Chapter 44
LOVESTRUCK
Heath
The week has finally caught up to me, between my mother-in-law and Cricket’s brother-in-law and the extra work I’ve taken on to get ready for this wedding in a couple weeks, and I’m so exhausted before Lav’s bedtime that I feel like I’m twice my age.
Three times my age, even.
Cricket and Lav snuggle up to me on the couch while my mom turns on an old cartoon movie that I used to love as a kid and my dad takes a seat in my recliner with a book, just like he used to when I was a kid.
My parents are leaving in the morning, but they’re still here tonight.
I should take advantage of the time with them.
Instead, I watch the movie with my ears instead of my eyes, until I realize it’s dark, Lav’s no longer with me, and my head is in Cricket’s lap on the couch.
“Lav—” I start.
“We tucked her in two hours ago,” Cricket says softly as she runs her fingers through my hair.
The glow of her phone goes dark.
I relax my head on her thigh again. “My parents?”
“They went downstairs to head to bed a little bit ago too.”
I loop an arm around her leg and kiss her thigh.
“You okay?” she murmurs softly.
“Been a week.”
“Really has.”
“Are you okay?”
She wiggles her phone in the dark. “I’ve been watching this reality show called Cricket’s relatives erupt in war over her viral moment.
It’s fascinating. Can you believe my mom’s actually on my side in this?
I guess one of her old boyfriends from college posted naked pictures of her all over campus when they broke up, so half of her frustration with me going viral for nudity is that it brought up a lot of old memories she purposefully repressed. ”
“The original virality,” I murmur. “Campus pictures.”
“Right? Anyway, I told her to go to therapy. Aurora says I ruined her life. Belle says Romeo’s a dick but she’s not interested in discussing the nuances of the legality and ethicality of his actions.
My father is angry at all of us for not just behaving like adults who don’t post naked videos to the internet. ”
“Are you okay?” I ask again.
“I am,” she says.
I twist to look up at her, making out her shape in the semidarkness. “You sure?”
She runs her fingers through my hair again, and I can tell she’s smiling. “I’m home with the most amazing man I’ve ever known, his absolutely perfect daughter and kind parents, sisters of my heart within shouting distance, and a purpose I believe in more every day. How could I not be okay?”
When she puts it like that—I suppose I’m okay too.
“You were fucking brilliant today,” I tell her. “This whole week.”
“Phew. I met my quota for the year.”
“Cricket.”
“Joking.”
I shift on the couch, lifting myself up and twisting so that I can pull her into my lap. “You’re brilliant every day.”
“I’m really not.”
“Yes, you are. Brilliant. Kind. Brave. Generous.” I kiss her cheek. Her ear. Her jaw. Her neck. “Perfect.”
She snorts, then makes a soft mewling noise as my lips reach her collarbone.
“Do you know my favorite thing about you?” I murmur.
“That I’m always willing to get naked?”
“I like that, but it’s not my favorite.”
“That I sometimes wear my underwear inside out instead of washing it?”
“I prefer you just go commando.”
“Huh. I might be brave enough to do that more often again.”
As if kissing her wasn’t enough to make me hard as granite… “My favorite thing about you is that everything about you is my favorite.”
“Cheating.”
“You’re brave enough to make mistakes even though you were taught not to.
You’re brave enough to make new friends when old friends betrayed you.
You’re brave enough to tell me you love me when I was too afraid to say it back.
To even acknowledge what it was. And you’re brave enough to follow through with getting on the internet naked again if you think that’s what it’ll take to solve a problem for someone you love.
Your courage is—it takes my breath away, Cricket. ”
“Do you know how easy you are to love?”
I shake my head. “I’m not. Not next to you.”
“Maybe you’ve never met yourself?”
I smile against her shoulder. “I like this tank top. More Cricket skin.”
“Distracting me?” she whispers, her voice getting breathier as I trail kisses down her arm.
“Have to be lovable somehow.”
“Heath.”
She’s told me.
She’s told me so many times, the words feel imprinted on my heart.
I love you. I love you for the man you are and the man you choose to be every day.
She makes it okay for parenting—for humaning—to not always be easy.
She makes me feel like I don’t have to be everything for everyone.
“You chose me,” I whisper. “You chose to love me.”
She angles her head toward mine. “I don’t know how anyone could choose not to love you.”
I capture her lips, and soon I’m rising from the couch, carrying her to my bedroom.
I shut the door behind us softly, then set Cricket on my bed.
She tears off her tank top while I strip out of my shirt.
She’s lost her pajama pants and—
Fuck me.
She’s commando.
She grins and points to my belt. “Your turn,” she whispers.
I strip out of my pants and boxers in an instant, and then I’m leaping onto the bed with her, wrapping us in the covers while I kiss her and stroke her and make love to her until she’s moaning my name, both of us trying to be as quiet as possible.
“I love you,” I say against her skin as we lie there, both of us catching our breath.
“I love you with everything I have to give and more,” she pants.
“We’re gonna get married one day.”
She laughs. “Is that a proposal?”
“Not if you have to ask.”
She giggles.
I kiss her neck.
I mean it.
I’m marrying this woman one day.
But when I propose for real—she’ll know it.
And I’ll do it in a way that’s worthy of her big heart.
And in the meantime, I’ll do what Cricket’s taught me to do.
Be brave.
Live for today.
And love fearlessly with all of my heart.