Chapter 12 #2
“For you, maybe not,” he acknowledged, “but, for me, it was a bit more of an eye-opener than I had expected to be questioning myself about.”
“Meaning that you don’t think you’re ready for a relationship, and you’re afraid I’m pushing it?”
“Oh my goodness, no.” He stared at her. “That’s not what I mean.”
Then she frowned. “Okay, so now I’m really confused,” she murmured. “And I’m glad to hear that that’s not what you meant, but you’re in a roundabout way saying nothing, when I would really prefer that you just came right out and said it.”
He stared at her and smiled, the corner of his lips twitching. “If you want me to, yes, I can do that. It just might not be terribly classy.”
“ Classy isn’t really the issue here,” she stated, her back stiffening. “I really think you should just make this as clear as mud. Because I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings.”
*
Zander could already tell from the way she was talking that there was a big misunderstanding.
He picked up her hand, placed it against his lips, kissing her fingers. “Fine, as bluntly as I can, will you please marry me?”
She gasped in shock, clapping her free hand to her lips.
He grinned. “I’m hoping that that’s a yes, but I’m really not sure. So you’ll have to make it as equally clear to me,” he said, trying for a light-hearted approach. Yet inside he felt everything tightening, as he waited for her answer.
Sure, he hadn’t really asked the last person to marry him with any care because, well, he’d been drunk at the time.
Still, it’d seemed like a good idea. It was one of the reasons he wasn’t much of a drinker anymore because, when it happened, he tended to do foolish things like that.
He found he’d needed the alcohol to work up the courage back then.
That woman thankfully had been just as drunk and had laughed him out of the bar.
Still, Zander hadn’t forgotten the sting of being rejected, even under those somewhat forgettable circumstances.
Nelly started to giggle. “The last thing I expected was a marriage proposal. I was so focused on making sure that you were really clear about what you were trying to say. Yet I was worried that maybe I’d done something wrong or that you were trying to break up with me or even warning me that you weren’t quite ready for as much as I was ready for. ”
“And yet in some ways,” he explained, “it seemed like the natural next step. Having all these wedding discussions was also something that played on my mind too.”
“At the same time though, I never expected for you to ask me.”
“Why?”
“Because of the way you’ve mentioned things, as if you needed more time.”
“I need more time, yes,” he agreed. “I need more time here. I need more time to build up, to get stronger than I was before. But I don’t need more time to understand what I want to do with my life, which is, spending it with you.
Are you saying yes?” he asked. He stroked her bottom lip. “Because I’m hearing no.”
“If you’re hearing no,” she stated firmly, “that’s your fear. You’re afraid I’ll say no even though I’ve said yes.”
“Have you said yes?”
“Yes, I’m saying yes,” she declared, a big smile on her face.
“Maybe I would like a little bit more of a reaction than that,” he muttered, staring at her. “Maybe if you would scream in joy or throw your arms around me or do something to make me feel like you actually believe that this is a good thing.”
At that, she slipped over closer. “I think it’s a wonderful thing,” she whispered warmly.
“I was just surprised that you actually asked me, when I wasn’t even thinking that you were close to asking me,” she explained.
“So it’s only my shock as to why I’m still sitting here, stunned.
” As she slid her arms up his chest to wrap around his neck, she added, “But the answer is absolutely yes, as in yes, please. And if you want to wait until you’re out of here to marry, that’s fine.
However, if you don’t want to wait, I’m totally okay to get married in the next couple weeks. ”
He stared at her in shock. “Seriously?”
“Absolutely,” she declared. “I’ve learned one thing about Dani’s situation, and I don’t need or want a big wedding,” she shared.
“Just like Dani didn’t need it, but we all understand why it’s necessary this time to have it this way.
I would like to get married with a small group of people and preferably sooner than later. ”
“Are you sure you don’t want me fully recovered from here?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t. I want to marry you now, or at least after Dani’s wedding. You’ll almost be out of here by then anyway,” she noted. “But considering that I don’t want to wait, I’m hoping that you don’t want to wait either, so we have no reason to wait, right?”
He smiled, pulled her closer, and whispered, “You’re saying everything my heart wants to hear, and again, like you, I guess I’m just in shock.”
“Absolutely,” she said, with a chuckle. “And you won’t change your mind, right? When the wedding things are over, you won’t feel as if you were rushed into it?”
He smiled at her and shook his head. “Never, and that’s why I’ve been so confused these last few days. And I couldn’t talk to you about it because it was you I was confused over.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “So you weren’t undecided as to whether you wanted to marry me or not?”
“No,” he stated, placing a finger over her lips. “Only concerned as to whether you wanted to marry me . And I was afraid that you didn’t care enough.”
“Oh, I care enough,” she declared, “and it’s been so hard to stay detached and to let you do your own thing, when I just wanted to spend time with you and wanted to let you know that whatever you needed to share with me was okay.
And I wouldn’t judge you for it, yet I would be more than happy to help you work your way through this problem—or any others. ”
“And you just have,” he said and started to chuckle.
She looked at him and grinned herself. “We do weave a tangled web, don’t we?” she asked, giggling.
“Indeed,” he murmured. He pulled her tightly against him and held her close. “And thank you, for making it mud clear.”
She burst out laughing. “I suggest that the next time either one of us has something that we need to sort through, that we do it together. And fast, as in immediately. It might help ease some of this confusion—and hurt feelings.”
“Oh, I agree. Absolutely.” He pulled her even tighter and whispered, “How about a kiss to seal the deal?”
She tilted her head up and whispered back, “Yes, please.”
And he lowered his head and kissed her with all the longing that he had in his heart. Nelly’s instant response made him feel whole and happy for the first time in a very long time.