Chapter 11
N elly noted that Zander acted differently now. Quieter, less happy. Several days later, when she saw him outside, sitting in his wheelchair, Nelly finally broached the subject. “You seem to be quite preoccupied recently.”
He looked at her and smiled. “Yeah, that’s one word for it.”
She hesitated but asked, “Is it something I should know about?”
He shook his head. “No, not right now at least. I’ve just got something on my mind.”
She nodded. “Sometimes when you have things on your mind… Well, I guess you’ll get around to telling me whenever you are ready.”
He nodded. “That’s the way I was trying to look at it.”
She nodded but found it hard to ignore the hurt. “And it’s been really busy here lately, so I’m sure a lot has been going on that maybe hasn’t made you happy.”
He frowned at her. “Are patients complaining that I’m asking for donations?” he asked.
“No, no, not at all,” she replied. “And we have talked to a few, wondering if all this wedding stuff was disturbing them. Yet they all seem to be really on board with it, but that doesn’t mean that everybody is.”
“Meaning me?” he asked. He shrugged. “You know I’m totally okay with it.”
“I was hoping so, but I’m not really sure what’s going on then.” When he didn’t elaborate, she felt something inside her sinking. “But you’re right,” she added. “It’s not anything I need to know about, at least at the moment.” With a sigh she turned and looked around. “I need to go back to work.”
He just nodded. He didn’t say anything to change her trajectory.
Feeling out of sorts and not sure just what she was supposed to do about any of this, not knowing in what way any of this even affected her—except that she felt shut out, and maybe that was just the way life was sometimes.
She didn’t know. She didn’t have enough experience in any of this personal relationship arena.
He was doing so much better, but obviously something gnawed away at him.
Even Shane mentioned it to her a couple days later. “Any idea what’s getting to him?” he asked Nelly.
“No,” she admitted, shaking her head. “I’ve tried to talk to him a couple times, but he’s not verbalizing it.”
“That’s not good,” Shane noted, “because he should, and we don’t want something building up inside him which could impact his progress, especially now that he’s making some real strides.”
“Yeah. If you find a way to make him open up, that would be great,” she suggested. “I’ve tried. He basically is telling me that it’s nothing I need to worry about.”
“And obviously it is something we need to worry about if it’s affecting him.”
“I asked if the wedding stuff was getting to him, if maybe it was depressing him. He says no.… I don’t know, but everybody’s got such a different reaction to it. Not everybody is happy, I presume.”
“No, but most of them aren’t feeling as if it’s much of a big deal. It’s a happy thing. As far as I can tell, everybody that I’ve spoken to is quite happy for Dani to finally get married. And the fact that Aaron is back again is also a big plus.”
She nodded. “I’ve never seen Dani look this happy.”
“Happy, yet stressed,” Shane clarified, with a laugh.
“Now that’s very true too,” she admitted. “Still, the wedding’s coming up in just a couple weeks now, so hopefully things can return to normal after that.”
“And don’t tell Dani that either,” Shane noted. “Otherwise I’m afraid she’ll take it as meaning that she’s causing all this disruption.”
“And she’s not, not in any way,” Nelly declared.
“Well, that wouldn’t be quite true either,” Shane murmured. “Still, it’s not anything we want her to feel bad about.”
“Right,” she acknowledged. “That’s the thing. It’s busy enough and crazy enough around here that stuff will always be happening that we’ll make allowances for. But the wedding is coming up fast, so…”
He nodded. “Very fast. I checked my calendar and realized it’s just insane how fast it’s coming now.”
“And will the next couple to wed be you and Melissa afterward?” she teased.
“Maybe,” he said, with a bright smile. “We plan to talk about it after Dani’s wedding.”
“I think there’ll be a lot of those after-the-wedding discussions going on,” she murmured.
“What about you?” he asked. “How are you and Zander getting along?”
“I thought we were doing fine, until this.”
“And this doesn’t have to be anything big,” he reminded her.
“No, it doesn’t, but it’s such a weird feeling to get shut out like this,” she acknowledged, “that I don’t know. I’m,… I’m having some trouble dealing with it.”
“Maybe you should tell him that too,” Shane suggested. “You know it is something that you have to deal with because you’re here. It’s not as if you can get away from him and can give him time to get over it. You still have to discuss his nutrition and his needs and everything else.”
