Chapter 25 #2
I expected a date we didn’t connect on, but life changes people, and things are different this time.
Another notion crossing my mind is that we lost contact after we went to college and she got hurt feelings over it.
We argued about future goals.
Didn’t want to date long distance.
Where we saw our lives heading didn’t align.
Maybe we didn’t have chemistry, which is clearly an impossibility because look at us. We’re practically oozing chemistry.
The only other idea I had, but already knew it could never have happened, is a cheating scandal.
There’s no way I would hurt her like that.
Staring at her now while standing in the remains of the bomb she just dropped .
. . I fist my hand to keep it from shaking.
The truth of who I am, and what I’m capable of, is finally revealed, and it’s worse than I imagined.
The words still don’t process in the way that helps me understand. “I broke you?”
Moving between my legs again, she grasps my shoulders. “You also healed me.” The desperation in her tone matches the frantic change in her eyes. “We’re good.”
“But you were bad? You were in a bad place because of me.”
“Well, when you put it like that—”
“How the fuck else would you put it? I broke your heart and broke you in the process. I mean… fucking hell.” I shake my head as disappointment worms its way into my psyche.
“I’m the fucking villain, Autumn.” I need room to walk, to think, to understand why.
“Why would I do that?” It’s stupid to ask when she doesn’t know what goes on in my head.
Shifting her away from me, I direct my stare into the distance as I walk toward the windows.
This view normally brings me peace and comfort in the company of the trees. Not today.
This is reality. My past catching up with my present and threatening the future that’s falling into place.
“This is why I debated telling you. You’re not that kid anymore.
Neither of us is. It just took me years to figure that out.
But you did. You’re different and not as I imagined at all.
” Her hands run over my back but still when she presses her cheek to my skin.
“The memories don’t matter. We’re good, Lieutenant. Better than.”
She’s right, but guilt is already seeping into my veins. I turn around, holding her to me, stroking that wild curl away from her eye, and kissing the top of her head. Holding my cheek to the top of her head, I say, “Please tell me what I did.”
It’s not unhealthy to know I was an asshole. It just sucks to know I hurt someone because of it.
Laughter rumbles through her, but it’s the tear that transfers to my skin that has me pulling back to look at her. “Why are you crying? And laughing?”
She swipes under her eyes, and another laugh stumbles out of her mouth. “It just seems all so silly now. Hearts get broken all the time. I’m not special.”
“You are, though, and you didn’t deserve it.”
“You don’t know if I deserved it. That’s the irony.” She staggers back another step. “I could tell you anything—”
“You won’t lie to me.” I grab her hands. I don’t pull her back, and I don’t erase the distance. I just need to touch her to know that we can get through this if we stick together. “I know you won’t.”
Her eyes search mine above a heavy sigh.
“You’re right. I won’t. I can’t protect you more than myself.
You kissed me, Brandon. You kissed me at sixteen and made me a promise that I could trust you.
Not six hours later, that trust was gone.
You and Chantilly Flickinger were quite the couple that night. ”
“Chantilly Flickinger? Shit, I haven’t heard that name in years.” I balk from the implication. “And we were never a couple.”
“I saw you with my own two eyes,” she snaps. It’s an impressive breath she takes to slow old feelings from resurfacing like they’re brand new. “You spent years asking me to go out with you. I finally gave in and stupidly sealed that with a kiss. My first kiss, I might add.”
“For the record, it was my first kiss as well.” My heart stops, my mouth still hanging open like I have more to say, but nothing comes.
Only a feeling like I was on top of the world when I kissed Autumn that day.
Dropping my head, I close my eyes. Red hair and green eyes, freckles, and the sweetest lips.
“Under the bleachers before practice.” I look up to find her gaze locked on me.
“We kissed under the bleachers before warm-up for the game that night.”
She slams into me, her arms holding me so tight I couldn’t slip away if I wanted. “You remember?”
“I remember.” I close my eyes, trying to summon more from that day but coming up short. Instead, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. “I remember waiting for you, feeling dread with every minute that passed.”
Nodding, she says, “I showed up to see you and Chantilly . . .”
“Me and her doing what?”
Her eyes close as she rubs her temple. “She had her arms around you while you were talking to a group of your football buddies. I can still see you like it was yesterday.”
“But what did you see? I get she had her arms around me. I can’t answer for that, but I can tell you I never dated Chantilly. I never had any interest in her. We didn’t kiss. Hell, she used to ask me for rides from school sometimes, and I wouldn’t even do that. I didn’t want to lead her on.”
“Well”—she scoffs—“you were leading her on that night, and making me regret that first kiss.”
“I’m sorry.” Seems like the only thing I can say when I don’t have the full picture.
She plops on the arm of the chair, looking at me like this has taken the wind from her sails.
“It was a betrayal. I’d lost my parents and was struggling to find my place in the family that still existed.
Throw school into the mix, and I wasn’t doing well.
I even quit band that year. But you were there, like you’d been since we were little, steadfast and fully convinced we were meant to be together. Who wouldn’t fall for that?”
“Until I fucked it up.” I shift my weight to be closer to her, holding my hand out and hoping she doesn’t reject me.
Her gaze volleys from my eyes to the offering and back again before she takes it, pulling me in and saying, “I never had a good relationship after that. I’ve been too self-sufficient to rely on anyone.
” Standing, she looks up at me. There’s no pain in her eyes, no anger toward me, nothing short of acceptance.
“I’m starting to think if I had talked to you, it all could have been cleared up.
” Dropping her head to my chest, she says, “A lie has shaped my entire life. I might need some time to process that we wasted years that could have been spent together if I’d only known the truth of what happened. Because that now changes everything.”