Chapter 2 Audrey
Two: Audrey
Lonely - Noah Cyrus
Idon’t sleep well to begin with, but in the last few months it’s gotten worse—tossing and turning while my brain fights with itself. When Paul came back from his shower, the smell of mangos still lingered, and as the sound of his snores filled our room, I shed silent tears.
I can’t creep through his phone or read his texts. That would be me admitting that I think he’s cheating. That makes me the girlfriend with trust issues.
It gives him something else to criticize me for.
When I roll into work, after two hours of sleep with a large espresso in my hand, my best friend Selena frowns.
“What’s wrong?” She grabs my arm, assessing me from head to toe. “What happened? Why do you look so sad?”
Shaking my head, I move towards my desk. I don’t want to cry any more than I already have this morning.
I hate crying.
Selena rolls her shoulders backwards, her amber eyes pleading with me. “Audrey, come on. This isn’t the bright-eyed greeting you normally give. If something’s wrong, let me help you. You’re my work wife, remember?” She tosses a wink in my direction, as if that’ll help break through my icy heart.
I sit at my desk chair, waking my computer screen before closing my eyes. “It’s Paul … I just … I don’t know what to do right now.”
I’ve confided in Selena countless times over the years, but I usually try to paint him in a good light or play down the severity of his actions.
My mom raised me not to air my dirty laundry in public.
It’s probably why I’ve pulled away from my family the last few months, not wanting to let something slip or ruin their view of Paul.
Unwilling to admit how lonely I am out loud.
Tears prick my eyes, but I fight them back as Selena gives me a sad smile. “Men are pigs, I’m so glad I married Fiona.”
I want to laugh, but my heart feels too heavy. I take a long sip of my drink, before running my hand through my chestnut hair. “I think he’s cheating on me.”
Selena doesn’t look shocked by my words, she’s suggested he might be cheating a few times over the months, but I’ve always shrugged it off or made excuses for him. No matter how positive I’ve been about our relationship, it’s like she’s always been able to see through the cracks.
“He smelled like perfume last night … It’s the fifth time this month,” I whisper, staring at our company logo dancing across my computer screen.
I will not fucking cry again.
I feel her slump into the chair beside me. “Fuck. Dude, he better not be cheating. What would your dad say? Shit … what would your brother do?”
He’d probably kill him.
Connor’s one year older than me and has always been my best friend.
We have the standard brother-sister relationship; annoying each other to no end, hating each other, and trying to get each other in trouble.
But, he is loyal to a fault and has been my 2:00 a.m. phone call, and my biggest cheerleader since the day I was born—the same way that I’ve been his.
It took him a long time to warm up to Paul, especially when I followed him to Chicago for college, but I tried to always make Connor see the best in him.
Maybe because I was always trying to see the best in Paul.
We’re originally from a town two hours outside of Chicago, but Connor was scouted by Kansas City University and hoped to play Major League Baseball—and sure enough, he got his wish.
He’s now one of the best pitchers in the league, playing for the Kansas City Royals.
I’ve seen him a lot less than I hoped over the years, especially since Paul doesn’t like sports.
And even after all these years, baseball reminds me of him.
Selena waves her hand in front of my face. “Earth to Auds, where did you go? I asked if you wanted me to egg his car and you didn’t even blink.” That earns a smile from me, so Selena raises her hands in victory. “We ride at dawn!”
“You’re not egging his car … because it’s my car.”
“Ah, true. I can egg his bike or whatever taxi he frequents.” She rolls her eyes.
“Claws away, Selena. I’m probably just overthinking things …” I start, as my phone rings and Connor’s name along with a picture of him, my parents and I from Christmas, flashes across the screen.
“Ah, yuuusssss! Connor!” Selena beams, looking down at my phone screen.
Crap.
I click accept, knowing I can’t ignore his phone call in front of Selena. If I waited even ten seconds to answer it, she would do it for me or I’d earn more questions from her. It doesn’t help that I’ve already been dodging him for almost two weeks. “Were your ears burning?” I try to sound chipper.
“Oh, wow. Look at that, her phone does work. Should I have been calling you during work hours instead to hear from you, hm? I was about to send out a missing person alert!”
“Sorry,” I say quietly, staring down at my hands, a lump trying to work its way up my throat.
“I’m kidding, Auds. I know you’re a busy lady.”
If being busy means eating dinner alone and crying myself to sleep most nights, then he’s not wrong. Busy as a bee!
“Anyways, how are you and my bestie, Sel-Bell? Were you talking shit about me again or was she trying to get free baseball tickets?” he teases, with an easy laugh.
“How many times do I have to remind you that my first hour of work is always dedicated to bitching about you?” I retort, grateful to hear his voice, suddenly wishing he was here.
Suddenly wishing I’d been leaning on him for months.
“Damn, only an hour? I’m moving down in the world, I expected it to be at least two.”
“Ha,” I say, deadpan.
