Chapter 37
luna
“Are you sure he’s coming?” I asked Dirks as we stepped out of his apartment, our luggage in tow.
“He said he was. You didn’t talk to him?”
“I texted him. Told him what time to meet us here. I haven’t seen him since . . . ”
Dirks reached out and gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before taking my suitcase from me without asking. “He’s different from us. He doesn’t need to be around to know you love him.”
I blinked. My chest went tight.
“B-but I haven’t said that. Not to him. Not to you either. I haven’t told either of you that I—”
Dirks stopped walking, and we stood in the middle of his hallway, surrounded by builder-grade carpet, humming fluorescent lights overhead, and zero natural light. It was the least romantic place on earth.
Still, he turned toward me. His blue eyes locked on mine as he dropped his suitcase and let go of mine. One step closer, and his hands were at my waist.
“Luna, I’ve loved you since the moment you walked into my life. I loved you because of who you are. I loved you even more when you moved back out here to watch me play my final season. I love every messy, wild, perfect inch of you.”
I swallowed hard. “We’re really doing this in a hallway?”
Dirks snorted. “Yeah, Lune. We are.”
I nodded, blinking fast, trying to clear the emotion threatening to clog my throat. “I love you, Dirks.”
He leaned down and kissed me deeply, slipping his hands down to my hips.
When we finally pulled apart for breath, I grinned up at him. “I’m not wearing panties under this skirt.”
His brow lifted, interest sparking immediately. I looked down at myself—at the flowy pink and yellow maxi skirt I’d paired with a cropped yellow sweater and thick winter boots. The outfit screamed sunshine. The intentions underneath it didn’t.
“We’re going to my mom’s house, and you’re not wearing panties?”
I slid my hands up the back of his neck, fingers teasing under the collar of his coat. “I thought you’d want to sneak it in if things got . . . stressful.”
“Luna . . . ”
He lifted the hem of my skirt to bare the tops of my thighs and leaned forward, pushing me against the wall.
Someone cleared their throat, and we both jumped and yanked apart like teenagers caught in the act.
“Oh, thank fuck—it’s just you,” I said with a laugh.
Jeremy stood at the end of the hallway, arms crossed, wearing a look that screamed unimpressed.
“You guys are fucking gross,” he muttered.
I smirked and walked over to him slowly, watching the way his eyes followed every step I took. “You heard it?”
“All of it.”
He flicked his gaze past me to Dirks, jaw ticking once. “Good for you, man.”
“Jer,” I murmured.
He was already shaking his head, mouth pressed tight. “I’m a friend. Let’s get on the road before the snow comes.”
Jer grabbed my suitcase from Dirks without another word and started for the elevator, his shoulders tense as he walked ahead of us.
“You think he’s mad?” I asked quietly.
Dirks shrugged, but it didn’t look convincing. “He’s . . . I don’t know. You gotta talk to him. That doesn’t mean—” He stopped short, reached for my hand, and held it tight. “I love you, Luna.”
I squeezed his hand and stepped closer, my heart pulling in two directions at once.
“I love you.”
“Dude. That shit smells,” Jer groaned as we rode north in Dirks’s truck toward Minnesota. “I don’t know why we couldn’t just get on a plane like normal people.”
“Because nothing says bonding like a road trip,” I said, popping a Gusher into my mouth and sucking the goo out.
Dirks reached down, grabbed another meat stick, and tore it open.
Jer gagged. “Oh my fucking god. I’m not sitting up here for ten hours smelling that.”
He chucked his pillow at Dirks’s head, then cursed as he awkwardly climbed through the center console and into the back seat, knees knocking into everything on the way.
I tossed him a Diet Coke without looking. “It smells just as bad back here.”
He muttered something under his breath—full grumble mode—before slapping on his headphones and turning to stare out the window like he was being held hostage.
I smiled, but it faded quickly.
How was I supposed to show him that I wanted him as much as I loved Dirks?
That he meant as much. That it wasn’t second place, or some leftover thing I was holding onto.
I didn’t want him to spend the next month buried behind sarcasm and distance, texting me like he didn’t care when I knew damn well he did.
I didn’t just want him in my bed. I wanted him in the room.
I sat there for another mile in silence before I turned and yanked his headphones off.
“What the fuck, Lune?” he snapped, jerking back like I’d hit him.
“No,” I said, shifting to face him fully. “I’m not driving all the way up to Minnesota just to live like this with you acting like a ghost in the back seat. Why didn’t you come see me before we left? Why didn’t you try?”
“Because, Luna, it’s fucking hard for me. I’m the fuckup, remember? I am going to fuck it up again, and then both of you are gonna have to suffer because of me. I needed your signature, not your pity—”
“I know you need my signature, Jer, but I need you.”
His eyes burned into mine. “Why? Why do you need me, Luna?”
“Because no one . . . no one understands me like you do.”
He didn’t say anything at first but pointed to Dirks, who kept his eyes on the road, hands tight on the wheel.
“He does.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“No, I don’t,” Dirks said at the same time.
“You think you’re going to ruin it again. You think if you get too close, you’ll burn it down, and we’ll hate you for it.”
He looked away.
“You’re not a fuckup, Jer. You’re a fucking person. One I still choose. Even when you’re moody. Even when you leave without saying goodbye. Even when you try to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on in that loud-ass brain of yours.”
“You shouldn’t have to deal with me,” he muttered.
“Maybe not, but I want to.”
He glanced in my direction, and I saw every version of him at once—the scared kid, the angry man, the one who walked away, the one who came back.
Finally, he sat back in the seat and dragged a hand through his hair. “Well . . . now that we’ve unpacked that, what’s the sleeping situation gonna be?”
Dirks chuckled under his breath. “You and Luna can have the small guest cabin out back. I’ll stay in the main house with my parents.”
“Oh great. Can’t wait for your wholesome Midwestern parents to find out their son’s girlfriend is getting railed by his best friend in a shed behind the barn.”
“It’s insulated.”
I turned toward Jer, catching his hand in mine and gently tracing the little crescent moon inked on the side of his finger. “You saying you’re gonna fuck me in the cabin?”
He met my eyes, that familiar heat flickering behind his teasing smirk. “I don’t ask to fuck you, Luna.”
My stomach dropped, heat shooting straight through me.
“I take you when you’re ready. When you beg for it. When you remember exactly who you belong to.”
I sighed and pulled away from Jer, settling back into my side of the truck, legs crossed, head against the window.
“If you think your parents would be scandalized by Dirks’s best friend fucking his girlfriend, just wait until they find out Dirks sometimes fucks me, too. Together.”
Jer snorted. “Please. If I gave him the green light, he’d probably fuck me, too.”
Dirks’s eyes flicked up to the rearview mirror so fast I actually laughed.
Jer caught it and shook his head. “Not today, buddy. Put your dick away.”
“Fine,” Dirks muttered, genuinely disappointed.
“Wait,” I said, glancing over at Jer. “Would you ever?”
“Ever what?”
“You know,” I said, gesturing lazily between him and Dirks. “Would you ever actually fuck him?”
“I don’t know. Sexuality is a spectrum. For right now, it’s you, Luna.”
Dirks cleared his throat loudly. “I do have two holes, if anyone’s feeling brave.”
I choked on a laugh, full snort and all, head falling back against the seat.
“Dirks, what the fuck?” Jer groaned, rubbing his hand over his face.
“I’m just saying,” Dirks replied, smug, eyes on the road. “I’m here for a good time, a long time, or an incredibly awkward, anatomy-questioning time. Whatever works.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jer muttered, but he was grinning too.