Chapter Six
“You’re in a good mood,” Draco said.
Rocco glanced over at the club brother he’d been partnered up with to do a perimeter check. Boyan and Wolfe were on Graham duty, and the rest of the guys were dealing with the beta team. Alpha was reaching out to Elizabeth in the hope of finding out more information, but if he was honest, he didn’t know how reliable that would be.
“It’s a good day.”
Draco nodded. “And Graham seems to be settling, which is good news.”
Rocco knew it was only a matter of time before it went south with Graham. After his date last night with Rose, where they finally broke the ice and made their agreement, he’d taken her to Graham with the care package.
He didn’t allow her in the cage, so he had to be the one to give everything to the other man. Much to his surprise, Graham had seemed quite touched by the gesture and even offered his thanks. Out of all the infected, Graham was showing the most promise. Rocco didn’t even want to think about what it could mean. Each time he got his hopes up, they were quickly dashed.
Graham hadn’t made any chance to escape either. He seemed quite content to just … be. He’d never known a wolf to be content when chained up in a cage. It was one of the worst punishments a wolf could endure.
“How are you doing?” Rocco asked.
It had been a long time since Draco had gone off the deep end. With his mate gone, taken from him, Draco would randomly have anger fits that were quite uncontrollable. The MC had to help him work through his pain.
“Fine.”
“You’re making progress,” Rocco said.
Draco stopped and turned toward him. “There is a lot going on. I do not have time to think about everything.”
He nodded and Draco started walking about. Rocco kept up with him. There were so many questions he wanted to ask Draco, but he also didn’t want to ruin the longevity of his control. His thoughts drifted to Rose and their situation. He truly had fucked everything up between them.
Last night, he’d gone to hold her hand, but then froze, thinking about what holding her hand had meant. There had been a lot of people at the bar. He’d not been embarrassed, but he also knew he and Rose had been seen together. People would start to connect the dots, and he didn’t want her to be embarrassed or have gossip directed at her.
“Do you want to talk about you and Rose?” Draco asked.
This time, Rocco stopped but Draco kept moving. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“No?”
Rocco frowned. “What is there to talk about?”
“How about you two are mated and yet you act like you cannot stand each other’s company?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rocco said.
“You can play dumb, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has seen it, but then, everyone is consumed with what is going on. I’ve been mated, I know what I’m looking for, and I’ve seen the way you two dance around each other.”
“We don’t dance around each other,” he said, when he knew they did. It started after he rejected her and then had to ask for her help.
Draco snorted. This was strange.
Rocco couldn’t recall the time before Draco lost his mate. This man had been lost for so long, going through each day, trying to survive, and now they were talking.
He knew Wolfe and Boyan tried to keep their love of their mates away from Draco. None of them wanted to hurt or upset him. The club brother meant the world to them, and they wanted to see him get better.
In that moment, Rocco tried to imagine life without Rose, and his wolf crashed within his mind. His wolf couldn’t handle the thought of anything happening. It took everything not to allow his wolf full control. Just the thought of losing Rose, and his wolf wanted to run to her, rub himself all over her, immerse himself within her scent so he knew she was okay. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this way about anyone. It was so odd, and yet it was comforting.
“Are you okay?” Draco asked.
He looked toward the other brother and nodded his head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“It will only get worse,” Draco said.
“What will?”
“The feelings you’re trying to hide. By keeping your mate at a distance, your wolf will only bear it so much. If he sees her with other men, you’ll start to lose control.”
“How do you know this?” Rocco asked.
“Because I’ve seen mates, and I’ve seen those that try to deny who they are mated to.” Draco shrugged. “Finding your mate is a blessing for some and a curse for others. Rose is a good woman. She’s kind.”
“She’s a recluse,” Rocco said.
This made Draco laugh. “And does that truly bother you?”
“No.”
“Then do you want to tell me why you rejected her?”
Now this made him frown. “Why do you think it’s me that rejected her, and not the other way around?”
“Her pain,” Draco said, which made him pause.
“Her pain? What pain? She’s not in any pain.”
Draco sighed. “At your rejection, Rose would have felt pain. You can see it in the way she held herself around you. It was this barrier she put up, like she wasn’t allowed to get close to you. Even if it was to brush past you, she’d curl into herself so as not to offend you with her presence.”
