Chapter 2
Give Me Strength
“Jess, you should have been in Sunday school this morning. There was no reason that you were not there. You make time to go out, mess with those dogs, fornicate, and everything else, but you can’t give God his reverence.”
My mother was so fucking extra. “Ma, you act like I didn’t come to church at all. I missed an hour out of the, what, six that we’re in church. I really think God will not strike me down. You fuss at me, but Athena can do whatever she wants to.” I mumbled the last part.
Athena was my older sister who got away with murder. There was a huge age gap between us, but my sister acted like she was in her twenties. She still lived with my parents. I guess I couldn’t talk because I did too.
My mother stared at me like I was the enemy.
That wasn’t out of the norm, unfortunately.
Her head popped up from her mixing bowl.
“Little girl, who are you talking to? You better stop letting the devil use you before I knock him out of you. I don’t care how old or big your behind gets for that matter.
I am the mother, and you are the child.”
Little girl! I was twenty-three years old, but she still considered me a little girl. Hell, she considered Athena a little girl too. “Ma. God, I was with Daddy all day, then I worked late last night. I wanted to sleep in, so I did.”
She rushed out of the kitchen to where I sat on the couch in the kitchen, then popped me in my fucking mouth.
“Don’t you dare use the Lord’s name in vain.
Both of my daughters are out here doing the devil’s work.
If your daddy didn’t have that stroke and have to live in that home, y’all wouldn’t be acting like this. I know that.”
I rolled my eyes when she turned her back.
If my daddy didn’t have that stroke, then she wouldn’t have been such a bitch.
He would have stopped a lot of her actions in its tracks.
Unlike Brenda Bulb, my father had a gentle heart.
There was some God in him, and you actually saw it.
The only time you saw God in my mother was when she was in public or in the church.
The head of the usher board had to be perfect so she could point people to their seats with grace and tell them to shut up with conviction.
Just in the nick of time, the front screen door opened. I breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of my sister, Athena. Now, her ass didn’t come to church at all today. I would bet my Labradors that our mother said nothing to her. That was how it always was.
“Hey, y’all. How was church?” Athena asked after she closed the screen door. One thing my sister loved to do was antagonize our mother. Why would she ask her how church was like she really cared.
Our mother glared at my sister. “Church was a blessing like it always was. If you were there, you would have known. Where were you, Athena Bulb?”
“I was getting dick. It was a blessing too.” See what I mean. She knew our mother would ignore her or say a prayer out loud. “Gorjess, what you got going on today?
She came over and fell back on the couch next to me.
Athena and I were cool, but our age gap kept us from being close.
Also, her whore tendencies. I wasn’t against a woman who was sexually free, but Athena was loose.
She was the let niggas run trains on her for fun type of girl.
She was the epitome of the opposite of what a church girl should have been.
It was hard to tell if it was who she truly was or if it was rebellion.
I smiled when my head turned to face her. “I have a few dogs to groom, then I’m gonna go visit Daddy. He asked about you yesterday. When are you going to see him?”
“Girl, you love those damn dogs. I’m going to go see him in a few days. I got a job out of town. I leave tomorrow,” she told me.
I just smiled because her job was nothing more than being flown out by some nigga that she met on social media. Time was good to the Bulb women. Our mother, Athena, and I looked way younger than our ages. “Okay, well make sure you do.”
My eyes glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’m about to head out. I need to get to the shop.”
“Oh, now you’re too busy to have dinner with your family? That figures that those dogs would come before your family.” Ma grumbled with her words.
Athena huffed. “Oh God, Ma. Leave her alone. At least she’s doing something with her life. Since Daddy’s been in the home, you’ve been too busy on the pastor’s nut sack.”
I let out a loud gasp. “Athena! What in the world! That is going way too far.”
Did I believe her? Yes, but she didn’t have to say that out loud.
My mother closed her eyes before she slammed her hands down on the counter.
“God, I will not do this anymore. Get out of my house, you ingrate. You will not continue to disrespect me in my house like you pay a single bill here. I’m tired of it, and I’ll walk across the entire Macon, Georgia, before I let you do it anymore. Get out!”
