37. Lucy
Spiced cider was now servedat Jitters and Leanne had baked apple fritters and pumpkin muffins to keep in the dessert stands at The Hideout. I sure do love New England in the summer, but fall in Rider was a close second. The leaves were their vibrant red, orange, and yellow hues and they crunched under your foot. You couldn’t beat it.
I couldn’t believe it, but this has been the longest Gracie and I have gone without seeing each other since we met. We text constantly and FaceTimed each other while we got ready for the day, but it’s not the same. The last time I saw her, we were bawling our eyes out as I was climbing into a U-HAUL with Sawyer.
She flies in next week and I have already started planning a whole itinerary of all of the things we can do and places to see.
I thought she’d be a lot more pissed with me for leaving, considering she was going through a breakup—and has never lived alone—but she was jumping up and down when I broke the news.
She’s a sucker for a good love story, and wouldn’t shut up about how happy she was for me. Her parents were at our place to help pack up and send me on my way. I hugged them and thanked them across the board for all they had done for me.
“Sheesh, slow your roll. It’s a small town,” Sawyer exclaims as he plucks the paper out from in front of me.
I swipe it from his hands, “I know. But the last time she was on the East Coast, she didn’t get the chance to spend much time here. I want to make sure she gets the whole ‘Rider’ experience.”
“She will. She’ll be with you.”
“Aw,” I say mockingly.
It’s been an adjustment to share my days with someone else. Dating Sawyer, I am constantly reminded to also date myself. I became conscious about leaving space in my day to spend time alone. It took a while to find something I liked doing that didn’t involve benefiting someone else, but I managed eventually.
“So,” he said right above a whisper. His cheeks turned pink and his eyes widened.
“You’re scaring me.”
“No, no. It’s nothing like that.” He hands the paper back to me, but then walks over to the fridge. “Have you given it any thought about Christian’s letters?”
We came to an understanding to not classify him as my dad. At least not yet. That was one thing I was not ready for.
I went back to writing, more like doodling, in the margins of my paper. Circle after circle, I was buying myself time.
He walks over to the counter and leans against it. “I’m not trying to put pressure on you, by any means. I want you to do what you’re comfortable with. But I also don’t want you to feel like you can’t do this if you think you might. I guess what I’m trying to say is I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Always.”
I swing my legs to the side and face him. They hang over the edge, and I kick them against the siding of the bench like I used to when I was a kid.
I exhale. “I know,” I reassure him with a limp smile. “I think I’m going to wait. At least for right now. I don’t want to jump into anything.”
And that was that.
He flashes me a wink, then starts to make some coffee while I go back to my list.
There was no shortage of changes, even when I thought I finally had my head screwed on straight. Something I couldn’t quite change yet was my need to help people.
Old habits die young, and all of that.
I’m the newest member of the volunteer program at Hillside General, and shockingly, I’m loving it. I didn’t think I’d be able to step foot in there again. But it’s become a full circle moment. I put my residency off for a year, but only because I’m that much more passionate about my career, my future.
I wanted to make sure I was going to do it right. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I know that I don’t want to push Rider away to figure it out. I still get to help people here. If all goes well, I’ll get an official placement here for my internship.
I enjoy the slower parts and smaller acts of life these days.
Weekly, Gus and I get together at our bench at the lake and we exchange books, give suggestions on new books to read, or simply read beside each other in silence. I go down to Jitters around the time Kai is getting off of work and chat over coffee. And when I’m up for it, I go into The Hideout and help Mel and Cherry out during a lunch rush.
I have yet to feel comfortable learning how to sling drinks behind the bar with Jet. One, because I am afraid to upset him if I make a mistake. And two, Sawyer promised to teach me himself. A fantasy of being taken right then and there on the bar, alcoholic paraphilia coming into play, was a fantasy that only he could fulfill.
“So, what are you up to today?” Sawyer slides in beside me in the breakfast nook, breaking my daydream of pouring tequila down his torso.
He passes a cup of coffee across the table before leaning over me to open the curtains. The curtain rings clank as the panels are pushed to the side. The kitchen was instantly illuminated; the streams of sunshine reminded me why I loved this house so much. It felt warm, even when the heater was off.
“I gotta get through the last few chapters of the book Gus gave me. He’s hounding me about this big action scene and I think he’s upset I’m not there yet.”
