Chapter 10
Ellie pulled Becca on to the sofa next to her and kissed her.
It felt, bizarrely, like coming home after a year, no, a decade away.
Some part of Ellie had been holding itself in suspension for the last two hours…
her own desire, her own need, her own body's desperate, mounting craving for the woman who was now in her arms again, kissing her back with a hunger that bordered on frantic.
Becca's hands were everywhere, pulling at Ellie's clothes, finding skin, gripping. Ellie fancied that beyond the wine she could taste Kelly on her, there was something new, certainly, something exotic that thrilled her down to her core. The familiar and the foreign: they were doing something to Ellie’s brain that short-circuited whatever remained of her self-control.
"Our room," Ellie said after a few minutes. "Not in here."
Becca understood immediately. The spare room was Kelly's territory tonight, the sheets a mess, the air still carrying the scent of sex and Kelly's perfume. Their bedroom was theirs. That distinction mattered.
They stumbled down the hallway, mouths barely separating, Ellie walking Becca backwards, and when they got through their bedroom door Ellie pushed Becca down onto their bed, their bed, their sheets, their pillows, and climbed on top of her.
Becca was still wearing Ellie's oversized t-shirt and nothing else, and Ellie pulled it off her in one movement before pausing to look down at her. It was strange and exciting… she’d just watched her wife naked be someone else’s, but now she was Ellie’s, not Kelly’s, and there was a possessiveness that flooded through Ellie that wasn’t toxic or controlling, simply fierce and necessary, a primal need to reclaim what was hers.
She pinned Becca's wrists above her head with one hand. Not hard, not forcefully, but firmly enough that Becca's eyes widened and her breath caught. “Yes, like that, exactly like that,” Becca whispered.
Ellie kissed down her neck, her collarbone, the spot where her necklace now sat again, newly returned, teasing around it with her tongue.
She kissed lower, between Becca's breasts, and then took one nipple in her mouth, biting gently, harder than she normally would, harder than their usual routine, and Becca gasped.
"You watched her do this," Becca whispered, her voice ragged. "You watched her mouth on me."
"I watched everything."
"And now you're taking me back."
Ellie lifted her head and looked down at Becca.
Her wife's eyes looked so alive with what they’d done that night, she was flushed again, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her hands still pinned gently above her head.
She looked like someone who had been thoroughly fucked by another woman and was desperate to be fucked by her own wife.
There was power there, Ellie realised with surprise, in how desperately Becca wanted to be reclaimed, wanted to come back to her.
"I'm taking you back," Ellie confirmed, and moved her hand between Becca's legs.
She’d never felt Becca so aroused. Never. It was a surprise after what she’d just done, but a very welcome one. When Ellie's fingers slid into her Becca let out a sound that was almost a scream, her hips bucking up violently.
"Sensitive," Becca gasped. "I'm so sensitive, go slow…”
“No chance,” Ellie smiled.
Ellie didn't go slow. She slid two fingers inside Becca firmly and started to move, not rough but not gentle either, and Becca's hands strained against Ellie’s hand but she didn’t let go. “Oh fuck, El…”
"Tell me," Ellie said, pressing her mouth against Becca's ear, still moving her fingers. "Tell me what she did to you. Tell me what I watched."
Becca let out a ragged breath. "She went down on me... she was so good, El, her tongue was different from yours, she did this thing…”
"I saw. I saw your face when she did it."
"And then her fingers, at the end, she was behind me and her fingers were inside me and I could feel…” A moan broke through the words. "I could feel how completely I'd let her in, El, I let her in completely, I was so totally hers, and all I could think about was you watching it happen…”
Ellie curled her fingers and Becca cried out, her back arching, her hands breaking free and going to Ellie’s back, her fingernails digging in.
"You're mine," Ellie said, and the words came from somewhere deep down, somewhere she hadn't known existed until tonight. "She can touch you and kiss you, she can make you orgasm, but you're mine, you come home to me, you come back to me…”
"I'm yours, I'm always yours, oh fuck right there…”
Becca came hard and fast, her orgasm hitting with a violence that startled them both, her whole body seizing, her mouth open in a silent scream, her body clenching around Ellie's fingers in rhythmic pulses.
