Chapter 43 Nova
nova
“This is all my fault. I’m so sorry, Nova,” Luna whispered, handing me a steaming cup of tea with a splash of heavy cream, the way Mrs. Stone used to make it.
Tears welled in my eyes as I took the cup. “I miss my home,” I choked out.
It had felt safe and predictable in England. I’d worked hard to keep it that way.
Thankfully, most of the boxes had been unpacked, and Aunt Mae had done an amazing job directing the movers.
The living room looked almost normal, but it didn’t feel like home.
Not tonight. Scarlette was asleep upstairs, blissfully unaware of the storm unraveling inside me.
Luna had wrapped a heavy blanket around me, tucking it close like armor.
“I should’ve warned you,” Luna murmured. “When Dirks said he came up here sometimes, I didn’t think anything of it, but I should’ve asked more questions.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to protect me from him.”
The resemblance between Scarlette and that little girl was impossible to unsee.
“What’re you going to do?” Luna whispered.
My hands shook so badly I had to set the tea down on the coffee table. I stared into the rising steam, searching for the next step.
“I need to call Ollie,” I said finally. “Tell him everything. I won’t lie to him.
Not about this.” Tears slipped down my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around my knees, burying my face in the blanket.
“This is going to destroy him, Luna. This is everything he feared. Everything I promised him wouldn’t happen. ”
Luna sat beside me, resting her hand on my arm. “You’re doing the right thing. He’ll understand.”
I let out a bitter laugh, tears still falling. “Will he? Because I don’t even understand this.”
The room was quiet except for the sound of my uneven breathing. The walls felt like they were closing in, the weight of my anger, sadness, and anxiety suffocating me.
I missed my home. I missed who I used to be before all this.
And I missed Ollie—god, I needed him so much.
Luna handed me the phone. “I’ll be right here until you want me to leave.”
She gave my leg a squeeze as I dialed his number.
“Nove?” Ollie’s groggy voice came through the phone. “You alright?”
“I’m sorry I called so early.” My voice cracked. “I-I need to talk to you.”
I could hear sheets rustling. “I’m up. What’s wrong?”
Fresh tears instantly fell down my cheeks. “I-I was at her performance. I-I . . .”
I didn’t know how to tell him—the love of my life—that the daughter he’d been raising for almost five years had found her biological father. The thought of it would destroy him. The thought of it was already destroying me.
The pain was pulling me apart, limb by limb, like roots being ripped from the ground. Every branch of stability I had felt was ready to snap, and the wind threatened to carry me away. Everything I thought I knew, every ounce of safety we’d built, was gone.
“He was there,” Ollie whispered. It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement. “You saw him.”
I nodded, knowing he couldn’t see me, but the silence that followed said he already knew the answer.
“Love,” he whispered again, softer this time, almost like a plea. “Love. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” I choked out, my voice breaking as I tried to hold myself together.
“Don’t leave us, Ollie. Please. Please come here.
I can’t—I can’t live without you.” The words tumbled out.
“I can’t imagine a world where you and I don’t exist. I’ll marry you tomorrow, I swear. Please don’t leave us. I can’t—”
“Nova,” Ollie interrupted, this time firmer. “First, thank you for the sentiment of love,” he said, and then, to my horror, he chuckled.
“Why are you laughing?” I cried, the snot from my nose mixing with the tears streaming down my face.
I was a wreck, ugly and shattered. Luna silently got up and handed me a roll of tissue paper, her quiet presence grounding me.
“I—” Ollie started, his voice tinged with humor. “I didn’t realize it would take something like this for you to say how much you love me.”
“I’ve always loved you this much,” I sobbed, wiping my face with the tissue. “It’s . . . hard for me to express.”
There was a pause, the line crackling faintly before his voice came through, calm and certain. “Don’t say you can’t live without me, Nova. You absolutely can. You have before. You could, and you will.”
More tears spilled, shaking me to my very core. “You’re leaving me,” I whispered, the words tumbling out like a fact I was helpless to change.
“No. Stop,” he said quickly.
The phone clicked, and suddenly there he was, the video feed showing him lying in his bedroom back in the countryside. His soft brown eyes gazed at me, full of warmth and steadiness. “Love,” he murmured when he saw me, his voice so gentle it broke me all over again.
I looked a mess—bleary, red-rimmed eyes, tears and snot everywhere, but his expression didn’t waver.
“You’re so strong,” he said quietly. “You don’t need me, Nova. You never have. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there. That I don’t want to be part of your life. You’re incredible, with or without me. I want to be with you. I’m choosing you.”
“I want you, too,” I murmured, clutching the tissue in my hand as I stared at the screen.
A soft smile spread slowly on his lips. “What happened with Austin?”
“Everything hurts,” I murmured. I closed my eyes. “I feel so . . ..”
My mind spiraled back to seeing Austin. He looked so normal. So composed. It made me feel angry, raw, like the universe was mocking me. Why couldn’t he have been like that when we were together? Why did it take all this time for him to finally get better?
When I called him years ago, desperate and grieving, he’d been in such a bad place they’d extended his time in rehab. That was the man I remembered—the one who couldn’t keep it together, who couldn’t be there when my world was falling apart.
I looked at Austin, and I saw the man who threw a glass at me in one of his rages. The man who disappeared into himself when I needed him the most—when my mother died.
But tonight, I saw something else. I saw a man who looked terrified, scared out of his mind to face his daughter. A man who was still hurt, but a man who didn’t look anything like the man I once knew. A man with peace. I saw someone so different, it was as though he looked like a stranger.