“You’re not talking about the one he just gave you last week, are you?”
“I know, I’m moving at a snail speed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
He clicked his tongue at me. “You’re ridiculous.”
“What about you, Banks? Got any plans today?”
“Thinking about heading into the city. Holland is stressed over his speech on Monday, figured I could recite it back to him so he can listen to how it sounds from a different perspective.”
“Smart tactic,” I blew at the steam coming from my coffee and took a sip.
“But I could cut out early and put you on my schedule for the day.”.
I snort, “You are such a guy,” then wink at him. “But you’re my guy.”
Sawyer hoists me into his lap, and my butt knocks into the table and makes our coffee overspill by the movement. Thankfully, it missed the handmade doilies that belonged to Tiffany that I sewn together to become a table runner.
I squeal as he positions me in the perfect straddle. Our mouths lace into each other. The hazelnut creamer I have convinced him to start putting in his boring, black coffee stained his lips. I know that I can taste him, kiss him, and love him forever.
We have kissed over a million times in the last couple of months, but this one was the softest of them all, the sweetest.
He grasped my hair and ever so slightly pulled my head off to the side. He began trailing a row of pecks down my neck that led into the center of my chest.
“I can hear your heart beating.” He leaves another peck, this time over my heart. “I can feel it, too.”
Sawyer removes his mouth from my chest and places his hand over my heart instead. He locks eyes with me, and my cheeks become a sweltering temperature. What only lasted thirty seconds felt like an eternity.
The intensity of our eye contact was easily the most intimate exchange I have ever had.
I squeeze my eyes shut, tears form in the corners of my eyes. A few slip out despite my best efforts to prevent them from escaping.
Sawyer wipes away a tear and cups my face in both of his hands, “Oh, baby. What’s the matter?” he asks frantically.
I laugh through a faint sob, “Nothing.”
“But you’re crying.”
“You’ve never cried from happiness before?”
He studies my face. “You are a form of art, a kind I could stare at forever.”
“Do you remember the first night we spent together?” I ask with a shaky voice.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it.”
I playfully roll my eyes. “Psh, no. I mean, do you remember when I was tracing my fingers along you? Your back?”
He nodded.
“I wrote a single word.”
He nodded again, a faint hum accompanied it.
“Love.”
“I know.”
“You know?” I perked up. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I knew before you even wrote anything, I knew by the way you looked at me right before we fell asleep. I knew from the way my body burned with every touch of yours. I knew.”
“I think it’s so wild that my heart knew what it felt like to love you before my mind really did. Like I was taken over by a strong force of some sort. Now look at us…”
“Well, love is a pretty powerful force, my dear.”
“Oh, sheesh. You are such a softie!”
He shrugs his shoulders, “What can I say?”
“Say that you’ll marry me?” I blurt out in response.
His face went blank. He scans my eyes, starts laughing, then goes back to an unreadable deadpan.
He lifts me off his lap and walks back over to the fridge. He pulls down an empty vase, reaches his hand through the narrow opening, and pulls out a small, velvet box.
His devilish grin that I love so much appeared on his face as he pulled the lid back. “I had a whole day planned,” he said into the ground as he walked towards me. “I was going to fill that vase with flowers, bring you down to the lake. I’ve been working on it for about a month now, but if I’m being honest I’ve been planning on marrying you since the first time you came into The Hideout and broke my jukebox almost six months ago.” He lifted his gaze at me, I was a blubbering mess.
Tears, snot, puffiness all around—it was the least sexy thing ever. I let out a chuckle as he bent his knee. “And don’t think you’re getting out of it now, either. It just means I’ll have to propose to you for a second time.” He knelt to the ground and held out the ring. Sawyer took my hand in his. “So, to answer your question my Pretty Girl, yes. I will marry you. A hundred times over. But I need to know…will you marry me? All you have to do is say that you will, say yes.”
“Always.”
He placed the emerald cut ring over my finger. We kissed and cried and laughed, and kissed some more. Billy ran into the kitchen at the sound of excitement. His dog tags jingled against his collar and he barked, adding to the commotion. The both of us crouch down to Billy’s level but ultimately end up lying on the kitchen floor.
Rider was starting to feel at home again, and for once, I’m not itching for what could happen next.
All I know is I love this life for exactly how it is right now. It’s the best.