He’d never noticed that.
“Also, she’d only glance at you fleetingly, and then quickly avert her gaze, almost like she was worried about offending you. All of this points to a woman in pain … a woman who doesn’t want to be hurt again.”
They got to the end of the perimeter and Rocco looked out across the dirt road. There was no sign, no scent, but that didn’t fill him with confidence. Graham had no scent either.
“What happens?” Rocco asked.
“To what?”
“To couples that … reject each other?”
Draco shrugged. “I don’t know. All I can tell you is what it is like to have a mate, and then the hell that is surviving one, and trust me, the former is better than the latter.”
Draco started to walk away and Rocco looked at the other man.
His hands were pushed into his jacket pocket, and he still looked unkept, but that was Draco’s way. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and every now and then, he shaved his beard, but that was sparingly.
Draco was surviving. Actually, he doubted he was even doing that.
The man before him was barely existing, and in that moment, Rocco felt a wave of unimaginable guilt. Draco had lost his mate, she’d been taken from him in a cruel act by a bunch of hunters. Rocco had his mate, but he’d rejected her. Draco would do anything to have another day, another minute, another second, with his woman, while he’d pushed his mate to one side, like she meant nothing. Running fingers through his hair, he didn’t like the bitter taste of regret in his mouth, but it was there. He had fucked up with Rose, and he had to fix it.
They were trying, but Rocco knew he needed to come clean to the guys, to tell them what she meant to him.
He ran to Draco and caught up with him. Rocco wanted to talk more, but he kept the questions to himself, and instead thought about Rose and how he could make it up to her.
****
“Don’t you have more important things to do than to keep me company?” Graham asked.
Rose put the book she’d been reading to him down. “If I did, I wouldn’t be here.”
“You know, your mate is going to get jealous if he thinks you like spending more time with me than with him.”
She smiled. “I doubt that.”
“And why do you doubt that?”
“Because this is the first day I’ve spent with you, and he has no reason to get jealous.”
“Yeah, but there is also this wicked care basket. That must count for something.”
Rose laughed. “It’s nothing.”
“But you’re showing concern for me.”
She took a deep breath, because the truth was, she’d cleaned up men and women in his situation.
“That didn’t sound good,” Graham said.
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“You’re worried about what is going to happen to me.”
Rose didn’t look at him, it felt easier not to.
“You’re scared?”
“It’s not that I’m scared, but I have seen this play out one too many times.”
Graham didn’t say anything and she finally looked up to find him nodding. “Yeah, Milton was a piece of work, wasn’t he?”
“Personally, I never met him. I believe he was some kind of vet or something. Again, I don’t know, but he’d gone crazy, and we don’t know the level of experimentation he was delving into. We knew he was into one thing, but now it seems it was another. How did you not know?”
Graham shrugged. “I just didn’t, but then again, I was hoping we were finding a cure.”
“What’s it like having a dog as a pet?”
“You’ve never had a dog?” he asked.
She shook her head.
Graham sighed. “It’s the strangest feeling, because for me, I loved Buster more than anything else in the world. I got him from a pup, even before he should have been away from his mom, but I think he was left behind, like the runt of the litter or something.” He shrugged. “I found him all alone, abandoned in a box, and I took him home, fed him, and fell in love with him. Yes, he was a small German shepherd, but he grew to be a good size, and he was so easy to train. It was like he wanted to be with me all the time so I kept him with me. In the office, even on dates, I took him with me. He was my best friend, and no matter what, he’d listen and I didn’t have to constantly tell him my feelings. He was a great guy.”
“Sounds like an amazing one,” Rose said, smiling.
“Losing him was like losing a part of myself. That grief didn’t go away. Everywhere I went, he was there, because I’d created these memories with him, and they were not fading. That’s why when I stumbled onto Milton’s ad, I had to take it, because that grief had stolen part of me, and I had to do something for others. Don’t get me wrong, not everyone loves their dog or cat in that way. For me, if anyone hurt Buster, I’d fucking kill them.”
Rose looked at him and she felt incredibly sad. “I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t know if it will compare, but I lost my parents some time ago, and it never quite heals.”
