Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
SAVANNAH HOLLINGSWORTH
S tanding in my studio, I look at the ladder Noah’s holding and the tub of topping compound, and balk. “You want me to what?”
“Climb on up. I’ll hand you the mud knife. Just put the compound on and spread it around. After you put it on, we’ll tap it with the broom. That will add in texture to match both sides.” He motions up, encouraging me to climb. “You can do it.”
“Sure. I can fall off a ladder, too.”
Noah laughs and shakes his head. “I won’t let you fall. I’ll be right below you.”
“Oh, new fear unlocked. Me squashing you flat.” I see the whole thing in my mind’s eye, and it’s not pretty. My ceilings are higher than most. It’s one of the things that drew me to this house.
“Just climb up.” He keeps a straight face, but I hear the humor in his voice.
I take hold of the ladder and put one foot on the rung. “You’re sure?”
“Yes. Get up there.”
I climb the ladder, still nervous. I don’t normally work with my arms up above my head, balancing on a rung. I’m not sure I can do this without hurting myself or Noah in the process.
Noah puts the tub of topping compound on the ledge of the ladder. He dips the mud knife in and hands it to me. “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
He’s right about that. I doubt anyone will see it. With Liz opening up her fancy studio, I fear the worst. I’ll go out of business before I ever get my feet off the ground.
I lift the tool and slap the compound on. It’s not as smooth as I thought it might be. It’s grittier, but it seems to stick pretty good.
“Great. Now put it on a bit thicker. We need enough to texturize.”
I dip the knife back in the tub and grab more compound. After a few times, I can see how thick it is, and I nod to Noah. “Okay. Give me the broom.”
He picks up the broom and hands it to me. “Tap it lightly with the bristles.”
I do as he says, happy with how it matches the ceiling on both sides of the seam. When I’m done with this spot, I like how it looks.
I climb down and Noah moves the ladder. Soon we’ve got a groove going, and I’m feeling a lot more confident up on the ladder.
“Tell me why you became a cop.” I glance down at Noah.
“It’s a boring story.”
I lift one eyebrow. “I doubt that. When we were dating, a cop was the last thing I thought you’d become.”
He clears his throat. “After I got through all my anger over what happened with my parents, I took some time to really think about it. They were killed by a drunk driver, you know.”
A lump forms in my throat. “No, I didn’t know. I mean, I knew it was a car accident, but that’s it.”
“Yeah.” Noah’s voice deepens. “One drunk man decided to get behind the wheel, and our lives changed forever. If only someone had pulled him over, things might have been totally different. I realized I could be that person. If I could be the one pulling that guy over, I could save lives.”
My throat tightens and I blink back moisture. “Oh, Noah.”
“Don’t make it out to be something altruistic. Honestly, I wanted to catch bad guys and put them away so they couldn’t hurt anyone again. It’s still an extension of my anger at what happened to my parents.”
I nod and slap on more compound, even though I don’t believe him. He’s all hard shell on the outside and soft teddy bear in the inside. He’s no longer the teenager who would fight in the streets. He’s matured into the cop that just wants to make everything right in the world.
I take the broom from him and start texturizing the last part of the ceiling. Tap. Tap. Tap. I reach to get the last of it, and my foot slips. My worst fear comes to life as I freefall backwards.
A scream escapes, and I’m sure I’m about to break every bone in my body. But strong arms come around me and Noah catches me, bride-over-the-threshold style.
My heart pounds out the same rhythm I was tapping on the ceiling as I cling to him for dear life. Once it’s clear I’m not going to die, I let out a breath. “I thought I was a goner.”
He chuckles. “I told you I wouldn’t let you fall.”
“Oh, I fell all right.”
His smile widens. “Okay. I’ll give you that one.”
“I do appreciate the life-saving measures you took.”
His gaze travels over me, and his smile fades. “Of course. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, Savannah.”
The words that Levi said to me yesterday at the diner jump into my head. He’s crazy about you. The mood shifts from playful to something else entirely as Noah’s gaze slides over my features. I didn’t believe Levi, but now, with Noah staring at me like this, I wonder if it’s true.
An excitement stirs within. Does Noah have feelings for me? The thought makes energy build inside of me. It’s a nervous, crazy energy, like something new is beginning to bud. Something new, and yet old and familiar as well.
But just as I start to give place for those new feelings, I remember why I can’t be in a relationship with Noah. With anyone.
My illness is a bomb, about to go off at any second. My cancer is bound to come back, like it has time and again with my mother. And it’s not fair to Noah to start something that’s going to end up a nightmare.
“Thanks again,” I say brightly as I wiggle out of his arms.
He sets my feet down on the floor. “Anytime.”
I turn from him. I don’t want to look at him, or I might change my mind.
We finish the studio ceiling, and I stand back to look at my room. The one that will sit empty because Liz stole my dream. I blink, trying not to get emotional.
Noah puts his arm around my shoulders. “It’s done. Do you need help hanging the backdrop?”
