Chapter 30 #2
Alexa thought about it. “Sometimes. Little things. But you ask yourself whether they’re real or you’re just being hopeful.
Like the way she looks at me every now and then when she thinks I’m not paying attention.
How she gets jealous when I hook up with someone, even though she tries to hide it.
Those couple of times we kissed… she was the one who started it, drunken bravado she claimed, and afterwards she acted like it was nothing but she couldn’t look at me for two days.
” She paused. “And last night, during spin the bottle. When the bottle pointed at me. The look on her face before she kissed me. I swear that wasn’t nothing. ”
“It really wasn’t nothing,” Ellie agreed. “From where I was sitting, that was the most intense, hottest kiss I’ve ever seen. And that wasn’t just you contributing to that.”
Alexa let out a small, shaky laugh. “It’s ridiculous. You’re three years older than me and you seem to know everything about this. I feel like a child.”
Ellie shook her head. “I don’t know everything.
I don’t know anything, really. Becca and I stumbled into what we have, and we made about a thousand mistakes getting there.
We’re still figuring it out every day. Three years doesn’t give you wisdom.
It just gives you slightly more experience of being confused. ”
“But you figured out what you wanted. You and Becca. You knew.”
“We knew we wanted each other. Everything else has been improvisation.” She smiled. “Messy, terrifying, occasionally spectacular improvisation.”
Alexa was quiet for a while, sifting sand through her fingers, looking at the water. “What should I do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to tell her. I want to tell her everything… that I love her, that I’ve loved her for years, that last night was the best night of my life and it wasn’t anything to do with what happened before we slept together. It was that, me and her, that was everything I want.”
“Then I think you have your answer.”
“But when? Now? Today? That feels like too much. She’s going to wake up hungover and confused. What if she can’t remember it? I don’t want to ambush her with a declaration of love before she’s had coffee.”
Ellie laughed. “No. Definitely not before coffee.” She thought for a moment.
“Maybe see how today goes. See how she is with you. Last night changed something for you, and you’ll be able to feel whether it changed something for her too.
You don’t need to have the big conversation today. You just need to pay attention.”
Alexa nodded slowly. “Pay attention. Yeah. I can do that.”
“And Alexa?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever happens, whatever she says when you do tell her… you slept with her last night and she held you and smiled and kissed your forehead and wished you’d done that sooner. That’s not nothing. That’s really, really not nothing.”
Alexa looked at her, and she looked so vulnerable it made Ellie’s heart melt. Three years age difference felt like ten. “Come here,” Ellie said and pulled Alexa into a hug. “You’ll be ok. I promise,” she said, and felt Alexa nod.
“Thank you,” Alexa said, leaning back again. “Seriously. Thank you.”
Ellie pulled out her phone. “Give me your number. If you ever need to talk about this, or anything, you can call me. Any time.”
Alexa took the phone and typed her number in, then called herself so she had Ellie’s. “You might regret this,” she said, handing it back. “I’m a chronic overthinker.”
“Join the club. I’m a tech engineer. Chronic overthinking is basically my job description.”
Alexa laughed and they stood, brushing the sand off before they started to walk the rest of the way back to the house.
***
When they got back, the scene by the pool confirmed that the comatose had arisen, if only barely. Becca and Mia were both in the water, leaning against the pool wall in the shallows, sunglasses on, looking exactly like two women who were one loud noise away from something very unpleasant.
“We brought supplies,” Ellie announced, holding up the juices.
“You’re an angel,” Becca said, reaching for her juice without opening her eyes. “Both of you. Angels.”
“I’m never drinking again,” Mia said from behind her sunglasses. “I mean it this time. Last night was my last ever drink. I’m done.”
“You said that Wednesday morning,” Alexa said, sitting on the pool edge and handing Mia a pastry, her legs dangling in the water.
“I meant it Wednesday morning too. This time is different though. This time I really, really mean it.” She took a big bite and chewed as if she’d just been rescued from the wilderness after three days without food rather than recovering from a hangover.
Ellie went inside and changed into her bikini, then slipped into the pool next to Becca, who leaned against her shoulder and murmured, “Where did you go?”
“Beach walk with Alexa. Brunch at the cafe.”
“Good walk?”
“Good walk.” Ellie kissed the top of Becca’s head, and the look they shared over the rims of their sunglasses said everything that needed saying: I’ll tell you later.
They chilled for a while. Mia was funny even when hungover, complaining about the sun, the volume of the birds, and the fundamental injustice of mornings in general even though it was afternoon already, while Alexa was quiet but present, her eyes drifting to Mia more than they drifted anywhere else.
Ellie watched the two of them and noticed the initial awkwardness. Alexa was holding herself back, Ellie could see, the morning after what they’d done the night before mixed with everything she’d confessed on the beach. Mia, on the other hand, was going the other direction, overcompensating.
Then Mia reached across and pulled a flake of croissant from Alexa’s hair.
“You’re a mess,” Mia said, showing her the flake.
“You’re one to talk.” Ellie watched as the warmth between them suddenly came back.
Mia grinned and flicked the crumb into the water.
Then she looked at Alexa for a moment longer than was necessary, her expression softening into something that Ellie hadn’t seen on Mia’s face before…
something unguarded, something that the bravado and the jokes along with the confidence usually covered.
It lasted barely a second or two before Mia caught herself, but it was enough. It was more than enough.
“Hey,” Mia said, her voice quiet, meant for Alexa alone.
Ellie studiously pretended not to hear, as did Becca, but they were listening…
both of them loved a good romance, after all.
“You want to go for a walk? Just us? I feel like we should probably…” She trailed off and gave a small, uncharacteristically nervous shrug. “Talk. Maybe.”
Alexa went very still. Then she nodded, and Ellie saw a flicker of excitement in her smile. Good, thought Ellie, she’s not going to die wondering at least.
Mia looked over at Ellie and Becca, and there was a vulnerability in her expression that was so unlike the Mia of the previous twenty-four hours that it was like she was a different person. “You guys ok if we…?”
“Go,” Becca said gently. “Take as long as you need. We’re not going anywhere.”
“The pastries will be here when you get back,” Ellie added. “If Becca hasn’t eaten them all.”
“No promises,” Becca grinned. “But you guys can hang out here as long as you want.”
Mia smiled gratefully and climbed out of the pool.
She held her hand out to Alexa, who took it, and Mia dried herself before pulling on a t-shirt.
Ellie watched them walk towards the gate in the hedge, Mia leading the way.
At the gate Mia paused and said something to Alexa that Ellie couldn’t hear, and Alexa nodded again and laughed, then they were through and gone.
“Alexa’s in love with her,” Ellie said quietly after a few moments. “I think she might tell her.” She paused. “I hope they’re ok.”
She turned to see Becca grinning, the broadest grin you could imagine.
“What?” Ellie asked.
“So Mia thought she should take advantage of one-on-one time with a therapist while you were gone.”
“And…”
Becca took Ellie’s hand in hers under the water and gave it a squeeze. “Let’s just say, I think if Alexa does that it’s going to work out for them both very well indeed.”
She leaned her head back against the edge of the pool, eyes closed, and Ellie copied her. The sun was warm on her face, the water cool against her body.
They were hungover, tired… this is perfect, Ellie thought to herself, absolutely perfect. And… I even got to finally play spin the bottle last night. It doesn't get better than that.
"Best holiday ever," Ellie offered after a few moments.
She felt Becca nod next to her. "Yeah, it has been." She laughed. "Same time next year?"