“You lost your parents? Don’t you guys live forever? Isn’t that what all the books say?”
“It does say that in the good books, but people get old, wolves get old, and they get tired. My parents had me when they were very old, and they stayed with me for quite some time.”
“We’re going down too morbid a route, and all this talk of losing someone we love is too much for me. Tell me about your mate?”
She snorted and rolled her eyes.
“You see, that right there, it doesn’t bode well for your mate,” Graham said.
“I don’t know what to tell you about my mate, other than the fact the only person who knows he is my mate, is you.”
Graham frowned. “How is that even possible?”
“Well, I guess all the good books say when you find your mate, the world becomes bright and happy and you cannot think of anyone else.”
“Sounds about right.”
“Yeah, not me, nor my mate. I didn’t get any of that,” Rose said. “Actually, I did feel good for a short time, and then he opened his mouth and ruined everything.” She pushed some hair that had fallen across her brow out of the way. “It doesn’t matter.”
“What did you hope would happen?” he asked.
“I don’t know, he’d see me and be so happy that he’d just come to me, pull me in his arms, and kiss me.” She chuckled. “Does that sound girly and lame or what?”
“Sounds like a woman who knows what she wants.”
Rose couldn’t believe she was opening up to this man, this stranger. “It was, and I think part of me still hopes for it, but I also know it’s not going to happen.” She tried not to pout. “It’s kind of hard to believe anything when your mate tells you he considers it disastrous that you’re his.” She tried not to cry. “I’m sorry.”
“No, no, go ahead, cry, I just … it sucks that I am in here and can’t come out and comfort you.”
Rose swiped at the tears she had allowed to fall. She knew this was wrong and she shouldn’t keep crying over what she could no longer have.
“It’s fine.”
“Did you cry after he rejected you?”
She nodded. “Yeah, but I’ve tried not to cry since. It’s not going to solve anything.”
“But it might make you feel a little better.”
She doubted it.
It took her several seconds before she was able to compose herself, but when she finally did, she focused again on the man in front of her.
“You went on a date with your mate,” Graham said. “Tell me about that.”
“I don’t think I should.”
“Come on, you can read to me anytime, but you’ve got to give me some juicy gossip, and besides, I might be able to help.”
Rose looked away. “There’s not much to tell. The start of the date was awful. We went to the only bar in town, the Poison Bar.”
“Sounds evil,” Graham said. “I like it.”
Rose laughed again. “It’s not evil, at least I don’t think it is. Val, the owner, is a pretty nice guy. He’s hired me a few times. In case you didn’t grasp what I am, I’m a cleaner.”
“And trust me, honey, that sounds evil as well.”
“Not evil, but it does mean I’m able to clean up almost any mess. It’s what my parents were able to do for years.”
“Well, seeing as you know all about me and what I might be or might not be, I’m guessing you’ve cleaned up your fair share of bodies.”
She pursed her lips. “Yes.” It wasn’t exactly the answer she wanted to give him. “The transition is too stressful for some wolves, and they don’t make it.”
“Holy shit, are you kidding me?” Graham stood. “You mean there are some men and women who turn into giant fluffy wolves that don’t make it?”
She nodded. “Me, my family, we’re the cleanup crew.”
Graham started to pace in his cage. “That is not good, is it? I mean, if there are people, boys and girls, who are supposed to go through that kind of transition and the stress on their body is too much, then what hope do I have? I mean, I know I’ve changed.”
“Changed?” Rose asked.
“Yeah, I wasn’t always this way. I didn’t have muscle, and I could barely press my own body weight before Milton started spiking my food and coffee. I was small, Rose. I don’t look anything like my former self.”
“Do you have a picture?” she asked.
And much to her surprise, he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a single photo.
“I don’t know why I kept it, I think it was to try and remind myself of who I once was.”
She walked to the cage and Graham stepped close, slipping the photo through. Rose took it and stepped back.
She opened the folded photograph and looked at the smiling face of a man half the size of Graham.
“This is you?” she asked.
“Yeah, it’s a little hard to believe, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Trust me, the first day I looked in the mirror, I freaked out. I thought someone was standing in front of my mirror. It took me a little longer to realize that the big hulking guy was me.”