Chapter Twenty
JT’s arms ached from painting. It turned out that even all the lifting she did for hockey hadn’t prepared her for the extremely specific way she had to hold a paint brush and roller.
The yellow was a huge improvement over the purple, but she couldn’t tell if Ali was happy with her choice. She said she liked it, but JT wasn’t entirely convinced. Before she could spend too much energy on whether Ali truly liked the yellow, it was time for her surprise.
“Since we don’t have an event tomorrow, I thought we could do a little road trip. You up for that?”
Ali looked confused. “Road trip? What about painting and unpacking?” Her voice climbed higher with each question.
JT stepped closer and placed her hands on Ali’s shoulders.
“I’m not suggesting we blow off working on all this.
But I asked to borrow my dad’s van, and I thought you might be ready for a trip to Ikea for a few things, like bookcases, and you might want to try out a few couches to see what you like. But if tomorrow’s not good…”
Ali’s smile spread across her face like a sunrise, slowly turning into the brightest, most beautiful thing JT had ever seen. “That sounds amazing! Thank you! When you said road trip I thought you meant taking a break from all this, and there’s not much time before the winter break is over.”
JT nodded. “I know, but I’m here and can help you get at least some of the stuff. I know you wanted bookcases for the office and—” The wind was crushed out of her by a semi-flying Ali, who hugged JT so tightly and so suddenly she couldn’t speak.
Ali let her go and stepped back. “Okay, so after breakfast tomorrow morning?”
JT nodded. “I’ll drive over in the van and we can spend the day in the Swedish wonderland.”
Ali grinned. “I can’t wait.”
* * *
The next morning, Ali opened the door to the house and motion JT inside. “I started a list,” Ali said, hurrying to the kitchen. “Let me grab it and some snacks and then we can go!”
“You don’t need snacks! Ikea is a dreamland of Swedish food! The whole point is eating a bunch of stuff that only sort of makes a meal while you’re there.”
Ali returned from the kitchen with her crossbody bag, a list, and a bag of clementines. “I’m still hungry now, so I need snacks. But don’t worry, I’ve been dreaming about cinnamon rolls for ages.”
Ali fiddled with the radio while JT drove. “It would be better if I could plug my phone in.”
“Sorry, my dad likes the radio. He thinks there’s serendipity at play when a great song comes on while he’s driving. He says using a playlist removes all the magic.”
Ali stared at JT. “That’s a weird thing to believe but I kind of like it.”
JT smiled. “My dad and I don’t agree on too much, but I like his idea about the universe serving up songs when you need them.” She held up one hand. “I still think there’s magic in a perfect playlist, but I’ve come around to his idea of finding a station and letting it choose the perfect song.”
Ali fiddled with the dial. “Too bad most of the serendipity here is static.”
It took another fifteen minutes before they were out of the woods enough to find a steady station that played anything other than the worst of country music. JT sneaked a look at Ali, who was relaxing in her seat, mouthing the words to a song.
“You can sing along, if you want.”
Ali shook her head. “No way. I screw up the lyrics so much Tommy makes fun of me constantly and my voice is awful.”
JT turned the volume up. “I don’t mind if you get the words wrong, and I like your voice. So don’t be shy about singing on my account.” She belted out the chorus, which left Ali in a fit of giggles. “Being a shitty singer never stopped me!”
The drive was long but pleasant. At some point, after some very badly sung songs, Ali drifted off and JT let her sleep. She must have been worn out.
JT gently woke her up when they parked in the garage. “We’re here.”
Ali startled awake and then quickly wiped her face. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep. What a terrible passenger.”
JT smiled at her sleepy face, with a crease on one cheek from the seat belt. “It’s fine. You’re cute when you sleep, and you said all kinds of stuff about how hot you think I am.”
Ali looked stricken.
“Oh my god, I’m kidding. You didn’t talk in your sleep at all.”
Ali punched her on the shoulder. “Jerk.” She laughed along with JT, who playfully rubbed her shoulder.
“Okay, slugger. No more joking with you.” She nodded toward the entrance. “You ready for this?”
Ali took a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m excited and a little nervous. I’ve never had a space that was only mine. It’s freeing but a little daunting.”
JT nodded. “That makes sense. Think of me as your personal assistant. I’m here to give you opinions or not and to carry the heavy shit or push the cart or run and grab you a cinnamon bun. Whatever you need.”
