Chapter 9
luna
We chose a house in the North Shore because it had the best school district for Scarlette.
She was only in preschool, so there wasn’t pressure to enroll her right away—especially with the holidays coming up—but with Ollie’s visa delayed and our furniture stuck in transit, we needed to move in November.
Nova had already taken the job with the Ravens, and they needed her.
The plane ride was quiet. So was the cab.
No one said much, and I didn’t blame them.
The house was beautiful, and thankfully, there was a separate guesthouse tucked behind it.
After months in a cramped garden apartment, I was grateful for the space.
It wasn’t big—only a loft bedroom, a small kitchen, and a little living area—but it was mine.
A soft place to land, even if it was temporary.
Aunt Mae, Nova’s aunt who lived in the city, had driven up to check it out before we finalized the purchase. She made sure the guesthouse was livable, that everything looked nice. I wasn’t planning on staying long, but Nova still made sure there was space for me.
“I’m sorry again,” I whispered as the cab pulled onto our new street.
“Please,” Nova begged, running a hand through her curls. “Stop apologizing.”
I looked away, my stomach tight with guilt. I’d said sorry so many times it felt meaningless now, but I couldn’t stop. I’d upended their lives by dragging her and Scarlette across the ocean and shaking the foundation she’d built with Ollie.
Nova reached across the seat and squeezed my hand. “You’re not a burden, Luna. We’re here because we love you. You did it for me once. I’m returning the favor.”
It felt like a debt I could never repay instead of a favor.
The cab slowed in front of the house, its white trim glowing faintly in the overcast light. I took a breath and stared out the window at our new reality. I didn’t know how to make things right—not yet—but I’d figure it out. For Nova. For Scarlette. For the woman I was still trying to become.
I helped the Uber driver grab the bags while Nova brought Scarlette inside.
Aunt Mae had some people come by earlier in the week to set up the basics, but we didn’t have much yet.
No couch. No dining table. Just beds—one for Nova, one for Scarlette, and one for me in the guesthouse. That was about it.
I thanked the driver, tipped him, and followed them inside the main house. The air was thick with travel fatigue, and the late hour didn’t help. Our trip had been delay after delay.
The hardwood floors echoed under our shoes as we moved through the space. The walls were bare, and without curtains or rugs, every sound bounced around like it didn’t belong. It was beautiful, sure—Nova had picked a good one—but it still felt foreign.
I told myself it was temporary. Just a place to get my bearings until I figured out what came next.
“Hopefully she stays asleep for the night,” Nova said as we reached the top of the stairs, Scarlette’s limbs flopped over her shoulder like a tired octopus.
I snorted. “If she wakes up asking for a snack, I’m faking a leg cramp.”
Nova tried not to laugh too loud. “You’re awful.”
“I’m resourceful.” I corrected her, opening the door to Scarlette’s new room. “There’s a difference.”
We tucked her in and tiptoed out.
Nova turned to me once the door clicked shut behind us. “She’s really out.”
“For now,” I said. “But let’s not jinx it. I’ve seen her rage over the wrong color sippy cup.”
Nova smirked. “I still can’t believe we moved halfway across the world.”
I tried to do what I did best and lighten the mood. “Still can’t believe you have a kid who negotiates bedtime like a divorce lawyer.”
Nova burst out laughing. “Shut up and help me find the wine.”
Now that made me smile. “Finally. A language I speak fluently.”
We ordered in the most offensive-looking deep dish pizza we could find—extra cheese, extra sausage—and split a bottle of red. With a nonexistent couch, we sat on the floor surrounded by a mountain of mismatched blankets I’d scrounged up from a hall closet that smelled vaguely like Aunt Mae.
Nova had called Ollie to let him know we’d arrived, and now she was scrolling through a group chat, half listening to me rant about the plans for the house.
“Don’t get me wrong,” I said, flopping backward and staring at the ceiling. “I love British food—kidding, I don’t—but this?” I held up a greasy slice like it was holy scripture. “This is art. This is home.”
“Remember when we thought deep dish was a personality trait?” Nova asked, nudging my knee with hers.
