Chapter 23
ZANE
None of what I said to her was a lie. She is my worst nightmare. And she is my only peace too. Letting her back in is probably the biggest mistake I can make right now.
But holding her, letting her sleep in my arms, enjoying her softness, her slow even breathing, watching her gorgeous, relaxed face. That’s very good too.
I slept for a bit, but woke up and have just been lying here, watching shadows play across the ceiling as cars pass on the road running past this motel.
Those are coming fewer and farther between as the night deepens.
We should be on that road too. On our way to LA. On our way to where I drop her off and erase her from my life again.
But with each slow breath she takes in my arms that seems more and more like an impossible thing to do.
Even though it’s the only sane thing to do.
But I don’t have to decide right now. I can just enjoy this.
Enjoy her. Have her again in the morning.
Hear her call out my name as she comes and her eyes roll back in her head from the pleasure that is the only real thing I’ve felt in the last decade.
She’s the only good thing I’ve felt in my whole life.
But I don’t have to unpack any of that tonight.
I can just be. With her. Like it was always meant to be. She was my ruin once. She’ll be my ruin again. And I should stop thinking and go back to sleep before I decide that’s a risk worth taking.