Chapter 33
THE WEDDING WOLVES
Tim
AMELIA. Are you WALKING today or do you need a GoFundMe for hip replacement surgery?
Colin
Can’t we just ask if they’ve seen the Northern Lights like normal people??
Marin
Wait. Did the embargo lift?? Are we officially in the “he got fed” phase of the honeymoon?
TIM
Phase?? This man has entered a full-body religious experience. I’m surprised Iceland isn’t tilting.
Colin
OH MY GOD. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF THEY WENT DOGSLEDDING. NOT DOGGY STYLE.
AMELIA
I’m alive. The glaciers were beautiful.
Colin
And the Northern Lights?
Amelia
OMG YES. We’ve seen them almost every night. From our bed. So beautiful.
Colin
From your bed?
Amelia
We’re staying in a remote glass cabin on the coast. The roof and all the walls are glass. I never want to leave.
MARIN
Soooo have you done any sightseeing?
Amelia
Yes! Volcano, ice cave, spa day, black sand beach. I even got weirdly into fermented shark for about ten seconds before regret set in.
Tim
No. You’re LYING. Gage Black? Spa Day? King of Ferality? Lord of the Thrust? WILLINGLY?
Gage
She liked it. I liked what came after.
Colin
I’m logging off.
Marin
Massages??? Did he wear a robe?? And did he eat the shark too?
AMELIA
Yes. And yes. But the robe came off fast. And no to the shark. He said, “I already have a mouthful of things I prefer.”
Colin
Unsubscribe
Tim
Jesus. I take it back. I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about Iceland. Is the country still standing?
Colin
I don’t want answers to any of this.
Tim
Wait. WAIT. Did you all just see what he posted?
Marin
OMG
Colin
No??
Tim
OH. MY. GOD.
Marin
A selfie. Of Amelia. In his hoodie.
Tim
NO PANTS. WET HAIR. ZERO CAPTION.
Tim
WE ARE UNWELL.
Colin
Why? It’s just a photo. And the hoodie covers everything
Colin
I know Gage doesn’t post much to socials, but this doesn’t seem weird.
Tim
YOU SWEET, UNSCROLLED FOOL. Colin. Colin, baby. That wasn’t just a photo.
Colin
Looked like one to me.
Tim
That was a WIFE who took a photo of herself on HER HUSBAND’S PHONE while wearing HIS HOODIE and not a goddamn thing else, and then handed it back to him like “use this when you miss me.”
Colin
And?
Tim
And then he posted it. TO THE WORLD. Without a single word. Because the message was clear.
Colin
Which was?
Tim
THIS IS MINE.
Marin
I need to lie down.
Tim
WE WERE NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS, GAGE.
Gage
*has left the chat*
Tim
HE DID NOT.
Marin
No refunds, Gage. You married into this.
Tim
HOWLING
Thank you so much for reading Gage & Amelia’s wedding book.
I hope you loved it as much as I do!
The next book is…