I smirked. “Still is. If you don’t risk third-degree burns on the roof of your mouth for that first bite, do you even love yourself?”
She laughed and took another sip of wine. “You know, I’m starting to think you only dragged me back here for the pizza.”
“Guilty,” I said, raising my glass. “Also the ranch dressing. Because, let’s be honest, England’s version tastes like betrayal.”
“You’re lucky I love you,” she said, grinning. “You’re so dramatic.”
“Pot, meet kettle,” I said under my breath with a smile, but my chest tightened as I looked at her.
I set my wine down and leaned back on my hands, the floor hard beneath me. “I know it’s not the same,” I muttered. “It’s not like me moving to London for you after Austin . . . after everything.”
Her smile faded, but she didn’t interrupt.
“I don’t think I ever told you how scared I was.
You were crumbling, and I didn’t know how to fix it, but I knew I had to try.
I packed my life into two suitcases, and I stayed because I needed you to survive.
” I blinked back the heat in my eyes. “And now . . . now you’ve done the same for me.
You didn’t just say ‘I’ve got you’—you showed up.
You got on a plane with your kid, you left behind the life you built and, temporarily, the man you love, because you could see I was unraveling.
” I sighed. “I didn’t want to admit it, Nova.
I hate needing people. But I need you. I need my person. ”
Nova stared at me with a look that said she understood—down to the bone. Without a word, she scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me, pressing her forehead against mine.
“We always save each other,” she whispered. “That’s who we are.”
We leaned against the wall like we used to when we were teenagers, the wine buzz fading into the kind of clarity I hadn’t wanted.
“When are you going to see him?” Nova pulled away and studied my face.
“Dunno.”
“Does he know you’re back?”
“Not exactly. I was thinking of showing up at his apartment. Surprise him.”
Nova raised an eyebrow. “How, exactly, do you know where he lives?”
I tried not to smile, but the corners of my mouth betrayed me.
“The company I collaborated with is also the sponsor for the Ravens jerseys this year. My business manager reached out, said they wanted to create a ‘love connection’ between me and a player. They don’t know we dated before.
He handed over Dirks’s address like it was fate. He never moved.”
Nova’s mouth dropped open. “You sneaky bitch,” she said, grinning as she smacked my arm.
I laughed, but it fizzled fast. My smile cracked under the weight of what I wasn’t saying. I stared at the half-empty wineglass on the floor and said it out loud before I could second-guess myself.
“I’m scared.”
“Of course you’re scared, Lune. You wouldn’t have moved back here unless something felt unfinished.”
I swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath. “I’m scared I’m trading one version of safe for another. Like . . . maybe it wasn’t only Dirks I loved. Maybe it was them, the three of us . . . together. I don’t know if what I’m chasing is really him or just the memory of it all.”
Nova stayed close, her arms still loosely around me.
“Have you heard from Jeremy?”
I shook my head slowly.
“Did you ask Dirks if he had?”
“I did. He said he tried reaching out, but Jeremy never responded.” I paused. “That was years ago.”
Nova hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip. “H-have you told him I’m here?”
I pulled back to look her in the eye, my response firm. “Absolutely not. It’s not his business. I know he’s friends with Ledger, but I didn’t—and won’t—mix the two. I love Scarlette too much for that.”
Nova blinked hard and mouthed, “Thank you.”
I gave her a half smile.
“Now, back to the Jeremy dilemma.” Nova picked up her wine again and studied the glass. “You ever think that maybe he got better?”
I tilted my head back against the wall, exhaling slowly. “I know he went to rehab. Austin going in made headlines, and then a couple months later Jeremy did, too. But getting clean and staying clean . . . that’s a whole different war.”
I looked down at the blanket pooled around my legs, picking at the frayed edge with my nail, and added, “I don’t know if I want to find out, Nova. Because if he is better, that means he chose not to say anything. And if he’s not . . . then I’m opening old wounds for no reason.”
She reached out, gently squeezing my knee. “Either way, you deserve peace about it.”
