Chapter 1 #2
It was the only restaurant they patronized.
At least, William with his careful calculation had chosen the place as it was near his law firm and he represented the owners, which meant a reduced discount and one of the best tables, a corner booth facing the now blossoming gardens and waterfall.
She didn't mind the place, and the service was excellent, but just once, she wished he would do something spontaneous, like going to another restaurant, even a fast-food joint.
She almost laughed aloud at the very idea of William Blakely stepping foot inside a place like that.
"I'm not really hungry," she said instead as he continued to stare at her and waited for her response.
"You should have said something. I would have ordered smaller portions." He laid his utensils precisely to the sides of the plate and folded his well-manicured hands. "We will ask Christoff to box up what you don't partake of and take it with us. There's no need for us to waste food, is there?"
"No need at all." The slight sarcasm filtered into her voice and could not be helped.
"Is there something the matter, my dear? Have I offended you in any way?"
Yes! She wanted to scream. I'm suffocating here. We've been doing this for the past two years without any variation. Is this what my life is like now? Am I supposed to settle?
She jolted slightly when he reached across the table and covered her hand.
"I know I haven't been at my best over the last couple of months, but you know the strain I'm under.
The partnership meeting is coming up, and I have my hat in the ring.
" He squeezed her hand. "I want to give you the life you're accustomed to and that can only happen if I make partner. I'm asking you to bear with me."
She forced a smile and made an effort not to remove her hand. She suspected he did not mean to sound patronizing and condescending, but that was exactly how he came across.
"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own weight and I've already told you so."
He merely patted her hand and resumed the meal. "A man is supposed to take care of his wife."
"I'm not your wife." For some reason, she felt like being ornery.
He glanced up at her, a frown marring his brow.
He was an attractive man, with his smooth chocolate brown skin and immaculately styled hair with its natural waves.
She knew that several of the single women in her congregation would do anything to be the one he was paying attention to.
At first, it had done her heart proud to be the one he had selected, but that was wearing thin.
"It's only a matter of time." He brushed that away as if he were brushing a speck from his tailored gray suit.
"We've been together for two years; I was thinking we could set a date for next April.
By that time, I would have established myself as a partner at the firm.
I imagine it will also give you time to give in your notice. "
She simply stared at him for a moment before she started laughing.
His frown deepened. "Did I say something funny?"
"I'm not sure I heard you correctly. You think I'm going to stop working?"
He shrugged elegant shoulders, as if the matter were settled. "You cannot expect to continue with that pace when we get married. Your job is very demanding-"
"My career."
His brows lifted. "Pardon?"
"I'm qualifying. You said job. It's my career."
His mouth pursed slightly. Picking up his glass of wine, he took a thoughtful sip.
"I'm not belittling your career, Kara, but you have to admit that being my wife and, very soon after, the mother of my children is going to be a full-time job in itself.
I'm certain you would not want to deny me and our children the love and attention needed. "
"And while I'm home playing homemaker, you're free to keep on working. What you're saying to me is that your career is more important than mine. Is that it?"
"Don't be ridiculous." His voice had a touch of annoyance to it that had her bristling.
"I'm simply saying that juggling a very hectic career and that of a wife and mother will not be prudent.
Something or someone is bound to get the short end of the proverbial stick.
" He attempted a conciliatory smile. "The partnership deal will ensure you never have to work, and I want to be in a position to be able to take care of my family. It's what real men do."
Kara wondered how she had never noticed how pompous he was, and wondered why it was bothering her now, after two years. "You're forgetting something very vital."
"And that is?"
"You've not made partner yet."
His mouth tightened in displeasure. "I expect as my girlfriend you'd have confidence in me and would be cheering me on."
"Oh, I'm cheering you on all right," she told him coolly.
"I'm also telling you right now that I have no intention of giving up my career to suit you.
I'm not going to be 'the little woman' who sits at home and waits for her man.
It so happens we're living in the twenty-first century where women get to do it all.
We can manage a career and a home at the same time. "
Putting his utensils down slowly, he aimed a glance at her. "So, you're telling me that you would sacrifice your family for your career? Is that what you're saying? You disappoint me, Kara. I thought we wanted the same thing."
"Apparently not." She shoved the plate aside. "And now I'm afraid I have to go. There are some things waiting for me to attend to."
"We haven't had dessert!" he protested.
"I'm full." Pushing back her chair, she rose.
With a distressed look on his face, he rose with her. "You're leaving because we had an argument. I expect you to be more mature."
"Your expectations are too high. Please sit and enjoy the rest of the meal. I will find my way out."
"Kara, please don't leave upset. Let's sit like a normal couple and figure this out."
She almost wavered. In the past, she would have, but over the last couple of months, she had started to feel the vague dissatisfaction and the awful feeling that there was something missing, that she deserved more than a man she liked and respected. There had to be more than this.
Her expression softened at the look of distress on his face. "I'm not upset, William. I just need to do some thinking."
He reached for her hand, his alarm evident. "I hope you're not having second thoughts. I know we've been putting off the nuptials for a while, but it's just that I wanted everything to be perfect."
"Nothing ever is," she told him softly, patting his hand.
"You cannot blame me for wanting to take care of you." He held on when she moved away.
"No, I certainly cannot." She finally succeeded in breaking his hold. "And I'm not making a decision right now. I just have to go. Thanks for the meal and let Christoff know that it was delicious as usual. I just wasn't very hungry."
"May I call you tomorrow?"
"Of course." Leaning over, she kissed his smoothly shaven cheek. "Good night, William."
As she walked away, Kara felt a sense of peace that hadn't been there when she sat down to the meal.
*****
She decided to have that glass of wine and sit outside on the porch swing after all.
The scent of sweet peas, blossoming zinnias, and cabbage roses mixed with rosemary and thyme made for a very pleasant ambiance indeed.
Her gardens were blooming. The cottage had been passed down to her by her paternal grandmother, who had relished tending to her gardens.
She had passed on her green thumb to her only grandchild.
Grams had taught her so much and offered her stability when her world had been tossed and turned backward and forward.
She was from a military background. Being brought up in a household where she had been forced to move from place to place had left her untethered.
She had lived in too many states to count and at one point spent a year in Italy, where her navy dad had been stationed.
Taking a sip of the wine, she wondered if some small part of her resented the instability. They had finally settled down when she was eighteen years old, just in time to go to college. Her career path had been charted for her, by her mother.
"You'll apply to law school, of course," Katherine Saunders had told her firmly, expecting her wishes to be honored. And being the obedient daughter, Kara had acquiesced. It had been simpler to agree than to argue. She had never won an argument with her mother and realized she never would.
But law school had been the right choice as she had gravitated to it like a duck to the pond.
She loved the law and the intricate workings of it.
The only thing she had stood firm on was the fact that she would work for the state.
She wanted to be on the side of justice.
Her mother was a criminal lawyer and very good at it.
Kara could not see herself representing high-paying criminals who thought that because they had the resources, they could do whatever they wanted and pay an enormous fee to get them off.
She could not stomach even thinking of it. She did not judge the ones who did the representing, including her mother, but she was simply not cut out for it. Leaning back in the swing, she went over the conversation with William.
Shaking her head, she wondered why she was settling, because that was exactly what was happening here. She had allowed her mother and William to dictate her life. Growing up in a very strict home had molded her and made it almost impossible to say no for fear of causing a scene.
"We're Saunders and as such, we have a standard to uphold. We don't air our dirty laundry in public, like common people. It's just not done." Her parents had drummed that certainty into her head.
Shaking away the disturbing memories, she pushed the swing gently and sipped her wine, determined to enjoy what was left of the evening.