It’s very kind of him, and I nod, knowing he’s trying to distract me from what Liz did. “Sure. It’s heavy, since it has several different backgrounds on it.”
We spend the rest of the afternoon hanging my large backdrop, dragging in the lighting, and the stools and accessories that I’ve collected.
Noah opens a tub of supplies I had him bring up from the basement. He pulls out a book that was sitting on top of some props. “Aw, this is adorable.”
I bend over to see what he’s looking at. “Anne Geddes. That was my dad’s book. I would sit and look at those baby pictures for hours on end.”
Noah sits down cross-legged and opens the book. A photo of a baby dressed as a little pea pod, his face sticking out of one pea fills the page. “Oh, my goodness.”
I sit next to him. “These costumes are a riot, aren’t they?”
“Yeah.” As we flip through the pages, Noah’s grin grows. “Babies are so adorable. I could look at pictures like this all day.”
Noah has always loved little kids and babies. He’s never hidden the fact that he wanted to have a large family after marriage. I slide my hand over my abdomen. I won’t have any babies. The sting of yet another reason why Noah and I won’t work together rises within me, but I swallow it back. I don’t want to think about why we won’t work anymore. I want to ignore that and live in the moment.
After he flips to the last page, I grab the book and stuff it back into the plastic tote. “We should go out somewhere. Be seen together. I don’t want Levi guessing that we’re in a fake relationship.”
Noah stares at me, the kind of look on his face that tells me he’s seeing through me, but he nods and stands up. “That’s fine. Let’s go out to eat. My treat.”
A twinge of guilt hits me. “I feel bad you’re spending all this money.”
His lips twitch. “It’s fine. Really.”
We get into Noah’s car, and he drives us to a little crab shack that sits on the shoreline. It’s called The Salty Claw, and it’s been a local favorite for years. I rarely eat here, so excitement thrums in me. I get to eat yummy seafood and spend time with Noah, pretending we’re a couple.
We order and take our food to an outdoor table with a great view of the ocean. I sit close to him, my leg brushing against his. He nudges my arm. “You look happy. Are you getting excited to open your studio?”
My stomach sinks. “Not really,” I blurt out, which surprises me. I’m not usually that transparent, but maybe I’m getting the feeling that Noah can see right through me anyway. Why lie?
He places his hand on my leg. “It will be great. You’ll see.”
“I just don’t know how I can compete. Liz’s family has tons of resources.”
Noah smiles like he has a secret, his dimple showing. “I know people with tons of resources, too.”
I pick up a crab leg. His brother is an investor. Is that what he’s thinking? “I can’t ask Tobias to invest in my business. It’s not like I could grow to be a multi-million-dollar company. I’m too small potatoes.”
“I wasn’t thinking of Tobias,” he mutters.
“It’s okay,” I quickly say. “I’ll forge forward. The room is already done. I might as well hang out a shingle and see if I get any bites.” I try to add confidence in my voice, even though I feel deflated inside.
“That’s the spirit.” Noah cracks open a crab leg and digs out the meat.
After we eat, I slide my hand into Noah’s. “Let’s take a walk along the beach.”
We walk by several couples enjoying the romantic evening sunset. I look out at the ocean, wishing I’d brought my camera. It’s a gorgeous night.
Noah squeezes my hand. “How are things between you and your father?”
I suck in a breath on instinct. I told Noah back in high school that our relationship wasn’t great, but I never went into detail. “About the same as always.”
“So, not good?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Can I ask why?”
I stare at a ship in the distance and debate what I’m going to say. No one knows what really goes on behind closed doors at my parent’s house. My father is very involved in the community. Image is more important to him than anything. I sigh. I’m about to say things he wouldn’t find appropriate. “My father’s not a kind man.”
Noah seems startled. “What do you mean?”
“He resents me. He always has.” I’ve never said it out loud, and hearing myself say the words sends pain through my chest.
“Why?”
“He and my mother don’t have a good relationship. They only married…because of me.” Tears prick my eyes, but I don’t fight them.
“Oh, Savannah,” Noah says, stopping and putting his arms around me.
“My father hates me. He hates my mother. He hates that he has to pretend our family is perfect in his social circles. His parents are wealthy, and…” I stop, knowing I’m saying too much.
Noah rubs my back. “And?”
The words come spilling out. “He hates that my mother has been so sick all these years.”
I can’t stop the flood of words now. “My mother has had health issues for years. It ruined us financially. My father always blamed her for everything. He’s treated her horribly all my life, and I’ve never been able to forgive him for it.”
Noah presses his lips to the top of my head. “I’m so sorry. I never knew.”
I look up at him. His expression is kind. His gaze is a sweet caress. I swallow back my emotions. “I envy what you have with your brothers.”
He hugs me tighter. “My family isn’t perfect. But you’re right. I have something special. I’m so sorry you haven’t had that in your life.”
I haven’t. And I never will. But I don’t want to talk about my future with the man I could easily fall back in love with. The last thing I need is for him to look at me with pity. Or worse, hatred, as my father has always looked at my mother.