“He loved me, and I destroyed him. Leaving him the last time . . . it wrecked everything we ever had. I don’t know if I could do that to him again. Or to myself.”
She squeezed my knee again, a silent “I’m here.” But she didn’t know—she couldn’t.
No one knew what Jeremy and I really were.
Not even Nova.
Not that we’d ever been in foster care together. Not that we were placed in the same house, lived down the hall from each other, snuck food at night, cried quietly through walls too thin for secrets. Not that we were each other’s only safe person.
We couldn’t tell anyone. Not even Dirks. Especially not Dirks.
Because it wasn’t only forbidden, it was something that branded me. Every time I let Jeremy stay in my life, I ended up leaving him again. Every goodbye with him felt like I was peeling my own skin off. I was always running from the only person who ever saw me when I didn’t want to be seen.
Still . . . somehow, it hurt every time.
“I’ve left him so many times,” I whispered. “Every time, it feels like I have one foot out the door.”
“So many times?” Nova asked softly.
I shook my head and swiped at my eyes, feeling hot, wet tears betray me before I could catch them. “Ugh,” I muttered, forcing a watery laugh as I turned away. “This is so gross. Who let me get emotional? Ew.”
Nova didn’t laugh. She leaned in, brushing her shoulder against mine. “You can always be yourself with me, Lune. Even the crying, self-sabotaging, emotionally constipated version. I’ll love you no matter what.”
I sniffled, half laughing, half sobbing. “Wow, thanks. That’s so comforting. Really makes a girl feel stable.”
She smiled. “You’re not stable. You’re Daddy Luna. But you’re mine . . . and Scarlette’s. Always.”
“I don’t want to sleep in the scary guest house yet,” I whispered, stretching out on the floor in a pile of mismatched blankets. “Can we have a sleepover? Like when we were in high school?”
“Your poor foster family never knew where you were.”
“Until they got Mami’s number,” I shot back, smirking.
She laughed, and for a second, it felt like we were sixteen again, sneaking snacks into her room, watching bad teen dramas, and pretending we weren’t just two broken girls holding each other together.
I’d spent more nights at her house than I ever did with the family I was placed with.
Nova had always been my safe space, my anchor, my home.
I followed her through the echoey hallway and up the staircase. The house may have been bare, furniture-wise, but the bones of it? Damn. It was beautiful.
“Okay,” I said, pausing halfway up the stairs and glancing around at the tall ceilings and crown molding. “This house is bougie. Like . . . accidentally marry a millionaire, suburban mom-core, Peloton-in-every-room energy. We scored.”
Nova snorted as we reached the top and turned into her room. It was still half unpacked, but it smelled like lavender and the same coconut hair serum she’d used since we were teenagers.
I dropped the blanket on the bed and flopped down dramatically, spreading out like a starfish. “Claimed.”
Nova rolled her eyes and tossed a pair of pajama pants at my face. I changed quickly, too tired to care that I was wearing a mismatched set, and slid under the comforter.
“You don’t have to earn my love, Luna. You . . . have it.”
For a second, neither of us spoke. The quiet settled in a way that didn’t feel awkward, just lived in. I turned toward her and smiled, the kind of tired smile that came with months of holding everything in.
“You should go see him, you know. Dirks. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”
I buried my face into the pillow. “Yeah . . . I know. I—”
“We’ll figure out Jeremy after,” she said gently, already knowing where my thoughts were heading.
I nodded, blinking up at the ceiling. “When did you get so smart?”
“Please.” She scoffed as I shoulder-checked her. “Always been the brains between us.”
Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up, putting Ollie on speaker.
“I’m snuggling with your boo, Oll. Jealous?” I teased.
His face popped up on the screen, amused. “No funny business, Luna.”
“I’ve been dying to get Nova to fuck me for years, but neither of you will, so I’ll settle for a snuggle.”
“God, Luna!” Nova screeched, tossing a pillow at me.
I cackled, then turned onto my side, giving them privacy as they said their I love yous.
One day I’ll have that. A love that feels full, not like it’s missing something.