Ellie guided her through it, kept her fingers moving, drew it out until Becca was shaking and gasping and pushing at Ellie's hand because it was too much.
Ellie pulled her hand away and Becca grabbed her face, kissing her, deep and messy, and then before Ellie could process what was happening Becca had reversed their positions, rolling Ellie onto her back and pulling her jeans and underwear off.
"My turn," Becca said, and her eyes had that wild, determined look she got when she was entirely focused on one thing and one thing alone. She moved down to between Ellie’s legs and Ellie barely had time to realise before Becca’s mouth was on her.
Ellie had been insanely aroused for hours. The bar, the dance floor, the booth, the spare room: hours of watching without release, her body building and building with no outlet, and now Becca's tongue was on her and the relief was so intense it was almost painful.
Almost.
She came in under a minute. The orgasm ripped through her hard, the sounds coming from her mouth almost unrecognisable, a raw, animal release of hours of tension.
Becca didn't stop. Of course she didn’t stop.
Nothing was going to stop Becca at that point, and Ellie knew she was simply along for the ride.
She drove Ellie straight through the first climax to a second, no more than a couple of minutes later, then a third a few minutes after that which left Ellie gripping the headboard, her thighs clamping around Becca’s head.
“Enough… God, that’s good… enough…”
Becca lifted her head, grinning. “There’s more if you want it? I’ll keep going until dawn if that’s what you want.”
Ellie gasped as a final wave rolled through her. “You’ll break me if you do… come back up here.”
Becca didn’t obey immediately, staying down there to ease Ellie through the aftershocks, gentle now, tender, kissing her inner thighs while Ellie lay there destroyed, staring at the ceiling, unable to feel her legs.
Eventually she crawled back up and lay down next to Ellie, and they lay side by side on their backs, both breathing hard, staring at the ceiling of their bedroom while the Austin skyline glowed beyond the windows.
"Jesus Christ," Ellie said eventually.
"Yeah," Becca said.
"That was insane.”
"Yeah."
“Good insane.”
“Definitely.”
They lay in silence for a few minutes, their breathing gradually returning to normal, their hands finding each other on the sheets.
The apartment was quiet now. Kelly was gone, their friends were elsewhere, the city hummed distantly outside.
It was just them, the way it always was at the end of every day, no matter what had happened during it.
Becca rolled onto her side and propped herself on her elbow, looking down at Ellie. Her hair was still a mess, her face was still flushed, her eyes bright in that way Ellie was coming to associate with this new whatever-it-was they’d discovered.
"We should talk about it," Becca said.
"We should."
"Not all of it tonight. But some of it."
"Ok." Ellie turned her head to look at her. "You start."
Becca thought for a moment, her hand squeezing Ellie’s gently. "The biggest thing for me... the thing that made tonight what it was... it wasn't Kelly. I mean, she was great, she was fun, the sex was good… really very good. But it wasn't about her."
"What was it about?"
"You." Becca said it simply, without elaboration, looking Ellie squarely in the eye. Ellie could tell that she meant it, too, that she wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better.
“Every single moment that mattered tonight was a moment where I was connected to you.
On the dance floor when I looked over and you were watching.
In the booth when I came and your eyes were the only thing I could see.
When I reached for your hand by the bed.
Just now, when you were touching me and I was talking to you.
" She paused. "Without you there, tonight would have been a hookup.
A very good one, maybe, but a hookup. With you there it was... "
"Transcendent," Ellie offered, and Becca smiled.
"Yeah. Transcendent. I hate that word normally but it's right." She lay back down and stared at the ceiling. "I need to be honest about something though."
"Ok." Ellie tried to ignore the flicker of anxiety.
"When Kelly was behind me at the end, when I was lying back on her and her hand was, you know, and she was whispering to me...
there were a few minutes where I forgot you were there.
