Chapter 18
Grayson
The day after my date with Josie, our team began a ten-day road trip to play a bunch of other teams in our conference. The first game was against the Dallas Stars, but even though they were just a four-hour drive away, we took the team’s private jet.
It was a luxury I had come to appreciate, especially compared to using a bus in college to visit all our opponents.
The road trip kept my mind off things. I scored two goals in our victory against the Stars, and then we hopped over to Nashville for a game against the Predators. We had a day off between games, which we used to rest and practice.
But when practice was over, and I was sitting in my hotel room that night, it was Josie who occupied my mind.
I’d been watching a lot of her TikTok videos lately. They helped me relax, especially before bed. She had a calm way of speaking to the camera, which was strangely soothing along with her gentle motions as she applied makeup in front of the camera.
I knew the two of us butted heads. We’d barely been able to stand each other at the Spurs game, to say nothing of the first date at Carlo’s.
But there was something about her. A feeling I couldn’t shake.
I thought about texting her. I even opened our previous chat and re-read all the texts between us. I didn’t know what I would say.
Especially after Bob sent me an email confirming that our Spurs date was good enough.
It was over. I didn’t have to see Josie ever again.
But for some reason, that only darkened my mood.
The game against the Nashville Predators was fiery from the start, with two fights in the first period alone. We played sloppy after that, losing the puck on easy passes and giving up two goals.
“Clean it up out there!” I shouted at my teammates between periods. “I don’t know why we’re playing with our heads up our asses, but that’s what it feels like out there.”
“If anyone’s head is up their ass, it’s yours, captain,” one of our defensemen countered. “It was your sloppy pass to Mason that led to the second goal.”
I rounded on the man. “That’s why I said we are playing with our heads up our asses. Me included. Tighten it up in the third period, or we might as well go home now and forfeit the rest of the road trip.”
Being the captain of a hockey team was a lot like being a parent. There were times to be gentle, and times to be firm. This was one of the latter times.
We played with more fire in the third period, but still lost the game by two goals. The mood was gloomy on the flight to St. Louis, especially since we didn’t get checked into the team hotel until two in the morning.
“We need a double practice,” I told our coach outside my room. “Our normal practice in the afternoon, but then I want to spend an hour with everyone focusing on line changes. We gave up a goal yesterday because Quentin and Pettitte were slow to get onto the ice.”
“If you think so, I’ll schedule it,” he replied.
Mason was sitting on his bed inside the hotel room, glaring at me. “What’s your problem?” I asked.
“My problem? Grayson, you’re the one acting like you have something lodged all the way up your ass.”
“We gave up three goals in the first period. That’s what’s pissing me off.”
I went into the bathroom and began brushing my teeth.
“If I can offer some constructive criticism?” Mason called from the room.
“No,” I replied with a mouthful of toothpaste.
He kept talking anyway. “It wasn’t today’s game that pissed you off. You’ve been in a mood since the road trip started. Even when you scored two goals in our win against the Stars.”
“Okay.”
“Can I offer some harsher criticism?”
I rinsed the toothpaste out of my mouth. “Still no.”
“You’ve been a grumpy bitch.” After a second, he added, “Captain,” as if it softened what he’d just said.
“My mood is none of your concern,” I replied. “So if you don’t mind, you can kindly fuck off.”
He frowned at me when I returned to the bedroom, then shook his head and slid out of bed. “I’m going to grab a snack from the hotel bar.”
When he was gone, I sighed in annoyance. I knew Mason was right. I had been a grumpy bitch since the road trip started, although I didn’t realize it was so obvious.
And I knew exactly what was bothering me.
I’d been having more dreams about Josie.
They weren’t as… intimate as the first one, but whenever I closed my eyes, she magically appeared in my dream.
Watching my games from the front row in the stands.
Hanging out in the locker room. Giving me words of encouragement when I needed them, and teasing little jokes the rest of the time.
But even though these dreams were innocent, there was still a lingering sense of intimacy. The remnants of that first dream hanging over every other one that followed.
It was torture. I was tormented every night, and woke up feeling even more confused.
Except that I felt happier in those dreams than I did when I was awake.
I knew it was because I had been watching more of her TikTok videos before bed. If I stopped that, my dreams would return to normal.
Easier said than done.
While Mason was getting snacks from the hotel bar, I pulled up TikTok.
It was a compulsion now, the muscle memory of swiping over two screens on my phone and clicking that black logo on the first row.
She had posted a new video while we were in the air, which had received a huge number of views.
Since the Spurs game, her TikTok channel had really taken off.
To be more specific, since our kiss during the Spurs game.
It was only supposed to be for show. A quick kiss on camera to shut the fans up. Both of us were acting, because we knew we had to make the date look convincing.
Then why couldn’t I stop reliving the kiss, and the way her hair felt so good squeezed between my fingers?
“Why the hell are you grinning?” Mason asked, standing in the doorway.
I quickly closed TikTok. I was so entranced by Josie’s video that I hadn’t heard him open the door. “Funny dog video.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re watching her TikTok channel, aren’t you?”
I gave a start. “Why the hell would you think that?”
“Because I saw you watching it yesterday,” he replied bluntly. “You pretended like you were doing something else, but I could see the reflection of your screen in the bus window on the way back from practice.”
I put my phone away. “Why do you care?”
Mason threw his hands up in exasperation. “Because you’re being a grumpy little bitch! Like I said! I thought you’d be in a happier mood now that you don’t have to go out with her anymore, but it looks like you’re obsessed.”
I’d always been self-aware regarding my emotions. I knew myself, which was more than a lot of people could say. That self-awareness had helped me navigate a lot of tough situations over the past decade.
But for the first time in my life, I felt confused. My emotions made no sense to me.
Which pissed me off.
“Just telling you what everyone else is thinking,” Mason finished. “Do whatever you want, Captain. But stop taking it out on your teammates.”