I jumped at the volume and tone of her voice. With all the bullshit that Athena had put our parents through, my mother never told her to get out and meant it. All the times that she told her to get out in the past, our father shut it down. Now he wasn’t here to stop it.
Athena jumped up. “Fuck this shit! I don’t want to be here any damn way. You act like I need you. Daddy bought me a condo two months ago anyway.”
Ah shit! She was not supposed to tell her that. Daddy told her to take her stuff out of the house little by little until it was all gone. Ma would just think that Athena ran off with a nigga. This is too much.
I stood from my seat. “Yeah, that’s my sign to go. Sis, I love you. Ma, I love you, and I’ll see you later.”
Daddy’s Little Girl . . .
“Daddy, you’re cheating,” I claimed with laughter. “Ain’t no way I just lost three times in a row. You’re the one who taught me how to play.”
He laughed at me. “Little girl, I don’t have to cheat. If I taught you the game, then that means that I could beat you. Don’t be a sore loser, baby girl.”
I was at my father’s apartment with him. One of my favorite things to do with him was play tonk, so that was what we were doing. He taught me how to play when I was at the tender age of ten. My ma hated it because we used to gamble with Oreos. The sin of it all was too much for her spirit.
Daddy had a stroke over a year ago. He had to go to a rehabilitation center for a little while, then it turned into his move into a full-time care facility.
A part of me felt like he didn’t need to be here, but he just didn’t want to be around his wife.
He seemed so much happier here, and that made me happy. I loved my daddy with everything in me.
“Whatever, Daddy.” We laughed together. “I’m going to beat you this time, watch.”
I wanted to tell him what happened at Ma’s house earlier. I wasn’t sure how it all played out, because I left. What I did know was that, eventually, Ma would call or come to give him a piece of her mind. I wanted him to be prepared.
“Um, Daddy, Athena and Ma got into a fight today. Ma told her to get out after she said that Ma was on the pastor’s nut sack. Athena told Ma about the condo you got her,” I told him.
My head bucked back when my father chortled. It wasn’t a light one either. It was one of those ones from the gut. I gawked at him like he’d lost his mind.
“That girl is hell, literally. She never cared what she said, and y’all mama hates that. She can’t go around telling your mama secrets all willy nilly.”
His words shocked the hell out of me. What the fuck did he mean? “Daddy, I know you’re not sitting here telling me that Ma is messing with Pastor Terry. I just know that’s not what you’re telling me. My ma is perfect.”
“No one is perfect except Jesus. We all fall short of his glory.” He shrugged. “Some just happen to fall on a dick. I’ve fallen in pussy a time or two myself.’
I coughed on the water that I just drank. What the entire hell is happening right now? “Daddy, what the hell? Why are you telling me this?”
He put his cards face down on the table. “I’m telling you because God is gonna come take me soon. I don’t want you out here thinking that me and ya mama are out here perfect. We’ve made many, many mistakes. One thing that will never be a mistake was you, baby girl. I love you so much.”
His words pulled at my heart. I didn’t like it. “Daddy, don’t say that. You’re gonna be here for a long time to cheat me in tonk. I never thought that you and Ma were perfect. Well, more her than you. I don’t care what you do; you’re always going to be perfect in my eyes.”
He smiled. “You and Athena are perfect in my eyes. Never forget that, Gorjess. Your name is a perfect depiction of your spirit and outward beauty.”
He reached his hand out and clutched mine. “Baby girl, I want you to live your life. Since you were sixteen you have talked about having your own dog grooming business. I want that for you, and I’m telling you that you’re going to have it.”
“Daddy, it was just something that sounded good. I have a good job at the groomer that I work for now. Maybe one day I can take it over,” I told him.
He shook his head. “I want you to listen to me and not say anything, okay. Soon, you’re going to get a blessing that will give you everything that you need to start your own dog grooming business.
I don’t want you taking over anything. I want you to have your own.
Now when this blessing comes, get the hell out of Macon and carry your ass to Charlotte, North Carolina.
That is the perfect place for a gorgeous girl like you.