Chapter 37
“Did you know that they used to call sex ‘horizontal refreshment’ in the nineteenth century?” Riz asks.
“Why the hell is that something that I would know?”
“It’s not. But it is my segue…”
I roll my eyes. “No, I”m not having sex with Jack yet. I will soon. Probably. Maybe… Trust me, you’ll be the first to know.”
“I better be,” she laughs. “But it’s also okay if you never want to do that with Jack, okay?”
“Okay, Riz.”
A few days later, my period makes its monthly appearance. I truly envy girls who don’t have to slow down once a month, because I am not one of those girls. Mine usually knocks me out for a few days at least. I exist only on macaroni and cheese and Tylenol, which, sure… is not the most healthy diet, but I would argue it’s what my body needs.
I’m still in this weird in between with Anders. Technically, we are a couple, and I feel very couple-y things toward him, but I also have been wanting this to happen for so long that it doesn’t feel real. And he’s been super busy preparing for his MFA showcase—a performance that all graduating acting students put on in the hopes of signing with agents or managers—so I haven’t wanted to bug him.
It can be hard not to feel like I’m too much, sometimes.
It never fails though, when my thoughts start spiraling like that, I’ll get a text from him that sends my heart soaring.
Anders
Miss you.
How are you feeling? Have enough mac and cheese?
I thought I’d swing by after rehearsal if you’re okay with that. I can bring anything you need!
He also is a serial texter, thoughts usually sent in rapid fire as though they come into his mind and he immediately types them out and hits send. I watch the dots pop up and down a few more times, waiting to see if he has anything else to say, before I respond. I try to make it seem like I’m not super eager, even though that’s a total lie.
I’d love to see you!
Good. That was super chill. Not at all desperate.
I put my phone down and adjust the setting on the heating pad, groaning because there’s a fine line between the perfect amount of heat and giving myself a third degree burn.
Luci walks through the living room on her way to yoga. She’s been quiet lately and I really don’t want whatever happened with Gabe to affect our friendship.
“Hey, Luce, I love you. Hope you have a good yoga session!”
She jumps a little bit. “Oh man! I didn’t notice you there! Why are you in the dark?!”
“The lights were too far away and I was comfortable. Do you mind flipping a few on? I’ll probably hang out right here until Anders comes over later.”
She gives me a small smile while she walks around and turns on two lamps. Finally, she comes around the back of the couch and gives me a weird one-armed head snuggle. “I’m so happy for you,” she says into my hair.
“Thanks, Luce.” I squeeze her arm. “I’m here when you need to talk.”
“I know.” She keeps her head right where it was so I can’t see her face. After she’s presumably pulled herself together, she pops a quick kiss on my head and walks out the door with a wave.
I barely have time to settle back onto the couch when the door opens again, this time letting Riz in.
“Did you see Luci on your way in?” I ask, in lieu of a greeting.
Riz puts her backpack and water bottle down at the kitchen table. “Yeah, I saw her. I’m worried about her—she’s never this… I’m not even sure how to describe it. Down? Is she depressed? She’s still getting out of the house, so that’s good.”
I lay my head back, rubbing my hands over my eyes. “I’m worried too, but I feel like all we can do is make sure she knows we are here if and when she’s ready to talk.”
Riz rounds the couch and sits next to me, very familiar with what a bitch my period can be. I lean my head over onto her shoulder, double checking non-verbally if that’s okay. She just scoots closer and pats her shoulder.
“You don’t have a secret relationship I need to know about, do you?” I ask, almost as a joke but also who knows around here anymore.
Riz laughs in response, though, showing me I have nothing to worry about. “You know I’m not really a relationship person. There was this girl but she got too clingy, and I decided I have enough clingy women in my life.” She says this while playfully nudging me with her elbow.
“I resent that! You know Luci is the clingy one. She’s a hugger. I just like an occasional snuggle.” I sigh before saying my next statement, which I know will set her off. “You know, I do have two other brothers.” I sit up so I can watch Riz’s eyes roll to the back of her head.
“Ugh, you are not trying to set me up with one of the twins right now. Especially after we found out that the Bardot men tend to have the emotional maturity of a toddler!”
“Come on! Jules isn’t that bad. He’s definitely my favorite.” I smile my full Cheshire cat smile and drum my fingers together. “We could be sisters!”
“First of all, I already consider you a sister. Second of all, Jules and I are too similar. Two moody and grumpy individuals together would just bring each other down. And if you even suggest Ben, I will disown you. That man is a hazard to society.”
“Someone doth protest too much…” A laugh explodes out of me when Riz launches a pillow right at my face.
“Speaking of hazards to society…” she mumbles. “It must run in the family.”
“Fine, fine. I won’t try to set you up with one of my brothers. Just promise me, no secrets! Tell us if you’re dating someone.”
“So you both can interrogate them within an inch of their life?” She huffs a laugh. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
She pushes to standing, making sure to tuck the blankets back in around me. “Need anything else? I’m going to go to my room and study.”
“No, I’m good. Anders will be here in an hour or so, so I’ll probably just curl up here until then. I have my kindle and the TV remote so I could last here for hours if necessary,” I reply.
“Okay, just text me if that changes.” She ruffles my hair and heads down the hall, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
An hour later, I’ve completely disappeared down the rabbit hole researching social work positions in New York City. I’ve kind of just assumed Anders wants to go back there after graduation—something I should probably clarify—but I’m not sure how to do that without being awkward.
Also, is it weird to be thinking about moving with him if he does go? I mean, I guess I could stay here and we could do long distance.
If he wants to stay together.
I’m honestly more confused now that we’re together than I was when we were just friends with benefits.
The apartment door opens, scaring the shit out of me. My phone goes flying across the room, and I’m too tangled in blankets and heating pads to get up and get it.