Not forgot exactly, but... I was so completely in the physical sensation of what she was doing that you faded.
You became background." Becca turned her head to look at Ellie again.
"That scared me a little. When the intensity was really ramped up I was focused entirely on her.”
Ellie gave herself a few moments to think about that, to let the emotions settle.
The jealousy spiked because it confirmed what she’d seen, but then the other thing kicked in and she knew it was fine.
Indeed, she knew it was a core part of what they’d done…
this wasn’t about Becca putting on some kind of elaborate sex show for her benefit, this was about seeing Becca do something real and the intoxicating blend of emotions it triggered.
"I think that's ok," Ellie said carefully.
"I think that's probably what has to happen for it to be real.
If you were always performing for me, always conscious of me watching, it wouldn't be genuine.
The fact that you got lost in it for a while...
that's what made it so incredible to watch.
I could see it happen. I could see the moment you stopped thinking about me and just... gave yourself to her."
Becca looked at her with an expression of quiet amazement. "You're not upset?"
"No. I'm..." Ellie searched for the right word.
"Grateful. That you told me. That honesty is so important.
And also, honestly, it's part of what makes this so hot for me.
The idea that you could get so lost in someone else that you forget about me, even for a few seconds or a few minutes...
that's terrifying and also the most erotic thing I can imagine. "
Becca shook her head slowly. "How are you this ok with this? This should be causing problems for us and instead it's making us closer. I couldn’t be fine with it the other way around.”
"I don't know. Maybe because we talk about everything. Maybe because I trust you. Maybe because I'm wired weird."
"You're not wired weird." Becca kissed her shoulder. "You're wired perfectly."
They were quiet for a while, comfortable in the silence, hands still held between them.
"So," Ellie said eventually. "We did it."
"We did it."
"And it was amazing."
"It was amazing."
"Do we want to do it again? Honest answer.”
Becca smiled at the ceiling. "Ask me again tomorrow, but right now… yes. Very much yes. You?"
"Very much yes." Ellie paused. "Who or how I don’t know. Kelly sounded like she’d be keen on a rematch, but we should be careful. She’s amazing and I’d happily watch you with her again, don’t get me wrong. But we should test some of the variables here, see what works.”
Becca laughed. “Tell me you’re a scientist without telling me you’re a scientist!”
“What are you saying about my pillow talk?” Ellie joked back.
Becca’s laugh turned to a smile before she nodded slowly. "That's smart though. You want to know if it's the situation that does it for you or the specific person."
"Exactly. And you should know too. Whether what you felt tonight was about Kelly or about the dynamic itself."
"I think I already know it's the dynamic," Becca said. "Kelly was great but what made it incredible was you watching. I think almost anyone could have been in Kelly's position and it would have worked, as long as the chemistry was there."
"Almost anyone?"
Becca thought about it. "It has to be someone I'm genuinely attracted to. Someone I can lose myself in, at least a little. Someone who makes you feel that thing… the jealousy that turns into desire. If any of those elements are missing, I don't think it works."
"Then let's test that hypothesis," Ellie said. "Next time, someone different. See what happens."
"And if it doesn't work as well?"
"Then we know. And we’ve got Kelly’s number."
Becca rolled over and put her head on Ellie's chest, her arm across Ellie's stomach, her leg hooked over Ellie's. Their favourite position, the position they fell asleep in most nights, the position that said I'm yours and you're mine and this is where I belong.
"I love you," Becca whispered as she settled in.
"I love you too. More than anything."
"More than watching me with hot Texan ranch girls?"
"It's close," Ellie deadpanned, and felt Becca's laugh against her chest.
They lay there quietly, settling down to sleep. But before she drifted off, Becca murmured one more thing, her voice thick with sleep.
"El?"
"Mmm?”
"That thing Kelly did with her tongue, the thing that made me grab the sheets and scream..."
"Yeah?"
"Remind me to show you tomorrow. It's really simple. You'll be even better at it than her."
Ellie smiled in the dark. Even if it wasn’t true, Becca had said it, and that was important.