“Thanks. Let’s go get lost in the Swedish labyrinth.”
They started by wandering through all the room setups. In this store, they started in the kids’ section. JT loved everything about the rooms.
“Man, look at those bunks and that chair. I would have loved it if my room looked like this. It’s so cozy.”
“Don’t tell my mom, but I love all this stuff.” Ali picked up a toy alligator from a bin. “I mean, look at this cute little guy.”
“Why shouldn’t I tell your mom?” JT teased, grabbing one of each stuffed animal and lining them up.
Ali shrugged. “She’s obsessed with grandkids and thinks that me breaking up with Kyle means she’ll never have any.”
JT fiddled with the stuffies nervously. “Okay, this might be too personal, and you definitely don’t have to answer, but do you want kids? Or does your mom want you to want kids?”
Ali sucked in a breath. “Maybe. Kyle really wanted kids and wanted to have them soon. I wasn’t ready.” She looked at JT. “It’s not why we broke up, but it didn’t help. I really love kids. It’s one reason I’m a teacher. But honestly, being a teacher might be enough kids for me.”
JT nodded.
“They’re not mine, of course, but I spend so much time with them over the year, sometimes several years, that I think of them as my kids.
I worry that by the time I come home from work I might not have what it takes to be a parent.
I spend so much energy and empathy on my students that I don’t know what I’ll have left for my own kids. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t do your job. I mean, I love my nieces and nephew. They’re funny and fun, but they’re definitely not my responsibility. At this point, Toby is about all the responsibility I care to have.” She held up two more stuffed animals. “But these are really freaking cute.”
Ali stepped closer. “You have plenty of time to decide.”
“You say that like you’re so much older. Whether you want kids or not, I think you’d be a kick-ass mom.”
Ali considered the toys on display in front of them, grabbing for a cape designed for a toddler. “What makes you say that? You don’t really know me.”
JT put a cape on the bear she was holding and whooshed it through the air like a superhero.
“I know you’re kind and also nice. I know you care about other people.
I know you were nice to me in high school when a lot of other people weren’t.
I know that if you have enough empathy for every kid in your class, you probably have more than enough for a kid of your own.
And also, look at how cute your face is.
Any kid would be lucky to get those genes. ”
Ali pressed her lips together. “I don’t know about that but thank you.
” She replaced the toys she’d been holding and strolled to the next room.
It was set up with a loft bed with a desk underneath and green stripes painted on the faux walls.
“There are so many ways to screw up as a parent. It’s scary to know how much you can fuck up a kid without being evil. ”
JT followed her, trying to get a look at her face so she could better understand what Ali was feeling.
“My mom isn’t a bad person or evil, but she talks all the time about how I should take Kyle back and how we belong together. I don’t think she understands how much it sucks to hear that from her over and over.”
“Do you want to get back together with him?” JT asked, her heart suddenly pounding.
“Hell no. He and I should never have gotten married. If we hadn’t gone to college together too, I don’t think we would have.
He would have met someone else, and I would have, too.
I would have gotten to date and find out who and what I like.
Instead, we stayed together because it was easy and what people expected us to do.
When graduation came around, everyone figured we’d get married which made it hard to imagine doing anything else. ”
JT stepped closer so she could put a hand on Ali’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. That really sucks, and also you don’t have to talk about this. I mean, what kind of weirdo asks personal questions at Ikea?”
Ali smiled, her green eyes sparkling. “It’s fine.
It’s not a secret but no one ever asks. It’s kind of a relief to talk about, honestly.
There’s nothing wrong with Kyle, but we were a high school couple who never should have been more than that.
If we’d won prom king and queen and then gone our separate ways, I think it would be easy to think of all of that fondly, you know? ”
Ali pointed where to go next and JT pushed the cart slowly, not wanting to miss a single thing Ali was telling her.
“But now, it’s so weird with my mom rooting for us to get back together, living in the same town and seeing him out with whatever that woman’s name is, and now competing against him in the contest we used to do together.
It’s all weird. But I wouldn’t change my choices.
I like my life, mostly, and not being married to Kyle is a big part of that.
” Ali spun around to leave the room. “Being a twenty-eight-year-old divorcée is fucking weird though.”
It was a lot to think about, but JT really liked this version of Ali. Away from their hometown, she seemed freer, more apt to be honest and share her feelings. And JT really liked this Ali. She maybe liked her too much.