Connor lets out a long laugh. “But seriously, I have good news to share. I’m in town Thursday for a meeting. Will you and Paul be around for dinner? I want to see you. I leave first thing Friday morning and I doubt you feel like grabbing coffee at four in the morning.”
Definitely not.
“Uh, he’s been working late, so I’ll check.” I keep my voice even, while Selena rolls her eyes. “But you can count me in.”
“Are you fine if I bring Benson?”
My heart skips a beat at the mention of my brother's best friend—the one we often gloss over or avoid in conversations. My eyes dart towards the mason jar of twinkle lights that sits on my desk.
A small piece of him that I kept.
Is seeing him a good idea right now with everything going on?
I close my eyes, knowing in my heart of hearts that I miss him and no matter how rocky things are with Paul right now, there's no harm in seeing him after all this time.
Right?
“Ye-yeah, I guess.”
“Cool. I’ll make a reservation for four … or should I do six in case Selena wants to come along with Fiona and hear all about her favorite athlete?” Louder, he adds, “Hi, Selena!”
Selena snorts from beside me, motioning for me to hand her my phone, so I do.
“Hi, sweet Connor … No, I still don’t give a shit about baseball.
Why would I? … No, we’re having dinner with the in-laws …
Yes, it’s important. It’s my father-in-law’s birthday …
I don’t care that it’s you and Benson. I’ve never met this Benson guy …
” Selena twiddles a pen in her fingers as they continue to give each other shit back and forth, while I count down the seconds until she connects the dots.
The two of them joke constantly that they were twins separated at birth—even though she’s three years older than Connor.
They have the exact same sense of humor and larger than life personalities.
I think that's why she and I bonded so quickly and why the two of them became instant friends when they met on one of Connor’s visits a few years ago.
Connor talks for a moment before Selena lets out a hoot of laughter. “Okay, yeah … and because your stubborn sister won’t tell you what’s going on with her, I will. Paul’s being a huge ass, she’s definitely been crying this morning. Okay, bye.”
She throws the phone back to me, leaving me to shoot daggers at her head.
Seriously?
“What’s she talking about?” Connor presses. “Is this why you haven’t been answering my phone calls? What did he do? … Auds, did he seriously make you cry?”
His tone makes it sound like me crying over Paul is equal to someone stealing from our entire family.
Connor is overprotective at times, especially if it involves me and tears. Growing up I didn’t cry much. But, when he left for school, I became a bit more emotional. That seemed to be a culture shock for my entire family, one that no one ever really got used to.
I exhale, leaning my head in my hand, not wanting to open this can of worms. I’m half convinced that if Connor knew how many times I’ve cried over Paul over the years, he’d call in the military or hire an assassin.
Who am I kidding? He’d probably take action into his own hands and do it himself.
“It’s nothing. He’s been working late a lot. Just leave it, I gotta get to work. Some of us don’t have multi-millions sitting in the bank just because we can toss a ball around.”
Connor chuckles loudly and I can sense the smug smile on his face. “Don’t start with that. As I remind you often, I have an account set up for you too. You’re just stubborn.”
“I make enough money, Connor. I was joking.”
“I know, Auds. I just don’t want to waste money on shit I’ll never use. You deserve to treat yourself. Especially if Paul is being a dick.”
A small smile graces my lips. “I appreciate that. But really, we have morning round-up soon, so I’ll text you later.”
“You better! See you Thursday, but you call me if you need me? Don’t make me call in the big guns.”
“I’m fine, I promise,” I say, weakly.
My parents retired, thanks to Connor, and now they live in Palm Springs. They’ll come to visit me every few months, but I hate the idea of burdening them with the feelings I’m so adamant about keeping locked away.
“Okay, I’ll pretend to believe you for now so you can go to your meeting. Love you, Sis!” he calls out before hanging up.
Selena and I head towards the main conference room while I polish off my drink. My brain is focused on anything other than work right now.
I can’t say I love my job—if Selena quit tomorrow, I’d be right behind her.
It’s mostly mindless data entry. I wanted to work as a financial analyst, but when I got a job offer right out of school, Paul told me I couldn’t take it.
His career hadn’t fully taken off yet, but he always made a point to tell me that his career mattered more.
He was very clear that me being the “bread-winner” and making more money would be “distasteful.” So, instead of taking a job I would’ve loved, I ended up here.
At least I got Selena out of it.
“So … who’s Benson? And why the heck should I care about him?” Selena nudges my shoulder as our manager drones on at the front of the room. “You’d think I’d know who Connor’s best frie—Oh. Holy fuck.”
I shoot her a look that says “don’t start” and her eyes widen with glee once she realizes it’s the person I’ve talked about non-stop since meeting her.
“Benson is Noah?!” She squeals, leaning into me. I'm trying to hide the flush that's taken over my whole body. At least she can't see the butterflies—or should I say fireflies—going crazy in my stomach.
Yeah. Noah.