“And I was avoiding that too because it just feels wrong to bring up anything right now.”
“I wouldn’t let it get too far down the road though,” Shane warned her. “We can’t afford to have him sick.”
“He can’t afford him to take any steps backward,” she murmured, “but just because I tell him that, it doesn’t mean that he’s prepared to listen.”
Shane frowned at that. “I could step in, but I was hoping not to have to.”
“And I don’t think you should,” she admitted. “Honestly, I think it’s far better if he has to get to the point where he can open up about whatever it is that’s bothering him.”
“And that would be great, as long as he does,” Shane reminded her.
“Right, well, I’ll give him another day or so.”
And yet when another day went by, and there was still no improvement, she finally walked to his room and announced, “Hey, so we need to talk.”
He looked at her. “What’s up?”
“I’m not too sure what’s going on with you, but everybody’s starting to get worried.”
He stared. “Have I been that out of it?” he asked slowly.
“Yep, you have been, and we all love you dearly, but we need to know if you’re okay.”
He smiled at her. “And you were elected to come see me?” he asked, but there was a teasing tone to his voice that just confused her even more.
“Well, somewhat.” She frowned at him. “Apparently they think I might have a better chance of getting you to open up.”
He chuckled at that. “And they’re probably right.”
“But I don’t know that,” she said. “I have to admit to feeling shut out these last few days.”
At that, he stared at her in shock. “Oh, that’s not what I wanted you to feel,” he murmured. “And I’m sorry. I’ve been pondering something in my life, and I just didn’t have an easy answer or a decision as to what to do about it.”
“Interesting,” she muttered, as she sat down. “Often though, when you have something that’s bothering you, you discuss it with me. I can help find solutions for you hopefully. Even just sharing your worries can make you feel better. Yet this time you’ve made a point of isolating yourself.”
“That’s because it’s—” He stopped and then winced. “It’s private.”
She took a slow, deep breath. “Okay, I get it. You’re entitled to have something private here because it’s not an easy place to be at all times.
We all have some issues that we need to work out privately,” she murmured.
“But do you think you could come back to the land of the living a little more often while you’re working on this problem?
Or do I need to send Shane in to deal with this? ”
Zander winced at that. “No, if I thought talking to Shane would have helped, I would have done it already.”
“Okay.” And again, not sure what she was supposed to say with that information, she nodded. “Well, it would be great if you could put some of whatever is bothering you off to the side, so that other people aren’t quite so worried about you.”
“I can do that,” he said.
She studied him for a moment and then asked, “Promise?”
“Absolutely,” he said, with a bright smile. “And I really am sorry to worry you.”
She nodded. “I get that. I really do, but when,… when you have people who care for you, and then you go silent, it makes people worry.”
“And I guess I just didn’t think anybody here would worry,” he explained. “I’m,… I’m… I guess I haven’t adapted to thinking that people cared.”
“A lot of people care. If nothing else, this wedding deal should show you that.”
“Sure, but it’s Dani they care for.”
“Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care for anybody else.
” He just nodded, and she wasn’t sure whether she was getting through to him or not.
“I guess I would really like to be let in,” she admitted.
“But, if you feel like you can’t let me in, then I will do my best to accept it and to let it go. ”
And, with that, she spun on her heels and left.
*
How Zander was supposed to handle this, he didn’t know. Just because he didn’t want to tell Nelly just yet what was on his mind didn’t mean that she didn’t deserve to know that he was okay. Frowning, he looked up when another head poked in. “Hey,” he said to Shane. “Did she send you in next?”
“Does she need to?” he asked. “She’s never really needed anybody to jump in before.”
“And I would hope not now either,” Zander replied, then winced. “Apparently I haven’t been terribly communicative.”
“No, you haven’t, and I guess the issue is if it’s something big that will slow your progress.”
“It’s not—Yeah, it is big,” he confirmed, “but how am I supposed to talk to anybody about it, particularly her?”
“If you want to give me an idea,” Shane began, “maybe I could find somebody here to talk to you about it. Did you talk to your therapist?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’ll work somehow.”
Shane looked at him, now with a wry smile. “Aah. We’ve all been through it.”
Zander looked at him, startled. “Been through what?”
“Do you really think most of us don’t know all this private consideration has been about your relationship with her?”
He winced at that. “That obvious, huh ?”