Chapter Twelve
JT Cox must be magic because Ali hadn’t thought of how much she was dreading her own Christmas Eve dinner until she arrived at her mom’s house.
It would have been a whole lot less painful if Ali’s mom didn’t spend most of it asking her about Kyle and lamenting the fact that she had no grandchildren to dote on.
“Tommy, what are you doing to make sure Mom has grandkids to play with?” Ali asked, only to be met with a glare from her brother.
“Your brother has plenty of time to be a dad. But you really should have thought about your age when you decided to throw away your marriage.”
Ali forced herself to take a deep breath. “Mom, you are acting like I am ancient. I’m not even thirty and you’re acting like my life is over because I’m not a mom yet.”
“Seriously. Mom, Ali and Kyle weren’t meant to be. It’s not a tragedy. Ali is an amazing success! She bought a house, she’s the head of the English department at school. You should be grateful she still lives in Hart’s Landing.”
“You’re leaving!” her mom said, shocked.
Ali sighed. “No, Mom. I’m not leaving. I bought a house and have no plans to leave.”
Tommy was undeterred. “But if you don’t stop giving her a hard time, she might stop coming over.”
Ali gave him a look. Why was he stirring the pot? She’d been listening to this crap from her mom for months. She didn’t need him to intervene.
“All I’m saying is you’re lucky to have her close by. You should be grateful and not give her all this grief, okay?”
Their mom sipped her wine and let the topic drop.
Ali didn’t want to keep having this argument.
The reason she wasn’t married to Kyle was because she didn’t want to be.
It wasn’t the universe conspiring against them or whatever her mom imagined.
Ali no longer wanted to do things his way or contort herself into ever-smaller versions of herself.
Her mom didn’t want to hear that or didn’t want to understand that.
Ali wasn’t sure which. But no matter what her mom thought she didn’t want to be his wife.
She wanted to be herself. And the longer they were married, the less like herself she became.
“Did you and JT put your name in for the contest, officially?” Tommy asked.
Ali relaxed at the change of topic. “Not yet. We have to go in person on the twenty-sixth. The online form closed but if we go early they’ll let us sign up together.”
Tommy smiled. “She’s been texting me about how excited she is to compete. You sure you’re ready for the full JT Cox competition experience? She can be a bit much.”
Ali nodded. “I’m counting on it.” She looked at her mom who wasn’t looking at her. “Kyle was so smug and obnoxious. I can’t wait to kick his stupid butt.”
Jean scowled and finished her wine. She held out her glass toward Ali’s grandmother. “Mom, can you top me up?”
She lifted the wine bottle and passed it down the table to Ali to pour. Ali’s grandma caught her eye. “Who’s his teammate?”
Ali poured her mom the wine. “Woman named Sharon. Seems nice enough.”
Tommy snorted. “She’s a clone of Ali.”
Ali smacked his arm.
“What? She looks just like you.”
Jean’s eyes snapped to Ali’s face. “See, that man’s not over you. If he’s dating someone who looks like you, that’s a sign.”
“A sign he has a type, Mom. Clearly blonde and short is his thing.” She paused. “I don’t know how many ways I can explain that I don’t want to be with him.”
“You don’t know what you want.” Jean shook her head.
“No, this is excellent. Think of all the time you’ll spend together in the contest. You can talk, and he’ll remember what he’s missing.
If there’s a chance of reconciling, you want to take it.
” She stared at her plate; hanging in the air was the feeling that she wished she’d had a chance to get back together with Ali’s dad.
Ali got the feeling her presence wasn’t necessary for her mom’s musings.
Maybe her mom would like to be married to Kyle.
She looked at her grandmother, wishing she’d say something.
But she was concentrating on cutting her food and not looking at anyone else.
She reminded Ali of the students in her class who thought she wouldn’t call on them if they never looked up.
It was a terrible strategy, especially when she found that many of the kids who didn’t want to talk had the most interesting things to say.
But at this table, she was a daughter not the teacher.
She had no power to call on her grandmother, to force her into this conversation.
Instead she sighed, stared at her dinner and waited for the night to end.
It hadn’t always been like this. Christmas Eve used to be fun when they were kids.
There were even times when it was fun with Kyle.
They’d sometimes have dinner with his family or hers.
Sometimes they’d drive between the two to spend a little of the day with each family.
It was one convenient thing about being from the same town.
But since things got to the point of separation and then divorce, coming home felt like being bathed in disappointment.
She had to fortify herself before she walked in the door.
Even with Tommy there, it felt like a heavy blanket descending over her whenever her mom talked about her plans for Ali and Kyle to reconcile.
She looked at Tommy wishing they could go back to being little kids in footed pajamas waiting for Santa to come.