“Looking at porn?” Anders asks, walking into the apartment like he lives here, two full grocery bags on either arm.
“So what if I was?” I ask, angling my body to get a closer look at what he brought. “You don’t happen to have any ice cream in there, do you?”
He pulls a carton out with a flourish. “Pistachio Pistachio, your favorite.”
My gasp is audible. “Eep! How did you know?”
“I might have texted Jules. He seemed the most likely to know how to comfort you.”
“That would be an astute assessment, Mr. Olsson. Thank you for bringing this—you really didn’t have to come over,” I say in an attempt to continue the laid-back act I started via text.
He grabs the ice cream and a spoon, walking around the couch and stopping to pick up my phone. My heart falls when I realize what he’ll see on the screen.
“No! Wait, don’t lo—” But it’s too late.
Anders is the picture of male smugness, smirk on his lips and one eyebrow raised.
“Researching jobs in the city, are we?” he teases.
“I’m just… keeping my options open. In case we—” Fuck, how do I get out of this? “I mean I’ve always wanted to live in the city. And it’s, uh, completely coincidental that you are from there. I wasn’t even sure if you’d head back after graduation, so it really has nothing to do with you.”
He just nods along with my ramblings, a shit eating grin creeping up his cheeks.
“So if I told you that I wasn’t planning on going back to New York, you’d still want to go?” he asks, his tone dripping in challenge.
“Of—of course,” I stutter. “I love New York. The big apple, you know? I have tons of those ‘I Heart NY’ shirts. Huge Rangers fan too.”
“Right, of course. So, I bet you’re pretty excited about the season they’ve had so far. Probably headed to the playoffs. We should turn on the game.”
My eyes narrow at him. “Yes, the game. I was watching earlier actually. They were playing the…” I trail off, waiting for him to finish my sentence, but he just raises his eyebrows instead. “The Pittsburgh…” He doesn’t stop me. “P… p…” Why can’t I think of any “P” words?
“I believe you are thinking of the Pittsburgh Penguins, Baby Bardot.” His eyes are crinkled in amusement.
“Duh, the Penguins. That’s what I was going to say if you’d have let me finish.” I grab the ice cream out of his hands and dig in. “S’urnot goging tonework?” I ask, mouth full of delicious pistachio goodness.
“If I’m interpreting that question correctly, I actually am hoping to return to the city after graduation.” He winks at me. “I really just wanted to see how you covered up wanting to come with me.”
I’m tempted to throw my spoon at him, but then I wouldn’t be able to eat more ice cream. Shockingly, ice cream wins out. I watch as Anders reaches over me and grabs the remote, swiftly turning on a hockey game. Lo and behold, the Rangers are not playing the Pittsburgh Penguins tonight. “You tricked me!” I screech.
“It was too entertaining, I couldn’t let you stop. What would be the fun in that?” He watches me for a moment, dopey smile on his face. “I know you aren’t feeling well, so I’ll take your lead here, but I did bring some more of the cheesiest mac and cheese I could find, some Tylenol, electrolyte water, and I already put more ice cream in your freezer. Can I get you anything else?”
“Are you sure you didn’t grow up with a sister? Maybe a close girl cousin?”
“I don’t have to have grown up with a girl to be sensitive to your needs or cognisant of the fact that I have no experience with what your body is going through. I trust you to tell me what I need to know and how I can be here for you.”
“Remind me why you’re friends with Gabe, again?”
He tips his head back in a laugh and I can’t help but stare at his bobbing Adam”s apple. Why is that so sexy on him? I have literally never cared about someone’s Adam’s apple before.
“Gabe can be a good guy when he wants to be,” he replies.
I roll my eyes but take a few more bites of ice cream, pretending to watch the hockey game.
“I used to play.” He nods toward the screen and then looks at me. “Did you know that? They put me on defense because I can skate faster backwards than I can forwards.”
“Holy shit, that’s so hot. I love hockey romance books, but that’s the extent of my hockey knowledge.”
“So, you’ve heard that hockey players know how to handle their sticks?” he smirks.
“Now, sir, whatever could you be talking about?” I mock. “I’m not sure about stick handling, but I do know they are always hoping for that elusive hat trick.”
He grins and moves closer, grabbing the empty ice cream carton and placing it on the coffee table. He brushes his lips over mine, smile barely contained, and whispers, “You’re trouble, Rebecca.” A quick kiss. “Can we spoon? No funny business.” He holds up three fingers. “Scouts honor.”
I kiss him back and then move everything around so I still have my blanket and heating pad, but now I’m laying with enough room for him to slide behind me. His arm comes around my waist and pulls me closer, so my back is tight up against his front. He buries his face in my hair, inhaling deeply before relaxing closer to me.
“I want to take you on a date next week,” he says, voice muffled by my massive amount of curls.
“Okay… That’s—we can do that.” We haven’t been on a real date in town before, and I’m not sure why the thought freaks me out.
“I just want to be able to go out in public with you. Do normal couple things, okay?”
I nod in response and I know he can feel me when his grip tightens. His dick twitches where it rests against my ass and his whole body stiffens, like he can tell I just felt that. I hold back a laugh and reach down, intertwining our fingers.
“Sorry, I can’t help it when your body is pressed up against me like this,” he mutters. “Actually, I’m not sorry. I would have sex with you right here, right now if you wanted.”
I can’t hold the laugh in anymore.
“I’m not joking!” he insists.
I turn my head around so I can kiss him, even in this weird position. “I know you’re not. And I appreciate you for that.”
He nuzzles into me and we spend the rest of the night spooning, giggling at each other, and pretending to watch the hockey game on TV. Entirely too late, we move to my room and pass out, still wrapped up in each other.
Tonight was… not what I was expecting.
And everything about it was absolutely perfect.