do anything to make us get there any faster, so just relax now. As best as you can.”
I nod. “Yeah.” Exhale. “You’re right … Thank you for coming with me. I’m a mess. I can’t imagine getting through the airport without you.” I dab at my wet eyes. I haven’t stopped crying since the phone call from the hospital.
“I want to be here for you.” She clears her throat, then reaches out and places her hand over mine. “I missed getting to be there for you. No matter what it’s for, big or small, I’m with you now.” Her big brown eyes hold my gaze.
“This is definitely something big,” I whimper.
She squeezes my fingers. “And I’ll be here the whole time.”
A few unbearably long hours later we touch down in Miami.
We rush through the airport like we’re late for a connecting flight, passing the baggage claim carousels and waiting passengers.
We don’t rent a car. On the curb outside the airport we wave down a taxi and tell them to go straight to the hospital.
Juliet speaks to the nurse at the desk when we arrive, and she tells us where to go. We can’t see Luke yet, so we’re guided to the waiting room where the doctor will meet us when he has some news following Luke’s surgery.
Luke’s parents, Mike and Samantha, are already here.
They sit on blue chairs that don’t look comfortable.
Samantha’s blonde hair falls loose and curly around her shoulders but shows signs of tangles, like she’s been running her hands through it aggressively.
Mike doesn’t look much better with half of his collar sticking up and his button-up plaid shirt half untucked from his slacks.
Samantha stands when she sees me and rushes over, crushing me in a viselike hug.
Luke’s dad stands behind her. I reach out to him over her shoulder, and he takes my hand.
Redness rims his eyes. These two have been the closest thing I’ve had to parents for the past decade.
Luke may be my husband, but he’s their son.
I can’t imagine the whirlwind they’re going through not being able to help him, unable to see him.
I introduce Juliet in a quiet tone. They’re excited to finally meet her, although it’s not a happy meeting under these circumstances.
“Has the doctor come out yet?” she asks them.
They collectively shake their heads and wring their hands.
“A nurse told us he was stable during surgery, but we haven’t heard anything else yet,” says Samantha. “That was about an hour ago.”
While we drove to the airport after the call, Juliet informed me of what the nurse on the phone said.
Luke was walking across the street, but the driver didn’t notice the crosswalk.
They were probably on their phone. They hit him going thirty miles an hour, throwing him over the hood.
He rolled over the car and hit the ground.
He had to be rushed into immediate emergency surgery for a punctured lung, and he broke multiple bones, including his leg and ribs which caused the lung to deflate.
My heart pounds again just thinking about it.
“Come on,” I say, leading Samantha back to the chairs. “Let’s sit down.”
“Have you all eaten dinner?” Juliet stands in the waiting room, arms crossed. Her tone is all business. She’s used to this—the scene of the hospital, the look of despair on faces … The smell.
The scent of antiseptic tickles my nose, and I shiver. The room is cold and white, save for the blue chairs. I already hate it here.
“We haven’t yet,” Mike answers. “We haven’t left this room, afraid we’ll miss the doctor when he comes out.”
“I’ll run to the cafeteria and grab some sandwiches,” Jules offers. “Can I get you all some coffee?”
I look up at her, my arm around Samantha’s shoulders. “You don’t have to do all that, Jules. I can go.”
“No,” she says firmly. “You have to be here. Let me do it.”
“It’s really okay. You don’t have to—”
“Please.” Juliet’s eyes hold mine, firm and unyielding. She wants to do something. She yearns to be helpful. And I could use the help.
I nod. “Thank you. And coffee sounds good right now.”
“Yes, thank you, Juliet.” Samantha gives my sister a sad smile and grips Mike’s hand. “We could both use something warm.”
“Call me if the doctor comes out. I can get more information out of him … I think.” She bites her lip. “I mean, I know what to ask about, if you want the help. I’m a nurse.” She directs this last piece to my in-laws.
Luke’s dad nods enthusiastically. “Yes, please. We could use all the help we can get. I’m still in shock, I think. I’m … a bit at a loss for what I might need to ask.”
“Of course,” Jules says. She gives him a warm, tight-lipped smile. “I’ll be back soon.”
She walks out the double doors toward the elevator we came up on.
“How are you doing, Nat?” Samantha rests a hand on my knee. I place mine over hers.
“I’m pretty shook up,” I say. “Luke was fine just yesterday, and now?” My chin quivers, and I press my hand against my lips, covering the sob that builds in my throat.
I shake my head, eyes squeezing shut as the tears burn.
“I told him not to go. I told him someone else could take care of it. If he hadn’t come to Florida, this wouldn’t have happened. ”
“Sweetheart.” Her arm wraps around me and she pulls me into her. I cry on her shoulder. “He’ll be okay. Everything will be fine. He’ll beat this; he’s strong. We can’t be thinking the worst.”
Mike’s voice echoes hers. “He’ll be okay.”
He’ll be okay.
He’ll be okay.
He’ll be okay.
I recite it in my mind as if saying it enough times will make it true.
I know they’re just trying to be strong for me, but what they don’t understand is if I lose him, I’ll never be the same. I’d see no way forward.
There would be no one to hold me and no way out of the nightmares.