“I felt so triggered by it all at first,” I finally said, my voice unsteady. “Seeing him look like that, I . . . I felt sad. Sad that he never got to see what a great kid Scarlette is. Sad that he seems normal. And then I felt guilty. Like you were going to hate me for even thinking about it.”
Ollie didn’t speak, but the way his gaze softened gave me enough courage to keep going.
“I don’t know what to do if he’s an addict.” I confessed, my voice breaking. “I don’t know how to handle any of this. And I’m so scared it’s going to affect Scarlette.”
Tears continued to well in my eyes, and I blinked them back quickly. “I don’t even know how to feel. Everything about this hurts.”
“I assumed he asked about Scarlette.”
I nodded. “He saw her, and we’re meeting up. Without her.”
Ollie nodded. “I think it’s best she’s not there at first.”
A long, heavy pause settled between us, thick with unspoken fears and what-ifs. The silence felt like it might crush me, but I couldn’t bring myself to break it.
“What do you want to say to him?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, the words barely audible. “I don’t know how to face him.”
“You should listen to him, love.”
I clutched the phone tighter. “Ollie, how can you say that? After everything he’s done . . . everything he didn’t do?”
There was a pause, his gaze steady on the screen before he exhaled. “Because I knew this day would come, maybe not this soon, but it was bound to happen eventually.”
“I thought—we thought—we could keep him away. That we could . . . avoid this forever.”
“I understand why you hoped that,” Ollie replied. “But he’s her biological father, Nova. Whether we like it or not, he has a part in her story. One day, Scarlette will have questions. Don’t you think she deserves to know the truth, even if it’s messy?”
The words cut deep, and I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to steady the ache. “But what if he hurts her? What if he hurts us?”
“That’s why you meet with him first,” Ollie said firmly. “You set the boundaries. You figure out what kind of man he is now, and whether he’s capable of being in her life.”
“And if he’s not?” My voice trembled, my fear threatening to overwhelm me.
“Then you’ll protect her, like you always have. You’ll do what you’ve always done—you’ll put her first. But you need to know, Nova. For her and for yourself.”
I swallowed hard, the tears slipping down my cheeks as I whispered, “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Yes, you can,” he said gently. “You’ve been doing it all along, love. You’re stronger than you think.”
The weight of his words settled over me, grounding me in the midst of my spiraling emotions. But the fear clawing at my chest refused to let go.
My voice wavered as I spoke. “What if . . . what if you don’t want to come here anymore? What if this changes everything for us?”
The silence on the other end stretched a little too long, his face frozen on the screen. Panic surged in the gap, my pulse pounding in my ears. “Ollie, say something.”
“Nova,” he murmured finally. “This doesn’t change anything between us. I’ll be there, love. I’ll always be there.”
I wanted to believe him. God, I wanted to believe him so badly. My fears had a way of twisting things, making the ground beneath me feel unsteady.
“What if it’s too much?” I choked out. “What if you think I’m too much? That Scarlette’s too much?”
“Nova.” His voice was firmer this time, cutting through the rising tide of doubt.
“No, Ollie.” The words spilled out before I could stop them.
“I’ve seen people leave. I’ve watched them walk away when things got hard.
When I needed them. And I don’t—I can’t—lose you too.
You’re the one thing keeping me together right now.
If you decide this is too messy, if you decide we’re not worth it—”
“Stop.” His voice was soft but commanding. “Listen to me, love. Look at me.”
I nodded. “I see you.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly. “Not because of this. Not because of anything. You and Scarlette are my world, Nova. I chose this. I chose you. And I’ll keep choosing you every day, no matter how messy it gets.”
His words hit me like a wave, breaking through the storm of panic. My shoulders shook as I sobbed, the fear loosening its grip, but still lingering in the shadows.
“But what if—” I started, and he cut me off again, his voice softer this time.
“There are no what-ifs, love. I’m here. I’m not leaving. And I’ll remind you of that as many times as you need to hear it.”
I let out a shaky breath, my tears blurring the screen as I whispered, “I’m scared, Ollie.”
“I know you are, and that’s okay. You’re not alone in this. You’ve got me, and you’ve got this.”
I nodded, even though the fear still lingered in the back of my mind. His words were starting to sink in, filling the cracks where my doubts had taken root.
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” I said finally.
“I’ll be right here.”.
I wiped at my cheeks, my breathing still unsteady as I glanced at the clock. It was early in the morning for him, and the exhaustion on Ollie’s face was clear, even through the screen.
“You need to get some rest,” I murmured.
His lips twitched in a small smile. “You’re the one crying your eyes out, love, but you’re worried about me?”
I managed a weak laugh, shaking my head. “I’ll call you after coffee tomorrow, okay? I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” he murmured, his voice soft but full of warmth. “Good night, love.”
“Good night,” I whispered.
“And Nova?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll always be here. It’s you and Scarlette I love.”
I nodded and ended the call, staring at the blank screen for a moment before setting my phone down.
Luna rubbed my hand gently. “See? That wasn’t so bad. It could’ve been worse. He could’ve run.” She paused until I met her gaze. “But he didn’t. He stayed.”
“He stayed.”
“Let’s have a sleepover,” Luna murmured.
I let out a tired laugh, shaking my head. “No freaky stuff.” I attempted a stern look.
“No promises.” She winked as she grabbed the blanket and threw it over both of us.
My family might not look the way I had once imagined, but that was okay.
It was messy, unconventional, and full of surprises, but it was mine.
And as I sat there, wrapped in Luna’s blanket with her by my side and Ollie’s words still echoing in my mind, I realized something important: I could face this.
I could be open to hearing what Austin had to say, not because it was easy or because I wanted to, but because I knew that the people I had—the ones who truly loved me—would support me endlessly.