Chapter 36
CHAPTER 36
SAVANNAH HOLLINGSWORTH
N oah stops in front of my house, and I get out of his car. I carry the bag of snacks up his walkway. He unlocks his door, and we enter his house. He flicks on the living room light. “Have a seat.”
I do as he says, my chest so tight it feels like it’s in a vice grip. I can’t breathe. I know what I’m going to have to do, and I hate every second of it.
Noah sits next to me on his couch. “Before you say anything, can I get a few things off my chest?”
I nod. If I can put this off for a few minutes longer, that’s even better. “Okay.”
He takes my hands in his, and I feel the warmth and strength of them. “Savannah, back in high school, I was just a kid. I didn’t understand the complexities of relationships. All I knew was that I liked you. A lot. And when you stopped taking my calls, I was so devastated. I thought I’d done something wrong. I was hurt and angry. But mostly hurt. I withdrew, and I should never have done that. You didn’t deserve that when you were going through the hardest thing you’ve ever had to face.”
A cold ball forms in my stomach, and I take back all my thoughts about this being a good idea. It’s not. I don’t want to hear this. Unfortunately, Noah keeps talking.
“I loved you back then. In fact, I never stopped loving you.” Noah brings one of my hands to his lips and he gently kisses it. “I moved in here hoping to get to see you again. To re-connect.”
I take in a sharp breath. “You what?”
He cringes. “That sounds terrible. I’m not a stalker. I would have left you alone had you not been interested. But we re-connected, spent time together, and my feelings for you surged and grew.”
My heart squeezes as I listen to Noah. I thought he moved on. I thought he went to prom with Ashley and had forgotten about me, almost as soon as I stopped taking his calls. My blood freezes as I think about that. Liz was the one that told me he went to prom with Ashley. Knowing what I do now about her, it all makes sense. She lied to me to make me angry at him. She always wanted us to break up. I think she was jealous of my relationship with him. That I paid attention to him instead of her.
“I love you, Savannah,” Noah says, with emotion in his voice.
My attention snaps to him. My thoughts had taken over, and I wasn’t listening. But I heard that last sentence loud and clear.
I want to say something to him. He’s waiting for me to speak, but my mouth is dry, and I can’t think. Everything is all wrong. Noah can’t love me. He won’t love me once he knows everything.
I will myself to speak. “Noah,” I say, my voice cracking. “I can’t get in a relationship with you.”
His brows furrow together, and he squeezes my hands. “Why not?”
“I…” My voice falters and I try again. “I’m sick.”
The color drains from Noah’s face. “What? Is it cancer again? Is it back?”
My throat swells, and I let the tears come. “I have a genetic disorder. It makes me susceptible to cancer. All kinds of cancer.”
“And what kind do you have now?” he asks, his voice a whisper.
I look to the floor. “I don’t have any right now. But I will. It’s only a matter of time.”
“I don’t understand.”
I swallow and steel myself for his reaction. “My mother has this disorder. She’s had three different types of cancer. Colon cancer, brain cancer, and breast cancer. It’s only a matter of time before it comes back again, in another form.”
Noah’s face drains of color. He takes in a breath and lets it out slowly. “That’s horrible, Savannah. You must be so scared. But we can get through this together.”
Noah pulls me into an embrace, but I pull back from him. “You don’t understand. I can’t get married or have a family.”
Noah genuinely looks confused. He wipes his hands on his jeans. “Why not?”
“Because…” The words fail me, and I don’t know how to describe the kind of devastation that I’ve had in my family. I pause and try again. “The cancer ruined my family financially. I can’t sit back and watch it ruin you, too.”
Noah exhales. “All right, I probably should come clean about something else.”
“What?”
“I didn’t inherit a small amount.” He looks into my eyes, and my gut twists. “I inherited fifty million dollars.”
All the breath leaves my lungs. It’s so much worse than I thought. Pain rips through me as I stare at him. “You lied to me?”
Panic fills Noah’s face. “No. Well, sort of. I covered it up. I was scared it would freak you out.”
“It does freak me out. Don’t you see? This is so much worse.”
Noah runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t understand. You can’t ruin me financially.”
Hot tears run down my face, and I jump to my feet, the realization of what he’s saying shocking me. “My father was wealthy. Before he married my mother. Now, he hates her because all she did was drain him of all his money. My insurance is crappy, Noah. If I get an aggressive type of cancer, it will eat through your wealth like acid, and you’ll end up hating me.”
Noah stands and grabs my arm. “I could never hate you.”
Coldness spreads through my body. The look on my father’s face flashes through my mind. The look of pure hatred, directed at my mother. “Yes. You will.”
Noah steps back like I’ve slapped him.
I turn and run from Noah. I run from him, his house, and his affections toward me. He might think he loves me, but that will all disappear once I get sick again. I’ve seen it up close and personal, and it’s not pretty. It’s terrifying.
I race home and lock the front door. I lean on it, gasping for breath. I can’t believe Noah lied to me about his money. Fifty million dollars? He’s wealthier than my father was. I can’t believe I ever thought we could have a relationship.